Author's note: I'm still not a doctor! Dramatic liberties taken on certain things, but not really in this chapter. If there are any errors, either accidental or not, I apologize now. Oh, and another thing. This one's a doozy! Surprises by all involved (luv ya sis, sorry about the shock!) ^_^
by Anthy
Relena held Heero close as he continued to sob in her arms. She felt tears well up in her eyes, but she knew that she had to stay strong for now. Looking down, she could see Heero whimpering against her shoulder, a strong hand gripping onto her arm. Almost like a child. . . Suddenly Heero stood and released his grip, all signs that he was crying only evident on his face. His deep blue eyes were rimmed red, but inside the fire that once shown through the tears had disappeared. That Heero had left, the trained soldier had returned.
"Why were you crying?" she asked carefully. Heero wiped the tears from his face and looked incredulously at his hand before acknowledging her.
"Is that what this was?" Heero inquired as he sat in a nearby chair. Relena sat in the nearby chair. She was still unsure of his intentions for being here, or why he was so upset earlier. Quelching the fears in her heart, Relena reached over and took Heero's hand in hers.
"Something hurt you?"
"That is impossible, I can not feel." Heero snapped, turning away from her. Realizing that she still had a firm grip on his hand, he sat back against the chair and glared at her. Slowly retracting his hand, he turned his head and began to stare blankly at the wall in front of him. "However there is something, I am unable to identify. . . it's inside of me."
"What is?"
"I am not sure. Many things. I am unable to think of these things now, they cause me to . . . react in a way I am unfamiliar to."
"You mean that thinking about it makes you cry?" she asked hopefully. Heero nodded and continued to stare ahead at the wall. They sat in silence for a long period of time, the only sound was the old grandfather clock in the corner. "That is a good thing." Relena suddenly blurted out. Heero turned at her in surprise and she smiled sweetly at him. "There's nothing wrong here, Heero. You're just experiencing something you never have before. Somehow you've started to feel emotions, you just don't know what they are."
"Can you help?" Heero asked in the same, cold monotone voice. The light that Relena had thought disappeared surfaced in Heero's eyes.
"Of course I will! I'll do the best I can." she exclaimed while enveloping Heero in a quick hug. Sitting back in her chair, she tried to sound as professional as possible. "Now, what could have caused you to feel?"
Heero shrugged his shoulders as his head slowly lowered. He stared at his hands, his mind trying to answer a question that he did not understand. However, all his thoughts were clouded. All he could see was Wufei's glare, and Duo's prone body laying on the couch.
"Duo. . ." he breathed, not even realizing that he had been heard.
"What about him?" Relena asked as she leaned forward in her chair. The name sounded familiar, but she couldn't put a face to it. Duo was probably another pilot, but the way Heero had said his name . . .
"He was injured in a mission about a month ago."
"Oh my God, is he okay?"
"Paralyzed from the waist down. There is a procedure that could regain the feeling in his legs, but he refused. I want to assist him, but I am unable to." he stated, his voice growing silent. "He was always helping me when I don't need him to, and now I am unable to return the favor."
"You two were close friends, weren't you?"
"Negative." Heero said, his eyes still glued to the ground. "Duo was always talking, he never shut up. He never left me alone, especially when I was working. He was reckless in battle and acted like a complete idiot the rest of the time. But he's really smart, always hacked into my computer when I was not looking. I had threatened to kill him approximately 106 times, almost followed through 4 . . . Duo was always able to escape in time to harass Wufei."
"Was? You are talking like he's not alive." Relena pressed as she reached over and placed a hand on Heero's shoulder. He pushed her hand away and stood abruptly, his body suddenly tense.
"He's not living, Relena! I do not call whatever Duo is going through now is not living!" he screamed as tears began to well and fall from his eyes. "That is not the Duo I know! He just lays there, silent and ill. . . unable to, to . . . I don't . . . why does this hurt?"
Relena sat, frozen by the sudden outburst. Heero's body began to tremble and he slowly slid to the floor. He curled into a fetal position, his arms wrapped tight around his stomach. Relena quickly dropped to the floor and gathered Heero's head onto her lap. Stroking his hair, she felt the tears she fought hard to hide fall from her face. "Heero," she whispered, "it's all right. Everything will be all right." She continued to whisper that sentence over and over again, briefly praying that what she said would come true. Heero continued crying, his hands clutching tightly to Relena's skirt. Eventually he stopped crying, but he still stayed where he was, staring blankly ahead of him.
"It just doesn't compute," he murmured as he wiped away tears. "Duo's all I think about when I am not thinking about missions. Even when I, I-I would be on a mission, I sometimes wonder what he would be up to. But now that he's hurt, I just . . . I just see him there, laying there miserable and I . . . just want to see him back the way he was."
While Heero spoke, a thought crossed her mind. Pushing it aside, it returned full force. It didn't make sense, and yet it was the only solution. It didn't sound right in her mind, so she whispered it out loud. "You love him."
"Love?" he asked, turning his head slightly to look at Relena's eyes. Relena found herself looking at a lost child, a child whose eyes were filled with fear and confusion. Staring into those eyes, she couldn't help but smile.
"The only thing that you can't control." she said softly. Taking a deep breath, Relena continued to explain. "Heero, I love you. I love you even when you tried to kill me, and I love you now even though I know in my heart that you love someone else. I can't change that. I try not to, I practically know little about you, but I still love you the same."
"I'm sorry, Relena, but I don't know what love is." Heero stated as he pushed himself up.
"No one really does." she shrugged. "Love is such an enigmatic thing. Love is so many emotions, thoughts, feelings . . . it is the basis of all emotions. All feelings are that way. You can give them a simple word, but they can mean so much more. Happy, sad, mad, scared, you were trained to control those feelings, but love, love cause all of those emotions."
"Is that . . . how you feel . . . about me?" he asked slowly, his mind slowly processing the information.
"Yes. I am happy right now because I see you, and can hug you." she said as she wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her face against his forehead. "I'm so happy just to hear your voice. I'm sad because you are sad and don't even know it. It makes me mad as well. I'm so scared that I may never see you again, that you may lose what ever feelings you may have now."
"I don't understand. Happy? They are just words to me, they mean nothing."
"But you feel something, and that's what that word is. You just have to learn them." Relena implored as she took Heero's shoulders and pushed him so that their eyes met. "Tell me this, how do you feel when you see Duo?"
"When I see him, I feel warm. Sometimes if I am unable to see him, just hearing his voice has the same effect as well. I feel . . . secure, I guess. I sometimes feel like touching him, only there is no real motive to. I don't, because when I attempt to I feel unconfortable, as if I am anticipating an attack so I avoid the conflict entirely. There's a hollow feeling that corresponds with it, sometimes causing that crying response. It hurts even though I am not ill or physically injured. That is what I felt when I saw Duo today and Wufei yelled at me. I came to you because I feel secure around you. . . does that mean I love you too?"
"People love many things, just in different levels and different ways. Love is such a broad word, the most difficult emotion in the world. We have all night to talk about it, but you won't be able to learn everything you want to know. Most people learn from just going on with their lives, running away from it is not the solution." Relena said as she stood and offered her hand to Heero.
"Love is hard." he admitted as he took her hand.
"It sometimes stinks." she unknowingly said out loud as she playfully pulled Heero's arm, throwing the already half-standing pilot to topple forward. Falling back into the chair, she began to laugh as she pushed Heero off of her. He fell to the floor, confusion etched on his face.
"It has an odor as well?"
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Wufei walked in to the dimly lit room and looked around. The television was still on, the images of the screen making creative shadows on the dark walls. A small lamp was on by the couch. Duo was propped up by a pile of pillows, and he was slowly flipping through an old magazine. His long brown hair was unbraided from when Quatre had brushed it, the soft locks causing a blanket around his body. Wufei walked up to Duo and tapped him lightly on the shoulder. Without acknowledgment, Duo lifted up his left arm and continued to read.
Wufei chuckled lightly as he attached the cuff of the sphygmomanometer onto his upper arm. He began to pump air into the cuff, pausing when the pressure reached the right level. Removing the stethoscope from around his neck, Wufei quickly placed the earpieces in his ears and the end on Duo's arm. Releasing the air, he carefully listened to Duo's pulse while reading the gauge at the pump. He quickly did the math in his head and looked at the chart sitting next to the lamp. The things you learn. . .
"Your blood pressure is back to normal. Is your headache gone?" he asked as he removed the cuff from Duo's arm. Duo nodded before tossing the magazine aside and reached for the remote. "I'll check on you again tomorrow."
"Thanks Wufei. I think I'll stay up for awhile." Duo quietly said as Wufei headed to the door. Wufei paused and walked back to the couch.
"It's Wuffie, remember?" he said softly, the tension from the past few weeks creeping into his usually calm voice. Duo looked up into Wufei's dark brown eyes and grinned, the smile not quite reaching his violet eyes.
"I'm sorry for the names, Wufei. I just thought that since you've been so nice to me lately that it wouldn't be right to-"
"Damnit, Maxwell!" Wufei shouted as he threw the stethoscope in his hand to the ground. "I'll tell you what's right, and you going around calling me something you usually don't is not right!" He expected for Duo to yell back at him, or joke on how he lost his cool--anything. Wufei wanted to scream at the top of his lungs. Looking at the brown-haired pilot, he saw that Duo's eyes were wide and filled with fear. That was the last thing he wanted to see, and it was breaking his heart. "I'm sorry, Duo. I just. . ."
"It's okay, Wufei. I didn't mean to upset you. You're just tired, that's all." Duo said softly, the false smile again crossing his face.
"Yeah . . . tired." Wufei said defeatedly as he picked up the stethoscope. Acting on impulse, he leaned over and kissed Duo on the forehead. "Good night, Maxwell."
"Night, Wufei."
Leaving the room, Wufei slowly walked down the narrow, dark hallway. Pausing at the end of the stairs, Wufei leaned against the rail and held back a sob. He was tired, so very tired. Sleep didn't come easy, and now that he had a chance, he knew it would be impossible. Spinning on his heel, he walked to the front door and stepped out onto the porch. The cool night breeze struck him immediately, and he felt his body relax. Wufei hadn't been out doors in days, staying by Duo's side the moment he left the hospital. He sat on the old porch swing and looked out at the dark, empty street. He wondered how beautiful the city lights would look like from the top of Nataku, but his heart commanded him to stay.
It had been weeks since his last mission, Trowa and Quatre were always away on missions. They had also completed some of Duo's missions, leaving Wufei at the safehouse to play nurse. Not that it had bothered him, it was that it was now becoming to be too much. If only Heero was here, Wufei thought sourly, things would be a lot easier on everyone, especially Duo.
"It's late." Heero's cold monotone broke through his reverie. Wufei turned his head to see Heero climb up the porch stairs.
"I needed some air." Wufei snapped before looking out at the night sky. He had expected for Heero to head into the house and up to Heero's precious room, but instead he sat down in the swing next to him. Wufei scoffed and the two pilots sat in a long silence. Suddenly, the silence began to press on Wufei's shoulders like a dead weight.
"You know Duo doesn't call me those childish nicknames anymore? He actually apologized to me! And you know what I did? I blew up at him, that's what I did!" he began to ramble; the thoughts that had plagued his mind for days flowing out into the air. Wufei had to tell somebody, someone needed to understand.
"Meiran was like that, always doing things when I told her not to. Got it into her head that she was Nataku. Wanted me to call her that anyway. I told her that her name was Meiran, she'd tell me her name was Nataku. We'd argue like that for hours. She was passionate about everything she did, if she believed, it became a part of her. When she died, I finally came to believe she was Nataku. I never got to tell her . . . I miss her."
Wufei stopped, tears falling from his eyes. He had made himself vunerable, and he didn't care. He didn't care that it was the person who probably cared about nobody but who he was trained to care about. The two people he cared about the most were gone; one is lost to him forever and one may never return. "I miss them."
Heero looked at Wufei and smiled. "I miss him too."
To Be Continued
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AN: sphygmomanometer- blood pressure measuring device, um, pronounciation unknown to author. My scientist of a little brother may know (think Dexter's lab), but alas, he's asleep. (1:30 am CST) ^_^
I honestly am surprised with myself! I know this was supposed to be an angst-filled romance. I wanted a clear cut, 1+2 with a maybe if time allowed 3+4. I don't know where Wufei (or Relena) came into the picture (inspiration is a funny thing). Now I have, heck, I don't even know what I have anymore! I'm thinking it's an angst-filled 1+2, 5+2, and dare I say R+1! Sorry about the angst (it's getting depressing for me!). Don't fret, sap will be had by all in the following chapters. I'm aiming for a WaFF and possible sequel!! Thank you (x1000) for all of the great reviews!!!