Crossroads….Part I
The North Carolina sky was thick with humidity. It was threatening rain for a couple of days but nothing had become of it as yet. John stood on the porch of his father's house staring at the sky. He was holding a glass of ice tea sipping it occasionally. His father, Jack, appeared in the doorway. He pushed the screen door open and stepped out into the heavy air.
Jack: "John?"
John was so deep in thought he didn't hear. Jack walked up and touched his arm. He was startled and the glass fell from his hand and shattered on the porch. John looked down then back at his father.
John: "Sorry Dad."
He bent down and started picking up the glass.
John: "I didn't hear you come out."
John stood up holding the four big pieces of glass in his hand. He walked into the house to the kitchen to throw them away. Jack followed behind him.
Jack: "John, you have been back for almost a year and a half now but you haven't really come back home yet."
John dropped the glass into the trashcan. He walked over to the sink and washed the sticky tea off of his hands. He grabbed a paper towel from the roll.
Jack: "You have been practically given the key to IASA for your knowledge and work on wormholes and yet it seems that you wish you were somewhere else."
John: "The adjustment is harder than I thought it was going to be. I will be fine. I just need a little time."
Jack: "Is that what you told Alex?"
John: "What?"
Jack: "She came back here to be with you when you returned. She gave up Stanford and you pushed her away."
John: "I didn't ask her to do that. It has been four cycles…years since Alex and I had been together. A lot of things happened to me out there, I have changed. We both have. We couldn't just pick up where we left off. I tried to explain that to her. I didn't mean to hurt her."
Jack touched John's shoulder.
Jack: "You have told us about the creatures and technology you encountered out there but you haven't spoken of the crew you traveled with for quite a while now. When you first came back, you talked about them all the time."
John looked over his shoulder at his father.
John: "It is hard to talk about them Dad. Talking about them makes me realize how much I miss them."
John looked out of the kitchen window at the rolling fields of green grass.
John: "For four cycl..years all I thought about was coming home. Getting home to earth and trying to get some resemblance of my life back the way it was before I got sucked through that wormhole. But now that I am here…"
He trailed off.
Jack: "Go on."
John: "Now that I am here, I realize that Moya had become my home. Life wasn't easy up there. We were constantly being thrown into one dangerous situation after another but I felt alive, Dad. They were aliens, warriors from a distant universe we never even heard of and I earned their respect, their trust, and their love and they earned mine."
Jack: "What are you saying? You want to go back up there?!"
John lowered his eyes.
John: "I don't know what I want. All I know is that I haven't felt like John Crichton that I have come to know since I got back to Earth."
John looked up at his father.
John: "It feels like he doesn't live here anymore."
Jack: "This is about her, isn't it? Aeryn Sun."
John: "She is a big part of it but no, it is not just about her. If you are asking me what I have missed the most, you are right. I ache for her but this is about me. About who I became while I was being Buck Rogers saving the universe from critters."
Jack: "With all you told me about your twin (Jack shook his head). I will never get used to the idea that there were two of you for a while. You were hard enough to handle alone. I am not surprised that you have had an identity crisis of sorts."
Jack smiled slightly. John grinned at him.
Jack: "When you disappeared off of the radar, it felt like losing your mother all over again. I thought you were dead."
John could see the pain in his father's eyes.
Jack: "Having you back has been amazing and I am grateful to have had the time that we have had but I don't want to be the reason you are unhappy or feeling out of place."
John touched his father's shoulder with a smile on his face.
Jack: "Knowing you, you have already worked out a plan of departure. My question is…it has been a year and a half since you left Moya, how are you going to find them again?"
John sat down at the table with his father.
John: "Before I left Moya I had Pilot to take some of my genetic material and put it in Moya's database. She can track me using that genetic material. I also made plans for them to come back to where I entered the wormhole after two cycles, if they were able."
Jack: "So you could be flying into open space with no one to meet you on the other side? What if they were unable to return? What if there is nothing on the other side to meet you?"
John: "I have maps to several planets that I can go to that we have had dealings with. If Moya is still alive, I will be able to find her."
Jack: "That is a big IF."
Jack had a shocked look on his face.
Jack: "You have had this planned for a long time, haven't you? Did you intend on staying once you returned?"
John: "Of course I did but with all that has happened to me up there, I have gotten into the habit of planning for every contingent. Most of the time nothing is what it seems and if you let yourself forget that for even a microt, you are road kill."
John saw the confused look on his father's face. It was difficult for him to get used to using the earth terms and not the language he learned on Moya.
John: "Moment."
The line in Jack's forehead softened.
Jack: "John, why didn't Aeryn Sun come back with you? I hesitated to ask you before when you spoke of her because I could see the sense of loss in your eyes. A look I hadn't seen in a long time. But now that you have made this decision…"
John got quiet. He looked away from his father.
John: "Aeryn has been through a lot. It was just too much to ask of her. As much as I wanted her to come with me, I couldn't ask her."
Jack: "You left without even asking her if she wanted to come with you?"
John: "At the time it seemed like the right thing to do."
Jack: "I thought you two had found your way back to each other?"
John: "We did but I couldn't ask her to leave the security of her universe and come to the uncertainty of mine, not after everything else I had put her through. I just couldn't do it. I know she was hurt and angry when I left but I kept telling myself I was being unselfish and it was the best thing for her."
John looked up at his father.
John: "I pray that she is still on Moya and that she will forgive me for leaving her behind, which is something I promised her I would never do."
Jack: "Sounds like you have your work cut out for you once you get back up there."
John: "I wish there was a way I could let you know that I am okay."
Jack: "All I have ever wanted is for you to be happy Son. If this is what you want or need for that to happen, then I will deal with it. Don't worry about me."
Jack laid his hand on John's shoulder. John half smiled at his father.
Jack: "When do you leave?"
John: "DK and I have been preparing the module. Moya's parts will make the flight much smoother than the first time. We made some other modifications to allow for the contingent that Moya is not there when I come out. She should be ready in another month."
******
Pilot had Moya change her course to return to the point where Crichton entered the wormhole. He didn't inform the crew until they awakened from the sleep period. He made a point of cutting off Aeryn's com. He had D'Argo, Rygel, Chiana, and Jool come to command. He explained the plan that he made with Crichton before he left Moya.
D'Argo: "Why didn't you tell us this before Pilot?"
Pilot: "As I previously explained Commander Crichton did not want anyone to know encase he didn't make it back to the rendezvous point."
Chiana: "Then why are you telling us now?"
Pilot: "Because I will need your assistance in searching for Crichton once we reach the rendezvous point and for obvious reasons I don't want to involve Officer Sun."
Jool: "You mean he didn't want Aeryn to know that he was coming back, especially after the way that he left."
Pilot didn't answer. Chiana chimed in.
Chiana: "What if he is not there when we get there? How long do we wait for him?"
Pilot: "I told him that we would wait for four solar days. After that we would search for him at several planets that he mapped out, encase we didn't find each other at the designated point."
D'Argo: "It is nice that you and Crichton worked out what we are going to be doing for the next monen."
D'Argo's Luxan temper was flaring from being left out of the loop.
Jool: "How do you think Crichton is going to deal with Aeryn's little surprise?"
Chiana: "How is Aeryn going to react when she finds out that he is back?"
Rygel flew his throne sled further into command.
Rygel: "As long as he understands that I had no idea that he would be returning when I..."
Jool: "When you ransacked his chambers."
Rygel: "None of us knew he was going to be returning."
Jool: "I suggest you put everything back before he comes back on board."
Pilot: "I believe Jool is right Dominar."
Rygel: "I will put back what is left but I used some of it to bargain for supplies on the last commerce planet."
D'Argo looked at Rygel with his usual disdain. He looked back toward Jool and Chiana.
D'Argo: "Pilot is right about one thing in all of this. I don't want anyone mentioning this to Aeryn until we know whether we can recover Crichton or not."
Chiana: "D'Argo is right. If we don't recover him then Aeryn is none the wiser."
D'Argo: "Are we all agreed?"
Jool: "Agreed."
Chiana: "Agreed."
Rygel: "Agreed."
Pilot: "Agreed."
*****
Aeryn was sitting on the floor of her chambers oblivious to the activity happening in command. Her laughter filled the empty passageways outside of her chamber. She opened her arms wide and smiled as her son, who was now one cycle and three monens old, ran into her arms. He was smiling; his father's smile, and wrapped his tiny arms around her neck. She was holding the round sphere John had left behind that was now their son's favorite toy. She pulled her head back and looked into Jack's brilliant blue eyes. She stroked his silky raven hair and kissed him gently on the cheek. She started to tickle him. He grabbed at her hands and was laughing. She smiled and pulled him in close to her.
He was the most precious thing in her life. Jack was all she had left of the men that she loved with her whole heart, both of them. She had realized long ago that they were one in the same and loving one meant loving the other. She was grateful to still have the best part of them with her through him.
Jack sat in his mother's lap and laid his head her shoulder. She was rocking him slowly back and forth as he slipped off into a peaceful sleep.
The North Carolina sky was thick with humidity. It was threatening rain for a couple of days but nothing had become of it as yet. John stood on the porch of his father's house staring at the sky. He was holding a glass of ice tea sipping it occasionally. His father, Jack, appeared in the doorway. He pushed the screen door open and stepped out into the heavy air.
Jack: "John?"
John was so deep in thought he didn't hear. Jack walked up and touched his arm. He was startled and the glass fell from his hand and shattered on the porch. John looked down then back at his father.
John: "Sorry Dad."
He bent down and started picking up the glass.
John: "I didn't hear you come out."
John stood up holding the four big pieces of glass in his hand. He walked into the house to the kitchen to throw them away. Jack followed behind him.
Jack: "John, you have been back for almost a year and a half now but you haven't really come back home yet."
John dropped the glass into the trashcan. He walked over to the sink and washed the sticky tea off of his hands. He grabbed a paper towel from the roll.
Jack: "You have been practically given the key to IASA for your knowledge and work on wormholes and yet it seems that you wish you were somewhere else."
John: "The adjustment is harder than I thought it was going to be. I will be fine. I just need a little time."
Jack: "Is that what you told Alex?"
John: "What?"
Jack: "She came back here to be with you when you returned. She gave up Stanford and you pushed her away."
John: "I didn't ask her to do that. It has been four cycles…years since Alex and I had been together. A lot of things happened to me out there, I have changed. We both have. We couldn't just pick up where we left off. I tried to explain that to her. I didn't mean to hurt her."
Jack touched John's shoulder.
Jack: "You have told us about the creatures and technology you encountered out there but you haven't spoken of the crew you traveled with for quite a while now. When you first came back, you talked about them all the time."
John looked over his shoulder at his father.
John: "It is hard to talk about them Dad. Talking about them makes me realize how much I miss them."
John looked out of the kitchen window at the rolling fields of green grass.
John: "For four cycl..years all I thought about was coming home. Getting home to earth and trying to get some resemblance of my life back the way it was before I got sucked through that wormhole. But now that I am here…"
He trailed off.
Jack: "Go on."
John: "Now that I am here, I realize that Moya had become my home. Life wasn't easy up there. We were constantly being thrown into one dangerous situation after another but I felt alive, Dad. They were aliens, warriors from a distant universe we never even heard of and I earned their respect, their trust, and their love and they earned mine."
Jack: "What are you saying? You want to go back up there?!"
John lowered his eyes.
John: "I don't know what I want. All I know is that I haven't felt like John Crichton that I have come to know since I got back to Earth."
John looked up at his father.
John: "It feels like he doesn't live here anymore."
Jack: "This is about her, isn't it? Aeryn Sun."
John: "She is a big part of it but no, it is not just about her. If you are asking me what I have missed the most, you are right. I ache for her but this is about me. About who I became while I was being Buck Rogers saving the universe from critters."
Jack: "With all you told me about your twin (Jack shook his head). I will never get used to the idea that there were two of you for a while. You were hard enough to handle alone. I am not surprised that you have had an identity crisis of sorts."
Jack smiled slightly. John grinned at him.
Jack: "When you disappeared off of the radar, it felt like losing your mother all over again. I thought you were dead."
John could see the pain in his father's eyes.
Jack: "Having you back has been amazing and I am grateful to have had the time that we have had but I don't want to be the reason you are unhappy or feeling out of place."
John touched his father's shoulder with a smile on his face.
Jack: "Knowing you, you have already worked out a plan of departure. My question is…it has been a year and a half since you left Moya, how are you going to find them again?"
John sat down at the table with his father.
John: "Before I left Moya I had Pilot to take some of my genetic material and put it in Moya's database. She can track me using that genetic material. I also made plans for them to come back to where I entered the wormhole after two cycles, if they were able."
Jack: "So you could be flying into open space with no one to meet you on the other side? What if they were unable to return? What if there is nothing on the other side to meet you?"
John: "I have maps to several planets that I can go to that we have had dealings with. If Moya is still alive, I will be able to find her."
Jack: "That is a big IF."
Jack had a shocked look on his face.
Jack: "You have had this planned for a long time, haven't you? Did you intend on staying once you returned?"
John: "Of course I did but with all that has happened to me up there, I have gotten into the habit of planning for every contingent. Most of the time nothing is what it seems and if you let yourself forget that for even a microt, you are road kill."
John saw the confused look on his father's face. It was difficult for him to get used to using the earth terms and not the language he learned on Moya.
John: "Moment."
The line in Jack's forehead softened.
Jack: "John, why didn't Aeryn Sun come back with you? I hesitated to ask you before when you spoke of her because I could see the sense of loss in your eyes. A look I hadn't seen in a long time. But now that you have made this decision…"
John got quiet. He looked away from his father.
John: "Aeryn has been through a lot. It was just too much to ask of her. As much as I wanted her to come with me, I couldn't ask her."
Jack: "You left without even asking her if she wanted to come with you?"
John: "At the time it seemed like the right thing to do."
Jack: "I thought you two had found your way back to each other?"
John: "We did but I couldn't ask her to leave the security of her universe and come to the uncertainty of mine, not after everything else I had put her through. I just couldn't do it. I know she was hurt and angry when I left but I kept telling myself I was being unselfish and it was the best thing for her."
John looked up at his father.
John: "I pray that she is still on Moya and that she will forgive me for leaving her behind, which is something I promised her I would never do."
Jack: "Sounds like you have your work cut out for you once you get back up there."
John: "I wish there was a way I could let you know that I am okay."
Jack: "All I have ever wanted is for you to be happy Son. If this is what you want or need for that to happen, then I will deal with it. Don't worry about me."
Jack laid his hand on John's shoulder. John half smiled at his father.
Jack: "When do you leave?"
John: "DK and I have been preparing the module. Moya's parts will make the flight much smoother than the first time. We made some other modifications to allow for the contingent that Moya is not there when I come out. She should be ready in another month."
******
Pilot had Moya change her course to return to the point where Crichton entered the wormhole. He didn't inform the crew until they awakened from the sleep period. He made a point of cutting off Aeryn's com. He had D'Argo, Rygel, Chiana, and Jool come to command. He explained the plan that he made with Crichton before he left Moya.
D'Argo: "Why didn't you tell us this before Pilot?"
Pilot: "As I previously explained Commander Crichton did not want anyone to know encase he didn't make it back to the rendezvous point."
Chiana: "Then why are you telling us now?"
Pilot: "Because I will need your assistance in searching for Crichton once we reach the rendezvous point and for obvious reasons I don't want to involve Officer Sun."
Jool: "You mean he didn't want Aeryn to know that he was coming back, especially after the way that he left."
Pilot didn't answer. Chiana chimed in.
Chiana: "What if he is not there when we get there? How long do we wait for him?"
Pilot: "I told him that we would wait for four solar days. After that we would search for him at several planets that he mapped out, encase we didn't find each other at the designated point."
D'Argo: "It is nice that you and Crichton worked out what we are going to be doing for the next monen."
D'Argo's Luxan temper was flaring from being left out of the loop.
Jool: "How do you think Crichton is going to deal with Aeryn's little surprise?"
Chiana: "How is Aeryn going to react when she finds out that he is back?"
Rygel flew his throne sled further into command.
Rygel: "As long as he understands that I had no idea that he would be returning when I..."
Jool: "When you ransacked his chambers."
Rygel: "None of us knew he was going to be returning."
Jool: "I suggest you put everything back before he comes back on board."
Pilot: "I believe Jool is right Dominar."
Rygel: "I will put back what is left but I used some of it to bargain for supplies on the last commerce planet."
D'Argo looked at Rygel with his usual disdain. He looked back toward Jool and Chiana.
D'Argo: "Pilot is right about one thing in all of this. I don't want anyone mentioning this to Aeryn until we know whether we can recover Crichton or not."
Chiana: "D'Argo is right. If we don't recover him then Aeryn is none the wiser."
D'Argo: "Are we all agreed?"
Jool: "Agreed."
Chiana: "Agreed."
Rygel: "Agreed."
Pilot: "Agreed."
*****
Aeryn was sitting on the floor of her chambers oblivious to the activity happening in command. Her laughter filled the empty passageways outside of her chamber. She opened her arms wide and smiled as her son, who was now one cycle and three monens old, ran into her arms. He was smiling; his father's smile, and wrapped his tiny arms around her neck. She was holding the round sphere John had left behind that was now their son's favorite toy. She pulled her head back and looked into Jack's brilliant blue eyes. She stroked his silky raven hair and kissed him gently on the cheek. She started to tickle him. He grabbed at her hands and was laughing. She smiled and pulled him in close to her.
He was the most precious thing in her life. Jack was all she had left of the men that she loved with her whole heart, both of them. She had realized long ago that they were one in the same and loving one meant loving the other. She was grateful to still have the best part of them with her through him.
Jack sat in his mother's lap and laid his head her shoulder. She was rocking him slowly back and forth as he slipped off into a peaceful sleep.