Standard Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing and its characters.
Author Warning: Shonen-ai, angst, and a little sap thrown in for measure.
Control
by Anthy
Wufei walked briskly around the empy living room, throwing various articles of clothing into a duffel bag. His mind was reeling, he still did not know Duo's condition, or if he was even alive. After sitting in the waiting room for a half-hour and not hearing anything at all, he left to "gather Duo's things". It was either that or to strangle the next nurse he saw. If one more had walked up to him offering a seemingly sympathetic smile and telling him to wait for the doctor. . .
He looked again at the darkened room with the television still on, static dominating most of the screen. The only source of light came from the television set, the lights creating eerie shadows on the faded walls. His memory flashed back to the first time he had stepped into this room. It had been in the same disarray, silent, and a lively staticy screen that showed nothing but scattered dots of black and white. Duo had been sitting on the floor, his back leaning against the edge of the couch. Wufei had seen in the darkness the light sheen of sweat that covered Duo's body, and that the pilot's shoulders were shaking from exhaustion. Even from his spot at the door, he could see the tears that rimmed Duo's violet eyes, refusing to spill over.
From what he had gathered, the other pilots had left Duo alone, and as he tried to get in his wheelchair it had rolled backwards, causing Duo to fall. More injuries befell him, but Duo did not feel them. He had been like this for days, pushing himself around on his arms until they gave out. He was also very ill, and when Wufei had taken Duo to the hospital, it was then discovered Duo suffered a rare case of dysreflexia. If Wufei hadn't returned when he did, Duo's life could have been in danger. Since that day Wufei had not left the pilot's side. Duo had often asked him why, and Wufei could not answer.
He couldn't really describe himself as Duo's friend; to become friends would be useless. Wufei was a pilot, and that's all he would be until the war ended. Why he would detract from his duty to his colony and help someone as reckless and loud as the American and if anything the energetic youth that had annoyed him to no end?
Wufei reached under Duo's pillow and pulled out an over-folded piece of paper. Gingerly placing in the bag, Wufei left the room satisfied that he got everything that Duo would want when he gained consciousness. Leaving the safe house, he felt the crunch of broken glass at his feet, and made a note to fix that later. He turned to lock the door when he felt a hand tap his shoulder lightly. Snapping his body around, Wufei found himself to be standing face to face with Relena Peacecraft, causing her to jump back slightly.
She was uncertain of her coming here alone, but she knew that Heero would have been angry if she had others go to the safe house. On the other hand, Relena knew that Heero probably didn't know he had given her the address, he wasn't himself when she saw him last…
"Um, hello?" she stammered, her courage gaining as Heero flashed in her mind. "I was wondering. . ."
Her voice trailed off as Wufei grunted and pushed his way past her. "If you are looking for Heero," he muttered angrily, "the bastard's not here."
"I know that," she entreated as she quickly placed herself in Wufei's path, "but I would really like to know-"
"Get out of my way."
"Not until you tell me what is going on." she demanded.
"I won't ask you again." Wufei snapped as he walked around her. She stood there watching his retreating form, a panic growing in heart.
"Tell me what happened!" Relena screeched as she ran up to Wufei and grabbed the duffel bag on his arm. "Please? Something's wrong with Heero!" she paused as the Chinese pilot glared at her, "h-he's completely shut down. . . he just. . . I don't even think he knows what is going on around him. Pagan found him-"
"Let go." he ordered, a threat clearly revealed in his voice.
"No." she said, her voice challenging him to act on it. The two teens glared at each other, Relena's blue eyes never leaving Wufei's face.
"Damnit, I don't have time for you!" he spat after a long moment of silence. "Duo could be dying for all I know and the last thing I need is to be pestered by-"
"Oh my God!" Relena gasped, letting go of the bag. He took the opportunity to walk away when he felt her grab for the duffle again. "Where is he? Take me with you." she commanded in her most professional, 'You-would-be-so-wronged-in-disobeying-me' voice.
"Shit."
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Quatre looked around the waiting room and tossed the magazine in his hands to the floor. He stood and began to pace around the almost empty room. Everything seemed too surreal and nothing made sense; his empathy was no longer there, all he could feel were the emotions caused by himself. Leaning against a nearby wall with his eyes closed, he vainly tried to sense anything from the others. At least some indication that they were ok. Suddenly he felt a strong hand grab his shoulder. Trowa was standing in front of him, his face expressionless as always. It was his eyes, however. . .
"Don't." Trowa stated in a low voice.
"I was. . ." Quatre started, but he knew it to be useless. Sometimes he thought that Trowa might also be empathetic. In reality, the often stoic pilot just knew how to read people, sometimes even better than Quatre himself. Thinking of an explanation and not finding one, he stared into deep green eyes and sighed bitterly. "I don't know what I'm doing anymore. The pain. . . I can't feel it. But I know it's there, Trowa." he said, his voice breaking. Quatre felt tears fall from his eyes, but he made no move to wipe them away. "The pain is everywhere. Everyone. And its because of this stupid war. . . I've felt so much, and I just can't describe. I was-"
"By feeling other's pain," Trowa interrupted as he wiped a tear from Quatre's cheek; "does it help to understand?"
Quatre sniffed back a sob and tilted his head so that it rested in Trowa's palm. Looking up at Trowa, staring into those green orbs, Quatre knew Trowa already knew his answer. "No," he smiled as he closed the space between them in a hug, "it doesn't."
"For a time I thought it would, but all it does is cause more questions." Quatre continued, his head resting on Trowa's chest. Trowa in turn wrapped his arms around Quatre's shoulders. They stayed that way for a long time, just holding each other, no words shared. "Can I ask you a question?"
Trowa opened his mouth to respond, but then closed it as he heard footsteps rapidly approaching the room. He had just turned toward the entrance of the room when Relena came running in, her eyes spotting Quatre.
"Quatre!" she cried in frustration. Feeling Wufei's glare behind her, she huffed before running to stand beside Quatre. "What's going on? He won't tell me anything."
"It's not a matter for her to be concerned with." Wufei gruffly informed Quatre.
"Well if not for me, for Heero!" she snapped, her voice directed squarely at the Chinese teen. He turned his nose up at her angrily and walked over to the opposite side of the room. "Quatre, what happened?"
After casting a plea of understanding towards Wufei, Quatre slowly filled Relena in on the events of the past few weeks. She paled as she heard of the day's events.
"Duo . . ." she breathed. Walking over to a nearby couch, she slowly lowered herself onto it. "Is he. . ."
Relena stopped as a tall, young woman entered the room wearing hospital scrubs and a white lab coat. Quatre turned and walked towards the lady as she managed a weak smile. "He's in surgery right now," she said softly.
"Mav. . .," Quatre stated, voice faltering at the doctor's nickname. "Dr. Beacon. What happened?"
Dr. Beacon looked around the room, her mind praying that her professionalism stay in tact. Four pairs of young eyes stared up at her, all with a glimmer of hope that she could not give them. But not yet. "As you may know, Duo was diagnosed with Autonomic Dysreflexia." she informed the group. "We should have been more concerned, since Duo's spinal injury is below the common area of those with dysreflexia. We originally thought his to be one of the few rare cases. However, I do believe that the current positioning of his spine is not only affecting his spinal cord, but his circulation as well.
"We are still unsure why. Either way, we went ahead with the procedure that we recommended to Duo long ago. It is going to be difficult, the swelling around his spine has increased greatly."
"Will he be ok?" the blond girl asked. Dr. Beacon recognized her as Relena Peacecraft, but was confused to why she was there.
"We have the best surgeons working on him right now," she assured the girl. "As for the outcome, I can not guarantee any promises until the surgery is over."
Suddenly Quatre gasped and keeled over, his hands immediately clutching his chest. Trowa caught him and quickly placed him on the couch. Dr. Beacon rushed over to the boy and began to examine him. "No!" Quatre shouted as he pushed her hands away, his eyes wide with fear. Overhead the familiar chime of the PA system filled the room.
"Code Blue, OR immediately. Repeat Code . . ."
*****************************************************************************
Heero sat in the dark room, his senses alert, but his mind slowly waking. He was ordered to stay here, but his objectives were yet to be revealed. He found that highly unusual, and his laptop was no were to be seen. Sizing up the room, Heero concluded that this was Relena's study. That could not be right. It made no sense. How did he get here? Did *she* give the order? What was the time? What day was it?
Searching his memory, he remembered leaving the safe house on a mission. It was self-appointed, but what was it?
"I must regain control. . . Pain is bad. Hinders all missions. Must forget, must. . ."
He left to forget . . . what? Was the mission accomplished? It appeared so, but Heero felt lost. In fact, he felt awful.
I feel awful? I know what *awful* feels like. Heero thought, his mind rejoicing. But why?
He heard laughter in his mind, and he relished in the memory.
He was in a safe house; Duo was being as loud as usual. The long-haired teen was dancing in circles to music blaring from his headphones. Heero was sitting on his bed. He watched the other pilot spin and twirl until he collapsed from exhaustion. Thinking that Duo was done Heero resumed keying. Suddenly a hand clamped over his and pulled him off the bed. Duo managed to wrestle Heero into a waltz, dancing until Heero stepped on Duo's toes. Duo yelped and sat on Heero's bed, his laughter bouncing off the walls. Heero stared absently at the pilot, his confusion probably evident on his face. Duo grinned and leaned forward on the edge of the bed, his violet eyes staring up at him.
"You know what Heero? You can't dance." Duo laughed lightly. "And I think as much as I say it, I don't believe it. Deep down you are probably pretty damn human. You're not a machine. A robot could've matched me step for step; you tripped all over the place. I threw you off, surprised ya. Thus proves you have feelings. You can feel, either you just don't feel it or you don't know what feelings feel like. That doesn't make sense, yet it does. Or maybe you feel everything but ignore it too. I hope that one day that you will."
Duo understood, he always had. Every mission Duo tried to get Heero out of his shell, and he never seemed to be defeated when he failed. Or maybe Duo never failed at all.
I made Duo cry. His mind screamed. He suddenly remembered this morning. Heero saw it as if watching a movie. He was shaking Duo, throwing the other pilots to the ground if they interfered.
I was angry because Duo wanted to die.
Heero thought back to the argument.
"I've seen so many people die, so many I've killed. . . that it mattered after all this time. . . that I loved . . . I-I thought that with my shields down that it would kill me.
"I came close to losing you. I-I saw it in your eyes. I know how close your finger was to that button long before you even reached for it. And when you had changed your mind, I knew it wouldn't be for long."
"It was my fault." he murmured.
Heero jumped from his seat and left the room. Leaving Relena's house, he ran quickly to the safe house. Once inside, the house was eerily empty. He ran through the house, opening the doors, looking for someone. The kitchen was a mess, food from this morning still on the table. Duo's wheelchair was still in the living room. Reaching his room, Heero sat on the bed and looked absently at his laptop. The green screen flashed madly, and Heero walked over to retrieve the message. There was a mission, albeit a small one. He was about to accept it when Duo's name crossed his mind. He couldn't leave yet; he had to apologize. Closing his laptop, Heero left the safe house and ran back to Relena's. He hoped that maybe she could pass the message along for him. Reaching the door, Heero could hear his name being frantically called inside.
He opened the door and walked inside. "Relena?" he called. She came running down the stairs, tears streaming down her face. Relena clutched onto Heero tightly, sobbing loudly, her words incoherent and frantic. "What's wrong? Relena!"
"I'm so sorry." she sobbed as she looked into Heero's eyes. "It's Duo."
TBC
AN: I still think I could've done better with this chapter, *sigh*. Or am I being too hard on myself? Anyhoot, Chapter 10'll be a lot better, promise. ~Anthy