We both
committed
We both agreed
You do what you have to to get what you need
Feeling you near me with so many miles in between
Lord, it ain't easy out here in the dark
To keep us together so far apart
If my heart had wings
I would fly to you and lie
Beside you as you dream
If my heart had wings
Ginny awoke in unfamiliar surroundings. This was definitely not her four-poster bed. And suddenly the events of the last night returned painfully to her mind. She closed her eyes while she let her hands roam over the carpet next to her. Yes he was gone. Somehow, she had wished to see him go. To see him one more time. In seconds she got up, and dressed as quickly as possible. Her eyes checked once more over the floor and she found his note.
Not wanting to waste any more time, she ran out of the room, only one thought in mind: She wanted to see Harry once more and say goodbye to him...
She didn't stop for anything. Not for her worried looking friends from Ravenclaw, not for Professor McGonagall, who told her not to run through the corridors, and not for the Fat Lady who actually wanted to discuss Ginny's behaviour.
She was definitely running out of time. When she finally stood in the Common Room she felt disappointed. There was no seventh year student left. Not a single one.
For seconds she felt like a little girl again. Her eyes started to get watery, and she felt her hands start to shake. She really felt miserable but then she heard a low familiar voice. It was barely audible, since no one else seemed to notice. But her ears caught it somehow. She seated herself on the window sill while she looked out of the open window. There stood Harry with her brother and Hermione quietly talking with each other. In those seconds her mood changed she felt anger welling up. Anger against her family and her friends who had actually pleaded with her to stay behind.
She had agreed because she loved them, but now watching them, it made her feel imprisoned in Hogwarts. It wasn't fair. She was twice as good in Defence Against Dark Arts than Parvati Patil, who WAS going, and she was even better in riding a broom than most of the girls and even boys. But THOSE were ALL going.
Then she saw Professor Dumbledore stepping out and suddenly she felt the urge to run down to tell them that she was definitely not sitting in this school while they were actually writing history. But then she remembered Harry's eyes. How he looked at her when she told him her decision: How relieved he was, and she remembered the desire that those eyes held for her. No it wasn't be fair to be left behind but she wouldn't be fair if she would break her promise... Instead she leaned back her eyes still resting on the fighters.
"I do wish you luck, please return to me," she whispered while she unfolded Harry's message
Dear Ginny,
I know that when you are reading this letter, I want be there. I know also just too well that you'll have thought about breaking your promise but please don't... I couldn't possible fight, while I fear for you. My Love, the last night was indescribable, it has changed me, and it has changed our relationship. Our life waits for us when I return.
All my love
Harry
Ginny was sitting on the window sill for very long time, reading Harry's message over and over again. She couldn't do anything against the fact that her heart beat faster whenever she read our future. And she couldn't do anything when her hands started to shake, when she folded the letter again.
And she couldn't do anything when a single tear escaped her while she was lying in bed that night.
But before she drifted of to sleep, she made a decision:
She had promised to stay out of the fights, but she had never promised to be useless. She was going to be useful. She was going to help her family…to help Harry. With this pleasant thought, dreams took over.
***
The following day Ginny awoke earlier than usual. She was very careful not to wake anybody in her Dormitory when she slipped out of the door. Running down the steps into the Common Room, she was sure that no other Gryffindor student was already awake. When she climbed trough the Portrait hole, and started to run, she felt, how less she had thought about this. She had no arguments, and she doubted that Madam Pomfrey would like her suggestion. Finally she rounded the last corner totally out of breath. She leaned down, inhaling sharply and slowly she started to relax a bit. Still,
her heart beat faster when Ginny pulled the door handle down.
'Just look serious,' she told herself when she stepped into the too familiar room.
She shivered when she remembered how many hours she had spent here. None of them had been pleasant and Ginny was not sure anymore if this was the right place to go.
"Miss Weasley?" It was too late: Madam Pomfrey was standing in the door-frame, her face slightly puzzled. "Do you feel sick?"
Although, Ginny suddenly FELT sick she shook her head no.
"Can I help you then?" The older woman looked concerned now. "Whatever it is…you can tell-"
"I want to work here," Ginny said in a rush, fearing already now the answer. She would definitely be frustrated if Madam Pomfrey wouldn't agree, but would it not also be a relief?
Her eyes scanned over the floor, and she felt the wish that the nurse would say something…anything…Ginny felt the intense look from Madam Pomfrey on her, and she felt how the heat returned to her face. She forced herself to look up.
Madam Pomfrey were perplexed for a few seconds with how much determination she saw in the young witch's eyes. Maybe she could let…no, no that was definitely out of order, what would Professor Dumbledore think if he should ever find out? But then again, he wasn't here, maybe just maybe….
"Very well Miss Weasley," she started.
"Ginny please."
"Wh- pardon?"
"Can you simply call me Ginny, please?"
"Well Miss - I mean Ginny, have you talked with someone about your plan? Maybe your mother or father? Or even one of you older brothers?" the nurse tried gently.
"No, I wouldn't want to bother them, just because I want to work in the school's hospital wing." Ginny answered, her voice stronger again.
Madam Pomfrey had to smile. This girl had said something very intelligent. Under normal circumstances, nobody would have a problem with a seventeen year old girl working in the infirmary. Some teachers even used to give their detention in the hospital wing, when she had too many patients. And after all, Ginny Weasley was a grown-up witch now…She didn't have to ask for permission, or had she? And Madam Pomfrey was sure that when the first hurt witches and wizards would be brought to her she would have more to do than she could imagine now.
"Ginny, I agree. You are allowed to help me with the infirmary when there are too many sick students. I'll have to show you a few basic healing spells and hexes. And if you have any question, you can ask me," Madam Pomfrey smiled gently down at Ginny. With the look of triumph, Ginny left the infirmary.
The following weeks were torture for Ginny. At days she went to classes like all the other sixth year students, but as soon as the sun had vanished behind the hills, she hurried to the hospital wing. There she learned all the necessaries spells. The more Ginny learned, the more she feared the day when the first victims would come. Madam Pomfrey had told her for several times that many wounds could get healed rather easily, but some were much worse.
Those poor people, they could only help to forget the pain, and to make life better. And then there was- thank God, the minority- those who were too badly wounded.
For those poor souls they couldn't do anything. The nurse repeated for several times that Ginny would have to learn to let go. This was the most important thing that she could learn: To let go…
After hours of training and retraining she fell totally exhausted into her bed, just to lie there. Sleeping was almost impossible.
The news that came through to Hogwarts scared everyone, but especially the first and second years seemed to be totally changed. Soon Professor McGonagall asked the older students, especially to take care of them. Ginny could almost feel how she burnt out from all her duties.
It was a month after the battles started, when Ginny was mixing some healing potion. With a shaky hand she just added Phoenix tears, when the little bottle slipped from her hand and finally broke on the hard ground. It was the last thing that Ginny needed. She let out a frustrated sob, her hands shaking even more violently.
"I can't… not anymore." Madam Pomfrey decided quickly. She took another little bottle from the shelf and gave it to Ginny.
"Here, drink this.." Ginny eyed the bottle sceptical.
"Dreamless sleeping potion? But that is for the vict-" but she was cut out by the older woman.
"Ginny, I'll need you when they return. You have learned so much in the past weeks…. I think that you have the skills to become a great nurse, but right now you need sleep or I'll have to handle everything alone." Ginny gulped down the liquor without a second thought, and for the first time, all worries left her.
A week after that incident, Ginny was just sitting in class, when the voice of Professor McGonagall could be heard magically louder than usual.
"Students, please return to your houses, your house teachers will explain what is going on.."
As soon as those words were said, Ginny felt how the panic more evident in that room. The students kept turning to all sides, holding their wands tightly while they returned to their Common Room.
Not long after Ginny entered through the Portrait Hole, Professor McGonagall entered as well.
"Please be quiet," she started to speak, her voice shaking. " We got news from Professor Dumbledore, but don't panic. It's still safe here.
I want you to stay here, don't leave the Common Room, for anything." Then the Professor turned, ready to leave the room. Ginny speeded up, she needed to talk to her before she left.
"Professor?"
"Yes?"
"I need to go to the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey has told me to come when…"
Professor McGonagall turned around, her eyes studied her intensively.
"Indeed Miss Weasley : Madam Pomfrey has asked for you. But is helping her in the hospital wing really what you want to do?"
The things you might see could be horrible."
Ginny was silent for seconds, she could feel, how a few of her fellow Gryffindors watched her, with mixed emotion.
"I have to help," she started and immediately she saw the protest in the face of the other woman. " I want to.*
"Very well, then follow me. I will guard your way." The witch said with respect.
While Ginny went through the aisles, she began to think about her family and about Hermione and about Harry. Were they all right?
Would she see them healthy again. Till now she had only news from George who was hit by a few very nasty curses. Her brother was lying in a medi-wizards tent recovering from his injuries. Like so many others.
"Finally," Madam Pomfrey sighed when Ginny entered. "Please prepare the other room, as quickly as possible." Ginny hurried over, and while her hands did the work almost automatically, her mind drifted off again. Mostly she thought about Harry and how he was doing, when she could hear a loud pang filling the room. She hurried somehow unwillingly over to the window and looked out. Her heart beat faster, by the scenario she saw. The fights had reached Hogwarts.
That night, she couldn't close her eyes in the hospital wing. The light from the curses and counter curses, gave the room a creepy atmosphere.
She could hear shouts, and she immediately buried her face into her pillow…if only Harry were here…that thought crossed her mind more often in the last days. She shook her head mentally…If she wanted to help she had to stay controlled. Another scream, and the light went on…"Ginny, come on…They're bringing wounded fighters," Madam Pomfrey said in a rush. Ginny got up in seconds, ready to face the horrible things, she'd probably see….In the following days, Ginny saw more hurt people than ever before. She saw some fall asleep and never woke up again.
It almost killed her, to stay next to them, holding their hands and being helpless.
Ginny had never given up on any patient easily. It was not her nature, and she didn't want to decide who was worth her help and who not.
Some when Professor Dumbledore had decided that the hospital wing should be protected specially. To Ginny's relief he sent two of her brothers. They were out of danger. Both, Bill and Charlie were rather surprised to find their baby sister saving lives. It was the day when the realised that Ginny wasn't that little any more.
To Ginny they brought good news. Percy was also out of danger. He was sent back to the Burrow, where a very upset Molly Weasley was sitting fearing for her children. Ginny could understand her mother perfectly, since she knew the panic that squeezed a heart whenever there were news about deaths. She felt guilty for it, but she was always happy when she heard that everyone she loved was still all right.
It was a particularly hard day when another few victims where brought into the hospital wing. When Ginny checked on them, she was sure that her heart had stopped for seconds. There, lying next to each other, were Fred and Ron. Hermione was sitting next to Ron, holding his hand.
"Hermione, what happened? Ron, Fred what?" Ginny felt for the first time in weeks, how her hands shake, her eyes watery again.
"I'm ok…" Ron answered her, while he opened his eyes slightly. "Nothing too bad," he answered before he winced in pain. Hermione shock her head slightly, signalling Ginny that he was not as okay as her brother would wish to be.
Meanwhile Madam Pomfrey had come over, and checked on Fred. Ginny was in the middle, of cleaning Ron's wounds, when she caught a sentence.
"Hmm, don't think that we can help him. A few painkillers, should make it easy, " the nurse said to no one in particular. Ginny whirled around not believing what she just heard.
"WHAT?" she glared at the other witch, her voice sharp like a knife.
"Sorry, but there are others, who need our help more important.. I would be surprised, if he should survive this night."
"He is my brother you are talking about. If you are to busy, I'll help him, but I won't let him die," she returned, her voice shaking with anger.
"You will NOT," the nurse answered strictly.
"Why not?"
"Because you are allowed to help hurt students, he is not anymore.There is nothing you could do."
"For once I don't care about rules. He's my brother, and I know he'd do anything for me.. They all would. I don't care if I cost Gryffindor house points, or if my parents get a letter. I don't even care if I get expelled, but I'll do everything that is in my powers, to help my brother."
Madam Pomfrey could feel everybody was watching her. She wasn't pleased, not a bit, but with a final glare she stepped back. "If you think so. He's your patient, you are responsible for him."
Ginny gasped, feeling how her hands were a bit more shakily than normal. SHE was responsible. She was responsible, whatever happened to her brother. She felt how the fear crept but she knew, whatever she wanted to do had to be done fast.
She turned around again to tell Hermione that she could clean Ron's wounds alone, when she met the astonished faces of her brothers. Instinctively Ginny blushed.
"What?" she asked irritated
"Just glad that you are our little sister," Charlie answered, smiling at her proudly. She almost burst into tears about this statement. She rushed forward, hugging them all. Ginny wiped a tear away, before she stepped back.
"I need to help Fred now," she said before she hurried over to him.
The first hours of the following night, Ginny was busy with casting the most important spells, just to keep her brother alive.
For example, Ginny had to cast more than once a spell to keep his heart beating.
This whole situation was more emotional stress than Ginny had ever imagined. Her brother, the one who always managed everything on his own, the one who told her the funniest stories was lying in front of her, totally helpless, and she was his only hope. She wished so badly that Madam Pomfrey and she never had had that argument, and that Madam Pomfrey would support her, but there was no time for dreams.
Ginny stood up again, checking his pulse again, and for the first time, it was regular again. His breathing had also calmed a bit, and Ginny decided to risk a few healing charms. A few of the wounds, were looking very violent and she had to cast combined spells. Around five o'clock in the morning, Ginny settled herself into the seat next to Fred. Her eyes started to wander over her family who was sleeping peacefully.
Her eyes rested for seconds on Ron and Hermione, holding each other. Then she turned her head slightly and she watched a sleeping Bill and Charlie. She watched them very intense, and she realized how much older they looked now. Her eyes settled on Fred again. Caressing his check with her thumb, she started to pray for both: For Fred and her Harry. She wanted them both to stay with her…She never knew when her eyes closed and she fell asleep.
A few hours later, she awoke a bit disoriented, but then she remembered: Fred! She got up in seconds, and looked down, fearing what she could see. Without realising it, she had closed her eyes, while taking a deep breath. Please, let him be all right. she whispered to herself.
"Any secrets you want to share, dear sister?" Her eyes opened in an instant.
"Fred!" she called out, before she leaned down and hugged him tightly. She could hear the laughter of her other brothers and Hermione, when Bill said: "Let him breathe, Gin…Last time I checked, Fred used air to do so."
For once Ginny didn't care about the teasing. Fred would be all right.
Fred and Ron, were still patients in the hospital wing, one week later and Ginny was almost sure that Madam Pomfrey would ask her to leave with them. Still she refused to stay away from the other patients as long as Madam Pomfrey didn't say anything against it. After the big scandal, which it really seemed to be, for the younger students, Ginny surely had thought about leaving the hospital wing. She knew that it was kind of distraction for them all, and that nobody was really shocked, but still, she had no intention to stay available as material for gossip. She couldn't even imagine what a Rita Skeeter could do, with the events. Headlines kept flashing in her mind and they were not positive ones.
Ginny was just checking on the patients, when Madam Pomfrey asked for a word. Her knees felt a bit weaker than usual and she felt how her hands were shaking ever so slightly. This wasn't good. She knew that the reason she wasn't going too crazy about Harry in this time, was her job here. If she had to leave she couldn't guarantee that she would actually stay inside. Breathing in and out deeply she went over through the office door. She had just put her hand on the door knob when she heard Fred call for her.
Turning around she saw him smile encouragingly, before nodded signalling her to open the door.
Here you go Ginny. You were nurse for the longest time. she thought before she smiled over to Fred who waved a bit.
"Hello, Ginny, take a seat," Madam Pomfrey said, smiling gently at the girl. Ginny closed the door behind her and greeted the other witch.
"I think, I would like to stand," she answered politely while her hands rested on the chair.
"Well, if you prefer it. I wanted to talk to you because- " but whatever the nurse wanted to say, she couldn't do so because Ginny cut her off.
"I already have an idea what you want from me. Although it's not easy, I have made my decision: I'll leave the hospital wing tomorrow with my brothers willingly. But I want to tell you something before I leave: I'm sorry for using this harsh tone while talking to you, but I'm NOT sorry for breaking the rules, nor for saving my brother. And if it's a wrong thing, to help someone, I'm guilty." Ginny was about to turn around and go back to the other room, when she heard Madam Pomfrey inhale sharply.
"Ginny, stay…I haven't told you by now, what I wanted to tell you." The woman pointed once more to the seat in front of her.
"Are you finished now?" she asked and Ginny nodded. "Good. Then I can?" Once more the girl nodded. "I never wanted you to leave. I might be stubborn and sometimes make the wrong decisions, but I'm not dumb. Ginny, I had to think a long time about it, but I decided that I owe you…" the older woman sighed heavily and closed for seconds her eyes. "I owe you an apology."
I shouldn't have given up so easily. When I just started to work as a nurse, there was a young woman, and I hadn't the courage to speak up against my teacher.. When she told me that there was no change, I believed her. The woman…she was my best friend… I never forgave myself and I never forgave my teacher…and now I made the same mistake." Madam Pomfrey's eyes were shiny with tears when she looked up to Ginny again. "I'm really sorry."
Ginny went over to Madam Pomfrey and did something she had never dreamed of: She kneeled down next to the other witch and hugged her tightly. The older woman was taken aback, and for seconds she didn't know, what to do. Then she hugged her student back, very glad that this student was very different from herself.
"Ginny? I know now, why Harry fell in love with you and nobody else."
"Oh?" the young woman broke the embrace before she eyed Madam Pomfrey very curiously.
She feared the answer a bit, but she wanted to speak about Harry for days and if only Madam Pomfrey was willing to do so, she was ready.
"Because you know exactly what you want, and because you never give up. And because you are a caring person, who sees things more positive then most people. You're simply a very special person, and Harry must be very happy to have you in his life."
Without realising it, a single tear was running down, Ginny's face. She had needed to hear those words so badly, it had almost been unbearable.
"Thank you. I think I should go back, and look after our patients," she answered, her voice shaking slightly. Ginny smiled once more before she left the office, with new trust in herself.
The days did pass slowly. None of Ginny's brothers got permission to return to the battle. In the end, they were caught in Hogwarts, not her. It was ironic that she was now the only one who was able to help.
One day Ginny was sitting at breakfast with Hermione and her brothers when Neville Longbottom rushed into the Great Hall. First she thought he was injured, but he looked healthy. Soon he had reached the staff table and told Professor McGonagall something. As soon as the Head of Gryffindor heard the news, she started to smile, and Ginny felt how her heart started to speed up. Instinctively she grabbed Fred's hand and told it tightly. The Great Hall was silent when the Professor got up.
"I have good news for you: War is over, our friends and families will come home."
"Fred, have you heard that, " Ginny jumped up, with the other students. "Harry will come home." She hugged her brother tightly. Fred spun her around, laughing for the first time heartily.
"Please be silent, I need to tell you one more thing." The Professor looked sorry into the direction of the Gryffindor table. "Mr. Longbottom just told me that we don't know…" she stopped for seconds, and Ginny thought that the Professor had never looked so old and tired. "We have no information about Harry Potter. When the Dark Lord was destroyed by him, Harry Potter had vanished. I'm sorry"
There was absolute silent. Ginny couldn't see anymore. She was blinded by tears that ran down without permission. She wanted to be strong. She wanted to be strong for Harry. She simply knew that he would return to her. Seconds later, she felt arms hugging her. And she realised that her brothers and Hermione held her tightly, just as they held each other. She couldn't remember when they last did that, and she was not sure, if she had ever felt so safe with them.
In the following days, Ginny worked harder then ever. She feared that if she would stop her work she would go crazy. She felt the worried glances that people shot her, and she knew that she wasn't useful in her state, but she simple had to do something. She talked with many of those who had returned about what they had seen. She heard about their fears, their nightmares and their wishes for the future. She cried, prayed and laughed with them. Sometimes she found herself jealous, when she watched Hermione and Ron or one of the other couples who had gone through the whole mess together, and were now looking into the future.
After another day in the hospital wing, she went down to the lake, and seated herself on the spot, where Harry was seen last.. When her body made contact with the grass, she shivered instinctively. It was as if she could feel Harry whenever her mind drifted of. Sometimes when she was lying there, Ginny thought that she could almost hear his voice. This was the place, where she got all her powers. Ginny new it was not rational but she was sure that Harry would return. She felt it here, more stronger than everywhere else.
"Ginny?" her heart beat faster.
"Harry? Is that you?" she seated up.
"No, it's Fred." Of course it was not him. She sighed.
"Sorry Fred, I was a bit sleepy. What's up?" Ginny answered hoping that she didn't sound to disappointed.
"I'm worried about you, just like everybody else, but you know that already. You have locked up your real emotions Ginny." He said turning his head to look into her eyes. "Do you really think that we don't see your hands tremble from time to time? That we don't see, how you drift off, leaving us behind? Gin, we all hope that he returns, but we need to keep talking about everything, or we won't get through it."
"That's ridiculous. I'm talking to people every day in the hospital wing. I talk every day about emotions." Ginny answered a bit angry.
"Yes you do, but you never speak about your emotions, about your fears. It's always them," the young man insisted. "You don't have actually to talk about them, but let things out." He said while he laid his arm around her. "I'm always there for you." He added as an afterthought.
"Since when can you be serious?" Ginny asked faking a laugh, before she started to tremble more violent, and her tears started to fall. Fred laid down and took Ginny with him. There brother and sister were lying peacefully next to each other staring into the sky till there were no tears left.
Ginny understood from that day on that her brothers really grew up. And for the first time, she felt that they were not just overprotective, but that they really cared. She never thought that the day would come that Fred could actually become her brother to whom she could talk, and who understood her. But people could change….Ginny sighed.
It had been two months, since the war had ended. In Hogwarts classes had started again, and Ginny only went to the hospital wing only once every week. Fred, Bill and Charlie had left a week ago, with the promise to keep her updated.
Ginny spent her free evenings in Hermione and Ron's company. She was thankful that they were there for her.
Ginny was just reading through a few notes, when Hermione's voice brought her back to reality.
"Hey, Ron and I are going down to dinner. Will you join us?"
Ginny hesitated, her hunger definitely said yes, but she wanted to give Ron and Hermione also a bit privacy. She eyed Ron, trying to read his thoughts. Her brother smiled down at her, reaching for her hand.
"I would love, going to lunch in the company of two beauties."
While Hermione giggled before giving him a kiss on his check, Ginny stood up, and smiled broadly.
"Liar," she said amused before she walked for the portrait hole.
Life had definitely returned to Hogwarts. Students were chatting and laughing again and it felt so good.
They seated and started to eat quietly. A first year student had just started to ask Ginny questions about being with Harry, and Ron was glaring at the girl as if she would vanish, if he was doing it long enough.
Ginny almost gave in, when she noticed that the Hall was complete silent. She saw Ron and Hermione staring at something. Slowly she turned around, and what she saw made her heart beat faster.
"Harry," she whispered before she jumped up and ran towards him. She forgot everyone, Harry was home. Suddenly she had doubts: What if he had changed? What if he didn't want her anymore? She stopped in front of him searching his eyes. Slowly he opened his arms for her, and she stepped into his embrace.
"I have missed you so badly," he whispered into her hair, while he held her as if he never planned of letting her go again. "I guess, you want to know where I was?"
"No Harry, not now. I don't care as long as you're here tonight." Ginny whispered before she kissed him passionately. She had the missing part of her soul back
The End
A/N: The song at the beginning is by Faith Hill, and is called: „If my Heart had Wings." The title is taken from the song "Hero" by Mariah Carey. Thank you all for the wonderful reviews.
Special thanks to Imogen for reading over this. Also a big thanks to Liz, Sue, Caitlyn and everybody else who helped me. Please leave a review J
Disclaimer: All the character belongs to JKR. I just borrowed them.