The floor was hard and cold, but Qui-gon was to perplex to notice. He didn't know nor cared how long he had been sitting
there. Thousand of questions were whirling around in his mind, but the one that was standing out above the rest was
'How did I not notice this?' The question itself remained unanswered. Qui-gon slowly closed his eyes,
hoping he would just vanish into thin air. He felt ashamed, how could he have been so blind?
While opening his eyes again, he picked the notebook up from the floor and started to reread the text.
Tears rolled down his cheeks, first slow, but then faster and faster. A sob that struggled to get out was quickly suppressed.
Qui-gon tried to pull himself together, but lost the battle when he read *losing faith in you*. The sob that had been
lurking deep inside his throat made his escape. It was a heart wrenching sound. The sound of deep guilt, sorrow and pain.
He fighted against the tears wanted to make their way out, he lost. The great Qui-gon, jedi master, diplomat,
the big guy with the stoïc face was sitting there on the floor with his head against the wall, crying his heart out.
He had been walking around in the temple for what seemed like hours now. Without a goal or destination,
just wandering trough the endless halls. Tough his body was in the hall, his mind wasn't, his mind was with his master.
How would he react if he didn't find Obi-wan in their quarters, would he even care? Obi-wan was so lost in his thoughts,
that when he realised someone was coming closer, it was already to late to avoid the person.
Wait, he recognised the force signature of this person, it was master Yoda. Sith, just what he needed,
the green little troll was probably going to lecture him about how a jedi needed his rest and should go to sleep
at a reasonable hour. Oh no, what was he going to tell him if Yoda asked him why he was wandering trough the hall that late
with tearstains on his face. "Oh, it's just a new hobby of mine, walking around and crying, you should try it sometimes,
they say it's very healthy." Yeah right. But to his great surprise Yoda just smiled sadly at him and wobbled further,
his cane making soft tapping noises on the floor. If this had been a normal day, Obi-wan would have at least
questioned master Yoda's behaviour, but since this wasn't a normal day his mind wandered back to his master.
Should he open their bond to see what his master was feeling? Or should he just let it be. Curiosity got the best of him,
he opened their bond and collided with one of the strongest shields he had ever witnessed. Whatever his master was feeling,
he didn't want it to be exposed to Obi-wan. Maybe he was angry, the idea alone brought shivers up his spine.
The last year Obi-wan had lived to make Qui-gon happy and proud, now he had blown the chance of ever gaining his trust again.
That's probably why Qui-gon pulled up so strong shields, to not let him feel he was angry,
hurt and most of all disappointed. No, this wasn't his fault, it was Qui-gon's, he should have helped me, comforted me,
but not punish me. Obi-wan always thought that even after Melida/Daan their bond and relationship would survive.
' Guess I was wrong'. Now he had done what Qui-gon expected him to do, he had walked away from him, betrayed him,
he had left his side. He had thrown away all the months he tried to show Qui-gon that he wasn't Xanthos. 'No, this isn't my fault,
this isn't my fault, not my fault, not my fault…
He was drained from the emotional roller coaster ride he had been on. His tea long forgotten, he walked to the refresher
to clean his face. After a quick glace in the mirror, his suspicions were confirmed, he was a wreck.
He splashed some cold water on his face, hoping it would help him feel a little better, it didn't.
Maybe he should go search his padawan. But did Obi-wan want to see him? He opened their bond, in the hope of picking
some of the emotions the boy was feeling up. To his surprise Obi-wan had pulled up real strong and tight shields.
He didn't know his padwan could do that, but what did he know about his padawan? 'No I have to stay strong,
I don't want to break down again.' He gave himself his galaxy-wide (or maybe just council-wide) known stubborn look in the mirror.
He would stay strong. Still, he had all of these emotions inside of him that needed to get out. So he did the same thing his padawan did. He took a sheet of paper out of his sketchbook, a pencil, and started writing.
Don't lose faith, don't let me go.
I always thought you would stay, but now i fear the next tomorrow.
I know I've hurt you, I know I've made you cry.
I know i can't make it up to you, but please let me try.
Come back to me.
Don't expect me to give up on you, watch you walk away.
I'll give you my heart, my soul, all that, if you would just stay.
You saved a man from a bitter life, helped him to feel again.
You wormed your way into my heart, turned me from a lost soul back into a man.
Come back to me.
Sorrow and guilt are trapped inside my heart.
You used to be here, to heal something that was torn apart.
Now i just want you back by my side .
I know for certain this could work again if we would just try.
Come back to me, please come back to me.