Author's note: OOC abound (I think) but in good reason. Oh yeah, I haven't had a change heart, so its still shounen-ai.
by Anthy
"I miss them."
Heero looked at Wufei and smiled. "I miss him too."
Wufei turned from Heero's view and lowered his eyes. "What happened, Heero?" he whispered, his thoughts immediately returning to the injured pilot he yelled at earlier. Tears fell onto his lap as they ran down his cheeks, but he made no move to wipe them away. "How did he get this way? It just doesn't make sense." Wufei felt Heero's strong hand squeeze his shoulder lightly. Heero stood and walked over to the doorway. Leaning against it, Heero's eyes clenched shut at the memories.
"It happened so fast," Heero murmured, "but still it doesn't make sense. I've replayed the events over and over in my mind, but something just wasn't ri-"
Either we fight our way out together, or Shinigami makes his final grand exit. Your pick.
"-ght. . ." Heero gasped, his eyes flying open. "Wufei, where is Duo's Gundam?"
"It was sent to Howard for repairs." Wufei answered, previous emotions forgotten. "Heero what are you-"
"Where is the location?" Heero interrupted, mind reeling with information long forgotten. Wufei sputtered out the coordinates and Heero ran off the porch and into the night.
Heero parked the stolen Jeep at the base of the forest. Reaching the hangar would have been too risky with his own Gundam, and it had taken him until daybreak to reach its location. The sky was painted in various red and pink hues as the golden sun crept from the horizon. Heero sat and briefly admired the scene, a small smile crept upon his face.
"Duo would have said a day like this would be special," he sighed as he jumped out of the vehicle.
"Since you're not talking. . .as usual, I'll talk for you. How far to our destination, I'm starving. Hey Heero, look at that sky! Isn't that beautiful? That means that today is special. You know why? Of course not. Today is special because it means that whatever happens, it will never happen again. It's beauty makes us remember how special it is, and how life on the outside, nature, can remind us how great it is to be alive. . . and that we have to live. Betcha didn't think I could be philosophical, did ya? Hell, the day that you think anything was beautiful would be pretty special."
"Today is special, Duo," he whispered as he been to walk through the trees, "you were beautiful that day. I never forgot. I never will. But I just don't understand how. . ."
Heero continued to walk in silence to the hangar, his emotional mask firmly in place. He knew that for this mission to succeed, he had to stay focused.
"Heero!" Howard yelled when he saw the brown-haired pilot enter the make-shift garage. The older man could tell that there was something different about the boy, but he knew better not to ask questions. "I'm on the platform. How's Duo?"
Heero swiftly climbed the ladder and stood beside the mechanic. "No improvement. What is the current status of the Gundam?"
"A complete wreck, let me tell you. I had a hell of a time finding spare parts." he said, wiping his hands on his khaki shorts. Picking a clipboard off the floor, he handed it to Heero. "Here's an analysis of the damage. The worst was in the rear, impact practically folded the rear half of the cockpit, looks like it shattered from the impact of the ground. Thermal blast?"
"No." Heero answered, looking at the newly installed cockpit. "A missile."
"Heero, you know and I know that doesn't make a lick of sense." Howard scoffed. "Deathscythe can sustain less damage from the strongest blast those Mobile Suits could ever produce! A simple missile couldn't have made a single dent, unless-"
"The Gundam's defense system was down." Heero finished for him.
"A malfunction? It's possible, but Duo's communication log ain't found in the system. Did he tell you of any computer problems during the battle?"
"Negative."
"But you did stay in contact with Duo throughout?"
"Yes." Heero answered as he climbed into Duo's cockpit. "I'm going to try something." Heero informed Howard as he closed Deathscythe's door. Shutting his eyes, he played back the conversation in his mind. He began to mimic Duo's actions, right up to the part before the missile had appeared on Heero's radar. Heero began to focus however, on a certain movement.
"There are too many of them, I know." Duo stated quietly, his violet eyes showing a brief flicker of fear. He grin faltered, but he resumed to smile.
"Why were you so scared?" Heero murmured. Moving his arm to where Duo's grin uncharacteristically faltered, Heero paused and opened his eyes.
"Did ya find something?" Howard asked as Heero exited the Gundam. Heero barely acknowledged the man as he walked past him and began to climb down the ladder. "Heero!"
"The computer had been hacked into," Heero stated, his voice in a cold monotone. "and I'm going to confront who did it."
"Who?" Howard yelled from the rail.
"The pilot." he said as he walked out the door.
"Good morning, Wufei." Duo said as he yawned. Wufei picked Duo up in his arms and placed him gently into his wheelchair.
"How are you feeling?" Wufei asked as he covered Duo's legs with a blanket. Duo shrugged and looked listlessly ahead.
"Fine."
"Dr. Beacon's office called this morning, you have an appointment tomorrow." Wufei informed him. He reached to release the brake of Duo's chair when he was caught by Duo's hand.
"I'm sorry." he blurted out, his violet eyes staring down at dark brown. "For everything. I know that you probably hate me now that I've become so . . . weak. I'm useless." Duo scoffed at himself before continuing on. "I can't even take care of myself. I'm nothing but excess baggage now, a casuality of war. I don't want you to-"
"Duo, I've never listened to anyone but myself, so I'm not listening to you now." Wufei interrupted as he stood behind Duo's chair. "When you are well, I'll go back to my mission. Never before. End of discussion."
Wufei pushed Duo's wheelchair into the kitchen, partly relieved the worst part of the day was over. Each morning Duo would apologize and try to convince Wufei to leave and return to protecting his colony. Sometimes they would scream and yell at each other until Duo grew weak, and sometimes Wufei would storm off in frustration. But every encounter left both pilots drained, and each declaration that Duo made Wufei strive to prove him wrong.
Wufei parked Duo's chair at the kitchen table opposite Quatre, who was currently staring at a year old paper, his eyes wide and unblinking. Wufei had a sinking suspicion that the blonde pilot even noticed what he was doing. Wufei casually walked by Quatre and merely slapped his arm. Automatically, the small Arabian blinked rapidly and reached for a nearby mug and began to sip on cold coffee that had been left in the cup the day before.
Trowa had arrived earlier that morning and was finishing the breakfast Wufei started. The tall pilot paused to take the cold cup from Quatre's hand and replaced it with fresh mug.
"Time to wake up." Trowa informed him, a small smile crossing his face.
"I am." Quatre half-whined. Trowa peered over Quatre's shoulder and pointed at the date on the paper. Quatre made a face and leaned over to place a kiss on Trowa's nose. Content at actually surprising the stoic pilot, Quatre yawned and continued to read the outdated paper. Realizing that Duo was sitting across from him, Quatre smiled. "Good morning Duo. I didn't know you were up yet. How are you feeling?"
Quatre had expected Duo to grin at his actions and mimic his tone a little, probably by saying, "Good morning, Qua-tre. I didn't know you were alive. How are you feeling?" Instead the long-haired teen looked up at Quatre and merely answered, "Fine."
Duo began to pick at the food Wufei placed in front of him. The four pilots began to eat in silence. Suddenly the front door slammed open, crashing against the wall. The glass on the door breaking from the force of it. Trowa stood to go investigate when Heero walked swiftly into the kitchen.
"Why?" Heero spat as he walked up to Duo, turning his wheelchair so that Duo was facing him. Heero grasped Duo's shoulders and began to shake him violently. "Why did you give up? What did you think you'd gain, huh?" Heero shouted, locking his gaze on Duo's eyes.
"What are you doing?" Wufei yelled as he grabbed Heero's arm. Heero pushed the Chinese pilot into a nearby wall, the impact stunning him. Quatre and Trowa rushed to Duo's aid but were also thrown to the ground.
"Answer me!" Heero shouted.
"I didn't ask for this." Duo said through clenched teeth, his amethyst eyes filling with tears. "I just wanted . . ."
"What did you want, Duo?" Heero yelled."
"I wanted to die alone, ok!" Duo screamed back at him. Heero let go of Duo's shoulder's and fell back. The words hurt more than any injury he had ever earned in his life. Quatre clutched his chest as he felt the pain that radiated from both pilots, a pained cry escaped his throat.
"I thought if I could never walk again that you guys would leave and disappear. If it wasn't that I had a rare disorder, you guys probably would have." Duo continued to yell, his voice becoming raspy.
"You gave up long before this!" Heero shouted back. "The missile that hit Deathscythe could have easily been deflected or avoided! You did this to yourself! I want to know why!"
The room became silent as the pilots stared at each other. Duo began to shake, his eyes fell to his lap. "I was scared, so scared." he whispered, his voice raspy. "I came close to losing you. I-I saw it in your eyes. I know how close your finger was to that button long before you even reached for it. And when you had changed your mind, I knew it wouldn't be for long."
Heero sat on the floor, the hollow in his heart growing with each breath. Duo began to shake his head back in forth, as if to ward off the thoughts that entered his mind. "You are going to die in battle and I knew that I would be there to see it." he sobbed. Duo looked at Wufei, Trowa, and Quatre. "I would see you die too. Just like the others. I've seen so many people die, so many I've killed. . . that it mattered after all this time. . . that I loved . . . I-I thought that with my shields down that it would kill me. And in a way, it did."
"You can't die!" Heero cried as clumsily stood. Tear flowed freely, the pain caused by Duo's words were too much for Heero to bear. He fell forward and wrapped his arms around Duo's waist. "I don't know what I would, . . . Duo."
"Heero, I'm so sorry." Duo cried as he began to stroke Heero's hair. Heero pushed away from Duo and fell back, his blue eyes slowly began to dull.
"I must regain control," Heero said as his voice slowly crept into monotone. He stood and began to leave the room. "Pain is bad. Hinders all missions. Must forget, must. . ."
But I can't. . .
"Heero!" Quatre stood to catch the retreating pilot when stopped by Duo. An eerie smile crept across his face.
"It's best this way. Let him go." he gasped as he lost consciousness, his body lurching forward in his chair.
"Duo?" Wufei asked as he caught him. Feeling Duo's pulse, Wufei shouted, "Trowa, call an ambulance! Now!"
Heero left the safehouse barely hearing the shouts behind him. He knew nothing of his destination, only that it was where his feet decided to take him, and not where he wanted to be.
To Be Continued
AN: I apologize now, but I see Howard as a Kansan. I don't know why, it must be the clothes. There's something about a man in Kansas wearing khakis and a Hawaiian print shirt that seems funny to me (it happens, and it's funny).
Have you seen a play called Wit? If you haven't you should, and if you have, you already spotted my send up to it. By the way, how are you feeling today? *giggle, giggle* Sorry for the angst! Happy, happy, joyness soon! I promise! When, I can not say. ^_^