Chapter Three: The secrets revealed
-Thanks to all those who reviewed!-
Gandalf was currently going mad at the sudden loss of his err..."beloved" Teddy Bear but enough about that.
Sam was holding up his own present and was busy reading his letter:
Dear Sam,
I had a hard time hunting your present and I want to say that you can't toy love. Make your loved one love you. This present may help and next Christmas, do ask of something that doesn't concern love----You asked for a naked picture of your beloved last year, remember?
Yours,
The very tired Santa
He instantly brightened and glanced at Frodo. "Oh Joy!" He exclaimed. "This time, Frodo will fall for me!" He tore his present open and found out that it was a book entitled: "Love and how to be loved by Sam Johnson" No-one knows if it was purely coincidence that Sam and the book's author had the same name but Santa says that Sam Johnson also fell in love with a man and that this suited an idiot like Sam. Legolas also opened his present. It appeared to be a bottle of lotion that smelled of fresh flowers. "Oooohhh!" Legolas squealed. "I'm gonna show this to the guys at the Men's parlor!" Unfortunately, Legolas failed to notice the minor note written below the lotion's brand: FOR WOMEN ONLY. Happy embarrassment day Legolas!
Boromir seemed to be drooling over his present but he opened it anyways. "AUUGGGHHHH!!!!!" Frodo suddenly dropped his present and everyone stared at Boromir. It seemed that he had gotten, for some strange reason, a WEDDING RING.
"WHAT THE F****NG H*L* IS THIS CRAP? A WEDDING RING?! DAMN THAT SANTA! CURSE HIM! THAT F***I*G ASSHOLE!" Boromir was caught in a fury of anger and pain, no-one wanted to move and Legolas says Boromir looks like a wild bull and screams like a cow giving birth. (Legolas, give your comments later, please.) Gandalf looked up and almost cried with joy at the very sight of the ring. He jumped up and immediately tried to grab the ring from Boromir. "Give that to me!" said Gandalf. "Santa must have made a mistake with the presents! He wants to marry me! Give me the ring, I'm Santa's lover not you!"
The fight seemed pointless but Legolas and Sam stayed to watch.
Frodo was reading his letter and he wanted to jump for joy.
Dear Frodo,
I tried to get you what you wanted and I sort of got them for you.
(Frodo looks at his present, a bag that said COURAGE --- BISCUITS)
If you run out of these biscuits, don't ask for them again because they're a very rare brand err... Magical objects. Understand that when you eat those biscuits, they will sort of give you courage.
Yours,
Santa
Frodo opened the bag of biscuits and ate one. "Hmm.." He said. "Not bad at all." He had also failed to notice the piece of tape that covered the word between COURAGE and BISCUITS. Actually, it's real brand is COURAGE DOG BISCUITS. Well, Frodo, be prepared just in case all kinds of canine bacteria take over your system. And so, this year's Christmas for the five of them ends.
An upcoming Chapter four is on it's way. It contains what Santa has to say.
-Thanks to all those who reviewed!-
Gandalf was currently going mad at the sudden loss of his err..."beloved" Teddy Bear but enough about that.
Sam was holding up his own present and was busy reading his letter:
Dear Sam,
I had a hard time hunting your present and I want to say that you can't toy love. Make your loved one love you. This present may help and next Christmas, do ask of something that doesn't concern love----You asked for a naked picture of your beloved last year, remember?
Yours,
The very tired Santa
He instantly brightened and glanced at Frodo. "Oh Joy!" He exclaimed. "This time, Frodo will fall for me!" He tore his present open and found out that it was a book entitled: "Love and how to be loved by Sam Johnson" No-one knows if it was purely coincidence that Sam and the book's author had the same name but Santa says that Sam Johnson also fell in love with a man and that this suited an idiot like Sam. Legolas also opened his present. It appeared to be a bottle of lotion that smelled of fresh flowers. "Oooohhh!" Legolas squealed. "I'm gonna show this to the guys at the Men's parlor!" Unfortunately, Legolas failed to notice the minor note written below the lotion's brand: FOR WOMEN ONLY. Happy embarrassment day Legolas!
Boromir seemed to be drooling over his present but he opened it anyways. "AUUGGGHHHH!!!!!" Frodo suddenly dropped his present and everyone stared at Boromir. It seemed that he had gotten, for some strange reason, a WEDDING RING.
"WHAT THE F****NG H*L* IS THIS CRAP? A WEDDING RING?! DAMN THAT SANTA! CURSE HIM! THAT F***I*G ASSHOLE!" Boromir was caught in a fury of anger and pain, no-one wanted to move and Legolas says Boromir looks like a wild bull and screams like a cow giving birth. (Legolas, give your comments later, please.) Gandalf looked up and almost cried with joy at the very sight of the ring. He jumped up and immediately tried to grab the ring from Boromir. "Give that to me!" said Gandalf. "Santa must have made a mistake with the presents! He wants to marry me! Give me the ring, I'm Santa's lover not you!"
The fight seemed pointless but Legolas and Sam stayed to watch.
Frodo was reading his letter and he wanted to jump for joy.
Dear Frodo,
I tried to get you what you wanted and I sort of got them for you.
(Frodo looks at his present, a bag that said COURAGE --- BISCUITS)
If you run out of these biscuits, don't ask for them again because they're a very rare brand err... Magical objects. Understand that when you eat those biscuits, they will sort of give you courage.
Yours,
Santa
Frodo opened the bag of biscuits and ate one. "Hmm.." He said. "Not bad at all." He had also failed to notice the piece of tape that covered the word between COURAGE and BISCUITS. Actually, it's real brand is COURAGE DOG BISCUITS. Well, Frodo, be prepared just in case all kinds of canine bacteria take over your system. And so, this year's Christmas for the five of them ends.
An upcoming Chapter four is on it's way. It contains what Santa has to say.