Chapter Five: Read, Santa! Read, Santa!
Again, Santa found himself on top of the very same house he had been on that Christmas. It was the same type of people. He recalled well their wishes: a ring, a loved' one's heart, a teddy bear, courage, and beautifying objects. He felt that sudden urge of leaping forward to his sleigh and escape through the night, relieved at the thought of getting rest from those crazy people. But still, he was Santa Claus.
Down the chimney he went; there was really no other choice.
Yet again, five letters were right before him, only that there were no more plate of cookies and milk for him. So Santa set to work again and tore open the first letter:
Dear Santa,
First of all, thank you for the lotion but now, I would like to ask you of something I'd really love to have. The elves all around the world have been talking about this new crossbow called "Elf-crossbow 9000". It's excellent for elves like myself and I know it'll just match perfectly with my new silk outfit! Please give me an Elf-crossbow 9000!
Yours,
Legolas
Santa thought for a minute. An Elf-crossbow 9000 was extremely costly and he considered this Legolas fellow wise to have asked for it since he knew Santa would give it to him. Santa suddenly realized that he did not have the capacity to get such a thing but he had a plan....
The next letter read:
Dear Santa,
I know you cheated. I know you gave me a cheap teddy bear. For that, you'll have to pay me! That's right, you have to pay me with a new teddy bear with a built-in suck-proof system or else I will call upon the abominable monsters from beyond the grave to haunt you forever!
Back with a vengeance,
Gandalf
Santa sighed. Another teddy bear. But at least, it was easier than what Legolas was asking for.
Dear Santa,
I don't want to ask you for anything now. Your Courage biscuits have given me nothing but continuous diarrhea and severe stomach pains. But it's not that I hate you. I'll ask you for a present when I get out of the Intensive Care Unit in the hospital.
Thanks,
Frodo
Santa wanted to laugh but it would wake them so he silently opened the next letter.
Dear Santa,
I hate you.
From the man who will curse you forever,
Boromir
Santa did not mind this since he thought it was pure revenge that he gave Boromir a wedding ring. The next letter seemed to come from an unfamiliar person.
Dear Santa,
You probably don't know me yet but I heard from my companions that you give away gifts on Christmas. I'm not gonna ask you for presents since you're a stranger. I just want to know who you are and why do you have a job like this? I've searched books for your name but there was no record of your name. So please, kindly answer the questions below:
1) What is your real name?
2) Where do you live?
3) What is your telephone number?
4) How many kids do you have?
5) What is the license plate of your car, "The Sleigh"?
6) What kind of gasoline do you use to power your car?
7) When is your birthday?
8) What is your favorite color?
9) How did you get so fat?
10) Why do you need to come down the chimney?
Yours,
Aragorn
Santa groaned. He had lost his fan Gandalf but now, an interviewer was on the loose. When was the torture going to stop?
He picked up the next letter and opened it.
Dear Santa,
I thank you for the book you gave me but still, I haven't gotten to try it's techniques since Frodo my love has been hospitalized! Could you give me a medicine to cure him immediately?
Yours,
Sam
Santa was about to leave the presents but he saw a last letter. There was still another one.
Dear Santa,
I know I've never written to you before but I just want to ask though Gandalf doesn't mind much, are you trying to copy our beards? That's copyright protected you know. I wish to confirm if you are copying my fashion statement. Be informed that my lawyer is ready to go to court with you. In the meantime, I want to ask you for a potion that will permanently strengthen me despite of my old age. Deliver it to this address please:
1091 Fossil beards street, Fwahhahahaha country
Truly Yours,
Saruman
Santa was frozen in anger for the next several minutes. Why in the world would he copy Saruman's stinky old twisted beard? But he needed to get the presents first...
Chapter six is a mouse click away..
Again, Santa found himself on top of the very same house he had been on that Christmas. It was the same type of people. He recalled well their wishes: a ring, a loved' one's heart, a teddy bear, courage, and beautifying objects. He felt that sudden urge of leaping forward to his sleigh and escape through the night, relieved at the thought of getting rest from those crazy people. But still, he was Santa Claus.
Down the chimney he went; there was really no other choice.
Yet again, five letters were right before him, only that there were no more plate of cookies and milk for him. So Santa set to work again and tore open the first letter:
Dear Santa,
First of all, thank you for the lotion but now, I would like to ask you of something I'd really love to have. The elves all around the world have been talking about this new crossbow called "Elf-crossbow 9000". It's excellent for elves like myself and I know it'll just match perfectly with my new silk outfit! Please give me an Elf-crossbow 9000!
Yours,
Legolas
Santa thought for a minute. An Elf-crossbow 9000 was extremely costly and he considered this Legolas fellow wise to have asked for it since he knew Santa would give it to him. Santa suddenly realized that he did not have the capacity to get such a thing but he had a plan....
The next letter read:
Dear Santa,
I know you cheated. I know you gave me a cheap teddy bear. For that, you'll have to pay me! That's right, you have to pay me with a new teddy bear with a built-in suck-proof system or else I will call upon the abominable monsters from beyond the grave to haunt you forever!
Back with a vengeance,
Gandalf
Santa sighed. Another teddy bear. But at least, it was easier than what Legolas was asking for.
Dear Santa,
I don't want to ask you for anything now. Your Courage biscuits have given me nothing but continuous diarrhea and severe stomach pains. But it's not that I hate you. I'll ask you for a present when I get out of the Intensive Care Unit in the hospital.
Thanks,
Frodo
Santa wanted to laugh but it would wake them so he silently opened the next letter.
Dear Santa,
I hate you.
From the man who will curse you forever,
Boromir
Santa did not mind this since he thought it was pure revenge that he gave Boromir a wedding ring. The next letter seemed to come from an unfamiliar person.
Dear Santa,
You probably don't know me yet but I heard from my companions that you give away gifts on Christmas. I'm not gonna ask you for presents since you're a stranger. I just want to know who you are and why do you have a job like this? I've searched books for your name but there was no record of your name. So please, kindly answer the questions below:
1) What is your real name?
2) Where do you live?
3) What is your telephone number?
4) How many kids do you have?
5) What is the license plate of your car, "The Sleigh"?
6) What kind of gasoline do you use to power your car?
7) When is your birthday?
8) What is your favorite color?
9) How did you get so fat?
10) Why do you need to come down the chimney?
Yours,
Aragorn
Santa groaned. He had lost his fan Gandalf but now, an interviewer was on the loose. When was the torture going to stop?
He picked up the next letter and opened it.
Dear Santa,
I thank you for the book you gave me but still, I haven't gotten to try it's techniques since Frodo my love has been hospitalized! Could you give me a medicine to cure him immediately?
Yours,
Sam
Santa was about to leave the presents but he saw a last letter. There was still another one.
Dear Santa,
I know I've never written to you before but I just want to ask though Gandalf doesn't mind much, are you trying to copy our beards? That's copyright protected you know. I wish to confirm if you are copying my fashion statement. Be informed that my lawyer is ready to go to court with you. In the meantime, I want to ask you for a potion that will permanently strengthen me despite of my old age. Deliver it to this address please:
1091 Fossil beards street, Fwahhahahaha country
Truly Yours,
Saruman
Santa was frozen in anger for the next several minutes. Why in the world would he copy Saruman's stinky old twisted beard? But he needed to get the presents first...
Chapter six is a mouse click away..