Life
By Camilla Sandman
Disclaimer: You all know I'm Chris Carter in disguise, right?
Author's Notes: Spoilers for the season fianle of s8. Aaaaw! is all I'm saying :)
The insistent light of sun and bright, blue sky filled the room as Dana Scully slowly began to stir. The sun on her face was warm and comfortable and for a while she just lay there, basking in the feeling. She felt warm and happy and alive and sore and tired, even if she had just slept for what felt like forever.
The quite whimpering slowly began to register in her mind. The sudden realisation that it was a child crying made her practically bolt out of bed. Her baby. Her precious, precious, miracle of a baby.
He wasn't in his crib. A sudden cold fear gripped her, and she could barely breathe. They had taken him anyway. They had played a sadistic game with her, giving her one night with her son before they took him.
And then she heard Mulder's soft voice from the living room. It was the same softness his voice had possessed last night, something she'd just rarely experienced in him before. It was the same softness she had heard in his voice when they both thought she was dying from cancer. But this time there were no desperation in it, just.. Warmth.
Quietly, she walked over to the doorway and opened a crack.
Mulder was standing in the middle of the room, gently rocking the bundle he was holding his arms and speaking softly. She could make out her own name in the low flow of words, but little else. He was to intent upon the baby he didn't notice her. His hair was almost shimmering in the strong sunlight.
Relief flooded through her. She practically slumped against the wall, wondering how long the fear would be there.
Mulder looked up as she tried to steady her breathing. His eyes were shining against her and he smiled.
"I didn't want to wake you," he said when she just looked at him. She nodded, not wanting to tell him how scared she had been. It was an irrational fear. She shouldn't let it haunt her. *Wouldn't* let it haunt her.
"You look a bit pale, Scully. Is everything.." his face clouded, and the all too familiar desperation was back in his voice. The desperation of a man who has lost too much.
"Just tired," she assured him, stepping forward and into the circle of light he was standing in. His face relaxed somewhat, but the desperation stayed in his voice.
"Are you sure? Maybe it's best if.."
"Mulder," she interrupted, "I'm fine." The irony of how many times she had uttered that sentence without it being true suddenly occurred to her. But it was true this time. She was fine. Or at least a close approximation to fine.
He didn't look convinced, but didn't press the subject. Instead he handed her the baby, and she felt his breath against her cheek as he leaned forward. For a second she thought he would kiss her again, but he simply pulled back.
William made a whimpering sound as he was eased into her arms. She looked at his little face, lit up so beautifully in the strong light. It still seemed a miracle to hear the baby breathe.
"I think he's hungry," Mulder commented, his arm brushing against her. Without taking the eyes of her partner's face, she slowly freed a breast and guided William to it.
"Lucky bastard," Mulder quipped, and she chuckled softly. The tension disappeared, leaving only a faint trace that it had ever been there. He kissed her then, finally, just as softly as he had last night.
"The truth we both know," he had said, and when she had asked him what the truth was, he had kissed her. It was the first time he had kissed her since he got back. Up onto that point he had treated her like she would break if he touched her too much.
"I'll make some breakfast," he muttered when he broke of the kiss, and with one last look at her and the baby, he left the room. Moments later she heard him open the refrigerator. She hadn't asked him to stay last night, and he hadn't asked. They'd just fallen asleep on the bed with little William nestled in her arms and her nestled in Mulders arms. It was almost so perfect it scared her.
Dogett had come by to tell them about the investigation of Kersh and the little interest Mulder showed surprised her. The X-Files had been his baby all those years. Now he seemed only mildly interested. Nothing like the man she had met in the basement of the FBI who had radiated obsession. Along the way that had changed, but she wasn't sure quite hat it had changed into.
After breakfast Byers came by with a bag for Mulder. She supected it contained change of clothes, but she didn't ask and Mulder didn't say. He helped her change diapers, and seemed interested in everything Willim did.
When he first had realised she was pregnant, he had seemed guarded. She had seen the question in his eyes so many times: Is it mine? She hadn't known for sure until she had seen it was a normal, healthy, human baby.
"William Scully," he had muttered to the baby last night when he thought she was asleep. She hadn't told him yet that baby would be named William Scully Mulder. There didn't seem any rush.
At lunch Reyes stopped by. She seemed in awe of the baby and slightly uncomfortable around Scully. Skinner came by too a few minutes later, bringing flowers. Scully found it touching, even if he claimed to have bought the flowers with the money he'd won in the pool. She decided not to ask.
And finally, her mother came. She didn't say much, just hugged her daughter and grandson. And Mulder too, to his surprise. What her mother whispered to him as he let her hold the baby, Scully couldn't hear, but whatever it was, it seemed to calm her mother. She suspected they were conspiraying to make sure she took it easy.
After her mother left, Mulder made dinner. It wasn't the best meal she'd ever had, but at least he didn't order take-out. They spoke lightly about the future of the X-Files and Dogett and Reyes. She didn't remember what she said, only the way Mulder looked at her in the pale light of the kitchen lamps.
They put William to bed together. Neither wanted to let the baby out of sight, so they stood by the crib for a while. He looked so peaceful, so innocent. So.. Human. So normal.
"He looks so normal," she muttered to Mulder.
"I think he is. I think that's why they feared him. Because he is so normal, but.."
"The way he came to be is not," she finished. Mulder looked at her for a long time, an expression she couldn't quite read.
"But it is," he whispered. "He came to be the way every baby does. From love."
She closed her eyes and felt the sun on her face again. Maybe it was procedure that had worked despite what the doctor had told her. Maybe God had given her a miracle that nightshe had stayed with Mulder an they had made love in the light from his fishtank. Maybe her baby was normal and she had nothing to fear. Maybe it would all work out.
As she opened her eyes again, Mulder was still looking at her. And she realised what he was radiating now. The joy of existing. The joy of bringing another being into existence.
The truth was life. That's what the aliens feared. The way life always found a way, even when it seemed impossible.
And she kissed Mulder in the darkness of the night, and still she felt like the warmth of the sun was on her.
By Camilla Sandman
Disclaimer: You all know I'm Chris Carter in disguise, right?
Author's Notes: Spoilers for the season fianle of s8. Aaaaw! is all I'm saying :)
The insistent light of sun and bright, blue sky filled the room as Dana Scully slowly began to stir. The sun on her face was warm and comfortable and for a while she just lay there, basking in the feeling. She felt warm and happy and alive and sore and tired, even if she had just slept for what felt like forever.
The quite whimpering slowly began to register in her mind. The sudden realisation that it was a child crying made her practically bolt out of bed. Her baby. Her precious, precious, miracle of a baby.
He wasn't in his crib. A sudden cold fear gripped her, and she could barely breathe. They had taken him anyway. They had played a sadistic game with her, giving her one night with her son before they took him.
And then she heard Mulder's soft voice from the living room. It was the same softness his voice had possessed last night, something she'd just rarely experienced in him before. It was the same softness she had heard in his voice when they both thought she was dying from cancer. But this time there were no desperation in it, just.. Warmth.
Quietly, she walked over to the doorway and opened a crack.
Mulder was standing in the middle of the room, gently rocking the bundle he was holding his arms and speaking softly. She could make out her own name in the low flow of words, but little else. He was to intent upon the baby he didn't notice her. His hair was almost shimmering in the strong sunlight.
Relief flooded through her. She practically slumped against the wall, wondering how long the fear would be there.
Mulder looked up as she tried to steady her breathing. His eyes were shining against her and he smiled.
"I didn't want to wake you," he said when she just looked at him. She nodded, not wanting to tell him how scared she had been. It was an irrational fear. She shouldn't let it haunt her. *Wouldn't* let it haunt her.
"You look a bit pale, Scully. Is everything.." his face clouded, and the all too familiar desperation was back in his voice. The desperation of a man who has lost too much.
"Just tired," she assured him, stepping forward and into the circle of light he was standing in. His face relaxed somewhat, but the desperation stayed in his voice.
"Are you sure? Maybe it's best if.."
"Mulder," she interrupted, "I'm fine." The irony of how many times she had uttered that sentence without it being true suddenly occurred to her. But it was true this time. She was fine. Or at least a close approximation to fine.
He didn't look convinced, but didn't press the subject. Instead he handed her the baby, and she felt his breath against her cheek as he leaned forward. For a second she thought he would kiss her again, but he simply pulled back.
William made a whimpering sound as he was eased into her arms. She looked at his little face, lit up so beautifully in the strong light. It still seemed a miracle to hear the baby breathe.
"I think he's hungry," Mulder commented, his arm brushing against her. Without taking the eyes of her partner's face, she slowly freed a breast and guided William to it.
"Lucky bastard," Mulder quipped, and she chuckled softly. The tension disappeared, leaving only a faint trace that it had ever been there. He kissed her then, finally, just as softly as he had last night.
"The truth we both know," he had said, and when she had asked him what the truth was, he had kissed her. It was the first time he had kissed her since he got back. Up onto that point he had treated her like she would break if he touched her too much.
"I'll make some breakfast," he muttered when he broke of the kiss, and with one last look at her and the baby, he left the room. Moments later she heard him open the refrigerator. She hadn't asked him to stay last night, and he hadn't asked. They'd just fallen asleep on the bed with little William nestled in her arms and her nestled in Mulders arms. It was almost so perfect it scared her.
Dogett had come by to tell them about the investigation of Kersh and the little interest Mulder showed surprised her. The X-Files had been his baby all those years. Now he seemed only mildly interested. Nothing like the man she had met in the basement of the FBI who had radiated obsession. Along the way that had changed, but she wasn't sure quite hat it had changed into.
After breakfast Byers came by with a bag for Mulder. She supected it contained change of clothes, but she didn't ask and Mulder didn't say. He helped her change diapers, and seemed interested in everything Willim did.
When he first had realised she was pregnant, he had seemed guarded. She had seen the question in his eyes so many times: Is it mine? She hadn't known for sure until she had seen it was a normal, healthy, human baby.
"William Scully," he had muttered to the baby last night when he thought she was asleep. She hadn't told him yet that baby would be named William Scully Mulder. There didn't seem any rush.
At lunch Reyes stopped by. She seemed in awe of the baby and slightly uncomfortable around Scully. Skinner came by too a few minutes later, bringing flowers. Scully found it touching, even if he claimed to have bought the flowers with the money he'd won in the pool. She decided not to ask.
And finally, her mother came. She didn't say much, just hugged her daughter and grandson. And Mulder too, to his surprise. What her mother whispered to him as he let her hold the baby, Scully couldn't hear, but whatever it was, it seemed to calm her mother. She suspected they were conspiraying to make sure she took it easy.
After her mother left, Mulder made dinner. It wasn't the best meal she'd ever had, but at least he didn't order take-out. They spoke lightly about the future of the X-Files and Dogett and Reyes. She didn't remember what she said, only the way Mulder looked at her in the pale light of the kitchen lamps.
They put William to bed together. Neither wanted to let the baby out of sight, so they stood by the crib for a while. He looked so peaceful, so innocent. So.. Human. So normal.
"He looks so normal," she muttered to Mulder.
"I think he is. I think that's why they feared him. Because he is so normal, but.."
"The way he came to be is not," she finished. Mulder looked at her for a long time, an expression she couldn't quite read.
"But it is," he whispered. "He came to be the way every baby does. From love."
She closed her eyes and felt the sun on her face again. Maybe it was procedure that had worked despite what the doctor had told her. Maybe God had given her a miracle that nightshe had stayed with Mulder an they had made love in the light from his fishtank. Maybe her baby was normal and she had nothing to fear. Maybe it would all work out.
As she opened her eyes again, Mulder was still looking at her. And she realised what he was radiating now. The joy of existing. The joy of bringing another being into existence.
The truth was life. That's what the aliens feared. The way life always found a way, even when it seemed impossible.
And she kissed Mulder in the darkness of the night, and still she felt like the warmth of the sun was on her.