Chapter Four: Santa's final word
Santa says:
Groan. Hello. So it's you then. Well, those bunch of wackos almost had me back there. I could have torn my own hair and beard to pieces as well. I received some questions from some of you so, here are my answers:
Question: Why did you give Gandalf a gift when he's already too old to believe in Santa Claus?
Answer: I decided I'd better give him something before he starts following me everywhere or even start an "I believe in Santa Claus" fan club. Did you expect me to allow him to do that and wreck my life forever?
Question: How come you gave Boromir a wedding ring?
Answer: I was too afraid of his explosive cookies and milk so I didn't have any choice.
Question: Why didn't you give poor Gandalf a much more high-class teddy bear?
Answer: I DID give him a high-class teddy bear! Unfortunately, it seems his sucking mouth was high-class too.
Question: How come Frodo received dog biscuits with the brand name, "COURAGE"?
Answer: Hey, I couldn't think of any other way to cure his lack of sanity I mean, lack of courage.
Question: Why give a feminine lotion to Legolas? Is it because he's like a woman?
Answer: That was a feminine lotion?
Question: Why didn't you believe Legolas and give Boromir a lump of coal instead?
Answer: Santa sees all. I see everything that you people do.
Hey now, let's not get perverted!
Question: If Gandalf asked for your hand in marriage next Christmas, what would you do?
Answer: I'll simply go and marry a cow instead and say I'll never divorce it.
Question: Is there a next chapter?
Answer: Yep. Next Christmas is a lot more fun since Aragorn, Grishnakh and Saruman along with the rest of the characters ask Santa for crazy stuff again and they might even get to meet Santa himself!
Santa says:
Groan. Hello. So it's you then. Well, those bunch of wackos almost had me back there. I could have torn my own hair and beard to pieces as well. I received some questions from some of you so, here are my answers:
Question: Why did you give Gandalf a gift when he's already too old to believe in Santa Claus?
Answer: I decided I'd better give him something before he starts following me everywhere or even start an "I believe in Santa Claus" fan club. Did you expect me to allow him to do that and wreck my life forever?
Question: How come you gave Boromir a wedding ring?
Answer: I was too afraid of his explosive cookies and milk so I didn't have any choice.
Question: Why didn't you give poor Gandalf a much more high-class teddy bear?
Answer: I DID give him a high-class teddy bear! Unfortunately, it seems his sucking mouth was high-class too.
Question: How come Frodo received dog biscuits with the brand name, "COURAGE"?
Answer: Hey, I couldn't think of any other way to cure his lack of sanity I mean, lack of courage.
Question: Why give a feminine lotion to Legolas? Is it because he's like a woman?
Answer: That was a feminine lotion?
Question: Why didn't you believe Legolas and give Boromir a lump of coal instead?
Answer: Santa sees all. I see everything that you people do.
Hey now, let's not get perverted!
Question: If Gandalf asked for your hand in marriage next Christmas, what would you do?
Answer: I'll simply go and marry a cow instead and say I'll never divorce it.
Question: Is there a next chapter?
Answer: Yep. Next Christmas is a lot more fun since Aragorn, Grishnakh and Saruman along with the rest of the characters ask Santa for crazy stuff again and they might even get to meet Santa himself!