The Requirements:
*Excerpt from the email*
You have to write a Mary-Sue
or a Billy-Bob. *a la Tim* BUT..... Only if ye be
men(women) of valor... For I've added a few
requirements of my own!
~Someone has to say, "As you say in America: Neener
neener neeeener!" (got that from Nightcrawler, my
X-men baby... who I share with IAB AKA Brandy... I can
just see the disgusted looks on the male members'
faces...^-^)
~Someone has to say, "But... I don't drink!"
~Someone has to say "Oh yeah! Who be da Masta Ho
now??"
~Someone has to say "Ain't there no decency left?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As Harry stepped off the Hogwarts Express, he sighed in relief. "God, another day with those people and was going to turn myself into a shrubbery! Wait... no. But still, I'm happy to be back." He was making his way across the platform, searching the sea of faces for his two best friends, Ron and Hermione. The strange thing between him and Hermione was that everyone knew that they liked each other. Well... almost everyone... They didn't know that the other liked him or her, depending.
He hadn't seen his friends yet; however, he had noticed (and stared at and drooled over) a girl he'd never seen before who had been sitting at the end of his compartment.
Just then, he saw Ron further down the platform. Harry waved, but Ron was looking right past him as if he were in a trance. Harry walked up behind him, yet Ron still didn't notice that he was there.
"Um...Ron? Ron? RON?"
"Huh? What? Oh...hey, Harry."
Harry followed Ron's gaze and recognized the girl from the train. "Who is she?" he asked.
"I don't know, but I'm going to find out," Ron replied.
He walked up to the girl and said, "Um...Hi. I'm Ron Weasley."
The girl looked him over for a moment and said in a strangely Southern accent, "I'm Destiny, but most people call me Des."
Harry raced up behind Ron, nearly knocking him over. "Hi, Destiny! I'm Harry Potter."
"Harry Potter? THE Harry Potter?"
"Um...Yeah. The only one I know."
"Oh, cool."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Later that year...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Des was really beginning to like Harry. They were both on the Gryffindor House Quidditch team. Des knew he liked her, too. "If we win this game, I'll have a drink with him next time we go to Hogsmeade."
Harry was getting up to do his usual captain's pre-game pep talk. "I was going to speak to you today, but I'm no Oliver Wood...so I invited him here to speak to you instead."
Wood walked in, closely followed by a nervous-looking girl that no one knew. "Hi, everybody! Most of you already know who I am, but for those who don't, I'm Oliver Wood, former captain of this team." He motioned to the girl. "This is my fiancé, Grace." Grace waved with a small "Hi." She sat down on the bench with a dreamy look in her eyes, and gazed at her husband-to-be. Wood stared back at her.
"Um, Oliver?" asked Harry.
"Yeah?"
"The speech?"
"Oh, yeah... right."
"They're so cute," said Angelina. "Then come the kids..."
Well, anywho. Wood finished his speech and everyone was rallied up. Well, almost everybody. Fred and George were just confused.
Gryffindor won the match and the whole team, along with several of their friends, went to Hogsmeade. Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Des were all at one table in the Three Broomsticks.
"So Des, where exactly are you from?" asked Ron.
"Waco, Texas... but I'm not a Branch Davidian." She looked around at all the confused looks she was getting. "Local humor..."
By this time in the year, Hermione and Destiny were fighting a battle over Harry.
"Well," said Des, "since we won our match, why don't I buy a round for y'all?"
"Of beer?"
"Um... yeah."
"But... I don't drink!" cried Hermione.
"I'll have one," said Harry.
"Oh! Score one for the Texan!" yelled the strange announcer guy that appeared from nowhere and then disappeared.
"What?!" said Harry. "Is this some sort of demented battle for my love?"
"Um... yeah!... Der!"
"And I didn't know about it?!? Ain't there no decency left?!"
Everyone shouted, "NO!!"
"Well," said Hermione, "choose."
"I don't want to choose between the two of you!"
At the glares he received, he thought about it at length. He sat there for a while, with many "Weeellllll.....'s and "Ummm.....'s and "Oh hmmmm....'s. Finally he decided.
"All right, I've made my decision...I pick Destiny." He looked at Hermione and said, " I'm sorry, but she's just so... hot."
"Oh yeah! Who be da Masta Ho now??" yelled Des. Looking around at the others, she added, "ahem... I mean, good try. Better luck next time."
Hermione was really pissed now. "Well, fine then. We now know who wins the brains versus blonde battle, but *a la Terminator* I'll be back." She stomped out of the Three Broomsticks.
"Well, I guess it's you and me," said Harry.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The next few weeks were pure torture for Harry because Des wanted to be with him every waking moment. He had difficulty convincing her to wait outside while he went to the bathroom. And she was just too... sweet.
As Harry walked out of the Charms classroom, once again she was glued to his side.
"Stupid glue spillages, why does that happen all the time?" he asked.
Des replied, "I don't know, but it doesn't bother me."
Harry was sick of this. He was about to say something when he saw her.
She had straight blonde hair and blue contacts, carried several books, and looked strangely familiar.
"H-Hermione... Is that you?"
"Of coarse it is, silly, who else would it be?"
"But, when did you do this? And do you know an anti-adhesive spell?" he asked, nodding toward Des.
"I did it this morning," she said, while un-sticking Harry and Des.
"Oh, okay. Can I talk to you alone, Hermione?"
"Sure."
They walked away and he said, "I can't stand it anymore! She's driving me crazy!"
"Understandable, and don't say I didn't warn you, Harry Potter. I said you should have picked me." She glanced at the floor. "Also, I have to admit, I still kinda like you."
"Well, umm... I kinda like you too, but I don't know how to break it to Des."
"That's simple." Hermione walked over to Destiny. "Des, Harry doesn't like you anymore. He's changed his mind. And, as you say in America: neener neener neeeener!!"
Ron walked up to Harry and whispered, "Does that mean Des is available?"
Harry glared at him.
"Just asking!"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
And so, for the most part, everyone lived happily ever after.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
~*Epilogue*~
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Harry and Hermione are now married. Harry is the Minister of Magic, and Hermione teaches Transfiguration at Hogwarts. They have three kids, James, Lilly and Suzy.
Ron and Destiny moved back to Waco. Harry hasn't spoken to Ron in years. Des explained her Branch Davidian joke to him and both are now followers of David Koresh.
Oliver Wood and Grace were married over the summer holiday. Everyone attended the ceremony. Wood is now captain of England's Quidditch team. He makes enough money so that Grace can stay home and look after their three children, Spike, Cordelia, and Willow. They are very happy.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Notes
Thanks a bunch to Raymai and Beth for checking this for me.
Everything about Wood and Grace was made up by my friend, Grace, because she's got a crush on the guy in the movie. (Beta's note: Oliver's MINE, Grace! You can't have him! :-P)
Smooches fellow SUSHI-ers.
also:
David Koresh was A guy who convinced a butt-load of people that he was Jesus reincarnated. They called themselves the Branch Davidians. Not against the law. Well, they set up a church and later people found out that they were keeping major weapons there. In the End, there was a shootout and a bunch of people died. There's still a church out there, evidently they think David Koresh will rise again. It one of the few things Waco's on the map for, it's... umm... colorful history. Sorry. All (both, count 'em, 2) my humor fics are based off personal or local humor.
Hehe. My friend's Mom goes on vacation in other states and is in an elevator and people ask her where she's from and she says, "I'm from Waco Texas and I follow David Koresh." You should see the looks she gets. Very funny.
*Excerpt from the email*
You have to write a Mary-Sue
or a Billy-Bob. *a la Tim* BUT..... Only if ye be
men(women) of valor... For I've added a few
requirements of my own!
~Someone has to say, "As you say in America: Neener
neener neeeener!" (got that from Nightcrawler, my
X-men baby... who I share with IAB AKA Brandy... I can
just see the disgusted looks on the male members'
faces...^-^)
~Someone has to say, "But... I don't drink!"
~Someone has to say "Oh yeah! Who be da Masta Ho
now??"
~Someone has to say "Ain't there no decency left?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As Harry stepped off the Hogwarts Express, he sighed in relief. "God, another day with those people and was going to turn myself into a shrubbery! Wait... no. But still, I'm happy to be back." He was making his way across the platform, searching the sea of faces for his two best friends, Ron and Hermione. The strange thing between him and Hermione was that everyone knew that they liked each other. Well... almost everyone... They didn't know that the other liked him or her, depending.
He hadn't seen his friends yet; however, he had noticed (and stared at and drooled over) a girl he'd never seen before who had been sitting at the end of his compartment.
Just then, he saw Ron further down the platform. Harry waved, but Ron was looking right past him as if he were in a trance. Harry walked up behind him, yet Ron still didn't notice that he was there.
"Um...Ron? Ron? RON?"
"Huh? What? Oh...hey, Harry."
Harry followed Ron's gaze and recognized the girl from the train. "Who is she?" he asked.
"I don't know, but I'm going to find out," Ron replied.
He walked up to the girl and said, "Um...Hi. I'm Ron Weasley."
The girl looked him over for a moment and said in a strangely Southern accent, "I'm Destiny, but most people call me Des."
Harry raced up behind Ron, nearly knocking him over. "Hi, Destiny! I'm Harry Potter."
"Harry Potter? THE Harry Potter?"
"Um...Yeah. The only one I know."
"Oh, cool."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Later that year...
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Des was really beginning to like Harry. They were both on the Gryffindor House Quidditch team. Des knew he liked her, too. "If we win this game, I'll have a drink with him next time we go to Hogsmeade."
Harry was getting up to do his usual captain's pre-game pep talk. "I was going to speak to you today, but I'm no Oliver Wood...so I invited him here to speak to you instead."
Wood walked in, closely followed by a nervous-looking girl that no one knew. "Hi, everybody! Most of you already know who I am, but for those who don't, I'm Oliver Wood, former captain of this team." He motioned to the girl. "This is my fiancé, Grace." Grace waved with a small "Hi." She sat down on the bench with a dreamy look in her eyes, and gazed at her husband-to-be. Wood stared back at her.
"Um, Oliver?" asked Harry.
"Yeah?"
"The speech?"
"Oh, yeah... right."
"They're so cute," said Angelina. "Then come the kids..."
Well, anywho. Wood finished his speech and everyone was rallied up. Well, almost everybody. Fred and George were just confused.
Gryffindor won the match and the whole team, along with several of their friends, went to Hogsmeade. Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Des were all at one table in the Three Broomsticks.
"So Des, where exactly are you from?" asked Ron.
"Waco, Texas... but I'm not a Branch Davidian." She looked around at all the confused looks she was getting. "Local humor..."
By this time in the year, Hermione and Destiny were fighting a battle over Harry.
"Well," said Des, "since we won our match, why don't I buy a round for y'all?"
"Of beer?"
"Um... yeah."
"But... I don't drink!" cried Hermione.
"I'll have one," said Harry.
"Oh! Score one for the Texan!" yelled the strange announcer guy that appeared from nowhere and then disappeared.
"What?!" said Harry. "Is this some sort of demented battle for my love?"
"Um... yeah!... Der!"
"And I didn't know about it?!? Ain't there no decency left?!"
Everyone shouted, "NO!!"
"Well," said Hermione, "choose."
"I don't want to choose between the two of you!"
At the glares he received, he thought about it at length. He sat there for a while, with many "Weeellllll.....'s and "Ummm.....'s and "Oh hmmmm....'s. Finally he decided.
"All right, I've made my decision...I pick Destiny." He looked at Hermione and said, " I'm sorry, but she's just so... hot."
"Oh yeah! Who be da Masta Ho now??" yelled Des. Looking around at the others, she added, "ahem... I mean, good try. Better luck next time."
Hermione was really pissed now. "Well, fine then. We now know who wins the brains versus blonde battle, but *a la Terminator* I'll be back." She stomped out of the Three Broomsticks.
"Well, I guess it's you and me," said Harry.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The next few weeks were pure torture for Harry because Des wanted to be with him every waking moment. He had difficulty convincing her to wait outside while he went to the bathroom. And she was just too... sweet.
As Harry walked out of the Charms classroom, once again she was glued to his side.
"Stupid glue spillages, why does that happen all the time?" he asked.
Des replied, "I don't know, but it doesn't bother me."
Harry was sick of this. He was about to say something when he saw her.
She had straight blonde hair and blue contacts, carried several books, and looked strangely familiar.
"H-Hermione... Is that you?"
"Of coarse it is, silly, who else would it be?"
"But, when did you do this? And do you know an anti-adhesive spell?" he asked, nodding toward Des.
"I did it this morning," she said, while un-sticking Harry and Des.
"Oh, okay. Can I talk to you alone, Hermione?"
"Sure."
They walked away and he said, "I can't stand it anymore! She's driving me crazy!"
"Understandable, and don't say I didn't warn you, Harry Potter. I said you should have picked me." She glanced at the floor. "Also, I have to admit, I still kinda like you."
"Well, umm... I kinda like you too, but I don't know how to break it to Des."
"That's simple." Hermione walked over to Destiny. "Des, Harry doesn't like you anymore. He's changed his mind. And, as you say in America: neener neener neeeener!!"
Ron walked up to Harry and whispered, "Does that mean Des is available?"
Harry glared at him.
"Just asking!"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
And so, for the most part, everyone lived happily ever after.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
~*Epilogue*~
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Harry and Hermione are now married. Harry is the Minister of Magic, and Hermione teaches Transfiguration at Hogwarts. They have three kids, James, Lilly and Suzy.
Ron and Destiny moved back to Waco. Harry hasn't spoken to Ron in years. Des explained her Branch Davidian joke to him and both are now followers of David Koresh.
Oliver Wood and Grace were married over the summer holiday. Everyone attended the ceremony. Wood is now captain of England's Quidditch team. He makes enough money so that Grace can stay home and look after their three children, Spike, Cordelia, and Willow. They are very happy.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Notes
Thanks a bunch to Raymai and Beth for checking this for me.
Everything about Wood and Grace was made up by my friend, Grace, because she's got a crush on the guy in the movie. (Beta's note: Oliver's MINE, Grace! You can't have him! :-P)
Smooches fellow SUSHI-ers.
also:
David Koresh was A guy who convinced a butt-load of people that he was Jesus reincarnated. They called themselves the Branch Davidians. Not against the law. Well, they set up a church and later people found out that they were keeping major weapons there. In the End, there was a shootout and a bunch of people died. There's still a church out there, evidently they think David Koresh will rise again. It one of the few things Waco's on the map for, it's... umm... colorful history. Sorry. All (both, count 'em, 2) my humor fics are based off personal or local humor.
Hehe. My friend's Mom goes on vacation in other states and is in an elevator and people ask her where she's from and she says, "I'm from Waco Texas and I follow David Koresh." You should see the looks she gets. Very funny.