Disclaimer: I don't own Qui-gon (shoot!!!), Obi-wan (damn!!!), Mace (rats?) or Yoda (???) ,
they belong to the big guy, George Lucas.

side note: After rereading this story, I discovered that there where loads of grammar (and other) faults in it.
I corrected some of those (my original plan was to crawl in a hole and die), but I'm sure that there are still much of
those meanies hiding in it. Don't let it bother you...
So what you're going to read now, is the improved (?) version of my story.(*tada*)

As he walked in his quarters, Qui-gon let out a long sigh. Tonight had been a long night. He had meeting with the council
about his latest solo mission, and it had been a very long meeting. While stifling a yawn he walked in the kitchen to fetch
himself some tea. He was very tired since he was already up from 4.00 am to catch his transport, and on the ride itself he
was to busy reading some data about what could be the next mission for him and his padwan to sleep. Ah yes, there was the
topic that had been whirling in his mind all the afternoon and night. He thought that the 14-year-old boy was acting quieter
and stranger then normal. He knew he had been a little short with the boy when he saw him, especially since he had been
away for two weeks. But he was obligated to go to the meeting, and he wanted to go say hi to Mace before the meeting.
But still...maybe he should have said more then: "Good afternoon Obi-wan, I have to go to a meeting about my mission,
but first I'm going to stop by at Mace's." Maybe he should have given him a hug, but he still held back his feelings
and affections since Xanthos, but Obi-wan knew he loved him, didn't he? Yes, of course he knew. Qui-gon knew he was rather
hard on Obi-wan, but he didn't want to make the same fault as with Xanthos. But maybe he had been to hard on him with his
last comment :"And I've also heard from master Kesard that several masters have complained that you haven't paid much
attention in your classes lately . I would like you to study when I'm gone, and you can also meditate on your lack of
attention during the lessons. I maybe gone for a while, so go to bed at the normal time. I'm warning you Obi-wan,
don't try anything, goodnight." But what he said was right, while he was on the way to their quarters he came across
master Kesard, who said all masters found that Obi-wan was not paying enough attention during their lessons. Yes, he should
have punished him, he couldn't tolerate lack of attention, or he would be to soft on him. If Qui-gon had only looked in the
eyes of his padawan before he left, he would have seen the hurt.

As soon as Qui-gon had left Obi-wan felt the tears that were threatening to fall, but he briskly wiped them away before
they could. Was that all he had to say to him after being away for two weeks, "I'm going to Mace's, don't try anything,
you haven't been paying enough attention, meditate." Why the hell did he think he hadn't been paying attention, did he even
think about that? What Obi-wan needed from his master was comfort but all he got was a punishment. He felt out of place,
like he was a lost puppy, annoying Qui-gon by trailing after him. Maybe his master never really cared for him.
In the beginning Obi-wan thought that maybe Qui-gon needed time to trust him again and to open up to him.
But he couldn't keep this up anymore, he worked so hard to try and make his master proud, but Qui-gon just had an eye for
what he did wrong. Obi-wan needed a comforting word sometimes, or just a hug. He wasn't a freaking robot that didn't need
affection and only needs commands. Against his will Obi-wan started studying, he didn't want to make his master anymore
disappointed. After about ten minutes he closed his book and let out a frustrated sigh. He just couldn't concentrate,
who was bloody interested in the history of trading on Couruscant. He just couldn't forget the disappointed look his master
had thrown him when told him about the comment of master Kesard. He hated that look, he knew jedi weren't supposed to hate
but he really did hate it. He had seen that look too much. Obi-wan felt himself get frustrated and knew he needed to
something before he got raged. He then did something he didn't do very often, he took the notebook he got from Bant for
his birthday and started to write. The notebook was covered in light brown leather, with his name on it in silver.
He didn't know how long he sat there, and didn't care. He penned the words down with his heart and soul.
He writed all the emotions he had been penting up inside on the sheet of paper. Tears slided down his cheek,
but he let them be this time. When he was done he reread the text, and was on the
verge of breaking down. He felt abandoned, alone. He needed to get out, he didn't care if Qui-gon would be mad, he didn't
care if he got punished, he just needed to get out.

After talking with Mace for a long time, he arrived at his quarters about one hour later the he intended to.
While sipping some fresh, warm tea, Qui-gon noticed something strange, he didn't sense Obi-wan along the (he had to admit) rather
thin bond they shared . Slightly worried Qui-gon walked up to his padwans room. He softly opened the door only to be
confronted with an empty bed. He looked around the room and noticed an open book on Obi-wan's desk. As he walked closer to it
he saw that it was some kind of a poem. After a moment of doubt,
he picked up the book. Obi-wan had been crying while he was writing, Qui-gon saw the tearstains on the sheet of paper.
He sat down on Obi-wan's bed as he started to read his padwan's handwriting.

I hope you know I'm hurt, `cause I'm hurt because of you.
Show me some affection, that's what I'm longing for you to do.
Wipe away my tears, and replace them with a smile.
But don't give me that glace, the one with disappointment in your eyes.

Can't you see I'm hurt, hurt because of you.
Hoping you will accept me, which is all you have to do.
Acknowledge my presence, and clear this fog of doubt.
I'm caught in a maze of hurt and confusion, hoping one day you will get me out.

Laugh my doubts away,
wipe away my tears.
Fill the whole in my heart,
that's been there for years.
`Cause I don't know how long I can keep this up,
don't know if my walls can bear,
this loneliness and hurt, I wish it would just stop.
It's too much for my shoulders to wear.

Look at me, I'm hurt, hurt because of you.
I feel like I'm fading away, and I know I'm not strong enough to pull trough.
My wall is crumbling, and I let tears slide,
hoping you would be here to catch them, standing by my side.
On the inside I'm hurt, hurt because of you.
Hiding behind my emotionless exterior, slowly losing faith in you.