Challenges
Chapter 5 - Breakdown
"Morning." Hermione grumbled as she apparated in Ron's living room and took her place at the breakfast table, where the rest of her friends were waiting, some of them looking worried, others grinning like mad and Ron looking as if he was about to kill someone.
*Oh dear. Someone has been giving someone the wrong ideas again* she thought, not very amused.
"Where were you last night? Why didn't you come home?" Ron asked angrily.
She took a deep breath, it was all she could do not to laugh at Ron who was standing behind his chair, arms folded and trying to look very protective and imposing. which suited his mother, but not Ron.
"What on earth have you guys been insinuating in my absence?" she asked sweetly, but with a poisonous undertone at Fred, George and Draco, who at that point collapsed, howling with laughter.
Hermione's head was, thanks to the lack of sleep and the previous night's happenings, in no condition to deal with an angry Ron. There was too much to think about and too little time, so she decided to give him what he asked for. the truth, at least. her version of it.
"I highly doubt that it is any of your business, Ron, but I." she started.
"Spent the night with a gorgeous blonde Swedish stripper you met after you finished business with Snape, right?" Fred said, with a wicked grin on his face.
"I wish," she replied grinning, "but there was no blonde stripper. Actually. I spent the night with Snape. TALKING" she emphasized as she saw the looks of utter shock and horror appearing on her friends faces.
"So he didn't try." Ron said hesitantly.
"No, Ron! What were you thinking? This is Snape we are talking about, remember? In all the years at Hogwarts, do you remember him showing any sign of interest in someone of the opposite sex?" she asked seriously. This was getting out of hand and was quickly becoming ridiculous!
"And you didn't." he asked, too worried to notice the anger flaring up in the eyes of his hot-tempered friend.
"Damn you, Ron, what do you think I am!?.I didn't seduce the poor professor to get him to do what I want. I'm lucky enough to be able to convince people with scientific evidence and my ability to talk about it. I have a brain, you know.It seems someone in this room has set you up again," Hermione said, with a killer glare to her right where the twins were seated, who tried to look as innocent as they possibly could.which usually meant they were guilty as charged.
"Besides, you guys are giving my feminine charm far too much credit, I wouldn't know how to seduce a normal guy, let alone a man who is as immune to emotions as Snape is. Not that I'd want too. I'm not sure I could live with myself afterwards... ugh!"
She yawned, pretending to be calm again.
"I'll tell you what happened, I hardly slept at all last night and, somewhere between finishing off the last details of our collaboration and sunrise, I must have fallen asleep. I woke up this morning in his guestroom with a note on the door stating he had gone for breakfast and that he expected me at 2:00 pm at Dumbledore's office door." she said, as she helped herself to coffee, a boiled egg and some toast.
It was the truth, albeit a censored version of it. It was pointless telling her friends about the man without his mask. They wouldn't understand. She wasn't sure if she understood it herself.
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She had fallen asleep while they were staring in the fire with a warm comfortable silence as their companion.
"We all have lost loved ones in the war, Miss Granger; some of us lost friends, others have lost parents or children, I have lost the light in my life and my. sanity.." He had whispered and Hermione had felt that he had not exaggerated one bit in making that statement.
She had been pondering what it was that could transform a man into the bitter and dark creature Snape had become. She had fallen asleep, while making up a possible history for her former professor, only to be awakened a little while later by the sensation that someone was carrying her in his arms.
He had put her in bed, taken off her robe, her high-heeled shoes and had tucked her in while she pretended to be asleep, feeling not entirely sure whether to secretly congratulate herself for putting on a dress that was made of a soft, flexible material, or to slap herself for it. Either way, it stayed on and she would have to sleep in it.
"Goodnight, Miss Granger" he had murmured while looking at her and, with that last statement, he walked out of the room, carefully closing the door behind him and leaving Hermione utterly confused. She wasn't used to the intimacy of being pleasantly tipsy, being half undressed and put in bed by someone of the opposite sex.
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"Anyway, it was all their fault" Ginny said grinning, pointing at her twin brothers.
"What?." Hermione said, snapping back to reality and realizing she had missed a good part of the current conversation.
"Well, they almost made it sound as if the wedding was planned for next week, which was enough to trigger Ron's protectiveness.I really hope that the baby is going to be a boy. You'd be a dreadful father for a girl," Harry said, smiling at his best friend.
"Impossible," Draco suddenly stated firmly.
"Excuse me for sounding daft.but.what is impossible?" Hermione asked, truly wondering what they were going on about.
Draco smiled unpleasantly.
"That you'd marry Snape," he chuckled.
'It doesn't happen often, Malfoy, but I couldn't agree more" she laughed heartily.
'Now, can we change the subject please? I understand that you all have been worried about me when I didn't come home last night and I really appreciate it, but any more of this.this utter nonsense and I."
"Why is it impossible for Snape to marry Hermione?" Katie interrupted, her hands resting on her very pregnant belly.
"Ow..pleeease." Hermione muttered, a bit irritated.
"Because he already is married.. to Selene Lestrange."
Hermione had to bite her tongue not to blurt out a loud "What!!?" together with the rest of their not so little group, as that would have been pouring oil on the flames.and she knew Fred and George well enough to know they wouldn't pass up an opportunity like that.
"Why didn't we know?" Ron asked, amazed.
"Because you're Gryffindors," Draco sneered, which earned him a punch in the side from his beloved fiancée.
"But seriously." he said, grinning a bit sourly while rubbing his side "it is not that commonly known because her current residence is in Azkaban, " he added, which caused a second round of amazed outcries.
"Which sane woman would marry a greasy bastard like Snape?" Ron wondered.
"Which sane woman would end up in Azkaban, you mean," Hermione said softly.
"Apparently a very beautiful and rich woman, although Snape is from an old and rich family himself. My mother used to think it was one of the greatest love stories of the century. But, she is a Slytherin and married my father of course, which doesn't say much for her sense of romance. Anyway, Their children died in a tragic accident and apparently Snape went mad and blamed Selene. He handed her over to an auror, after which he made sure she was judged guilty and sent to Azkaban. It seems the last thing she screamed when the dementors took her away was that she'd always love him, no matter what he did. He later regretted his temporary madness and claimed it had been an accident after all.
He went back to serve the Dark Lord who accepted him back into the fold. I do not wish to know what he had to do to prove his loyalty to the Dark Lord..." Draco almost whispered.
"Of course, now we know that he was a spy for Dumbledore the whole time. But at that time each and every Death Eater believed he went back because he regretted his actions concerning Selene. My mother believes that he tried to prove her innocence. at which he failed of course, so now he is still waiting for her to get out of Azkaban and live happily ever after with him, which sounds like a load of bull to me, to be perfectly honest.." Draco stated glumly.
Hermione sat in shocked silence. To lose your children. that would be enough to drive anyone insane. but you had to be a cruel, cold man to send your wife to a place like Azkaban for something that was an accident. if it had been an accident.
"Ugh, you must be truly evil to send a beautiful, innocent woman to a place like Azkaban," Ron said, firmly siding on what he thought to be the fragile half of the human race.
"How do you know all this?" Ginny asked Draco, who smiled as he laid his hand on her back.
"Some of you may forget every now and then but, although I am not too proud of it anymore, I am a Malfoy, son of a Death Eater and if there is one thing my father knows a lot about it is the lives and sins of other Death Eaters. Besides I am and always will be a Slytherin. Professor Snape was head of my house.and a damn good one, if I might add"
"How can you say that? He was so unfair!" Katie blurted out.
Draco sighed. "If you would have grown up in my family or any other Death Eater family you would not ask that question."
He took a deep breath and Hermione noticed that telling this tale had brought back memories he wished not to think about, Ginny saw it too and held his hand in hers, softly squeezing it every now and then.
"Death Eaters, like any other parent, love their children. But above all they love the Dark Lord. Snape. was not the type who would listen to nightmares and comfort you. but he always had dreamless sleep potions when you needed them and a comment or two which made you think about yourself and what you were doing, well-wrapped in cynicism and sarcasm, of course. I think Snape had as much to do with me not joining the Death Eaters as Ginny," he said, smiling fondly at the pretty redhead sitting next to him.
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After she finished breakfast and said her goodbyes to Ginny and Draco, who were leaving for their home close to the Burrow, Hermione prepared herself for her meeting with Dumbledore. After a long hot shower and a Hangover-Go pill she nicked from George, she felt remotely human again.
She had a nagging feeling in the back of her mind that didn't leave her alone. The tale Draco told them bothered her, but she was positive that she would not dare asking Snape about the truth. Anyway, she had other worries now and tried to focus her mind on what they had agreed upon the night before, which was harder than she thought as the feeling of him carrying her in his arms kept washing over her.
*I must go out more, meet people, meet other men. It gets worrisome when I start enjoying being carried around by a man who used to give me the creeps when I was a kid.* she thought, mildly amused.
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The meeting with Dumbledore went well and he was quite impressed by what they both told him. It only lasted ten, perhaps fifteen minutes as they had discovered nothing, since Hermione's meeting with him the day before. It was good to know that, besides the two of them, there was someone else who saw the possibilities in this particular project and that he believed in their capabilities.
It had been agreed that Hermione would temporarily move into Severus' guestroom while Filch would make a room ready for her near the Gryffindor tower. She wasn't sure whether that was such a good idea. It was only for a short while but she was certain that, if they lived "together" in one apartment, however large it might be, however many rooms it might possess, they would sooner or later be at each other's throats.. Most likely sooner than later.
In order to kill some time, she was doing some late afternoon shopping; some extra clothing, ingredients for the potion and a few knick-knacks she couldn't resist. Later in the week she would go back to Ireland to pick up some stuff but today she didn't have the energy.
When she was finished and utterly bored with spending money, her feet automatically carried her to The Three Broomsticks where she dropped her bags and ordered a double espresso. She sat down near the fire, for the moment thoroughly enjoying the simple pleasures of strong coffee, a warm fire and the thrill of feeling at home again.
For the first time since her parents died, she felt like she belonged somewhere and it felt good.
"Oy! Lass!" She heard a booming voice shout through the Three Broomsticks and, a moment later, felt a gigantic hand on her shoulder. She turned around and looked into Hagrid's beaming face.
"Hagrid!" She shouted while she jumped up and firmly hugged the half-giant. He lifted her up and held her above his head while turning in a circle. He laughed whole-heartedly when he put her on the ground again. "You've grown, Hermione, not a little girl anymore, aye?" he said while he looked at her appreciatively.
"No," she smiled, "I'm a responsible adult now, well.sort of anyway," she said jokingly.
"Aye, but as long as you still know how to laugh, you'll be ok, Lassie," he said as he sat down while a big sloppy puppy, which looked as if it came from the same lineage as Fang, laid his head on her lap.
"So, how've you been, Hagrid?" Hermione asked while she scratched the little monster behind his ear, which it enjoyed so much that it started drooling on her lap.
"Oy Sabretooth! Go and lay down over there!" Hagrid said firmly, while pointing in the direction of a large basket near the fire. After an aggrieved look at Hermione, Sabretooth dragged himself into the pointed direction and fell down with a loud sigh of protest.
Hermione looked fondly at the half-giant, who hadn't changed one bit, still the same glittering little black beetle eyes, the bushy beard and the warm smile.
He looked at her excitedly and, by the way he was almost jumping up and down his chair, she figured that he must have something important to tell her.
"I'm a wizard now, Hermione!" He blurted out, unable to contain the greatest joy he had experienced since the hatching of Norbert.
"Good for you, Hagrid!" She exclaimed happily. "I knew that Dumbledore would find a way to make things right!" She smiled because she was truly happy for her old friend.
"Dumbledore said that, once my innocence had been proven, there was nothing to stop me from becoming a wizard, and I am! I am a wizard now, I even got me a wand! Look!" Hagrid said while he got his wand out of his thick coat, which caused it to spray red stars into the soup of a nearby wizard.
"Sorry!" he shouted, looking quizzically at Hermione who could not contain her laughter any longer.
"I'm so sorry!" she hiccuped, wiping the tears from her eyes.
"And I am sorry to interrupt this cosy.gathering. but I thought I'd find you here."
Her laugher was suddenly stuck in her throat as she heard a familiar deep velvet voice behind her.
She turned around and there, dressed in his long black robes with his arms folded, stood Professor Snape. The draft played a little with his hair and he looked as stern as ever.
Hermione felt a little giddy for a moment as she felt as if Snape had caught her in the act of stealing something out of his private cabinet.
*Lucky he never found that one out* she thought, grinning a bit.
She tried to wipe the smile off her face, which worked quite well as long as she didn't look at Hagrid, who was still holding his wand, wondering where the red stars had come from.
"Hagrid, if you'll excuse us. Miss Granger and I have some important business to attend to," he said ominously, after which Hagrid shrugged and moved to the bar to start a chat with Rosmerta.
Hermione sighed. He did not have to like Hagrid but this was just plain rude.
"Professor, Hagrid and I haven't spoken in ages, I'm sure that whatever it is you need to discuss with me could have waited until later. You didn't need to send him away like that. it was.rude" she told him honestly.
For a moment she saw anger flickering in his coal black eyes, but it was soon replaced by vague amusement. She even saw a hint of a smile playing around his lips.
"Not many people would dare to disagree with me in public, Miss Granger. I. appreciate your courage and honesty. But, after he almost blew up my potions lab during his exams, I do not expect our precious groundskeeper to add any extra value to what I have to discuss with you," he sneered.
The thought of Professor Snape trying to teach Hagrid the subtleties of potions brewing was a little bit too much for her poor nerves, which were already in a sorry state since the previous night. She swallowed her initial amusement and looked sternly at the professor.
"Professor, would you permit me to talk to your friends like that?" she asked.
He looked at her while raising one eyebrow.
"That would not be advisable, Miss Granger. However, I did not come here to discuss the finer nuances of friendship and common courtesy with you. Here. read this." he said as he placed an ancient looking book in front of her.
"What is it?" she asked as she ran her fingers over the weathered, leather cover.
"I have been to my ancestral home this afternoon. This book was in the private collection of my. a family member" he said sternly, in a tone of voice that allowed no further questions.
Rage was building up inside her system again.how did he do it? All he had to do was open his mouth and say three sentences to her and she was ready to slap him silly. Usually she wasn't like this.not this.violent.
She opened the book in order to stay calm and immediately saw that it was ancient, probably from the same era as her manuscript. She looked at the handwriting but had a little trouble deciphering it.
"Is this.?" she asked, somewhat uncertain
He nodded his head
"It's a Dwarven handbook on how to treat the Sidhe.apparently the little people had as much trouble dealing with them as the human race had."
Hermione looked at him quizzically.
"And how is that supposed to help us with."
"Not here. these walls have.ears" he interrupted her as he looked around him, his eyes resting on two goblins for a moment.
"You are not suggesting that we fly to Hogwarts by broom again?" she asked him, feeling a bit worried.
He laughed genuinely and she was shocked by the sound of it; loud, deep, warm and throaty.
"Actually, Miss Granger. I planned on riding but if you insist on flying."
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"Well.where's your car?" Hermione asked while she looked around her. Cars were not something you saw everyday around Hogsmeade, for the simple reason that the magic in the castle made them too unreliable. She was quite curious as to what sort of car a wizard would be driving and how he had found a way around the magic and made it behave the way it should.
The common mode of transportation in this area was the same as it had been a hundred years ago, in the muggle world, mainly horses and carriages.
*Horses!?? Oh no!* she suddenly realised and felt her mood go down rapidly.
"I never said anything about a car, Miss Granger. please allow me to introduce you to. Caesar," Severus said, while he untethered the largest, most ferocious looking black horse she'd ever seen.
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"Honestly, Miss Granger, don't you muggleborns learn anything during your so-called education?" he sneered as he helped her off Caesar, who was peacefully grazing away at the side of the Quidditch field.
Hermione swallowed. This was the second time in 24 hours in which she had had a near death experience as far as she was concerned. The horse was fine, it sure was a magnificent animal, but it was just so damn high. She'd have been quite happy to admire it from the ground, but that would have meant admitting to Severus that she was afraid, something her pride was not ready for just yet. The only thing she could do during the whole nightmarish trip from Hogsmeade to Hogwarts was clinging onto the professor for dear life, something he had made several sarcastic comments about.
He had just called her muggleborn, which was exactly what she was, but the way he said it made it almost sound like.mudblood. which was exactly the wrong thing to say to her at this moment. It was just one word to add to the already uncomfortable feeling of fear that kept washing over her. She was never afraid of anything, never felt uncomfortable with anything. At least, that was what people thought, or better, what she led people to believe. This was the second time in 24 hours that he had made her feel afraid and incredibly vulnerable and she didn't like it.
"Just for your information, Professor, I may be a muggle born but I had the most wonderful loving parents one could ever wish for, who gave me the best education possible. The fact that I grew up in the centre of London stopped me from learning stupid things like horseback riding and flying around on stupid broomsticks and learning stupid games like quidditch. I may not have had the education that a young wizard would have received but it never affected me until you insisted on flying around on that.that.piece of firewood of yours. I was polite and went along with it while you did not even possess the decency of asking me if I was comfortable with it. Well.I am not! Therefore, I refuse to ever sit on either that broomstick or that horse again.ever!" she whispered venomously.
Severus looked at her in shocked silence. It had simply never occurred to him that the brave Hermione Granger would be afraid of something as seemingly harmless as heights. She was never afraid of anything, not even for her life. He had no doubt that, when the time came to avenge her parents and her friends that had died in the war so far, she would attempt to kill Voldemort or die trying. A woman who was so courageous and intelligent was afraid of heights!?.
"Miss Granger." he started, attempting to sound friendly.
"Just. just shut up, please," she said as she felt her lip quivering. "To you I am nothing more than just a stupid mudblood, right? That's what you wanted to say just a moment ago, mudblood instead of muggleborn." A single tear slid down her cheek, which she tried to ignore desperately
"Miss Granger, do try to be sensible and not overreact. Please?" he said impatiently. He could deal with crying children.a crying woman should not be very different in his opinion.
"Sensible? You want me to be sensible?" she laughed furiously, anger blazing in her amber eyes.
"Yes, sensible. The fact that you are a muggleborn is something that doesn't affect me in the least. I gave up caring about that. a very long time ago, when I learned that wizards with a pureblood obsession are the true evil in this world," he said softly, hearing an echo inside his mind of a cackling laugh from long ago.
Hermione looked into his eyes but she was far too furious to notice the sincerity in them. Besides, she was still shaking too much from the ride to Hogwarts.
"Just go to Hell!" she spat venomously as she turned on her heels and ran towards to castle.
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Severus had given Caesar to the stable boy and collected Hermione's things out of the saddlebags. Normally he would have cared for the horse himself but he was in too much of a hurry to check on Hermione to do it this time.
When he entered his chambers, he noticed the door to his guestroom was closed.
*At least she doesn't cause any trouble when she's in her room* he thought as he sat down in his chair. However, after a few moments, he started to feel slightly uncomfortable. The walls were quite thick, but not thick enough to keep the sound of her crying from his ears.
He sighed, stood up and started pacing up and down in his sitting room, not knowing what to do. This was Minerva's field of expertise. she knew how to handle and comfort people, not him. But Minerva was not here so he would have to do it himself.
He sighed again and made his decision.
"Miss Granger?" he asked as he knocked on the door.
"Go away!" came a muffled reply.
*This is not going to be easy* he thought as he slowly opened the door. She was lying on the bed, face buried in the pillow and all he could hear were the heartbreaking sobs of someone who had put her emotions away for far too long.
He sat down next to her and stretched his hand to stroke her hair then decided against it. Instead, he flexed his fingers awkwardly.
"This is not about you being afraid of heights is it?" he asked.
She turned around and looked at him with a tear stained face, not knowing whether to send him away or to wrap her arms around him and cry. She hadn't cried for ages, not since Victor had made it quite clear that a secondary place in her life was not good enough for him. She knew she was overreacting but that realization didn't stop the tears from coming..
She'd had too much and kept it to herself for too long. The death of her parents, four years of intensive studying and, as she saw it, her failure in finding the potion that would kill the one responsible for the mess that was called her life.
Perhaps she could have had a normal life, even a family, but traumatic experiences had stopped her from caring too much about anyone.
She had learned, at a very young age, that relatives did not live forever, that friends could be killed and lovers could desert you.
While her friends settled down, started families and tried to be happy, Hermione had her work and pretended to be content.
Here she was at 28, lonely and hiding behind a shield made of intellect, knowledge and a good dose of sarcasm. It helped her to hide away from everyone who tried to hurt her.
Unfortunately it didn't shield her from being hurt by life itself.
Then he had entered her life. was it only yesterday? Presumably to help her with the research she couldn't do alone, but he was doing so much more than that, so much more than she was ready for.
Twice he had made her feel vulnerable.
Twice he had showed her that she wasn't the strong woman she thought herself to be and twice he had done so, without any effort.without even realising that a friend who seemed to understand her and what she was all about, who talked to her on the same level was the last thing she needed right now.
She could not afford to be weak, not now, not with this man.
It was so much easier to stay on the surface, not touching one's feelings, like the way she did with her other friends, but her instincts told her that, with this man, nothing was ever going to be easy.
He wasn't even very friendly but, in a strange way, she felt connected with him, with the bitterness, with his drive to do whatever it was he had to do, and with the loneliness he had spoken about. Even the pain she saw in his eyes was familiar.
They were more alike than she ever thought possible and it frightened her.
Still, she couldn't stop the tears and finally, for the first time in years, Hermione Granger gave in to the woman she was inside and laid her head against his shoulder.
"It's all just. too much." was all she managed to whisper while she felt a hand softly stroke her hair. a little reluctant at first.
Chapter 5 - Breakdown
"Morning." Hermione grumbled as she apparated in Ron's living room and took her place at the breakfast table, where the rest of her friends were waiting, some of them looking worried, others grinning like mad and Ron looking as if he was about to kill someone.
*Oh dear. Someone has been giving someone the wrong ideas again* she thought, not very amused.
"Where were you last night? Why didn't you come home?" Ron asked angrily.
She took a deep breath, it was all she could do not to laugh at Ron who was standing behind his chair, arms folded and trying to look very protective and imposing. which suited his mother, but not Ron.
"What on earth have you guys been insinuating in my absence?" she asked sweetly, but with a poisonous undertone at Fred, George and Draco, who at that point collapsed, howling with laughter.
Hermione's head was, thanks to the lack of sleep and the previous night's happenings, in no condition to deal with an angry Ron. There was too much to think about and too little time, so she decided to give him what he asked for. the truth, at least. her version of it.
"I highly doubt that it is any of your business, Ron, but I." she started.
"Spent the night with a gorgeous blonde Swedish stripper you met after you finished business with Snape, right?" Fred said, with a wicked grin on his face.
"I wish," she replied grinning, "but there was no blonde stripper. Actually. I spent the night with Snape. TALKING" she emphasized as she saw the looks of utter shock and horror appearing on her friends faces.
"So he didn't try." Ron said hesitantly.
"No, Ron! What were you thinking? This is Snape we are talking about, remember? In all the years at Hogwarts, do you remember him showing any sign of interest in someone of the opposite sex?" she asked seriously. This was getting out of hand and was quickly becoming ridiculous!
"And you didn't." he asked, too worried to notice the anger flaring up in the eyes of his hot-tempered friend.
"Damn you, Ron, what do you think I am!?.I didn't seduce the poor professor to get him to do what I want. I'm lucky enough to be able to convince people with scientific evidence and my ability to talk about it. I have a brain, you know.It seems someone in this room has set you up again," Hermione said, with a killer glare to her right where the twins were seated, who tried to look as innocent as they possibly could.which usually meant they were guilty as charged.
"Besides, you guys are giving my feminine charm far too much credit, I wouldn't know how to seduce a normal guy, let alone a man who is as immune to emotions as Snape is. Not that I'd want too. I'm not sure I could live with myself afterwards... ugh!"
She yawned, pretending to be calm again.
"I'll tell you what happened, I hardly slept at all last night and, somewhere between finishing off the last details of our collaboration and sunrise, I must have fallen asleep. I woke up this morning in his guestroom with a note on the door stating he had gone for breakfast and that he expected me at 2:00 pm at Dumbledore's office door." she said, as she helped herself to coffee, a boiled egg and some toast.
It was the truth, albeit a censored version of it. It was pointless telling her friends about the man without his mask. They wouldn't understand. She wasn't sure if she understood it herself.
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She had fallen asleep while they were staring in the fire with a warm comfortable silence as their companion.
"We all have lost loved ones in the war, Miss Granger; some of us lost friends, others have lost parents or children, I have lost the light in my life and my. sanity.." He had whispered and Hermione had felt that he had not exaggerated one bit in making that statement.
She had been pondering what it was that could transform a man into the bitter and dark creature Snape had become. She had fallen asleep, while making up a possible history for her former professor, only to be awakened a little while later by the sensation that someone was carrying her in his arms.
He had put her in bed, taken off her robe, her high-heeled shoes and had tucked her in while she pretended to be asleep, feeling not entirely sure whether to secretly congratulate herself for putting on a dress that was made of a soft, flexible material, or to slap herself for it. Either way, it stayed on and she would have to sleep in it.
"Goodnight, Miss Granger" he had murmured while looking at her and, with that last statement, he walked out of the room, carefully closing the door behind him and leaving Hermione utterly confused. She wasn't used to the intimacy of being pleasantly tipsy, being half undressed and put in bed by someone of the opposite sex.
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"Anyway, it was all their fault" Ginny said grinning, pointing at her twin brothers.
"What?." Hermione said, snapping back to reality and realizing she had missed a good part of the current conversation.
"Well, they almost made it sound as if the wedding was planned for next week, which was enough to trigger Ron's protectiveness.I really hope that the baby is going to be a boy. You'd be a dreadful father for a girl," Harry said, smiling at his best friend.
"Impossible," Draco suddenly stated firmly.
"Excuse me for sounding daft.but.what is impossible?" Hermione asked, truly wondering what they were going on about.
Draco smiled unpleasantly.
"That you'd marry Snape," he chuckled.
'It doesn't happen often, Malfoy, but I couldn't agree more" she laughed heartily.
'Now, can we change the subject please? I understand that you all have been worried about me when I didn't come home last night and I really appreciate it, but any more of this.this utter nonsense and I."
"Why is it impossible for Snape to marry Hermione?" Katie interrupted, her hands resting on her very pregnant belly.
"Ow..pleeease." Hermione muttered, a bit irritated.
"Because he already is married.. to Selene Lestrange."
Hermione had to bite her tongue not to blurt out a loud "What!!?" together with the rest of their not so little group, as that would have been pouring oil on the flames.and she knew Fred and George well enough to know they wouldn't pass up an opportunity like that.
"Why didn't we know?" Ron asked, amazed.
"Because you're Gryffindors," Draco sneered, which earned him a punch in the side from his beloved fiancée.
"But seriously." he said, grinning a bit sourly while rubbing his side "it is not that commonly known because her current residence is in Azkaban, " he added, which caused a second round of amazed outcries.
"Which sane woman would marry a greasy bastard like Snape?" Ron wondered.
"Which sane woman would end up in Azkaban, you mean," Hermione said softly.
"Apparently a very beautiful and rich woman, although Snape is from an old and rich family himself. My mother used to think it was one of the greatest love stories of the century. But, she is a Slytherin and married my father of course, which doesn't say much for her sense of romance. Anyway, Their children died in a tragic accident and apparently Snape went mad and blamed Selene. He handed her over to an auror, after which he made sure she was judged guilty and sent to Azkaban. It seems the last thing she screamed when the dementors took her away was that she'd always love him, no matter what he did. He later regretted his temporary madness and claimed it had been an accident after all.
He went back to serve the Dark Lord who accepted him back into the fold. I do not wish to know what he had to do to prove his loyalty to the Dark Lord..." Draco almost whispered.
"Of course, now we know that he was a spy for Dumbledore the whole time. But at that time each and every Death Eater believed he went back because he regretted his actions concerning Selene. My mother believes that he tried to prove her innocence. at which he failed of course, so now he is still waiting for her to get out of Azkaban and live happily ever after with him, which sounds like a load of bull to me, to be perfectly honest.." Draco stated glumly.
Hermione sat in shocked silence. To lose your children. that would be enough to drive anyone insane. but you had to be a cruel, cold man to send your wife to a place like Azkaban for something that was an accident. if it had been an accident.
"Ugh, you must be truly evil to send a beautiful, innocent woman to a place like Azkaban," Ron said, firmly siding on what he thought to be the fragile half of the human race.
"How do you know all this?" Ginny asked Draco, who smiled as he laid his hand on her back.
"Some of you may forget every now and then but, although I am not too proud of it anymore, I am a Malfoy, son of a Death Eater and if there is one thing my father knows a lot about it is the lives and sins of other Death Eaters. Besides I am and always will be a Slytherin. Professor Snape was head of my house.and a damn good one, if I might add"
"How can you say that? He was so unfair!" Katie blurted out.
Draco sighed. "If you would have grown up in my family or any other Death Eater family you would not ask that question."
He took a deep breath and Hermione noticed that telling this tale had brought back memories he wished not to think about, Ginny saw it too and held his hand in hers, softly squeezing it every now and then.
"Death Eaters, like any other parent, love their children. But above all they love the Dark Lord. Snape. was not the type who would listen to nightmares and comfort you. but he always had dreamless sleep potions when you needed them and a comment or two which made you think about yourself and what you were doing, well-wrapped in cynicism and sarcasm, of course. I think Snape had as much to do with me not joining the Death Eaters as Ginny," he said, smiling fondly at the pretty redhead sitting next to him.
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After she finished breakfast and said her goodbyes to Ginny and Draco, who were leaving for their home close to the Burrow, Hermione prepared herself for her meeting with Dumbledore. After a long hot shower and a Hangover-Go pill she nicked from George, she felt remotely human again.
She had a nagging feeling in the back of her mind that didn't leave her alone. The tale Draco told them bothered her, but she was positive that she would not dare asking Snape about the truth. Anyway, she had other worries now and tried to focus her mind on what they had agreed upon the night before, which was harder than she thought as the feeling of him carrying her in his arms kept washing over her.
*I must go out more, meet people, meet other men. It gets worrisome when I start enjoying being carried around by a man who used to give me the creeps when I was a kid.* she thought, mildly amused.
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The meeting with Dumbledore went well and he was quite impressed by what they both told him. It only lasted ten, perhaps fifteen minutes as they had discovered nothing, since Hermione's meeting with him the day before. It was good to know that, besides the two of them, there was someone else who saw the possibilities in this particular project and that he believed in their capabilities.
It had been agreed that Hermione would temporarily move into Severus' guestroom while Filch would make a room ready for her near the Gryffindor tower. She wasn't sure whether that was such a good idea. It was only for a short while but she was certain that, if they lived "together" in one apartment, however large it might be, however many rooms it might possess, they would sooner or later be at each other's throats.. Most likely sooner than later.
In order to kill some time, she was doing some late afternoon shopping; some extra clothing, ingredients for the potion and a few knick-knacks she couldn't resist. Later in the week she would go back to Ireland to pick up some stuff but today she didn't have the energy.
When she was finished and utterly bored with spending money, her feet automatically carried her to The Three Broomsticks where she dropped her bags and ordered a double espresso. She sat down near the fire, for the moment thoroughly enjoying the simple pleasures of strong coffee, a warm fire and the thrill of feeling at home again.
For the first time since her parents died, she felt like she belonged somewhere and it felt good.
"Oy! Lass!" She heard a booming voice shout through the Three Broomsticks and, a moment later, felt a gigantic hand on her shoulder. She turned around and looked into Hagrid's beaming face.
"Hagrid!" She shouted while she jumped up and firmly hugged the half-giant. He lifted her up and held her above his head while turning in a circle. He laughed whole-heartedly when he put her on the ground again. "You've grown, Hermione, not a little girl anymore, aye?" he said while he looked at her appreciatively.
"No," she smiled, "I'm a responsible adult now, well.sort of anyway," she said jokingly.
"Aye, but as long as you still know how to laugh, you'll be ok, Lassie," he said as he sat down while a big sloppy puppy, which looked as if it came from the same lineage as Fang, laid his head on her lap.
"So, how've you been, Hagrid?" Hermione asked while she scratched the little monster behind his ear, which it enjoyed so much that it started drooling on her lap.
"Oy Sabretooth! Go and lay down over there!" Hagrid said firmly, while pointing in the direction of a large basket near the fire. After an aggrieved look at Hermione, Sabretooth dragged himself into the pointed direction and fell down with a loud sigh of protest.
Hermione looked fondly at the half-giant, who hadn't changed one bit, still the same glittering little black beetle eyes, the bushy beard and the warm smile.
He looked at her excitedly and, by the way he was almost jumping up and down his chair, she figured that he must have something important to tell her.
"I'm a wizard now, Hermione!" He blurted out, unable to contain the greatest joy he had experienced since the hatching of Norbert.
"Good for you, Hagrid!" She exclaimed happily. "I knew that Dumbledore would find a way to make things right!" She smiled because she was truly happy for her old friend.
"Dumbledore said that, once my innocence had been proven, there was nothing to stop me from becoming a wizard, and I am! I am a wizard now, I even got me a wand! Look!" Hagrid said while he got his wand out of his thick coat, which caused it to spray red stars into the soup of a nearby wizard.
"Sorry!" he shouted, looking quizzically at Hermione who could not contain her laughter any longer.
"I'm so sorry!" she hiccuped, wiping the tears from her eyes.
"And I am sorry to interrupt this cosy.gathering. but I thought I'd find you here."
Her laugher was suddenly stuck in her throat as she heard a familiar deep velvet voice behind her.
She turned around and there, dressed in his long black robes with his arms folded, stood Professor Snape. The draft played a little with his hair and he looked as stern as ever.
Hermione felt a little giddy for a moment as she felt as if Snape had caught her in the act of stealing something out of his private cabinet.
*Lucky he never found that one out* she thought, grinning a bit.
She tried to wipe the smile off her face, which worked quite well as long as she didn't look at Hagrid, who was still holding his wand, wondering where the red stars had come from.
"Hagrid, if you'll excuse us. Miss Granger and I have some important business to attend to," he said ominously, after which Hagrid shrugged and moved to the bar to start a chat with Rosmerta.
Hermione sighed. He did not have to like Hagrid but this was just plain rude.
"Professor, Hagrid and I haven't spoken in ages, I'm sure that whatever it is you need to discuss with me could have waited until later. You didn't need to send him away like that. it was.rude" she told him honestly.
For a moment she saw anger flickering in his coal black eyes, but it was soon replaced by vague amusement. She even saw a hint of a smile playing around his lips.
"Not many people would dare to disagree with me in public, Miss Granger. I. appreciate your courage and honesty. But, after he almost blew up my potions lab during his exams, I do not expect our precious groundskeeper to add any extra value to what I have to discuss with you," he sneered.
The thought of Professor Snape trying to teach Hagrid the subtleties of potions brewing was a little bit too much for her poor nerves, which were already in a sorry state since the previous night. She swallowed her initial amusement and looked sternly at the professor.
"Professor, would you permit me to talk to your friends like that?" she asked.
He looked at her while raising one eyebrow.
"That would not be advisable, Miss Granger. However, I did not come here to discuss the finer nuances of friendship and common courtesy with you. Here. read this." he said as he placed an ancient looking book in front of her.
"What is it?" she asked as she ran her fingers over the weathered, leather cover.
"I have been to my ancestral home this afternoon. This book was in the private collection of my. a family member" he said sternly, in a tone of voice that allowed no further questions.
Rage was building up inside her system again.how did he do it? All he had to do was open his mouth and say three sentences to her and she was ready to slap him silly. Usually she wasn't like this.not this.violent.
She opened the book in order to stay calm and immediately saw that it was ancient, probably from the same era as her manuscript. She looked at the handwriting but had a little trouble deciphering it.
"Is this.?" she asked, somewhat uncertain
He nodded his head
"It's a Dwarven handbook on how to treat the Sidhe.apparently the little people had as much trouble dealing with them as the human race had."
Hermione looked at him quizzically.
"And how is that supposed to help us with."
"Not here. these walls have.ears" he interrupted her as he looked around him, his eyes resting on two goblins for a moment.
"You are not suggesting that we fly to Hogwarts by broom again?" she asked him, feeling a bit worried.
He laughed genuinely and she was shocked by the sound of it; loud, deep, warm and throaty.
"Actually, Miss Granger. I planned on riding but if you insist on flying."
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"Well.where's your car?" Hermione asked while she looked around her. Cars were not something you saw everyday around Hogsmeade, for the simple reason that the magic in the castle made them too unreliable. She was quite curious as to what sort of car a wizard would be driving and how he had found a way around the magic and made it behave the way it should.
The common mode of transportation in this area was the same as it had been a hundred years ago, in the muggle world, mainly horses and carriages.
*Horses!?? Oh no!* she suddenly realised and felt her mood go down rapidly.
"I never said anything about a car, Miss Granger. please allow me to introduce you to. Caesar," Severus said, while he untethered the largest, most ferocious looking black horse she'd ever seen.
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"Honestly, Miss Granger, don't you muggleborns learn anything during your so-called education?" he sneered as he helped her off Caesar, who was peacefully grazing away at the side of the Quidditch field.
Hermione swallowed. This was the second time in 24 hours in which she had had a near death experience as far as she was concerned. The horse was fine, it sure was a magnificent animal, but it was just so damn high. She'd have been quite happy to admire it from the ground, but that would have meant admitting to Severus that she was afraid, something her pride was not ready for just yet. The only thing she could do during the whole nightmarish trip from Hogsmeade to Hogwarts was clinging onto the professor for dear life, something he had made several sarcastic comments about.
He had just called her muggleborn, which was exactly what she was, but the way he said it made it almost sound like.mudblood. which was exactly the wrong thing to say to her at this moment. It was just one word to add to the already uncomfortable feeling of fear that kept washing over her. She was never afraid of anything, never felt uncomfortable with anything. At least, that was what people thought, or better, what she led people to believe. This was the second time in 24 hours that he had made her feel afraid and incredibly vulnerable and she didn't like it.
"Just for your information, Professor, I may be a muggle born but I had the most wonderful loving parents one could ever wish for, who gave me the best education possible. The fact that I grew up in the centre of London stopped me from learning stupid things like horseback riding and flying around on stupid broomsticks and learning stupid games like quidditch. I may not have had the education that a young wizard would have received but it never affected me until you insisted on flying around on that.that.piece of firewood of yours. I was polite and went along with it while you did not even possess the decency of asking me if I was comfortable with it. Well.I am not! Therefore, I refuse to ever sit on either that broomstick or that horse again.ever!" she whispered venomously.
Severus looked at her in shocked silence. It had simply never occurred to him that the brave Hermione Granger would be afraid of something as seemingly harmless as heights. She was never afraid of anything, not even for her life. He had no doubt that, when the time came to avenge her parents and her friends that had died in the war so far, she would attempt to kill Voldemort or die trying. A woman who was so courageous and intelligent was afraid of heights!?.
"Miss Granger." he started, attempting to sound friendly.
"Just. just shut up, please," she said as she felt her lip quivering. "To you I am nothing more than just a stupid mudblood, right? That's what you wanted to say just a moment ago, mudblood instead of muggleborn." A single tear slid down her cheek, which she tried to ignore desperately
"Miss Granger, do try to be sensible and not overreact. Please?" he said impatiently. He could deal with crying children.a crying woman should not be very different in his opinion.
"Sensible? You want me to be sensible?" she laughed furiously, anger blazing in her amber eyes.
"Yes, sensible. The fact that you are a muggleborn is something that doesn't affect me in the least. I gave up caring about that. a very long time ago, when I learned that wizards with a pureblood obsession are the true evil in this world," he said softly, hearing an echo inside his mind of a cackling laugh from long ago.
Hermione looked into his eyes but she was far too furious to notice the sincerity in them. Besides, she was still shaking too much from the ride to Hogwarts.
"Just go to Hell!" she spat venomously as she turned on her heels and ran towards to castle.
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Severus had given Caesar to the stable boy and collected Hermione's things out of the saddlebags. Normally he would have cared for the horse himself but he was in too much of a hurry to check on Hermione to do it this time.
When he entered his chambers, he noticed the door to his guestroom was closed.
*At least she doesn't cause any trouble when she's in her room* he thought as he sat down in his chair. However, after a few moments, he started to feel slightly uncomfortable. The walls were quite thick, but not thick enough to keep the sound of her crying from his ears.
He sighed, stood up and started pacing up and down in his sitting room, not knowing what to do. This was Minerva's field of expertise. she knew how to handle and comfort people, not him. But Minerva was not here so he would have to do it himself.
He sighed again and made his decision.
"Miss Granger?" he asked as he knocked on the door.
"Go away!" came a muffled reply.
*This is not going to be easy* he thought as he slowly opened the door. She was lying on the bed, face buried in the pillow and all he could hear were the heartbreaking sobs of someone who had put her emotions away for far too long.
He sat down next to her and stretched his hand to stroke her hair then decided against it. Instead, he flexed his fingers awkwardly.
"This is not about you being afraid of heights is it?" he asked.
She turned around and looked at him with a tear stained face, not knowing whether to send him away or to wrap her arms around him and cry. She hadn't cried for ages, not since Victor had made it quite clear that a secondary place in her life was not good enough for him. She knew she was overreacting but that realization didn't stop the tears from coming..
She'd had too much and kept it to herself for too long. The death of her parents, four years of intensive studying and, as she saw it, her failure in finding the potion that would kill the one responsible for the mess that was called her life.
Perhaps she could have had a normal life, even a family, but traumatic experiences had stopped her from caring too much about anyone.
She had learned, at a very young age, that relatives did not live forever, that friends could be killed and lovers could desert you.
While her friends settled down, started families and tried to be happy, Hermione had her work and pretended to be content.
Here she was at 28, lonely and hiding behind a shield made of intellect, knowledge and a good dose of sarcasm. It helped her to hide away from everyone who tried to hurt her.
Unfortunately it didn't shield her from being hurt by life itself.
Then he had entered her life. was it only yesterday? Presumably to help her with the research she couldn't do alone, but he was doing so much more than that, so much more than she was ready for.
Twice he had made her feel vulnerable.
Twice he had showed her that she wasn't the strong woman she thought herself to be and twice he had done so, without any effort.without even realising that a friend who seemed to understand her and what she was all about, who talked to her on the same level was the last thing she needed right now.
She could not afford to be weak, not now, not with this man.
It was so much easier to stay on the surface, not touching one's feelings, like the way she did with her other friends, but her instincts told her that, with this man, nothing was ever going to be easy.
He wasn't even very friendly but, in a strange way, she felt connected with him, with the bitterness, with his drive to do whatever it was he had to do, and with the loneliness he had spoken about. Even the pain she saw in his eyes was familiar.
They were more alike than she ever thought possible and it frightened her.
Still, she couldn't stop the tears and finally, for the first time in years, Hermione Granger gave in to the woman she was inside and laid her head against his shoulder.
"It's all just. too much." was all she managed to whisper while she felt a hand softly stroke her hair. a little reluctant at first.