We All Just Stood There
A guide to Farmer Shinji's: They All Just Stood There
writen by: Farmer Shinji
----
There has been alot of confusion of what I have writen. So I've decided to write a guide so that
people can understand what I've writen about. Alot of the things said in that guide are just notes
that I wrote in a notebook. But people dont seem to understand the time or the place of where this fic
is taking place. I can understand this because Misato at the beginning seems to throw people off.
The truth is that was a flashback from Shinji. It was philosophy that she taught him in order to understand
that life wasnt beautiful. That was suppose to take place right before End of Evangelion would've began.
The story itself takes place after Third Impact. When Shinji and Asuka are the only ones alive. The point
of the story was to see why Shinji chose the decisions he made in EoE. Because nobody loved him was
a really lame reason to kill off the entire world. And notice I never said "everybody died" because alot of
them didnt. They were all reincarnated and became "higher beings". Sad thing is that I never saw the last
three episodes of EVA but saw everything else. So the truth is I really didnt know how Nagisa was act. But
he's point wasnt to make things bright in cheery. Dude, everyone is gone! Was Nagisa suppose to say
"Dont worry be happy!" like the Olsen Twins often said (shut up, just shut up .). Nah, Nagisa was given the news. And yes, it is amazingly dark and it may seem like some sort of suicide note but hey, thats the point. To show people the darkness Neon Genesis Evangelion truly had in it. Now like I said before alot of the things I wrote was actually writen about 4 months ago... today is 2/15/02. Here they are:
Face:
I see the nations youth, as ignorant. Call me crazy but with the millions of kids in America, somebody has to think they know us. Give them that. Our parents say they know us, but of course they dont. My parents say they know but they dont. I hate mankind, I run away from reality so I sleep. Thats why I sleep, to runaway from the hellish world we live in. I hate mankind, because its angry ignorance. People see me as a quiet and shy person. But in my mind, I'm a different person. I call this my "face". My "face" is hidding my true feelings with a personality that people know and see me as. I dont like myself, I just wish that somebody is there so I can tell my deepest thoughts and darkest feelings without them being ignorant.
I have an image: I walk through a crowded hallway at school. People push me and bump into me along the way. But without confrontation I break. I snap. I shove people out of my way and people make room for me because they're scared of me. In PE, I punch a kid in the face who has been making fun of me ever since day one. Then I pull out a handgun and I slaughter 5 kids. Then one bullet, for myself.
This is how I see myself. If people are going to hurt me, I will run and hide. But someday I'm going to snap. Ever wished there was a way to express yourself through words? HATE
--
My point in the above passage was to give the idea that people hide their true emotions because they're scared of people hating them for their true self. The image I had also was a little pushing it but I was really angry when I wrote that. I also wanted to get across that due to having a "face" people dont really take you seriously. Like say I'm online, people see me as a goofy guy. But when I would tell him some of this sort of stuff they would just laugh.
I actually wrote the poem.. and ya my real name is Andrew but who cares right?
Maybe mankind does learn from its past
Maybe a gauntlet full of wine is sweeter than love
All humans are unable to prove self-worth
Such sad and fragile creatures they are
And maybe consciousness is controlled by ours
That hopefully there is no greater power
The fools who believe in God
The poor souls helpless to the image of eternity of hell
Maybe these sad creatures have a purpose in life
Maybe there is a reason for their existence
Poor children, follow your leader and then..
Maybe mankind does learn from its past
--
There were alot of things I was trying to put across. But I sure sounded athiest in that passage. The first two
lines were suppose to be saying that humans are ignorant. Because people are always trying to hide the truth. Saying such as people learn from its mistakes but in reality look at all the issues in the world and the issues from the past. The gauntlet and wine thing is trying to say that "yeah people try to believe in things that arent true". People are trying to prove that they are important but look at all the things they are telling us.. lies! And that people like to like to think that they control EVERYTHING in there life but in reality ya God is there. Wherever you go there has to be a reason for creating everything. I am just saying that in believing the truth comes of the horror of it. And that God or whatever you believe in had a reason for creating life. When I said "poor children, follow your leader and etc" I was meaning that if you keep believing everything you believe in things start all over and that they will hide the truth. Its a funky peom but I think it
sounds pretty cool ^.^
I also wrote these dialects
Parents who teach their young that life is beautiful. Full of beauty, roses, and rich love. Gah, the bleakest life is reality! The ugly, dark, and rich hate. Dreams are distorted visions of reality and that they are unobtainable! Reality is truth, that hits us for the sheer pleasure of hate. God, miracles, hope, faith, destiny, fate all foolish beliefs. Someday truth will hit and all hell will break loose in the recess of your mind.
--
What is the purpose to human existence? For some it's to fullfil God's "Good News". For others it's to live your life to the fullest. For me there is no reason but to torture out souls. Goals, less obtainable than dreams.
--
Hope.. distorted by lies that break silence with a single whisper.. Faith.. prayers to a god so unloving that he would sacrafice his own people for the glory of a new life.. Life.. Reality.. What we see through our own eyes.. Dreams.. What are dreams? Dreams are a distorted vision of reality.. Should we pray to some higher power no one has ever seen? Or, do we try to imagine what it would be like to know what our lives meant? What is the meaning of life? To live life to the fullest? To spread God's good news? Or should we simply forget that we exist and pray that life after death is the true reality and that this life is a dream.. a distortion of reality.... Will I be condemned.. If I die by my own hand? What does happen when we die? Do we go to heaven? Do we join the lifestream filled with wondering souls, searching to find the true meaning of existence? Are we reborn into this same disgusting world? Life isnt beautiful.. Life isnt filled with roses. My Suicide
--
People like to tell you that life is beautiful. Take a look around. Nothing is slick, wonderful, cute, or beautiful. Life sickens me. Life is ugly. Life is expanding. Why do they say live life to the fullest? For when you die, who will care what you ever did? You ran a race, well so do millions of people. You got good grades, well so do millions of people. Why do they say change is good? For, when we change, people change and they are different. You may love them once then hate them. Why do people dream? When its all false ideals of a perfect life which can never be obtained. Why do people live in reality? When we are just torchering ourselves, slaving ourselves really, when we can just fall. Why do people come to a place? For just as soon they arrived, they left? Why do people leave? For the feeling of loneliness consumes our hearts? Why do we exist? Is it because we are suppose to live our lives to the fullest and reach our goals and dreams? Why do we die? For if we are to
live and love then when why die and suffer? Dreams, hope, love, friendship. I ignore this. Dreams are nothing more but a false reality. Hope, a wish, that can never be realized. Love, does anyone know what love is? No. They say I love you, but later down the chain they leave you. Friendship is worthless but to rid ourselves of loneliness. But what happens? That friend leaves. Everything leaves. Nothing comes back. We all just die. Why do we die? For if we are to live and love then why die and suffer? Suicide isnt the way. Suicide is killing yourself. But it isnt a matter of what other people thinks. It all depends on the person itself. If they feel they are not or no longer needed, then let them die. It's their bidding. Sure, death is ugly and should be avoided of course. But its enivitable and will come no matter what. Open your eyes fool. You think life is going to be beautiful?! You thought life was a dream? Like a distortion of reality?! Fool! I find you arrogant! Let
your dreams be caught up into reality and you find that have nothing. Your nothing. Did you really think that life would always be as you planned it? Fool! I find you arrogant! Why do we die? For if we are to live and love then why die and suffer? Why are we born into a world of chaos, be brought down by chaos, live in chaos, and die in chaos?! There is no Utopia. There is no paradise on earth. The people who believe life is one happy trip are fooling themselves. Happiness is a good thing, yet, it is a foolish thing. It is nice of course to be complimented. But to walk around with a smile on your face means that your open to evil and that you pretend that your strong and you fight it but in the end you end falling. Let the birds and music wake you up into your dream. But in reality, you wake up to that same sound every day, for the rest of your life! Dreams and reality are weaknesses. Why do we die? For if we are to live and love then why die and suffer? I believe we as
humans pretend what we are. Before you open the door, you put on your face. You get ready for the play that is life. Life is one big play, you are a character. You live, you die, you eat, you drink, you walk, you sleep. Your human and you have character. But before we go through that door, we acknowledge this. We know, its time to pretend who I am. People may see a fun little kid inside. But in turn, your hurt, you'll never be the same. Why do we die? For if we are to live and love then die and suffer? Because this is our role. To live. To die. This is our life schedule. So why do we even bother. Let everyone die. I wont notice. If nobody loves me, let everyone die. Leave me alone. Let everyone die. Let everyone die and leave me alone. I dont want to be hurt. So in turn, I will have others suffer. Since nobody wants me, I'll go and die too.
----
So I hope you get what I was aiming at. And just in case if there are any spelling or grammar errors dont yell at me @_@ cuz I dont really care ^.^
Any more questions email me at: Insomniawarrior@yahoo.com
or if using AIM: SaintCrest
A guide to Farmer Shinji's: They All Just Stood There
writen by: Farmer Shinji
----
There has been alot of confusion of what I have writen. So I've decided to write a guide so that
people can understand what I've writen about. Alot of the things said in that guide are just notes
that I wrote in a notebook. But people dont seem to understand the time or the place of where this fic
is taking place. I can understand this because Misato at the beginning seems to throw people off.
The truth is that was a flashback from Shinji. It was philosophy that she taught him in order to understand
that life wasnt beautiful. That was suppose to take place right before End of Evangelion would've began.
The story itself takes place after Third Impact. When Shinji and Asuka are the only ones alive. The point
of the story was to see why Shinji chose the decisions he made in EoE. Because nobody loved him was
a really lame reason to kill off the entire world. And notice I never said "everybody died" because alot of
them didnt. They were all reincarnated and became "higher beings". Sad thing is that I never saw the last
three episodes of EVA but saw everything else. So the truth is I really didnt know how Nagisa was act. But
he's point wasnt to make things bright in cheery. Dude, everyone is gone! Was Nagisa suppose to say
"Dont worry be happy!" like the Olsen Twins often said (shut up, just shut up .). Nah, Nagisa was given the news. And yes, it is amazingly dark and it may seem like some sort of suicide note but hey, thats the point. To show people the darkness Neon Genesis Evangelion truly had in it. Now like I said before alot of the things I wrote was actually writen about 4 months ago... today is 2/15/02. Here they are:
Face:
I see the nations youth, as ignorant. Call me crazy but with the millions of kids in America, somebody has to think they know us. Give them that. Our parents say they know us, but of course they dont. My parents say they know but they dont. I hate mankind, I run away from reality so I sleep. Thats why I sleep, to runaway from the hellish world we live in. I hate mankind, because its angry ignorance. People see me as a quiet and shy person. But in my mind, I'm a different person. I call this my "face". My "face" is hidding my true feelings with a personality that people know and see me as. I dont like myself, I just wish that somebody is there so I can tell my deepest thoughts and darkest feelings without them being ignorant.
I have an image: I walk through a crowded hallway at school. People push me and bump into me along the way. But without confrontation I break. I snap. I shove people out of my way and people make room for me because they're scared of me. In PE, I punch a kid in the face who has been making fun of me ever since day one. Then I pull out a handgun and I slaughter 5 kids. Then one bullet, for myself.
This is how I see myself. If people are going to hurt me, I will run and hide. But someday I'm going to snap. Ever wished there was a way to express yourself through words? HATE
--
My point in the above passage was to give the idea that people hide their true emotions because they're scared of people hating them for their true self. The image I had also was a little pushing it but I was really angry when I wrote that. I also wanted to get across that due to having a "face" people dont really take you seriously. Like say I'm online, people see me as a goofy guy. But when I would tell him some of this sort of stuff they would just laugh.
I actually wrote the poem.. and ya my real name is Andrew but who cares right?
Maybe mankind does learn from its past
Maybe a gauntlet full of wine is sweeter than love
All humans are unable to prove self-worth
Such sad and fragile creatures they are
And maybe consciousness is controlled by ours
That hopefully there is no greater power
The fools who believe in God
The poor souls helpless to the image of eternity of hell
Maybe these sad creatures have a purpose in life
Maybe there is a reason for their existence
Poor children, follow your leader and then..
Maybe mankind does learn from its past
--
There were alot of things I was trying to put across. But I sure sounded athiest in that passage. The first two
lines were suppose to be saying that humans are ignorant. Because people are always trying to hide the truth. Saying such as people learn from its mistakes but in reality look at all the issues in the world and the issues from the past. The gauntlet and wine thing is trying to say that "yeah people try to believe in things that arent true". People are trying to prove that they are important but look at all the things they are telling us.. lies! And that people like to like to think that they control EVERYTHING in there life but in reality ya God is there. Wherever you go there has to be a reason for creating everything. I am just saying that in believing the truth comes of the horror of it. And that God or whatever you believe in had a reason for creating life. When I said "poor children, follow your leader and etc" I was meaning that if you keep believing everything you believe in things start all over and that they will hide the truth. Its a funky peom but I think it
sounds pretty cool ^.^
I also wrote these dialects
Parents who teach their young that life is beautiful. Full of beauty, roses, and rich love. Gah, the bleakest life is reality! The ugly, dark, and rich hate. Dreams are distorted visions of reality and that they are unobtainable! Reality is truth, that hits us for the sheer pleasure of hate. God, miracles, hope, faith, destiny, fate all foolish beliefs. Someday truth will hit and all hell will break loose in the recess of your mind.
--
What is the purpose to human existence? For some it's to fullfil God's "Good News". For others it's to live your life to the fullest. For me there is no reason but to torture out souls. Goals, less obtainable than dreams.
--
Hope.. distorted by lies that break silence with a single whisper.. Faith.. prayers to a god so unloving that he would sacrafice his own people for the glory of a new life.. Life.. Reality.. What we see through our own eyes.. Dreams.. What are dreams? Dreams are a distorted vision of reality.. Should we pray to some higher power no one has ever seen? Or, do we try to imagine what it would be like to know what our lives meant? What is the meaning of life? To live life to the fullest? To spread God's good news? Or should we simply forget that we exist and pray that life after death is the true reality and that this life is a dream.. a distortion of reality.... Will I be condemned.. If I die by my own hand? What does happen when we die? Do we go to heaven? Do we join the lifestream filled with wondering souls, searching to find the true meaning of existence? Are we reborn into this same disgusting world? Life isnt beautiful.. Life isnt filled with roses. My Suicide
--
People like to tell you that life is beautiful. Take a look around. Nothing is slick, wonderful, cute, or beautiful. Life sickens me. Life is ugly. Life is expanding. Why do they say live life to the fullest? For when you die, who will care what you ever did? You ran a race, well so do millions of people. You got good grades, well so do millions of people. Why do they say change is good? For, when we change, people change and they are different. You may love them once then hate them. Why do people dream? When its all false ideals of a perfect life which can never be obtained. Why do people live in reality? When we are just torchering ourselves, slaving ourselves really, when we can just fall. Why do people come to a place? For just as soon they arrived, they left? Why do people leave? For the feeling of loneliness consumes our hearts? Why do we exist? Is it because we are suppose to live our lives to the fullest and reach our goals and dreams? Why do we die? For if we are to
live and love then when why die and suffer? Dreams, hope, love, friendship. I ignore this. Dreams are nothing more but a false reality. Hope, a wish, that can never be realized. Love, does anyone know what love is? No. They say I love you, but later down the chain they leave you. Friendship is worthless but to rid ourselves of loneliness. But what happens? That friend leaves. Everything leaves. Nothing comes back. We all just die. Why do we die? For if we are to live and love then why die and suffer? Suicide isnt the way. Suicide is killing yourself. But it isnt a matter of what other people thinks. It all depends on the person itself. If they feel they are not or no longer needed, then let them die. It's their bidding. Sure, death is ugly and should be avoided of course. But its enivitable and will come no matter what. Open your eyes fool. You think life is going to be beautiful?! You thought life was a dream? Like a distortion of reality?! Fool! I find you arrogant! Let
your dreams be caught up into reality and you find that have nothing. Your nothing. Did you really think that life would always be as you planned it? Fool! I find you arrogant! Why do we die? For if we are to live and love then why die and suffer? Why are we born into a world of chaos, be brought down by chaos, live in chaos, and die in chaos?! There is no Utopia. There is no paradise on earth. The people who believe life is one happy trip are fooling themselves. Happiness is a good thing, yet, it is a foolish thing. It is nice of course to be complimented. But to walk around with a smile on your face means that your open to evil and that you pretend that your strong and you fight it but in the end you end falling. Let the birds and music wake you up into your dream. But in reality, you wake up to that same sound every day, for the rest of your life! Dreams and reality are weaknesses. Why do we die? For if we are to live and love then why die and suffer? I believe we as
humans pretend what we are. Before you open the door, you put on your face. You get ready for the play that is life. Life is one big play, you are a character. You live, you die, you eat, you drink, you walk, you sleep. Your human and you have character. But before we go through that door, we acknowledge this. We know, its time to pretend who I am. People may see a fun little kid inside. But in turn, your hurt, you'll never be the same. Why do we die? For if we are to live and love then die and suffer? Because this is our role. To live. To die. This is our life schedule. So why do we even bother. Let everyone die. I wont notice. If nobody loves me, let everyone die. Leave me alone. Let everyone die. Let everyone die and leave me alone. I dont want to be hurt. So in turn, I will have others suffer. Since nobody wants me, I'll go and die too.
----
So I hope you get what I was aiming at. And just in case if there are any spelling or grammar errors dont yell at me @_@ cuz I dont really care ^.^
Any more questions email me at: Insomniawarrior@yahoo.com
or if using AIM: SaintCrest