Disclaimer/Author's Notes/Credits I don't own Orlando, Elijah, Billy, Dominic or the movie "Dude Wears My Car". So don't sue me or whatever, cause you're really not going to get anything good. I do however own the hobbit feet song…so don't steal that. It's rather precious to me. ^_^
The format of this fic came from "Hey Joey?" by Runaway.
Just in case anyone's wondering this story isn't considered slash and they're not madly in love with each other.
Nothin' But Dialogue
By Animefanficgrl
Setting: The hobbits getting their hobbit feet applied for the movie, "Lord of the Rings."
"Hey Elijah?"
Giggle
"Yes Dominic?"
"I think you'll look really pretty in the movie."
Giggle
"Thanks…I think…Exactly how much coffee have you had?"
"I dunno. I lost count after the 8th cup."
"Duude!"
Giggle
"Not you too Billy."
"Sweet!"
"Duude!!!"
"Sweeet!"
"Shut up!"
Smack
"Oww…that hurt!"
Grumbling
"Anyway, as I was saying. Billy, don't you think Elijah will look pretty in the movie?"
"Yes, dreadfully pretty."
"Insanely pretty."
Giggle
"Even when he's all caked in mud. Or when he gets stab and his face gets all pale and sickly. He'll still be the cutest little thing you've ever seen."
Giggle
"Have you had coffee too, Billy?"
"How'd you guess, Lij?"
"I guess I'm psychic like that."
"Duuude!"
"Sweeet!"
"Duuude!"
"Let's not get into that again."
"You seem awfully grumpy today."
"Yes, you're absolutely right Dominic. Which is why we must turn that frown upside down!"
"Oh god no…"
"Oh god yes. *giggle* Lets sing him a song, Billy."
"About hobbit feet?"
"Perfect!
Clears throat
"Hobbit feet are fun to wear.
Especially in your underwear."
"Specifically the ones with the teddy bears and yellow duckies on them."
"Shut up, Billy. I'm not done yet.
Hobbit feet are rather big
Unless you turn them into pigs"
"They're still quite large like that, aren't they?"
Shrug. Giggle.
"You have hobbit feet
I suggest you eat
Lots of meat
And moldy beets
Hobbit feet can seem quite scary."
"And Viggo's back is really hairy."
"Hobbit feet get in the way."
"Of having sex in a small space."
"That's good. You finish the song Billy."
"When you wear hobbit feet
Drink lots of calcium
So you don't end up
In a sanitarium."
"It's far too late for that…"
Smack
"Hobbit feet make lots of noise
And sure attract a flock of boys
Unless you're a guy
I guess that's bad
Cause hobbit feet don't come in plaid
Hobbit feet bring lots of sass."
"And if you don't shut up
I'll shove this hobbit foot up your ass."
"I told you Elijah was grumpy."
Giggle. Pause.
Enter Orlando Bloom
"Hey Orli."
Giggle
"Hi Dominic."
"I think you'll look very pretty in the movie."
Giggle
"Not this again…"