Hyper Insomnia Number One
By Chyna Rose
Disclaimer: Don't
own gargs, Buffy, or Digimon. Do own my
four muses and myself. This is a spin
off of hyperness, mild insomnia, and the author's note for Bewitching the
Dragon, part four by Michiko. And yes
the letter event really did happen to me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
[fade in on a bare theatrical stage. Chyna enters in conservative dress.]
Chyna: Hi. I've taken a break from my work on Tenth
Century Digital Gargoyle in order to bring you this little lesson on the
meaning of a word. And to demonstrate
my point, Daisuke and Ken have volunteered.
Daisuke: No we didn't.
You pulled us out of archiving to do this.
Chyna: Think of this as your reward for the postal surgeon
bit.
Daisuke: Don't you mean punishment?
Chyna: I thought it was cute. For those wondering what the hell I'm
talking about, I will explain. During
the summer I volunteered my time on a
political campaign. For the past week
or so, the campaign has been focused on getting a mailer out. I had to sort the letters by zip code –a job
made harder by the fact that a number of envelopes ended up glued
together. After working with both a box
cutter and some scotch tape, I began to think of myself as a postal surgeon and
came up with a small skit:
Miyako: [hands an exacto knife
to Joyu] Joyu, can you separate the
stuck letters. Someone [glares at Taichi] went a little overboard with
the adhesive.
Joyu: I'm a doctor, not a postal surgeon.
Yamato: Joyu, you're not a
doctor. I thought you didn't want to be
one.
Taichi: (quietly to Koushiro)
You had to watch a Star Trek marathon last night.
Daisuke: My point exactly.
Chyna: You'll like this.
Trust me.
Daisuke: (sarcastic) Like I haven't heard that
before.
Chyna: Anyway, my assistants Ken and Daisuke will now
demonstrate the use of the word 'master'.
No matter how the word master is used, it always shows a
dominant/submissive relationship between people. This is unavoidable as master is a term that denotes rank. One of the first things that comes to mind
when one hears the word master is the relationship of master and slave; which
Ken and Daisuke will now demonstrate.
[Ken enters wearing an elaborate Egyptian style outfit in
the Kaiser's colors. Daisuke follows
him wearing only a simple off white Egyptian style skirt, and carrying a
chair. Ken points to a spot on the
floor, and Daisuke puts the chair down then kneels next to it. Ken sits down.]
Ken: Slave, bring me
a pomegranate.
Daisuke: Yes master. [exits. After a moment, Ken picks up the chair and exits.]
Chyna: Next, we have the master/employee relationship. This is the type of relationship seen more
often in long time domestic services –such as a live in maid or butler.
[Daisuke enters wearing a tux. He's carrying a tray holding the afore mentioned fruit. Ken enters, wearing a business suit.]
Daisuke: Welcome back Master Ken. I trust you day was good.
Would you care for a pomegranate?
Ken: I think I'll skip on the fruit.
Daisuke: Very good sir.
Would you like me to notify the cook about dinner?
Ken: Tell him I'm dinning out tonight. [Ken and Daisuke exit
together.]
Chyna: There is a variation on the master/employee
relationship: the master/peasant relationship.
This is not seen very much
anymore since the feudal system which it originated in is no longer used.
[Daisuke enters wearing a page outfit –complete with a
sheathed sword. He approaches Chyna and
drops to one knee in front of her.]
Daisuke: My lord and
master, Ken Ichijouji, requests your presence for dinner tonight. Please follow me.
[Daisuke rises, bows to Chyna, then exits. Chyna simply roles her eyes.]
Chyna: Then there is the master/apprentice
relationship. Again, this is something
rarely seen today as the system it flourished in has all but died.
[Daisuke and Ken enter, dressed as Jedis. They sit cross legged on the floor.]
Ken: Meditation is a good tool to know. It helps to bring calm and focus. Close your eyes and slow your
breathing. Picture the computer in your
mind. See yourself at the computer
accessing the web site. If you can
imagine the hack in your mind, you will be one step closer…
[Chyna bodily pushes them off stage, among protests and then
returns blushing slightly.]
Chyna: Sorry about that.
I that wasn't what they said they'd do when they cleared the skit with
me earlier. Next we have master and
amateur. This example is the most
common one today.
[Daisuke and Ken enter in what they normally wear, carrying
a number of books, binders, and papers.
They never stop walking.]
Daisuke: So you see,
as long as your gm's halfway decent, it's not that hard.
Ken: What if I want to do something different from what the
gm decided is going to happen?
Daisuke: A good gm will be able to compensate. He should be flexible enough to allow for deviation. And if it's vitally important that something
happens, he'll set it up so that you end up doing what he wants anyway.
Ken: Oh. What do I
do if my gm doesn't?
Daisuke: Get a new one.
[they continue talking and exit.]
Chyna: What? Where
is it written that Ken must always be the master? Anyway. After that, we have…
Daisuke: (from off stage) I refuse to do this!
Chyna: Daisuke, there are only two more examples left to
do. So stop complaining and put on the
damn costume.
Daisuke: (from off stage) It's demeaning.
Chyna: I promise you'll like the last one.
Daisuke: (still from off stage) How can I? You never told us what it was, let alone ask
to see the skit for it.
Chyna: If you haven't figured it out, ask Ken. After you put on the costume and get
your but out here for the skit. [waits
a minute to give Daisuke a chance to say something further. He doesn't] After that we have the
master/pet relationship. Normally, this
one isn't applied to humans on both ends, but given the circumstances…
[Ken and Daisuke enter.
Ken is dressed normally, but Daisuke's on all fours in a dog suit
–complete with leash and collar. He
growls at Chyna, who growls right back.
They exit.]
Chyna: The last example is that of master and sex toy. Although it is not quite as common as
master/amateur, it is most likely the most sought after one.
[Ken enters wearing the outfit he had as the Kaiser, only
without the glasses or shirt. Daisuke
walks on stage wearing the dog collar, leash, and the Egyptian style
skirt. He's practically drooling. Ken stops in the middle of the stage,
jerking Daisuke to a sudden stop on the end of the leash, and faces Chyna.]
Ken: Henati. [turns
to leave, then stops] Don't even think
about following us. [exits, dragging
the unresisting Daisuke after him.]
Chyna: [wipes the drool off her chin and manually closes her
mouth.] Er, well, there you have
it. The various meanings of the word
'master'. (half to herself) I wonder if
Lex set up the cameras like I begged him to? [exits]
[camera pans back until Lex and Spike can be seen, sitting
in the flies.]
Spike: You gonna tell 'er that Ken swept the room for
camera's before 'e left?
Lex: Maybe. I told
her it was a bad idea in the first place.
Besides, I'm a little mad at her for what she did to me.
Spike: She finally got around to writing your scene in that
Digital Gargoyle thing then?
Lex: She had me shot!
By my own brother even.
Spike: Ow. Feel like
watching the sparks fly when she realizes the camera's not hooked up?
Lex: Sure. I'll make
some popcorn.
[fade to black]
