Chapter X: This is the Moment

Satine fell back onto the bed, her eyes filling with tears. She buried her face in her hands, sobbing bitterly. Peter had ensnared her in his own twisted creation of deception, and she had no one to turn to. Christian was gone, and Peter would demand her answer before his return.

I have to, she whispered, raising a tear-stained face to the ceiling. She let out a ragged breath. Will it ever stop?

In her heart, Satine had to admit that it wouldn't. She was still the courtesan. She would always be it, and she had no recourse. Love and marriage had made no difference-- respectability and security had made no difference. In the eyes of everyone who ever met her as herself, she would be a whore. Except in the eyes of Christian.

He's not the world, though, Satine said softly to herself. He's my world, but he's not the world we have to live in. What kind of life is this that we've set up for ourselves? He doesn't deserve this. He doesn't deserve the pain I'll give him.

What did he deserve? Satine's smile was tempered with hurt. A woman who was good and strong and pure-- not this. What would happen when love's fleeting spell released him? He would be saddled with a wife he could neither love nor respect. What would he want then? What did he want now?

I don't want you to sleep with him, Christian's voice said softly from her memory. She paused and closed her eyes, remembering the encounter in the hall. It seemed so long ago. . .

Satine blinked, trying to hold back her tears. He could destroy everything, she whispered urgently to him. The Duke could take away her dreams-- Harold's dreams, the dreams of everyone in the Moulin Rouge. Tonight would save them all. Why couldn't Christian understand that? Her heart ached for him, both for him and herself.

It's for us, she whispered, not entirely believing the words she spoke. The pain in Christian's eyes was more than she could bear. You promised, she murmured helplessly. You promised to me that you wouldn't be jealous. He shook his head, disregarding every attempt of hers to soothe him. Satine let out a soft, frustrated breath. He's waiting.

Christian cried quietly. The look in his eyes revealed the extent of his hurt and she hesitated. He wasn't simply jealous. He didn't want her to spend the night with the duke. He wanted to take care of her, to keep her safe. Satine held her cheek against his.

Come what may, she sang into his ear, slowly and tenderly. Christian paused for a long moment, and she stayed there in agony. Finally he stepped away, a look of painful resignation crossing his face.

Come what may, he said, the heartache still apparent on his face as he finally left her. Satine watched him go, her own face hardening with the realization before her. . .

I don't want you to sleep with him, Christian's voice said again from her mind. Satine turned away, as if moving would silence her thoughts.

I don't have a choice, Christian, she said to herself. I don't have a choice. Christian's voice relentlessly pursued her as she rose and went to her vanity.

I don't care. . .I don't care. . .I don't care about the money, Satine.

Satine cried out. No more, please! She dropped to her knees in anguish.

I can't do it, she whispered. Not for what I'd be paid for it. The strange, calming center point of her soul brightened, giving her purpose and drive. She was the courtesan no longer. She was a woman--strong, true, and brave in every action she made, every thought that she had ever expressed. She rested on that ethereal ground, feeling herself gather every dream and hope she had ever possessed.

This is the moment, she began quietly, her voice still shaking from her fear and confusion. As she continued to sing, she felt her breath grow steadier, her soprano voice fuller.

This is the day
When I send all my doubts and demons
On their way!
This is the moment
This is the time
When the momentum
And the moment are in rhyme!

Satine threw away the coverlet she'd been holding and drew the curtains back. Light poured through the windows, illuminating her and her surroundings.

Give me this moment,
This precious chance.
I'll gather up my past
And make some sense at last!

Satine felt all of her fetters dissolve in the bright morning light. She tentatively stretched out towards the sun and smiled triumphantly. She was free of Harold, the Moulin Rouge, the squalid life she had lived.

This is the moment
My final test!
Destiny beckoned,
I never reckoned second best!
I won't look down
I must not fall!
This is the moment
The sweetest moment of them all!

Satine threw off her nightdress and put on the first dress Christian had ever bought her. It was a simple blue dress with a white sash, but nothing was more beautiful than Satine in that dress that morning. As she looked in the mirror, her only regret was that she wished Christian could see her. Before she left her room, she gathered up all her courage and sang one final verse.

When I look back
I will always recall
Moment for moment,
This was the moment,
The greatest moment
Of them all!

~-~-
Author's Note: Still nothing belongs to me. Not even Christian. :-(
Two small items. . .first off, I really, really appreciate everyone's feedback. Not only do you brighten my day and lift my ego, but you quicken the updates. Just some incentive to keep responding. ;-)
Item number two is that I've noticed a few stories similar to this one in premise, title, etc. I just wanted to stay that I had this story sketched out in my mind before I even started reading MR fiction, and I'm really not stealing from anyone! :-) I think it's great that we take similar ideas in different directions, so my fellow writers, please keep up!
Thanks!

Songs used:
Come What May--Moulin Rouge
This is the Moment--Jekyll and Hyde