The Object of My Affection

by Link and Luigi

This has just about every single character in it...all getting who they want...some getting who they don't want...but in the process of doing both, making a lot of other people somewhat disgruntled.

2. The Object of my AFFECTION??

The Object of my Affection 2

"HA HA!!" laughed Mousse as he emerged from a giant sand dune with his fist clenched.  "At long last I have FINALLY found the item that can make Shampoo love me!!  It dragged me all the way to the Sahara Desert… but…NO MATTER!!  I HAVE IT NOW!!"  Then he cackled evilly and splashed himself with cold water, turned into a duck and began to make his way back home.

TWO DAYS LATER!!!

Mousse burst into the Cat Café looking exhausted and all dirty and gross and made no one really want to go near him.  "SHAMPOO!!"

Shampoo walked out from the back room.  "Mousse?" she asked.  "Shampoo thought you dead!"

"No Shampoo, I'm VERY much alive!"

"I know…" said Shampoo trying not to sound TOO disappointed.

"I have a present for you Shampoo!" Mousse said proudly as he held up one of those fuzzy boxes that you put jewelry in.

"Take bath first Mousse!  You smell bad!" Shampoo insisted as she pointed to the door.

"ANYTHING!!" Mousse yelled as he ran to the bathroom all too excitedly with his arms out foolishly.

Mousse returned about ten minutes later all fresh and new. 

"Mousse have gift for Shampoo?" Shampoo made sure to remind him.

"Oh yes!" said Mousse as he began fishing through his sleeves.  "Now where is it?!"

Shampoo started getting frustrated FAR too fast as Mousse continued searching through his clothing.

"Mousse!  You waste Shampoo time!" Shampoo said as she turned around.  "When Mousse find Shampoo present…come get Shampoo!"

"I FOUND IT!!!" Mousse said, jumping in front of her.  "Here you go Shampoo."  Then he handed the box to her. 

"Why thank you Mousse." Said Shampoo as she opened the little container to reveal two mismatched earrings.  They looked SLIGHTLY similar but you'd KNOW that they were mismatched and one of them was cracked down the middle but it was not all that noticeable.  But since Shampoo has no sense of style ANYWAY she just put them on because, even though they were from Mousse, they still LOOKED expensive.

"Do you like them Shampoo?" Mousse asked foolishly.

"Mousse, why you no leave Shampoo alone?" Shampoo asked as she glared at Mousse evilly.

"Shampoo!!  I just gave a present!" Mousse whined.  "Won't you even THANK me?!"

"Shampoo no think Mousse good for thank you." Said Shampoo as she splashed Mousse with cold water, turning him into a duck.  "Shampoo hate Mousse and everything about Mousse!!"

Then, Mousse turned into a glass picture and shattered.

"As matter of fact…take ugly earrings back!  Shampoo no like them!" then Shampoo took the earrings off and tossed them at Mousse so that they hit him.  But only one earring hit him.  The other object that hit him was blue sweater.

Mousse sadly walked away as Shampoo went about her business.

Just then, Kuno walked into the Cat Café and noticed that sweater lying on the ground.

"What a enchanting garment." He said as he picked it up.  Then he outstretched it.  "It seems this sweater wields a small hole…I would present this gift to my beloved pig-tailed girl or Akane Tendo but the Great Tatewaki Kuno would never stoop to giving second rate gifts to two that are so far from second rate."

So then he stretched the sleeve out and let it go like a slingshot though the ceiling and up towards the sky and land on some random bystander that MIGHT sound like Krillin, depending on his/her gender and prodigiousness rate.

But, no, it didn't land on one of Ranma's Krillinish classmates.  It landed on Ryoga who was just walking around like a fool again because he always seems to end up in the right town now doesn't he?  That crazy Ryoga!  HAW HAW HAW!!!

"What's this?" Ryoga asked, pulling it off his head.  Suddenly, Kasumi came up from behind him.

"Why hello Ryoga!" she said obliviously.  "I see you're back in town."

Ryoga paused.  "I don't have a shoe for you this time." He said timidly, wrapping the sweater up into a little ball and fidgeting nervously.

"What?" said Kasumi with horseshoe eyes.  But then she shook it off.  "I'm sure Akane will be happy to see you.  Make sure you stop by, okay?  I have to pick up a few things at the store."

"…Okay." Said Ryoga.  "Could you…uh…take me there?"

"To the store?" said Kasumi since she's not the sharpest tool in the shed.

"No, to the dojo," Ryoga replied, trying not to sound agitated.

"Sure!" she replied.  "Let's just make a quick stop at the store."  Then they walked a little bit in silence.  Ryoga cleared his throat.

"Do you think that Akane might want this sweater?" he asked.

"Hm?" Kasumi said, opening her horseshoe eyes and looking at the sweater.  She paused.  "Blue's not really Akane's color.  I'm sorry, it is a nice looking sweater though."

"Oh…well…" he said with a frown.  "Well…I guess you can have it then." Then he handed it to Kasumi.  She looked at it.

"I'm already wearing a sweater!" she said cheerfully as she passed it back to Ryoga.  Then Kodachi skipped by and grabbed the sweater from them.  Then she stopped and examined it.  Ryoga and Kasumi didn't stop her or anything cause they didn't really care about the sweater.

"A HOLE?!" she said as she tossed it back to Ryoga.  Then she skipped away.  Ryoga sighed and looked all sad because he wanted to give the sweater to Akane even though it WAS blue and blue wasn't really her color but now it has a HOLE in it.

"Oh my!" said Kasumi.  "A hole in the sweater?  That's horrible!  I'll take it home right now and sew it up for you!!"  Then Kasumi grabbed the sweater from Ryoga and looked at it.  "Yup, it definitely has a hole in it." So then she handed it back to Ryoga and they both made their way back to the dojo. 

"Nabiki!" Kasumi called as she walked into the house part.  "I have a torn sweater!"

Nabiki groaned.  "I'm not going to be your mannequin again Kasumi!"

"I won't prick you." Said Kasumi in a distressed fashion.

"I know.  I just don't want to." Nabiki complained as she closed her bedroom door.

"Oh dear." Said Kasumi.  "Now what?"  She looked at Ryoga.  "I don't think this sweater will fit you…"

"Um…that's okay…" Ryoga said slowly.

"But OH WELL!!" said Kasumi as she forced the sweater of Ryoga's head.  "Don't worry, I never prick anyone with the needle.  I'll go get my sewing kit!" Then she frolicked off and returned a second later to see Ryoga standing there with a black essence surrounding him.

"Oh my!" said Kasumi like she ALWAYS does.

"Don't 'oh my' me!" Ryoga said.  "You're trying to come onto me again!"  Then he slapped the sewing kit out of her hand.  "I can't stand your type.  Acting all nice and stuff and then you try and give MY gift to Akane to ME?!"

"Whatever are you talking about Ryoga?" Kasumi asked as she went to pick up her sewing kit but Ryoga's dark essence scared her especially since she is so weak and puny and good.  "Are you feeling all right, Ryoga?  Maybe you should lie down!"

"I'M FEELING JUST FINE!!!" Ryoga yelled, raising his hand like some kind of abusive husband would to his wife when he finds out that she's been talking to another guy and after he's had a couple drinks.  Kasumi fell to the ground in fear and covered her face.

"You can't hit me!" Kasumi yelled.  "I'M KASUMI!!!"  Just then, Tendo, Nabiki, Akane, Genma and Ranma ran in.  They gasped when they saw Ryoga standing there with his hand raised as though he was about to hit Kasumi, and Kasumi lying on the ground.

"YOU CAN'T HIT KASUMI!!!" they all yelled.  "SHE'S KASUMI!!!"  They all ran over to restrain Ryoga as he fought against them all, without harming anyone, to bring his hand down and hit Kasumi.  Of course, Kasumi just sat there like a fool because all she was thinking was that no one can hit KASUMI!!

"Kasumi, get out of here!" Nabiki yelled, grabbing Kasumi's hand and pulling her out of the room.

"Curses!" Ryoga said as he got a stoned look on his face and stopped fighting against the four people restraining him.  They slowly let go of him and he turned around with a black essence around him and a wall of fire behind him. 

"Where do you get off trying to hit KASUMI?!" demanded Tendo, tears streaming down his face.

"My hatred towards the oldest Tendo girl is immeasurable." Ryoga replied darkly.  "I must destroy her."

Everyone gasped and drew back.  How could someone want to hit Kasumi let alone DESTROY her?!  ESPECIALLY RYOGA!!!  Ryoga doesn't hit GIRLS…on purpose and he most CERTAINLY doesn't hit KASUMI!!

"I think you had better lie down, Ryoga." Said Akane, taking Ryoga's hand.  Ryoga's eyes suddenly lit up.

"A-A-Akane!" he said, turning around towards her. "Do you really think I should?!"

"Yes, I really do." Akane replied, leading him into the other room.

"I guess he's back to normal." Said Ranma.

"What are you talking about, boy?!" yelled Genma.  "Did you see that battle aura?!  He was SERIOUS!  He really wanted to HIT KASUMI!!!"  Ranma raised an eyebrow.  This was a bit unbelievable.  Why would anyone want to hit Kasumi?  She's…KASUMI.  And that's that.

Tendo sat in the corner crying while occasionally yelling "KASUMI!!" at which every time he said that name, Ryoga would cringe.

"Ryoga, why do you hate Kasumi?" Akane asked as she sat on the opposite side of the couch, somewhat afraid that Ryoga would just RANDOMLY start hating her too.

"I'm sorry Akane, it's nothing toward you or your family…it's just… HOW can I NOT hate her?!" Ryoga yelled while standing up.  "I mean…she's just SO loathable!!" 

Akane just kind of stared at him.  Ryoga felt somewhat awkward.

"Please don't look at me that way Akane…please don't hate me…" said Ryoga quietly.  Then he paused.  "It's just that KASUMI…"

"KASUMI!!" Tendo yelled from the corner.

"Will you stop yelling that accursed name?!" yelled Ryoga as he ran out of the room in pure rage that no one could explain.

Kasumi obliviously stood in the kitchen cooking some sort of delectable dinner that everyone would love when Ryoga all of a sudden ran through the kitchen and outside.

"Oh my." Said Kasumi.

Then Ryoga ran back into the kitchen.

"It's YOU!!" he said while pointing to her.

"Oh my…are you still angry at me?" Kasumi asked.

"ANGRY at you?!" Ryoga practically BELLOWED!!!  "The word ANGER can barely describe what I'm feeling right now!!"

Of course, because Ryoga's BELLOWING this, it's not like it's going unheard or unnoticed or anything so everyone ran into the kitchen and restrained Ryoga as Nabiki took Kasumi into the other room.

Ranma came over to Ryoga.  "Ryoga…you've got to stop whatever you're scheming to try and defeat me because it's just upsetting everyone… even AKANE…"

"You think I would go so low as to upset Akane just to defeat YOU?!" Ryoga yelled as Genma and Tendo tied him up.

"So do you have some sort of mark on you or are carrying some sort of amulet or do you have some sort of mind spell on you or something?" asked Ranma.  "Wearing anything out of the ordinary besides that sweater that I never thought I'd see you wear?"

"No." replied Ryoga obliviously.  Then he paused.  "PLEASE let me go so I can kill Kasumi…" he begged.

"Akane…go talk to Kasumi or something…" said Ranma.  Akane didn't say anything but she dashed off knavishly.  Ranma then produced a bucket of cold water and doused Ryoga with it.

Then Ranma grabbed Ryoga by his bandana and held up at an arm length as he shifted through his clothes to find something strange.  Then he picked up a hair scrunchie.  "What're you carrying a hair scrunchie around for, you freak?" asked Ranma. 

Ryoga paused and shrugged…he had never seen that hair scrunchie before.  Then Ranma put the hair scrunchie on the table and finished shifting through Ryoga's clothes but found nothing out of the ordinary... xcept for the hair scrunchie.  "Hm…that's strange…" he said, splooshing Ryoga with warm water.  Ryoga's clothes magically appeared on him but you should know that by now you crazy duck!

Then Akane walked back in.  "Is…there a problem?" she asked.  "I mean, a serious one?  Nabiki thought that maybe he has brain damage or something."

"Why would she think that?" asked Ryoga.

"Well…maybe because you were oh so suddenly loathing Kasumi, the nicest person in the entire world, and you were trying to hit her." Akane replied in the duh tone.

"Me?" Ryoga said, confused.  "Hit Kasumi?  LOATHE Kasumi?  Sure, that incident with the shoe kind of freaked me out but why would I LOATHE her or HIT her?  You don't HIT Kasumi!"

Akane and Ranma got dot eyes.

Ranma leaped up and ran over to Akane.  "He might just be saying this so we'll leave him alone and then he'll hurt Kasumi," Ranma whispered.  "So we can't leave him alone with Kasumi or with anyone for that matter since you never really know who he'll suddenly hate next."

"Right," Akane agreed.

"Okay so you distract Ryoga and I'll get Kasumi out of here!" Ranma said, running into the kitchen.

"But Ranma!" Akane yelled but then she turned back to Ryoga who was just standing there obliviously.  He didn't really care what Akane and Ranma were just talking about…all he knew now was that Ranma had left and now he was alone with Akane!

"Akane, we're all alone now!" he said.

Akane gasped.  "You don't mean that you're going to…" she started.

Ryoga took this all the wrong way.  "What?!" he yelled.  "Akane, I would never…!"

"Oh good…" said Akane as she nervously looked out the window as Ranma led Kasumi out of the house.  "So…uh…what brings you here anyway Ryoga?  Certainly you didn't come her just to kill Kasumi…or so you say."

"Um…" said Ryoga as he ignored the last part of that sentence.  "I was bringing a sweater that I got but Kasumi noticed that there was a hole in it so she offered to fix it and then she put it on me and said that I have to be her mannequin…"

"So you then decided that you wanted to 'destroy' her?" Akane interrupted.

"I don't want to kill Kasumi!" Ryoga said somewhat loudly but trying not to sound angry at AKANE.  Akane looked out the window to see that Ranma and Kasumi were out of sight and she still was kind of nervous so she made up some sort of excuse and then quickly left the room.  Ryoga went to chase after her.

"NOW HE'S TRYING TO GET AKANE TOO!!" yelled Tendo as he and Genma jumped on Ryoga and tied him up again.

Just then Ranma walked back in.

"Ranma, this is all your fault!  Untie me!!" Ryoga yelled.

"Okay, two things…one: you're kinda being a psychopath right now so…no… and two: you don't see me and blame me for something and then ask a favor of me!" Ranma said as he looked at Ryoga in his state of patheticness.  Just then, Kasumi walked in and everyone gasped loudly.

"Ranma, why'd you run off so fast?" she asked obliviously as she walked closer to everyone.

Genma, Tendo and Ranma looked at Ryoga who didn't appear to be foaming at the mouth or anything.

"Kasumi, could you untie me?" he asked. 

"Father, you shouldn't go tying up our guests." Said Kasumi as she untied Ryoga in such lightning fast record-breaking speed that everyone else didn't have time to react.

"Thanks Kasumi." Said Ryoga as he ran out the door in search of Akane.

"What a nice boy." Said Kasumi with big horseshoe eyes.

Ranma, Genma and Tendo had dot eyes AND retarded drops!!  HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW HAW!!!

Ranma walked over to the table where the hair scrunchie he found in Ryoga's pile of clothes was.

"Was Ryoga wearing a hair scrunchie that possessed him?" Ranma asked.  "Or even stranger…was Ryoga wearing a HAIR SCRUNCHIE?!?"

Ranma wanted to test the hair scrunchie on SOMEONE but if it did, in fact make that person possessed and weird, who would he want going after him with a focused mind only to destroy him?

Kasumi?  Tendo?  Nabiki?  Ranma shrugged and handed the scrunchie to Kasumi.  "Kasumi, put this on for a second."

"I'm already wearing a hair elastic." Said Kasumi with horseshoe eyes.

"Okay…fine…Mr. Tendo…you put it on."

"You know…my hair may be long but I have no intent on wearing any girly accessory in it…" whispered Tendo to Ranma angrily. 

"Well…ONE of you has to put it on!" Ranma said, annoyed.

"Why?" asked Genma because that question was PERFECTLY logical.

Suddenly the doorbell rang.  Kasumi opened it and Ukyo was standing there with a box of take out stuff.  "Ranma!" she shrieked, running inside and giving the box to Ranma.  "You know of course, it's on the house."

"Yeah, I know," Ranma replied.  Then he turned to Kasumi.  "Why did you order out?  Aren't you making dinner right now?"

"Well I WAS," Kasumi answered as she began to set the table.  "But when you whisked me away to go into hiding or something, all the food I was cooking burned so I just ordered out."

"Maybe we should order from Ukyo more often," Nabiki said, sitting down.  "I mean…it's free…and it's good."

Ranma looked down at the scruchie in his hand.  Ukyo had just been really nice and brought them food so would he REALLY want to do some kind of experiment on her?  He stared at her.  But…she had so much HAIR and it was down today!  "This…this is for you!" Ranma said, thrusting the hair scruchie at her.

"Ranma!" said Ukyo, taking it.  "Thank you so much!  I'll put it in my hair right now!"  Then she tied it back looking all content but then a lightning bolt crashed across her face and her look of contentness suddenly turned into a look of disgust.

"That color really brings out your eyes, Ukyo." Said Kasumi as she evenly distributed the food among all the place settings.

"Thank you Kasumi!" said Ukyo with horseshoe eyes.  "I'll go look in the mirror right now."

"Hm…maybe not…" Ranma thought.  "I guess Ryoga was just being weird or something like that."

Ukyo turned around to see that Ranma was standing in front of her.  She mumbled something under her breath.  "OUT of my way, RANMA." She said, pushing him aside as she stomped over towards the bathroom.

"What was that all about?" asked Genma randomly.  But then Genma and Tendo left because they're knaves and they're just BOTHERSOME because they're there and our conscious made us feel bad because they're there but haven't said anything so by making them go away, we eliminate this problem AND we get rid of them so we can't LOSE!!

"You're right Kasumi!" came Ukyo's voice from the other room.  "I should wear this color more often!"

"So you like it?" asked Ranma.  Ukyo looked at Ranma.

"Why is HE here?" she asked pointing to Ranma.

"I live here?" Ranma said with a shrug.  Ukyo glared at Ranma with complete disgust.

"So where was I?" she said as she turned away from Ranma.  "That will be $6.00 for Ranma's Okonomiyaki…can't pay for it Ranma…HONEY… well…I didn't think so.  You've stiffed me every OTHER time!!"

Ranma was starting to catch on because he's the character with the highest IQ out of them all.

"Ukyo, that's not very nice." Said Kasumi.  Then she turned to Ranma "But…she IS right…"

"Of course…" said Ukyo as she pulled out her spatula and pinned Ranma against the wall.  "Now pay up or I'll MAKE you pay!"

Just then, Ukyo's cellular phone rang.  Yes, she has one.  It was for an order of Okonomiyaki.  She hit Ranma hard on the head and ran out the door.

"I'll be back soon Ranma!!  Be ready to pay me back for ALL the Okonomiyaki I ever gave you or I'm going to kill you." She yelled behind her.

"Oh my." Said Kasumi.

"So it WAS the hair scrunchie!" Ranma announced triumphantly.  Then he paused.  "WHY was Ryoga wearing a hair scrunchie?!"

Then he ran out the door so that he could get the hair scrunchie before Ukyo had the urge to kill anyone else that tried to stiff her.

Ranma made his way to Ukyo's Okonomiyaki place and peeked inside to see Ukyo being all cheerful and such as she flipped an Okonomiyaki on the grill and talked to her customer.

"Ukyo, you left in…" started Ranma but Ukyo threw her spatula at him before he could finish, knocking him unconscious.

"I'll deal with him when I'm done with your Okonomiyaki sir." Said Ukyo, picking up the spatula.  "Don't worry, he won't be staying so you don't need to worry about him being here."

The guy with a long white beard just kind of shrugged and said, "TENGO HAMBRE!!"

"Si, si, Senor, un momento!" Ukyo said knavishly as she finished flipping the Okonomiyaki and serving it to the angry, crazy Mexican man.  He ate it in just a few bites, paid Ukyo and then left.  Ukyo grabbed her giant spatula and loomed over Ranma who was still lying there with swirly eyes.

"And now, Ranma Saotome," she said evilly as shadows formed around her and her eyes glowed red.  "I shall pay you back for all the pain you've caused, the promises you've broken, the games you played with my heart and for stiffing me out of the bill just by saying that you loved me."  She raised her spatula.  "YAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" she yelled dramatically as she brought it down and just before it could shatter his poor little skull, Kuno walked in.

"Um…" he started when Ukyo stopped a half an inch away from the unconscious Ranma.

"Welcome to Ucchan's!" she said contently as if he didn't just walk in on her about to commit murder.

"Thank you!" said Kuno contently as he sat down, acting as if he didn't just walk in and see someone about to commit murder.  Ukyo left Ranma's unconscious body on the floor and walked back over to the little stove place.

"What'll it be?" Ukyo asked.

"Um…how's the Okonomiyaki today?" Kuno wondered out loud.

"It would be the ONLY thing on the menu!" Ukyo replied.

"Okay…I'll have the Okonomiyaki then!" Kuno answered happily.

"Coming right up!" Ukyo replied as she began cooking some Okonomiyaki.  Then she glanced over at Ranma.  "Don't worry, Ranma," she thought.  "As soon as I'm done with this customer, I'll take care of you next."

Kuno looked over at where Ukyo was glancing.  "I couldn't help but notice the fact that you were about to kill Ranma Saotome when I first walked in here." He said.  Ukyo came out of her little dream world of evil and looked back at Kuno.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" she asked with a smile.

"Were you about to kill Ranma Saotome when I first walked in?" Kuno asked.  Ukyo paused and played with the Okonomiyaki on the grill.

"…Yes." She answered with a sigh.

"Oh." Kuno said, folding his hands.  "Okay."

MEANWHILE!!!!

"I wonder why the Affection Item didn't work." Mousse wondered to himself as he cleaned dishes or something useful to that extent.  "I'm SURE that that was the right earring.  But Shampoo just acted like she ALWAYS acts whenever she sees me."  He sighed.  "Perhaps I made a mistake and all my searching was in vain."

Just then, Shampoo walked in the kitchen.  "Mousse, what you doing?!" she yelled when she noticed that Mousse was about to put a plugged in toaster into the sink.  He pulled out his glasses and gasped when he saw what he was holding.  "You try and kill self?!" she yelled, yanking the plug out of the wall.

"Oh Shampoo…you DO care about me!!" Mousse yelled opening his arms as if Shampoo would jump into them.  Which she didn't.

MEANWHILE!!

"I'm sorry Miss…" said Kuno.  "I can't allow you to dispose of Ranma Saotome when I have clearly reserved that honor for myself."

"Hey, I've known Ranma since we were really small children…a LOT longer than YOU ever have so I think I have the right to destroy him!"

Suddenly, Ryoga walked in.  "I thought I heard someone say that someone else was going to kill Ranma Saotome that wasn't ME…" he said.

"I'M going to kill him!!" said Ukyo.  Ryoga paused for a second but Kuno interrupted his pondering.

"NO I AM!!" he yelled.  Then, Gosenkugi walked in.

"Kill that jerk Saotome?  I would love to!" he said as he attempted to pound a nail in Ranma's tender wi'il skull.  But…Mousse grabbed his hand. 

"I, of course will dispose of Ranma…but of course, I must ask him what he did to my beloved Shampoo earlier today." He said.  "She acted so cold… so harsh…so…"

"Like she ALWAYS does?" finished Ranma as he stood up but everyone attacked him.

"You DARE try and win my forgiveness with THIS…this HAIR ELASTIC!!" Ukyo said randomly.  "It's not even new!!  I didn't say so before, but it's RIPPED!!"  Then she pulled it out of her hair and tossed it at Ranma's limp body.  Then, she blinked and noticed all these people just beating up on Ranma for NO reason!!  "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!?" she demanded.  "GET OUT OF MY RESTAURANT!!"

"I can't with all these people on me!" Ranma yelled.

"Not YOU Ranma-honey…" said Ukyo as she punted Kuno, Gosenkugi, Mousse and Ryoga out through the ceiling.

Ranma paid little heed to Ukyo and began searching around on the ground for the hair scrunchie but he couldn't seem to locate.  Ranma figured that maybe it had landed on one of the puntables and gone along with them so he ran out of the restaurant, chasing after them. 

"Ranma-honey!!" Ukyo called after him.  Then she looked down.  "Someone's dropped their vest…" she said as she picked up a dark green vest that looked SO comfortable.  "I wonder who's it is…"

"Ooooh!" said Azusa, coming out of nowhere.  "It's so cute!  Isabella!  Isabella!"

"What are you talking about?!" Ukyo yelled.  "Who are you anyway?!"

"Gimme my Isabella!!" Azusa yelled, grabbing a chair.  "ISABELLA!!  ISABELLA!!  GIMME GIMME GIMME GIMME!!!"

"Leave me alone!!!" Ukyo yelled, punting Azusa but she didn't notice the fact that Azusa had stolen the vest from her.  And while Azusa was flying over town, she dropped the vest and it just so happened to land upon one of the characters that we all know and love!  COLOGNE!!!  Okay, so maybe we don't LOVE her but we certainly KNOW her!

"My, my, what is this?" she said, picking it up.  "It seems to be intact and well made."  Then she turned it around and noticed a hole in it.  "Well… except for this hole maybe.  But oh well."  Then she walked into the Cat Café since she was THERE after all.

"Hi Great Grandmother!" said Shampoo as Cologne sat down in a little Cologne sized chair.

"Hello Shampoo," she said, holding up the vest.  "What do you think of this vest?"  Shampoo picked it up and felt it.

"Oooh!" she said happily.  "It feel comfortable!  And warm!"  Then she turned it over and shrieked.  "Aiyaa!  Shampoo no wear this vest with big hole in it!"

"I didn't think so." Cologne sighed.  Just then, Mousse walked in because he had JUST gotten back from beating up Ranma, only AFTER running a record breaking run down there to begin with!  Silly Mousse!  He's so crazy!  Just like a duck!

"Here, Mousse, you wear vest, is okay?" Shampoo said, handing the vest to Mousse. 

He gasped.  "Shampoo!" he said.  "Normally I don't wear vests!  Especially ones with huge holes in the back but since you lovingly gave it to me as a present, I will do it for you!"

"You no suppose to notice hole!" whined Shampoo.  "Just walk with vest on and look stupid!"

"Shampoo…how could you not notice the hole, it's gargantuan!" said Mousse as he took the vest and put it on.

"Mousse do anything for Shampoo." Shampoo said.

"Yes…that was the OLD me…but no more Shampoo!" said Mousse.  "You will no longer prey upon my kindness to you just for your own gain!"

"What you talk about Mousse?" Shampoo asked.

"Haven't you figured it out?  Or are you just as dense to this as you were dense to that fact that I used to love you!?"

"USED to love Shampoo?" Shampoo asked.

"What?  Did I not say it clearly enough?" Mousse said as he scoffed like Fox.  "Now…get out of my sight.  You disgust me!" Then Mousse took out a bucket of cold water and dumped it on Shampoo's head.  Then he walked away while leaving big footprint-like indentations in the floor.

Shampoo quickly turned herself human again and sat there pondering.  "Why Mousse no like Shampoo no more?"

"Be happy Shampoo!" said Cologne cause she was still there.

"I is!  But I is so confused." Said Shampoo as she followed Mousse's trench-like footprints.  "Mousse?" Shampoo said as she approached Mousse from behind. 

Mousse snapped the pencil that just so happened to have in half.  "WHAT do you want?!" he yelled.

"Why you pretend hate Shampoo?" Shampoo asked.

"PRETEND!?" Mousse yelled.  "HA!!  Shampoo…what you don't know is…this hate is REAL!!"

"So you joking!"

"Oh, so I'm joking?" said Mousse as all of his sharp hidden weapons began poking out of the end of his sleeve.  "Do you want to see how funny my jokes can be?"

Then Mousse began cackling evilly like Quatre and since they have the same voice, he is quite capable of doing that.  Shampoo stole Mousse's glasses and left Mousse PRACTICALLY in the dark as she ran away.

"Great Grandmother!  Mousse act stupid!" Shampoo said.

"You mean…stupider than USUAL?" Cologne asked as she tossed a mouse into a pot of boiling water.  "Mouse soup tonight!"

"MUCH stupider than usual!  Mousse…HATE Shampoo!  Mousse try KILL Shampoo!!"

"Hmm…that's something isn't it?" said Cologne cause it's not like her expression/mood/emotions EVER change!!!!

"And…is strange…" Shampoo continued.  "Usually, is SHAMPOO who splash MOUSSE, not MOUSSE who splash SHAMPOO."

"Don't let it bother you Shampoo." Cologne continued.  "I don't know why you're letting it though.  This should be a joyous occasion.  Maybe now he'll move back to China and that way, you can have Ranma without any obnoxious interferences."

Meanwhile, back in the front room area where all the customers are…

"Nice vest, Mousse." Said Ranma who was THERE after he just watched Mousse turn around.  He, of course, didn't really want to go to Ukyo's after the little incident.

"What's wrong with it?" Mousse asked, trying to look at his back but failing miserably.

"Um…nothing." Ranma replied with a sigh.  And Akane was there too.

"So, what's new, Mousse?" asked Akane.

"Nothing." Mousse replied.

Suddenly, Shampoo came out of nowhere, saw Ranma and leapt towards him while shrieking his name like a knave.  Akane was just about to yell at RANMA (as if he did something) when she suddenly felt some horrendous 'battle aura', turned around and saw Mousse on the verge of foaming at the mouth.

"Uh oh, Ranma, I think you had better leave…" Akane started.

"How DARE you show your face in front of me!!" Mousse yelled.  "How many times must I tell you that I hate you to an immeasurably large extent?!"

"None, I'm GOING!!" Ranma said, trying to back away.

"Not YOU!!" Mousse yelled, hitting Ranma away and revealing all of his more threatening hidden weapons.  "Shampoo!  You will pay for everything that you've done to me over the years!"

Akane and Ranma got dot eyes.

"Mousse acting very strange lately," Shampoo told Ranma.  A little light bulb appeared above Ranma's head as he leapt up and landed behind Mousse.  But, alas, he found that there was no scruchie in his hair.

"Um…what are you doing?" Mousse demanded, getting a retarded little vein.

"That's funny…" Ranma said, scratching his chin like a moron.

"Has he suffered any severe blows to the head recently?" asked Akane, too dense to figure out that there was a coursing series of similar events of people randomly hating other people.

"No more than usual." Shampoo replied obliviously.  "Though, he do make trip to Sahara Desert other day."

"The Sahara Desert?" Ranma and Akane said with raised eyebrows.

"Is any reason why you hate Shampoo?" Shampoo asked.

"I'm sorry, I think I misunderstood the question," Mousse said, annoyed.  "I THOUGHT I heard you just ask me why I hated you.  IS IT NOT OBVIOUS?!  HAVE YOU EVER BEEN NICE TO ME?!"

"Um…no…"

"And so…"

"So…why you hate Shampoo?"

There was the sound of glass shattering as darkness formed behind Mousse.  Then he clenched his fists.  "You have made me look like a fool for the last time." He said, sounding all evil and mysterious.  "PREPARE TO DIE SHAMPOO!!!"  Then he raised his hands to shoot sharp projectiles at Shampoo but…

"AIYAA!!!" Shampoo yelled, punting him into oblivion.  She turned to Ranma and Akane.  "Mousse act very strange!!" she said as if they wouldn't have noticed that if she hadn't had told them but they knew because they had dot eyes and retarded little drops.

"All right, something's got him REALLY angry." Said Ranma.  "All we have to do is figure out WHY he's so mad and then problem solved."

"Maybe if you go on a date with him he'll lighten up." Akane told Shampoo.  She scoffed.

"Hmph!" she said.  "Shampoo no want date Mousse!"  Just then, Mousse came running in on the warpath with glowing red eyes while yelling battle cries and other things that would signify an enraged half duck half human type creature.

"DIE SHAMPOO!!!" he yelled, shooting all of his prodigious little hidden weapons at her so it pinned her against the wall.  "Now…prepare to meet your maker!"

"Mousse, what if Shampoo date Mousse?!" Shampoo said frantically, looking at Akane and Ranma who were just standing there like knaves while nodding their heads.

"You…date…me?" Mousse started.  Shampoo nodded.  "Why…WHY WOULD I WANT TO DATE YOU?!"

"Aiyaa!!" Shampoo yelled.  "Shampoo think Mousse love Shampoo!!"

"Don't disgust me more than you already have just by BEING in the same room as me!" scoffed Mousse.  Then he went to draw his hidden weapons but a few fell to the ground.  "Curse this decrepit old vest!!"  Then he pulled it off quickly and looked at Shampoo.  "SHAMPOO!!  WHAT'S HAPPENED TO YOU!?!?"

"Uh…Mousse know what happen.  Mousse no want kill Shampoo…is okay?  Why Mousse act crazy?" Shampoo said.

Mousse paused, at a lack of what to say.  "MARRY ME SHAMPOO!!"  Then he ripped all the hidden weapons out of the wall and grabbed Shampoo and ran off into the sunset.

"I guess this WAS part of his plan…" said Akane.

Ranma looked at the floor to see a belt that wasn't there before.  "I think I know what's going on!" said Ranma in his gay voice.  (But of course it turned back a second later.)  Then he picked up the belt.

"What do you know Ranma?" Akane asked.

"Remember that thing that made everyone fall in love with other people that would change shape every time it was used?"

"Yeah…"

"Well…I think this is an item that does the opposite…"

"Son-in-law." Said Cologne OH-so-knavishly.  "I've been watching the whole thing."  Then she took the belt which was torn almost in half.  "There is no item that makes someone hate someone else that changes shape.  I believe that this is the very same 'Affection Item'.  If you look really closely, you'll be able to see that it's broken in some way.  Since the item is broken, the magic is disrupted therefore causing the wearer to hate the person who last touched the item as opposed to love that person."

"I…GUESS that makes sense." Said Ranma taking the belt back.  Then he thought for a minute.  "The Affection Item was dangerous when it could make me love anyone or anyone love me…but one that could make someone HATE me as opposed to obsess over me…"

"RANMA!!  WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT?!?!" yelled Akane stupidly.

"Nothing that I choose to share with you." Ranma replied.

"FINE!!  I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT IT!!" Akane screeched.

"Good.  Makes it easier on BOTH of us!" said Ranma.  Akane got so angry that she ripped the door out of its hinges, bashed Ranma on the head with it and stomped out of the room leaving big footprint indentations on the floor.

"Son in law," said Cologne, continuing her record breaking streak of saying things knavishly.  "The broken Affection Item is just as dangerous as the intact one.  The bigger the rip becomes, the bigger the hatred for the person becomes.  You saw what happened."

"That's right…" said Ranma.  "When it was only ripped a little bit, Ryoga only wanted to HIT Kasumi and then Ukyo kept beating me up and that hole on the vest was REALLY big so I guess that's why Mousse wanted to kill Shampoo and this…" he held up the belt.  "Is practically ripped in half."

"Ryoga…tried to hit…KASUMI?" Cologne said, in awe.  (Yes, she said it knavishly.)

"Yeah, I know, crazy, isn't it?" Ranma said with a sigh.  "But anyway, who would be stupid enough to put on a belt that's almost ripped in half?"  Then they both laughed heartily but all of a sudden, the belt completely ripped in half.

"Son in law, what have you done?!" Cologne yelled knavishly, drawing back from the little purple smoke with yellow sparkles that was rising from the ripped part of the belt.

"I didn't mean to!" Ranma said, jumping out of the way.  "What's going to happen now?"

"I don't know." Cologne replied knavishly as they both watched the purple smoke with yellow sparkles slowly float out the door.  They looked at each other, shrugged and then went about their business as if none of that had ever ever happened.  Crazy fools…

MEANWHILE!!!

Ryoga was lying down in his little tent, sighing and being wistful.  There was a little sound effect next to his head that said 'sigh'.  "Today has been very strange." He said to himself.  "Everyone has been accusing me of trying to hit Kasumi…which I would never do.  Why would anyone do that?"  Then he sat up.  "Perhaps this is all some kind of crazy dream.  Or maybe everyone's just playing a trick on me."

He sighed and lied back down again.  "No, Akane would never participate in something like that." He continued.  "But still, I must wonder… why does everyone believe that I wanted to hit Kasumi?  No one wants to hit Kasumi.  She's Kasumi.  But then again, they could all think that I'm trying to get back at her because of the shoe incident but I would never hit KASUMI.  Ranma, yes, but not Kasumi."

Suddenly, something came out of the sky and hit Ryoga in the head shutting up his nonsensical babbling.  He sat up while rubbing his head.

"Now that wasn't very nice whoever threw that!  If it hadn't hit ME then someone could have been GRAVELY injured!!"

MEANWHILE!!!

Ranma couldn't help thinking about the belt or whatever it was at the moment.

"Maybe it's gone forever!" he thought hopefully.  Suddenly Ryoga came over the hill smiling like a moron.

"RANMA SAOTOME!!!" he said while enveloping Ranma in a big bear hug.  "How have you been lately?!"

"Um…good Ryoga…" said Ranma.  "And you?"

"I've been SUPER!!" Ryoga replied.  (Of course, 'super' was more pronounced like 'thuper')  "Thanks for asking!"

"Well…um…you're scaring me so I must be going now." Said Ranma as he slipped away from Ryoga.

"WAIT!!" Ryoga called as he began running after him.

Pretty soon, Ranma reached the Tendo Dojo and slammed the door on Ryoga's face.

"Hey Kasumi, I'd watch out…Ryoga's acting weird again…" said Ranma as he walked into the kitchen.

"What would you mean by weird Ranma?  He seems perfectly fine!" said Kasumi.  Ranma looked up to see Ryoga helping Kasumi cut vegetables while wearing a little white apron.  Ranma's mouth did the little cash register thingy.

"I'm fixing everyone a special dinner!" said Ryoga.  "Don't worry, no need to repay me.  The look on everyone's faces when they taste my specialty will be my reward!!"

If Ranma were a teenage girl, he would have said, "Oh…my…god…" But since he's a teenage boy, he didn't.  So a bucket of cold water appeared out of nowhere and splashed him.

"Oh…my…god…" said Female Ranma.

Suddenly, Mousse burst through the door, his eyes flowing with tears.

Ryoga ran over.  "Mousse!!  What's wrong?!"

Mousse looked up.  "It's horrible!!" he said in between sobs.  "I…I…" he stopped for a second and continued crying.  "I ripped my sleeve!!" Then Mousse burst into hysterical crying.

"Oh NO!!" Ryoga said while putting his hands on his cheeks like McClacky on Home Alone. 

Kasumi walked over, handed Mousse a Kleenex and looked at the rip.  "Don't worry about it." She said.  "Just a needle and thread will fix that right up!"

"My thoughts exactly!!" Ryoga said, already holding a sewing kit.  "I was just about to suggest the same thing!"

"Why thank you, Ryoga!" Kasumi said, taking the sewing kit from him.  (Might I add that they both had horseshoe eyes.)  "How very…um… what's the word?  KASUMI-ISH of you!"

"Why THANK you!" Ryoga said with a smile.  Kasumi nodded at Ryoga and then started threading the needle.

"Do you *sniffle* really think that you can *sniffle* fix it?!" Mousse said as he wiped his tears.

"Of course I can!" Kasumi replied.  "I'm Kasumi.  I can fix anything."

Ranma (who was now male again) turned around and walked around the corner.  "Now this is weird…" he started just as Kodachi walked in the house fully clothed and her normally long, messy pony-tail was nice and neatly tied up in a bun.

"Why hello Ranma Saotome." She said.  "I was just on my way over here to discuss our marriage.  How convenient."

"Hm?" Ranma said, turning around.  "Come on, Kodachi, I don't want to marry you!"

"Oh really?" Kodachi said with a sigh.  "Well…okay.  I can't force you into this.  Don't worry about it.  I'm sure there are plenty of men out there that will love me for who I am."

"I…um…this isn't some kind of trick is it?" Ranma asked suspiciously. 

Kodachi laughed, though not her usual foolish laugh, more like one of those snooty English guys who don't REALLY find things funny but they laugh anyway.  "Trick, Mr. Saotome?" she said.  "I don't play tricks.  They are very childish and a waste of time."

Just then, Ryoga walked around the corner.  "Why HELLO Kodachi!" he said.  "Welcome!  Won't you join us for dinner?!"

"Hm?  An informal invitation?" said Kodachi.  "I don't know…"

"Fine…" said Ryoga as he paused.  "I FORMALLY invite you to dinner!!  It's my specialty!!"

"Well, I can not exactly turn down a formal invitation to dinner.  That would be a most rude act."

"Wow!" said Ryoga.  "More dinner guests!!  I'm going to have to set another place setting on the table!"  Then he frolicked into the kitchen.

Ranma and Kodachi followed him into the house to see Akane affectionately caressing Ryoga.

"Ryoga…" she said quietly.  "If this specialty is as special as you make it out to be, then I'll give you something just as special after dinner." Then she ran her fingers down Ryoga's arm.

"Great!  It'll be like a TRADE!!" Ryoga exclaimed happily.

Akane turned to see Ranma enter the house.  "Ranma…I've been waiting for you…" she said as she sat down on a chair all provocative-like.

"I see Akane." Said Ranma, not really paying attention.

"Come here Ranma…I want to…tell you something…" said Akane as she gently pushed her sleeve down on her shoulder.  "Oops!  This shirt must be a tad big for me!"  Then she paused and stood up.  She walked over to Ranma and pushed herself up against him.  "Will you fix it for me?"

"Umm…no." Ranma said, pushing her away and quickly walking back over to the table.

"Fine then." Akane said, leaning over to Mousse who was hugging his knees and crying into them about something petty like the grass stain on his new black shoes.  "Mousse, will you fix my shirt for me?" she whispered into his ear.

"GO AWAY!!!" Mousse yelled.  "I HATE YOU!!!"

"Dinner will be ready in a minute!" Ryoga and Kasumi said simultaneously as they both chopped more vegetables since there are ALWAYS vegetables that need to be chopped!

"Akane, you're so crazy!" said Ryoga.  "If the shirt's too big for you, why not just change into something that does fit?"

"What a good idea," Akane said, putting her hand on Ryoga's shoulder and pushing him up against the wall.  She brought herself extra close to him.  "Why don't you come with me to help me pick something out to make sure that you like it?"  Ryoga smiled with horseshoe eyes.

"I trust you!" he said.  "But I have to check on the food!"  And then he skipped back over to the stove and continued making FOOD.

"Akane, your behavior is highly inappropriate." Said Kodachi.

"Are you telling me how to behave?" Akane said, putting her hand on her hip.

"So what if I am?" Kodachi replied, sitting up straighter than usual.  Just then, they heard someone yelling from outside so they all ran to the door to see Kuno jumping up and down with his Kendo stick while hitting it against a tree.

"It's a thing!" he chanted.  "A thing!  A thing!  Look, it's a thing!  What a thing!  Thing!  I'll hit it with this thing!"

"More dinner guests?" Kasumi said, putting her hand on her face.

"Oh my!" Ryoga finished for her.

"Look at this!  It's a thing!  I'm going to hit it!" Kuno continued.

"Kuno, why don't you come inside and I'll show you MORE things?" Akane said, swinging Kuno around and puckering her lips.

"Wow, look at that thing!" he said, running up to the stairs and in the house.  Everyone followed him.  "Let's do the thing!  Look at this thing!  I'll hit it with this thing!"

"No…don't hit it with your Kendo stick…" said Ranma, taking the Kendo stick away from him.

"Hey!  That's my thing!  Give me back the thing!" Kuno yelled.

"Oh my, time for dinner!" said Kasumi as she saw the smoke rising.

"Dinner!" Kuno said, jumping up and down.  "Yeah!  Let's eat dinner!  You wanna eat dinner?!  I wanna eat dinner!  Yeah!  Dinner!  Dinner!"  Then he bounced into the kitchen.

"Wait for me and Akane!  She has to change into a better shirt!" said Ryoga as he took Akane's hand.

"The proper way of saying it would be 'Akane and I'." said Kodachi.

"That's all right Ryoga…" said Akane as she swept herself close to Ryoga.  "I think I found a more fitting shirt…"

"Really?  Where?" asked Ryoga. 

"The only problem is…you're wearing it…"

"MY shirt?  I think my shirt is a little bigger than yours Akane!"

"But it looks so comfortable…you won't even take it off for me?"

"Um…not before dinner but as soon as dinner ends, it's all yours!!"

Then the two walked into the kitchen and Akane sat down as Ryoga walked into the preparing area to get the food.

"WEWANTFOODWEWANTFOODWEWANTFOOD!!!" said Kuno as he banged his silverware down on the table.

"Brother dear, your manners are appalling." Said Kodachi.  "I will have to ask you to act more appropriately at the dinner table."

"I don't LIKE vegetables!!!" whined Mousse as he crossed his arms and pouted.

"There are other things on your plate too Mousse!" said Ryoga.

"I don't want the vegetables to be there!!" cried Mousse.  "I…just… don't…LIKE them!!!"  Then he burst into tears.

"Oh my!" said Kasumi and Ryoga at the same time.

Just then, Shampoo burst into the room.

"FOOD!!!" she yelled as she dove on the table and began stuffing her mouth with food.

"Now how do you like that?!" Kasumi said.

"She must have REALLY been hungry!" Ryoga laughed.

"She ruined the food!!" Mousse cried.

"Most childish behavior…" Kodachi scoffed.

"Look at the girl on the table in the the the the the THING and doing that thing and eating and I want to do it can I can I can I?!?!" Kuno yelled.

"You have any more comfy chair for Shampoo?" asked Shampoo.  "Shampoo like Akane chair!" Then Shampoo pushed Akane off her chair, sat down and continued eating in RECORD BREAKING TIME!!!  (There's a lot of records being broken today aren't there?)

"Ranma, you're not just going to sit there and let Shampoo do that to me, are you?" Akane said, running over to Ranma.  "Please…let me sit on your lap."

"Oh…um…no, that's okay, you can just take my chair." Ranma said, standing up.  Akane crossed her arms and sat down.

"Shampoo want desert!!!" Shampoo yelled, kicking the table up.

"I want pancakes!" Mousse said.  "I didn't like dinner!"

"Do you have any prunes…or perhaps some caviar?" Kodachi asked Kasumi.  She smiled.

"No, I don't think so." She replied.

"How unfortunate." Kodachi said with a frown.

"You have to wait for us to make the desert." Ryoga told Shampoo.

"Shampoo want NOW and Shampoo want ALL!!" Shampoo said, throwing a temper tantrum.

"STOP!!!" Mousse yelled, starting to cry yet again.  "YOU'RE HURTING MY EARS!!!"

"Would they feel better if I whispered sweet nothings into them?" Akane said as she grabbed Mousse's shoulder and brought him really close to her.

"EWWW!!!" Mousse yelled.  "Get away from me!!  I don't even KNOW you!"

"I wanna play the thing you know, the thing this big thing with the thing in the middle and the little pushy turny thing on the side of the thing can we turn the thing on can we can we can we PLEASE?!" Kuno yelled while jumping up and down next to the television.

Just then, Nabiki came down the stairs looking all distressed.  "I broke a NAIL!!!" she yelled as she fainted.

"Oh the poor dear!" said Ryoga.

"I just hate it when that happens." Kasumi said with a sigh, looking at her own nails.

"WHAT IS GOING ON?!?!" Ranma yelled as the screen closed in really close to his face and then slowly backed away until it showed the earth and then it closed back in on him again.

"My, my, Ranma!" said Ryoga.  "Did you need to yell that loud?"

Then Ukyo walked in the door dressed like one of the mushrooms on Fantasia.  "Oooh…there being no more good food here!" she said as she shuffled around foolishly.  Then she shook the raindrops off of her head (cause the mushrooms have those for some reason)

Of course, this led Ranma to believe that it was raining out and in vain hope, he thought he could at LEAST get rid of Mousse, Ryoga and Shampoo while he tried to figure out what was going on. 

But alas…when he went outside he found out that it WAS actually raining!!  YAY!!!

So, without getting himself wet, he walked back inside and began to concoct evil ways of getting those three outside.  He approached Ryoga first.

"Ryoga, there seems to be a fallen child outside crying." Said Ranma.

"Oh DEAR!!" said Ryoga as he whipped out a first aid kit and ran outside only to turn into a pig two seconds later.

"Mousse…Shampoo wants you to go outside so that she can kiss you." Said Ranma thinking that THAT without a doubt WOULDN'T fail.

"Shampoo doesn't like me!" Mousse whined.  "She would NEVER want to kiss me!!"

"Um…she said to go outside…"

"Well, I don't WANT to!!" Mousse yelled while crossing his arms.  Just then, Ryoga, as P-Chan came over to Mousse and started patting him on the back.

"ARGH!!" Ranma yelled.  Everyone just kinda looked at him cause he was being a little foolish.

"I don't want to be comforted by a PIG!!" said Mousse as he looked at Ryoga who had big horseshoe eyes.  Then Ryoga hugged Mousse.  Or tried to cause his arms barely reached across Mousse's chest.

"GET IT OFF!!" Mousse yelled.  "I DON'T WANT A PIG HUGGING ME!!"

Then he swatted Ryoga across the room.   Ryoga stood up and brushed himself off and continued the day as if he weren't a pig.

Just then, Nabiki woke up again.  She looked at her nail to see that it actually WAS broken and that she wasn't dreaming so she fainted again.

Kuno meanwhile was flipping madly through the channels.  "CARTOONSCARTOONSCARTOONSCARTOONS!!!" he said as he changed the channel looking for anything that even remotely looked animated.

"Brother dear." Said Kodachi.  "I am highly disappointed by the course of action you chose to take today."

"WHERE SHAMPOO FOOD?!?!" Shampoo demanded.  "AND WHERE SHAMPOO DRINK?!?  AND SHAMPOO CROWN!!  SHAMPOO WANT CROWN!!  SHAMPOO WANT BE QUEEN!!!"

"SHUT UP!!" Mousse whined loudly.  "You hurt my ears!!"

Ukyo continued shuffling around for reasons in which only HEAVEN can explain.

"Oh my, today certainly seems to be hectic." Said Kasumi as she pasted the last piece of the cardboard jewel on the cardboard crown and then handed it to Shampoo.

"Shampoo want PURPLE crown!!!" Shampoo yelled, throwing the crown on the ground and stomping on it until it was all flat.

"Now that wasn't very nice." Said Ryoga who had turned back into human when no one was looking.

"All right everyone…GO HOME!!!" Ranma yelled suddenly.

Everyone paused and stared at him.

"Well, if I'm not wanted then I don't want to overstay my welcome…" said Kodachi, standing up and grabbing Kuno's hand.  "Come on brother dear, let's go home now.  They don't want us over anymore."

"But the thing and the cartoons!!" Kuno argued.

"Do you…not…LIKE us anymore?" Mousse said, his eyes getting all watery again.

"Why…I live here, Ranma." Said Akane, wrapping her arms around Ranma's neck.  "And so do you."

"Akane, you're making me feel incredibly uncomfortable…" started Ranma but then Nabiki woke up again.

"IT WASN'T A DREAM!!!" she screeched.  "The unimaginable has been imagined!!  In fact, it has come TRUE!!  Oh woe is me!  Curse this day in which my nail broke!"  At this point, she was sprawled out on the ground, pounding the ground while tears flowed freely from her eyes.  "Why?!  Why me?!  Why did this have to happen to ME?!"

"Shampoo no want go!!" Shampoo yelled.  "Shampoo want PIE!!!"

"One pie!!  Coming up!!" Ryoga said with his finger pointed.

"Shampoo want pie NOW!!"

"Well, I certainly can't make one THAT fast!" said Ryoga.  "That would just be a silly thing to do!"  Then he and Kasumi started giggling foolishly.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" wailed Mousse.

"Will you please cease your incessant wailing?" Kodachi asked while holding up her fancy glasses on a stick.

"But…but…Shampoo wants pie… and…and… I aim to please her and she has…NO PIE!!!!" Mousse yelled loudly.

"I WANNA WATCH THE THINGY THE BOX AND THE PICTURE AND THE RABBIT AND THE GUY!!!" Kuno babbled like a fool.

"It won't STICK!!" Nabiki yelled as she tried to glue her nail back on.  "Why do they call it NAIL glue if that's not what it does?!?!"

Ukyo continued her strutting.

"Um…lur?" said Ranma.  SUDDENLY Cologne jumped through the window.

"Son-in-law." She said knavishly.

"PLEASE tell me you're normal." Said Ranma.

"Of course I'm normal you fool!!" Cologne yelled while hitting Ranma with her staff thing.  "I'm COLOGNE!!  It's not like anything can happen to ME that I won't know about or know how to avoid or know how to cure!!"

"I suppose you have a point…" said Ranma.  Then he paused.  "So… you have any idea what's going on?"

"Of COURSE!!  Didn't you hear what I just said."  Then she cleared her throat like a knave.  "Okay…"

Suddenly Ryoga walked over with a big plate of cookies while wearing a pink frilly apron.  "Would you like one?" he asked.

"Don't mind if I do." Said Cologne as she took a cookie and ate it contently while making lip-smacking noises and saying, "Mmmm" every now and then.  Then she finished by licking her miniscule fingers on her miniscule hand that's attached to her miniscule body.

"Okay so…?" started Ranma.

"May I have another?" asked Cologne.

"Why of course!!" said Ryoga as he held out the tray farther.

"WHERE SHAMPOO PIE?!?!?!?!" Shampoo yelled.

"I'm making it!!" sang Kasumi from the other room.  "Don't worry!"

"SHAMPOO WANT PIE!!!  SHAMPOO WANT PIE!!!"

"GIVE SHAMPOO A STUPID PIE!!!" Mousse yelled.

"SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUUUUUUUPP!!!!" Kuno said while jumping up and down on the couch.

"Oh my!" said Ryoga and Kasumi together.

"Such child's play." Kodachi said with a sigh.

"Oh well!" Kasumi said as she started chopping vegetables.  "When in doubt, just chop vegetables!!"

"Vegetables no go in PIE!!!" Shampoo yelled, grabbing the vegetables and tossing them out the window.

"Don't waste food!" Ryoga said, shaking his finger in Shampoo's face.

"Okay, so anyway, Cologne…" Ranma said, turning back to Cologne who was just finishing up the plate of cookies, licking her fingers and making sure to get every crumb on the plate.  "WILL YOU STOP THAT AND HELP ME GET THESE GUYS BACK TO NORMAL?!"

"SILENCE!!" Cologne yelled, whapping Ranma on the head with her stupid staff.  "These cookies are really good!  I had no idea that Ryoga was such a good cook!  Perhaps I should ask him to work at the Cat Café."

"Oh you're just SAYING that!" said Ryoga, blushing.

"No, it's true." Cologne said.  "Could you make another batch?"

"Of course!!" Ryoga replied, turning completely red as he turned around and started making some more cookies. 

Cologne turned back to Ranma who had a retarded little vein AND a retarded little drop.  "So anyway, son-in-law," she said knavishly.  "Why did I come over here again?"

"HASN'T IT OCCURRED TO YOU THAT EVERYONE IS ACTING VERY STRANGELY?!?!" Ranma yelled.  Cologne looked around.  "Ryoga's baking cookies, I don't know WHAT the hell Ukyo's doing or WHY she's doing it, Mousse is STILL over in the corner crying, Shampoo is acting like a five year old, Kuno's IQ seemed to have dropped about forty notches, Kodachi has suddenly gotten very sophisticated, Akane has suddenly gotten very perverted and Nabiki is…well…acting…um…I don't know…"

"You're right." Cologne said.  "I came over here to tell you that this is all the work of the…" But she was interrupted because Ryoga had just walked over with another batch of cookies since he can bake cookies in record-breaking time.

"Here you go!" said Ryoga, putting the cookies on the table and then bowing.

"That'll do pig!!" Ranma yelled in attempt to make Ryoga all angry and run away or something.

"Oh silly, I'm not a pig right now!" Ryoga said with a laugh.  Then he pulled out a bucket of water and dumped it on his head and held up a sign that said: "NOW I'm a pig!"

Ranma looked over at Akane who just so happened to be making the moves on Mousse at the moment so she didn't seem to see that.

"I don't really know any of these people except for Shampoo so this all seems normal to me." Said Cologne.  "To me, Akane is always a self-centered dirty-minded girl, Mousse is a whiner, Kuno ALWAYS talks incessantly, I don't KNOW about that girl drinking the tea or the one who's kinda just shuffling around.  Those two girls are Akane's sisters…I don't know what they're like and as for Ryoga…well…I like him better this way!  I see no problem here."

"But look at Shampoo!" said Ranma.  "Doesn't she seem…I don't know… spoiled?"

"And?  I can cure Shampoo easily when no one's looking."

"But I can't live with Akane like this!!" said Ranma as Akane unbuttoned Ranma's top button and opened his collar up.

"Then why not come and marry Shampoo?"

"I KNEW you were going to say that…"

"More cookies?" asked Ryoga who was now human again.

"Oh YAY!!" said Cologne as she reached out for a cookie.  "Mmmm… yum…these are SO good!!" she said with her mouth full.

"I'm SO glad you like them!" Ryoga replied with Kasumi-ish horseshoe eyes.

"How come I don't get a cookie…?" Mousse sniffed.

"SHAMPOO WANT COOKIE!!!"

"COOKIECOOKIECOOKIECOOKIE!!!!' Kuno yelled.

"Silence brother!" Kodachi scolded.

Nabiki fainted.

"So…" said Ranma trying to continue his conversation with Cologne for the ten-thousandth time. 

"Yum yum yum…" said Cologne all too happily.

"So do you know the cure or what's going on?" Ranma asked.

Cologne paused.  "No." she said as she jumped out the window with the cookies.

"Oh dear…" said Ryoga.  "That wasn't my plate to give out…"

"FOAM!!" said Ranma.  Then he decided to go after Cologne but not alone of course.  So he grabbed the two closest people who were of course Mousse and Ryoga.

"Where are we going Ranma?" asked Ryoga.  "Why aren't we bringing everyone else too?  Do they know we're gone?"

"I don't WANT to come!!" cried Mousse.  "Why do I have to come?!  Couldn't you have brought SOMEONE ELSE?!"

Ranma stopped to wonder why he had decided to bring anyone at ALL but he didn't really care about all the reasons he brought up.

"We're going to get the plate back and Mousse…you have to come because we're going to the Cat Café and uh…you work there…"

"Oh good!" said Ryoga as he clapped his hands together.

"You could have brought SHAMPOO!!  I don't want to go!!" Then he crossed his arms and begun to pout.

So they continued their way to the Cat Café.  Mousse was mumbling unrepeatable words under his breath and Ryoga was humming and skipping merrily.  Then he joined hands with Ranma and Mousse.  Mousse threw his hand down and Ranma just kind of stopped and stared.

"Mousse…that's not nice…" said Ryoga.  "If you play my little game then I'll play yours when you come up with one!"

"I don't LIKE games!!  And your game is STUPID!!  If you can even call THAT a game…" Mousse said while scoffing.

"Don't be silly!" Ryoga said happily.  "Everyone likes a game every now and then!  It's what keeps us all alive!"

"Games keep us alive?" Ranma felt he NEEDED to add.

"No…" Ryoga chuckled.  "The laughter that games brings us keeps us young and healthy forever!"  Then he hugged himself.  "It's SO good to be alive!!  The game of life is the most exhilarating game there is!!"

"You're nauseating me." Said Ranma.  Ryoga only smiled as his teeth went PING!!  "Okay fine, maybe if I hit you on the head it'll knock some sense into you…let's see what happens."  Then he bopped Ryoga on the head.

Ryoga rubbed his head and then looked back at Ranma.  "You wanna fight now?!" Ranma said, getting into his little fighter's stance.

Ryoga only smiled.  "Don't worry, you didn't hurt my SMILE!!" he said happily as he went skipping off into the Cat Café.

"I HATE the Cat Café!" Mousse said because he was still there.

"Shut up Mousse!!" Ranma yelled. 

Mousse paused.  "Don't yell at me!" he yelled as he started crying waterfall tears.  "WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE ME SO MUCH?!  WAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!"

"WILL YOU JUST STOP!?!?!?" Ranma yelled over Mousse's wails.  Just then, Ryoga came skipping outside again.

"Whatever is the matter out here?" he said with a big dopey smile.

"Mousse is just being a moron, nothing out of the ordinary." Ranma replied, going into the Cat Café.  "COLOGNE!!!  WHERE ARE YOU?!"

"You don't have to yell!!" Cologne yelled.  She was just sitting on a table devouring some of Ryoga's cookies.  "I'm right here.  What do you want anyway?  If you wanted cookies, it's too bad because they're MINE."

Ranma stood there in a stupefied state for a few seconds before shaking it off.  "No!" he yelled.  "I didn't come for some stupid cookies!!  I just want you to tell me why everyone is acting so weird!"

"That's all you want?" Cologne asked.  Ranma nodded.  "It's the Affection Item's fault.  I was figuring that you'd be smart enough to figure it out on your own." She took a bite of another cookie.  "When you tore it in half, I suppose the spell came out of the Affection Item and went into everyone in a strange distorted fashion so that's why everyone seems to be acting so strange."

"Okay…so what do we do?" Ranma asked.

"You said that all you wanted to know was why everyone was acting so strange." Cologne pointed out, her mouth full.  "You never said anything about me having to explain the cure.  I ALWAYS have to do that so I think you should have to figure it out on your own this time."

"BUT I'M NOT SMART ENOUGH TO!!" Ranma complained.

"Oh Ranma…don't put yourself down." Said Ryoga.  The he stretched his arms out.  "If you feel sad, you can always give me a nice BIG hug!!"

Ranma ignored him.  "If you tell us how to get the cure, Ryoga will bake you some more cookies…"

"I would do that ANYWAY!!" Ryoga said happily.

"No you wouldn't!!!" Ranma yelled while hitting Ryoga on the head.

"Ouch!  That was uncalled for!" Ryoga whined.

"I'll do it again if you don't cooperate!" Ranma threatened.

"I ALWAYS cooperate!" said Ryoga.  "Cooperation is the key to keeping good friends forever!"

"Drat." Said Cologne.  "Out of cookies."

"Not to worry!" said Ryoga.

"Don't make her any unless she tells us the cure!" said Ranma. 

"How about if I make them for her so THEN she'll tell us the cure!" Ryoga said.  "That way…NOBODY loses or gets their feelings hurt!"

"MY feelings are hurt cause you're ignoring me!" Mousse whined.

"Aww…somebody needs a hug!!" said Ryoga.

"ARGH!!" yelled Mousse.

THIRTY SECONDS LATER!!

"Hey!  That's not very nice…tying me up and all." Said Ryoga.  Since he was at bay but still talking incessantly, everyone just splashed him with water and adjusted his ropes to a more appropriate size and then all was silent.  HURRAH!!!

"Now he can't bake cookies for you even if he WANTED to!!" said Ranma.

"I want cookies…" Mousse whined.

Ranma WOULD have foamed at the mouth but he BARELY sustained himself from doing so but he did have to wipe a slight drop of foam that managed to escape from his mouth.

"Okay…now you HAVE to tell me!!" said Ranma with his gay voice.

"No I don't." said Cologne.  "How does tying up Ryoga make me HAVE to tell you the cure?"

"Why won't you tell me anyway?!" Ranma yelled.  "DO YOU HAVE A REASON?!?!"

"I'm too hungry to talk." Cologne replied in the 'alas' tone.

"But you've had about eight plates of cookies!!!" Ranma argued.

"That's not fair!!" said Mousse.  "I didn't get ANY!!"

Ranma turned around and splashed Mousse with water but then he was getting annoying because he was quacking like a normal little duck so they wrapped tape around his beak so he couldn't make a noise of ANY sort and since he doesn't really have any fingers or anything, he couldn't do anything about it!!  HAW HAW HAW!!

"I should of thought of that sooner." Cologne said.  "It's a lot more peaceful than hurling heavy objects at his head and it certainly saves time from making all those trips to the hospital and worrying over possible brain damage and what his MOTHER would say if…"

"JUST TELL ME THE CURE!!!" Ranma yelled, getting VERY agitated.

"RANMA!!" Akane yelled, throwing open the door to the Cat Café and running in.  She tripped into his arms and fell down on him.  "Oh Ranma, you left in such a hurry that you didn't even give me a chance to give you a goodbye kiss!"  Then she puckered up her lips and started closing in on Ranma who only backed away like a sissy.

Cologne paused for a minute.  She couldn't have Akane making the moves on RANMA could she?  But then again, Akane WAS making the moves on Mousse too so maybe Mousse would switch to Akane and then Ranma would marry Shampoo but then again, Akane was hitting on all the OTHER guys too so maybe Mousse wouldn't WANT to switch and perhaps Shampoo would get jealous and then move back to China.  OR EVEN WORSE!!!  Perhaps Shampoo would try to make Ranma jealous by going out with Mousse but then accidentally fall in love with him just like in Rock-A-Doodle and who would want MOUSSE as their great-grandson-in-law?!?!  CERTAINLY NOT COLOGNE!!!  So that means, if Akane makes the moves on Ranma, she'd end up being related to Mousse so she HAD to fix this.

"Okay, I'll tell you the cure." Said Cologne after this thought process went through her head.

"Thank you!!" said Ranma.

"Oh Raaaa-aaan-maaa!" sang Akane as she was still standing there with her eyes closed waiting for him to kiss her.

"If memory serves me correctly…" Cologne started.  "Then the cure… should be…"

"Yes?!" Ranma said eagerly.

"It should be…" Cologne continued, turning around.  "In this book somewhere." She said finally, pulling a huge book of the bookshelf as Ranma got a retarded little drop.  "You DO know how to read right?"

"OF COURSE I KNOW HOW TO READ!!!" said Ranma in his gay voice.

"Then what are you so upset about?!" Cologne yelled back.

"WHERE in the book is it?!"

"Where's what?"

"The CURE!!"

"I KNOW that!!"

"Then where is it?!"

"In the book."

"WHERE in the book?!"

"I don't know.  This has never happened to me before."

"Why are you being so difficult?"

"Because you're denying me of my precious cookies." whined Cologne like the knave she so stupidly is.

"ARGH!!!" yelled Ranma.  THEN he started foaming at the mouth and passed out due to the overwhelmingly large amount of blood rushing to his head at ALARMINGLY fast rates.

He awoke a little later to see something he'd never expect in his face.  Then his vision focused and THERE WAS RYOGA CARING FOR HIM IN HIS STATE OF UNCONSCIOUSNESS!!!  ARGH!!!

"ARGH!!"

"Oh good…you're awake." Said Cologne.  "Now Ryoga, you can stop caring for him and make my cookies…"

"But I must make sure if he's okay!" Ryoga said with a worried tone as he pulled Ranma's wrist up and began taking his pulse.

"I can make good cookies…" Mousse pouted as he pulled his knees up toward him so that he was a little Mousse-ish ball.

"I don't want your cookies you fool!!" yelled Cologne as she zapped him with her staff, frying him.  Then Mousse burst into tears.  (I guess Cologne can do anything when she NEEDS her cookies.)

"Oh my!" said Ryoga as he went to go tend to Mousse who only swatted him away.

Ranma thought to himself.  He must have picked the two WORST people to come with him in their current states.  He COULD have taken Kodachi, at least she was normal…for a person that is.  Or even Ukyo if he HAD to take someone.  But now he was stuck with Pansy-Boy, Whiner and Akane the Pervert.  ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cologne rubbed her stomach foolishly.  "I'm so hungry!" 

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" Mousse continued to wail as loudly as he possibly could.  Then, his volume increased even MORE!!!  MWA!!!!

"Oh my!" Ryoga repeated.

"I WANT COOKIES!!!" Cologne demanded, grabbing Ryoga by the collar and shoving her face into his.

"Look, did YOU get a curse on you when you suddenly become extremely gluttonous?!" Ranma yelled, zapping Cologne with her own staff since she put it down for a second.  Cologne got fried and then she died.  YAY!!  But then she came back to life a second life.

"Okay, you're right." Cologne said, collected herself.  "I have to calm down and cure you all."  Then she opened up the book and started flipping through the pages in search of the cure.  "Do you think I could have some cookies to munch on while I search for the cure?"

"Of course!" Ryoga replied, putting on one of Shampoo's frilly aprons and beginning to bake.

"Is that it?" Mousse asked, pointing to something random on the page.

"No." Cologne replied.

"Is that it?"

"No."

"Is that it?"

"No."

"Is that it?"

"NO!!" Cologne yelled, turning around and becoming a giant head.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Mousse yelled as he began to cry and curl up into a little ball in the corner and look all pathetic.

"I shall go and comfort him!" said Ryoga and Akane at the same time, both of them with completely different intentions.

"Oh Ryoga…we were thinking something at the same time!" said Akane, turning to Ryoga.  "You know what that means, don't you?"

"Jinx!" Ryoga said with horseshoe eyes.

"No," Akane said with a smile.  "It means that we're soul mates and we should be together forever.  What do you say to that?"  Ryoga paused and thought for a minute.

"I haven't said your name yet!" he said.  "You're not supposed to say anything until I say your name!"  Then he skipped off to go and comfort Mousse in his state of patheticness.  Akane crossed her arms, looking all annoyed as she looked around for some other guy to hit on but alas, Ranma had turned into a girl for just this purpose and she couldn't go around putting the moves on a GIRL so she left, never to return and Ranma turned back into a guy just as Kuno walked in.

"WOW!!!" he yelled, jumping around.  "WHAT'S THIS THING DO!!!  WHAT A THING!  A THING!!  IT DOES SOMETHING!!!"  He started pressing buttons and turning knobs on the stove.  Ryoga gasped and ran over.

"No!" he said.  "Do not touch the stove!  It's hot and you can burn yourself!"

"What's this button do?!?!" Kuno said eagerly.  "CAN I PRESS IT?!  CAN I CAN I CAN I CAN I CAN I CAN I CAN I?!"

"Only if you say the magic word!" Ryoga replied.

"CAN I CAN I CAN I CAN I CAN I CAN I?!" Kuno replied, still jumping up and down.

"SHUT UP YOU TWO!!!" Ranma yelled, hurling heavy objects at both of their heads and knocking them unconscious.

"What about my cookies?!" Cologne yelled.  "How can Ryoga make cookies if you've knocked him out?!"

Just then, Ryoga stood up.  "Don't worry!  I'm just fine!  And my smile's just as bright as ever!" then he smiled and his teeth went PING!!

"Oh SURAH!!" said Cologne.

Then Ryoga went into the kitchen and made the cookies in an even FASTER record-breaking time!!!  GASP!!!

So Cologne sat by the book that was bigger than her and began thumbing through it while contently munching away at her oh-so-adorned cookies while singing, "C is for cookie, that's good enough for me…"

"I WANNA COOKIE!!!  COOKIE COOKIE!!!" Kuno yelled as he jumped up and down and sat on the ground like a dog. 

Ryoga giggled and tossed Kuno a cookie and Kuno caught it in his mouth.  Ryoga clapped contently.

"What fun!"

Then Ranma threw heavy objects at the two of them but since neither of them are ever actually phased by heavy objects, Ranma just punted Kuno out the roof and turned Ryoga into a pig.

"Did you find it YET?!"  Ranma asked EVER so annoyed.  "This is getting more annoying every minute."

"You know, if you didn't bring them, you wouldn't be annoyed by them…" said Cologne.

"True…" said Ranma.

"It's a shame." Said Cologne.

"What is?" said Ranma.

"When Ryoga turns back to normal…what if his cooking abilities change?"

"Is that all you EVER think about?!?!?!" Ranma yelled.

"Yes." Said Cologne.  Ryoga the pig smiled and blushed and made a face that meant, 'You're just saying that!!' and then Cologne said, "No!  I'm serious!!"

Then all was silent for minute.

"FOUND IT!!" announced Cologne triumphantly.

"HURRAH!!" said Ranma.

"Woo.  Hoo." Said Mousse.  Then he started crying for no reason.  So Ranma turned him into a duck.

Then he turned his attention to the book which had the cure written on it.

"Here you go son-in-law." Said Cologne as she handed the book to Ranma.  Ranma looked at the book for a second and paused. 

"I can't read Chinese!" he said, starting to get frustrated.

"If you want me to read it to you, I'm going to need some more cookies because I'm all out."

"I'll get SOMEONE ELSE to read it to me!!" said Ranma.

"You sure?" Cologne whined.  Ryoga looked at her with horseshoe eyes.

Ranma turned around, splashed Mousse with warm water and shoved the book in Mousse's face.  "Read it to me!!" he demanded with no NICE tone.  Mousse looked at it and then began reading it out loud in Chinese.  "NO YOU FREAK!!!" yelled Ranma.  "You're supposed to TRANSLATE it for me!!"

"DON'T CALL ME A FREAK!!!" Mousse whined as he started crying again and no matter WHAT Ranma did to try and calm him down, Mousse just couldn't calm down so he couldn't read the cure to Ranma!!  HAW HAW HAW!!!

"Well, I don't need YOU anyway!" Ranma said, putting a bookmark on the page and then slamming it shut.  "You probably would have translated it wrong ANYWAY!!"  Then he splashed him with water and ran out the door to go and find Shampoo.

He finally found Shampoo about two feet away from the Cat Café.  She was obviously on her way home and she was in a ROYAL bad mood for only HEAVEN knows why!

"Shampoo, will you read this to me?" Ranma asked.

"Ranma date Shampoo!!" Shampoo demanded.

"No way!" Ranma replied.

"Then Shampoo no read!!" Shampoo replied, going into the Cat Café.  Ranma followed her.

"PLEASE?!" he asked desperately.

"Why Shampoo read when you never read any story to Shampoo?!" Shampoo asked angrily.  "Shampoo want Ranma read Shampoo story!!"

"THEN will you read the cure to me?!" Ranma asked.

"Shampoo think about it." Shampoo replied.  "Shampoo also want pie and crown and date with Ranma."

"I'll read you a story and see what I can do about the pie and the crown but I can't date you." Ranma replied, pulling out a book from behind his back.  "How's this story look to you?"

"Okay!" Shampoo said, sitting down.  Ranma began reading it but he was soon interrupted by Shampoo's shrieks and cries.  "RANMA NO USE FUNNY VOICE!!!  USE FUNNY VOICES!!"

"But…" started Ranma.

"Then Shampoo no read!" Shampoo said, crossing her arms and turning around.  Ranma started fuming.

"FINE!!!" he yelled.  "I can find plenty of other Chinese people who could read this to me ANYWAY!!"  Then he stood up and started walking away but Shampoo started throwing a temper tantrum and hit Ranma over the head with a table, knocking him unconscious.

"READ STORY!!!" she screeched.  "READ STORY!!  READ STORY!!  SHAMPOO HATE YOU!!!"  Then she ran up to her room crying like a little girl and she sounded very funny because her voice is so CRAZY!!

"What could be so important to Ranma?" Ryoga wondered, taking the book out of Ranma's hand and opening it to the book marked page.  He paused and then laughed.  "Oh my!  I can't read Chinese!  Mousse, do you think you could translate this for me please?" he asked, turning to Mousse who had turned back into a human.

"GEEZ!!!" Mousse yelled.  "Is that all I'm good for around here?!  TRANSLATING things?!  Why don't you just learn Chinese and translate it yourself?!"

"Well I figure that since you have a special talent and can…" started Ryoga but he was interrupted because Mousse had begun to cry again.  "It's nothing to get upset about Mousse!" said Ryoga as he put the book down and walked over to Mousse.  "I don't mind if you don't translate it!  As a matter of fact!!  I would like it very much if you DIDN'T translate this page for Ranma!"

"I hate Ranma." Sniffed Mousse.

"Hate is a very strong word." Ryoga stated.

Mousse grabbed the book and looked at the page.  "I'm only going to translate it cause you don't want me to!"

"That's so silly!" Ryoga giggled.

"SHAMPOO WANT RANMA BE AWAKE!!!" Shampoo yelled as she hit Ranma over and over with a pillow.  "Shampoo no read Ranma book if Ranma no read to Shampoo and use funny voice and make Shampoo and crown and kiss Shampoo and be Shampoo KING!!"  Then she took a deep breath.

Suddenly, Ryoga skipped up the stairs and threw open the door.

"Ranma!!  Superb news!!" he yelled.  But then he saw that Ranma was still unconscious.  "Oh dear!  Not AGAIN!!"

Then he picked Ranma up and carried him downstairs and began caring for him.

"Today has been the craziest day!" said Ryoga as he put a wet cloth on Ranma's head.

"I don't feel like translating the rest!!" Mousse yelled as he threw the book on the ground.  "Even if it DOES annoy you!!"

"NOTHING could annoy me!!" Ryoga said.

"Don't throw that book you fool!!  It's old!!" Cologne said while hitting Mousse on the head with her staff.  Mousse started crying.  But then he stopped. 

"NOTHING could annoy you?" Mousse asked.  "That's impossible.  I bet I could find something that annoys you!"

"I bet you couldn't!  I'm just far too happy with life that nothing could put a damper in it!" Ryoga announced as he hugged himself again.  "Life is precious and everyone should go out at least once a month and plant a tree, donate to a fund raiser to help endangered species or people less fortunate!  They should also sing in their local choir as well as joining the science club in school!!"  Then he laughed and looked as though he was going to continue but Mousse started crying to shut him up.  "Oh my!"

"Hey Ryoga…" said Cologne.  "If you make some more cookies, then I'll tell you what the books says."

"I'll make you some cookies for FREE!" said Ryoga.

"Excellent…" said Cologne like Mr. Burns.

Ryoga put on his pink apron and started making cookies again.

Then Ranma woke up.

"I HATE YOU RANMA!!" yelled Mousse as he started crying for absolutely no reason whatsoever.

"I think the curse gets worse after a while…" thought Ranma out loud and quite randomly because of Mousse's not-needed reaction.  But then again, EVERYONE knows that Mousse hates Ranma (along with a bunch of other people) so it's not like it's new news like Ryoga's sudden good outlook on life.

Since Ranma is special, he heard the whole conversation between Cologne and Ryoga about making the cookies and then translating the page so while Cologne ate the cookies after Ryoga broke his OWN record in making them, Ranma approached her.  "Since Ryoga made you those cookies, you have to translate the page for me." He said.  Cologne paused and stared at the cookies.

"No…" she replied slowly.  "These cookies were for free."

"Yup!" Ryoga said, nodding his head.

Ranma slapped his forehead.  "Ryoga, could you make ONE more batch?" he asked.

"I'll make TWO!!" Ryoga said with a smile.

"GO FOR IT!!" Ranma said with thumbs up.  Then he turned to Cologne who was still eating cookies.  "When he makes these cookies then you have to translate the page…okay?  I mean…you have to be getting full by now, right?"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Cologne replied as Ryoga appeared suddenly with two plates of cookies in his hands.  Cologne grabbed them and started eating them.

"Now read the cure!!" Ranma said eagerly.

"No." Cologne answered.

"But you said you would!!" Ranma reminded her.

"I didn't promise!" Cologne pointed out.

"BUT…" started Ranma but then his mouth dropped open like a cash register like on Aladdin.

"This says something about a spell wearing off." Said Mousse who was reading the book just because he was bored.

"Shut up Mousse!!" Ranma said, ignoring what Mousse was saying and what he was talking about.

"It says something should be lasting only about a day…" he continued as he looked down the page.  "I wonder what is lasting a day.  I wonder what the spell is?"

"WILL YOU SHUT UP!?!?" Ranma yelled, slamming the book shut.  "WHO EVEN SAID YOU COULD READ THIS TO BEGIN WITH?!"  Mousse started to whine and then curled up into a little ball and cried hysterically.  Then Ranma started bullying him around and kicking him and being mean and stole his glasses and threw them out the window!!

"Now, now, Ranma, that's not very nice." Said Ryoga.  "He was only doing you a favor!"

"He was NOT!!" Ranma yelled.

"I thought you WANTED him to translate the page!" Ryoga said with a shrug.  "I guess I was wrong!  I'm sorry Ranma!"

Ranma paused.  "What?!" he yelled.  "He was TRANSLATING it?!  Why didn't you say that sooner?!  Here you go Mousse!  You wanna do some light reading?!"

"Um…" started Mousse, shifting through his sleeves.  "I seemed to have misplaced my glasses!"

"RANMA!!!!" Shampoo yelled, coming out of nowhere and hugging him and being all Shampoo-ish.  Ranma turned around and was JUST about to yell at her when Mousse shot all of his hidden weapons at him and tied him up.

"What are you doing seducing my Shampoo?!" he yelled.

"Mousse, you as stupid as ever." Shampoo commented.

Just then, Akane walked in and saw Shampoo hugging Ranma.  "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" she yelled, hitting Ranma over the head with a table.

"Nice hit Akane Tendo!!" Mousse commented.

"It looks as though everyone is back to normal." Said Cologne as she finished up the last cookie.  Then she looked back at the plate and then at Ryoga who was just standing there like a moron.  "Do you think you could make one more batch?" she asked.

"Me?" Ryoga said, blushing and twiddling his fingers.  "I'm not very good you know!  And…I gotta go!!"  Then he ran out of the Cat Café.

"Aw SHUCKS." Said Cologne, snapping her fingers.