Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them: Peeves Style!
Peeves is your average poltergeist: mischievous, annoying, and downright useless. He does not seem to be a book writing character. And yet, it seems that this is his third book. But take WARNING!!! Peeves' books are considered highly dangerous.
Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them: Peeves Style!
Key:
* = Pointless
** = Tame-able
*** = Dangerous
**** = Deadly
***** = Insane
*~*~* = Cool
Acromantula *
A big, hairy spider with lots of legs. Dangerous to wizards but I can beat them blindfolded! Muahahahaha!
Basilisk *
A big, slithering snake thing that Potter let out. It freezes anything it looks at, but not me! I sent it right back to where it belongs! (But first I let it eat Professor McGonagall)
CherryCokeadon *****
Man, this thing's insane! It sits in front of the computer all day and reads and writes fanfictions. I'm the only one who can give it ideas!
Dragon *
A big, fire-breathing lizard that is about ten times too large. Extremely dangerous to wizards, but really, they're too easy to beat.
Erumpent *
A gray beast that looks like a rhino. They kill tons of wizards, but man, I ride them in rodeos and win all the time!
Fwooper *
An annoying bird that just sits and sings all day until whoever is dumb enough to listen to them turns mad! I am the only one with the remedies to keep one from turning insane.
Griffin *
This thing that is part eagle and other part lion. They look fierce, but I'm known across the world for capturing and taming them.
Hippogriff *
It's got this head of a bird and body of a horse. They're known for being fierce, but I own a ranch all-the-way in Arizona full of them that couldn't hurt a fly if they tried.
Idiot-icus ****
There are many species of Idiot-icus. There is the sinister James Potter, the vicious Sirius Black, the impossible Remus Lupin, and the horrid Peter Pettigrew. These are the only creatures ever to do better pranks than I do… change that, they almost can do better pranks than I do.
Jarvey *
It is an over-grown weasel. It talks to people- did I mention rudely? I own hundreds of these. I put them all in Old Lady's storage closet after another stash of chalk went out. She hasn't opened it lately, and neither has Dumbo… (P/N: Refer to "A History of Hogwarts: Peeves Style!" to find out who Old Lady and Dumbo are)
Kelpie *
A thing that can turn into a horse. It has killed more wizards then can be counted, but I own them on my Hippogriff Ranch along with my Hippogriffs. They are pointless.
Lethifold *
This thing that looks like a cloth. It suffocates and kills a whole lot of wizards, but my shirt is made out of a Lethifold!
Manticore *
It's got a head of a human, body of a lion, and a tail like a scorpion. It's really dangerous- to wizards, that is! Not only am I immune to their sting, but I am also known world-wide for saving villages from Manticores' wrath.
Nundu *
This beast looks like a leopard. It is huge, and is probably the most dangerous beast in the world- to wizards! I keep and tame them to be my pets!
Occamy *
This thing looks a lot like a bird. It attacks lots of wizards and is very aggressive, but I capture them all the time.
Poltergeist *~*~*
These things are the coolest! They play funny pranks, are really smart, and of course, write the absolute best books! I am, of course, a Poltergeist!
Quintaped *
This spider is also called the Hairy MacBoon. It is all hairy. They are really, really, dangerous. But I made sure they never harmed anybody by destroying them all!
Runespoor *
They are snakes with three heads. They can be extremely dangerous, but I capture and tame them!
Sphinx *
This thing has a head of a woman and body of a lion. These things can be smart and make up hard riddles, but I am smarter and I am known nation-wide for cracking their riddles!
Troll *
These things are huge, smelly, over-sized humans. They are ugly, stupid, and carry a club as their weapon! I always keep trolls from smashing people's houses.
Unicorn *
These are horses with horns sticking out of their heads. They are hard for wizards to catch, but I catch and tame them! I even had some on my Hippogriff Dude Ranch! (But they ran away.)
Werewolf *
These things are humans that transform into bloodthirsty wolves at the full moon. They attack humans, and then the humans who got bitten turn into werewolves. I protect people from werewolf attacks all the time!
Yeti *
This is also a big hairy thing, just like a troll. But these live in cold places and are afraid of fire. I make sure they do not attack anybody by placing fire everywhere!
END!
Peeves: My book comes with a free stuffed animal!
Us: Oh, no! What animal is it?
Peeves: A troll.
Us: A troll?!
Peeves: It's very realistic. It looks just the same, feels just the same, and even smells just the same!
Us: Don't touch the stuffed troll if you know what's best for you!
Disclaimer: Everything you recognize is J.K. Rowling's, though Peeves' Dude Ranch belongs to me.
PLEASE!!! R/R!!!