By Tracy (biancaheart@yahoo.com)
Rating: PG or so, I dunno…
Category: M/M
Spoilers: Wipeout, I guess….not really critical to
plot…
Summary: Michael remembers….
Disclaimer: I don't own Roswell, much to my chagrin.
I'd like to though. Are you interested in selling?
Who needs a college education anyway?
The song is by the Dixie Chicks
Author's Note: This is a sad and kind of soppy
story….
*The moon is full and my arms are empty
All night long I've pleaded and cried
You always said the day that you would leave me
Would be a cold day in July.*
It's uncommonly cold today, Maria.
It's July, but I have to wear a sweat shirt, and that
heavy winter coat you bought me that one day, at that
one store. It still smells of the mothballs you
stored in the hall closet.
I can't sleep Maria. I haven't slept in a long time.
I can't face going into the bedroom, and knowing that
you won't be there. Knowing that you won't come and
wrap your arms around me, and let me bury my face in
your hair. I can't stand it.
You left last night, Maria. Or was it early this
morning? You know I was never good at keeping track
of time. I always let you be the responsible one.
Who will buy the batteries for the clock now? I don't
know what size it takes, or what brand is the best.
You always took care of that. I don't know if I can.
The stars are bright tonight. You always loved
looking at the stars. Not as much as Alex or Izzy,
and not for the same reason. You said that stars were
jewels in the sky. You were a jewel in my eye.
*Your bags are packed not a word is spoken
I guess we said everything with goodbye
Time moves so slow and promises get broken
On this cold day in July*
They came over today and picked out a dress for you.
It's purple. You always like Purple. Liz cried the
entire time. She remembered shopping with you for
that dress… that dress leaving the closet was like
admitting that you weren't coming back. It was
leaving, because you left.
Soon your other things will follow. Everything about
this wonderful house that made it always made it so
much like you. Your silly knick knacks that I
pretended to hate. The pictures you insisted on
taking at every single family event and outing.
The rainbow painted walls. You insisted that the
house had rainbows. Do you know how many rainbows
there are in this house? Exactly 365. One for every
day of the year, I guess. I'd give you all the
rainbows that I could, if you were here.
I was always afraid that I would be the one to leave.
That I couldn't keep the promise. That I wouldn't be
a good husband. That I would be like Hank.
I promised when we married that I would never let
anything come between us again, Maria.
But I did.
I let death take you.
I didn't want to, but you refused being healed.
"Everything has its' season, Michael." You said.
"And mine won't be here forever. I was only meant to
live just a short time."
You were always like Spring, Maria. Full of hope and
joy, and untold brilliance, just under the surface.
You left in Summer.
I guess Spring can't go on forever.
*Sun's comin up comin up down on Main Street
Children shout as they're running out to play
Head in my hands here I am
Standing in my bear feet
Watching you drive away
Watching you drive away*
It's morning.
You've been gone a day.
How come I can still feel you? Will I always feel
you?
I feel numb Maria. Numb because you are not here.
Numb because I can't feel anything but you- and your
absence.
We had fifty two years together. I guess we were
pretty lucky. Silly me, I wanted forever.
Children are playing outside, Maria. Some of those
children playing out there are our grandchildren, and
great-grandchildren. Others wear a bewildered Evans
look, or a Valenti smirk.
All those years ago, I never thought I was good enough
for you.
Imagine my surprise when you told me that you felt the
same way about me sometimes.
Nothing could be better than you, Maria. Nothing.
I watched you leave the house for the last time.
Well, you had already left, and I'm sure you were
already dancing in the flower fields of Heaven. But I
watched your body leave. It seemed cold without your
soul. I remembered watching you leave with Liz and
Kyle when the wipe out occurred. I should have kissed
you. You came back. This time, I tried to follow
you. The ambulance drove off- and I stood in the
driveway.
Watching you leave.
My feet were bare.
You hated it when I didn't wear shoes. But I couldn't
find any socks.
*You said that we would last forever
You said our love would never die
It looks like Spring and
It feels like sunny weather
On this cold day in July*
I buried you where you could see the garden. Close to
your Mom and Jim. You said you liked that spot when
we picked out the plot. You liked the flowers.
I miss your Mom and Jim. Your Mom didn't trust me at
first. But slowly, she became like a mother to me.
The mother I never had. You were so lucky to have
her, Maria. She truly loved you. And I was so lucky
to have you. And Jim- I didn't realize how much he
meant until he was gone. I always envied you and Kyle
in elementary school. You both came from single
parent homes, but you were loved. Jim saved my ass
more times than I can recall. He treated me like a
son. I even liked the fact that it made Kyle jealous.
Jim was the father I always wanted. He showed me how
to treat a lady- and no matter what you say- I can
just see you rolling your eyes- you are a lady. Or
were. Whatever. He helped me teach our son to peddle
a four wheeler. I remember your hysterical laughter
when you figured out that I could ride a motorcycle,
but had never even touched a bike. Just in my own
defense…I did have Max's old skateboard…
I'm old Maria. I won't last too much longer. And
neither will the others. We are all showing wear and
tear. I guess fighting wars and then raising children
will do that to you.
Liz might have died so long ago, and Kyle almost did
as well.
But without what happened- I never would have had you.
I'd go through every single emotion, every single
triumph, and every single regret, again….if it lead to
you.
It was cold, as we stood and watched the casket being
lowered. It didn't feel like July. July, when you
would smile and make pies just like your Mom…or the
killer lemonade with the Tabasco sauce.
I still love you, Maria.
I'll always love you.
I'm not mad that you left. I didn't want you to
suffer anymore. I hated to see you cry- those tears
you tried to hide from me, but still shone through. I
knew. I knew you were hurting.
So I let you go.
Just as you let me go, to follow my destiny.
I came back to you, Maria.
And I know I'll find you in Heaven, dancing among the
flowers up there.
Nothing could ever kill our love, darling.
Not even a cold day in July.