Death
By the Empress of the Eclipse
Disclaimer - I don't own Digimon.
Another one of my strange Osamu fics which I keep thinking of lately. This one's a little...freaky. To be honest. But there's thought in it so....
Osamu and Ken Ichijouji were sitting silently together on the balcony outside Osamu's bedroom. Ken was sulking, his young mind still smarting with the unfairness of the world in which his brother was more intelligent and more loved than he was, a world where everything belonged to Osamu. Osamu was reading, his eyes fixed on the book but continuously darting away from it to stare over the city.
"Ken," he said suddenly "What do you think it's like to die?"
Ken stared at him, shocked. Death was never something that he'd thought about, not something that he wanted to think about. To a six year old's mind, death was a great unmentionable, an unthinkable that happened to everyone in the future, but not something that would ever happen to anyone he knew. It meant little to him and he'd never thought about it.
"I don't know," he said, almost hating to say this in front of Osamu, sure that Osamu was going to say something clever now, like he always did.
Osamu didn't. He frowned and put his book down, staring out over the city with all his attention fixed on it now. Ken stared at him nervously, conscious of a need to give a better answer than the one he'd already tried.
"My teacher told me that when you die, you go up to a nice place where everything is happy," he sad hopefully.
Osamu frowned.
"That's what people say..." he agreed.
"Isn't it true?" Ken asked.
"I don't think so."
Ken frowned now.
"But that's your reward," he said "My teacher said so. If you're a good person, you go to Heaven. If you're a bad person, you go to Hell. Everyone says so."
"What does everyone know about it?" Osamu asked "People say that because they don't want to think about what really happens."
Ken blinked. For him, it was simple. Everyone was right except him. If his teachers or Osamu said something was true, it probably was. To have them disagree about something confused him.
"What does really happen?" he asked after a few moments when curiosity got the better of him.
Osamu paused a moment.
"Well," he said "Some people believe that you are reincarnated."
"What's that mean?"
"It means that you die and then are reborn as a different person or animal," Osamu explained.
"That sounds nice," Ken said "Could I be reborn as a bird and get to fly?"
The idea excited him.
"I don't think you get to choose," Osamu said "I think you're supposed to start as a flea or something."
"Oh."
Osamu was still frowning, not looking happy.
"Is that what you think happens when you die?" Ken asked.
"Sometimes," Osamu said with a shrug "But mainly I think you just die."
Ken blinked.
"Huh?"
Osamu shrugged again.
"You know. You just die. Just stop existing. Like being asleep only with no dreams. And you never wake up from it. You know when you think back over the night when you wake up and you can remember a sort of period of nothingness? Like that."
Ken stared at Osamu, fear filling him. Osamu kept talking, as though in some sort of dream.
"Can you imagine that Ken? No talking. No colours. No laughing. No people. Just black. Endless sleep. Nothing."
"Stop it," Ken whispered.
Osamu didn't seem to hear.
"I expect that's what happens," he said "The great Nothing. No people mithering you. No more work. Just a deep sleep."
"Osamu, please," Ken whimpered "Stop it. I don't like it."
Osamu still wasn't listening.
"I think I should like that," he said dreamily "No one bothering me. No one talking to me any more about how to behave and about how I should work. Just a peaceful nothing where I'd never have to see anyone again. I'd be happy there I think."
"But you'd want to see me!" Ken wailed "If you were gone, I'd want to see you again and you'd want to see me!"
Osamu looked at him.
"That's why you have Heaven!" Ken said desperately "So no one really loses each other!"
"That's why you have the illusion of Heaven," Osamu said "So no one has to THINK that they've ever really lost each other. And look at it this way Ken. When you die, you won't know about there being no Heaven because you'll have entered that nice peaceful blackness and you won't have to worry or think about anything any more."
"Stop it Osamu!"
Ken attacked his brother with his fists, his own childish way of trying to make Osamu retract the frightening things that he'd said. Osamu fended him off easily, slightly started at the torrent he'd unleashed.
"Calm down Kenny-boy, calm down! It's okay stupid! There's no need to be so upset by it all!"
"Take it back!" Ken shouted "We don't just go away! We do see each other again! You don't just stop being!"
"Course we do," Osamu said. Even to Ken's young ears, he sounded insincere "Of course we do Ken."
He released his brother. Ken stared at him, tears in his eyes.
"Don't cry," Osamu said "Come on. I'll take you down the shops and buy you some sweets. Okay?"
Ken nodded.
"Okay."
"Mum!" Osamu yelled "I'm taking Ken out okay!"
"All right honey! But mind the road! It's very busy! Make sure you hold Ken's hand!"
"We'll be fine Mum."
The brothers walked out together and stood by the road, waiting for a gap in the traffic.
"If a car hit you," Ken said slowly "You'd be dead, wouldn't you?"
He didn't want to talk about death but like an aching tooth, it was something that he couldn't quite leave alone.
"Yes, I expect so," Osamu said "It would depend how hard."
The funny dreamy look came back over his face. Ken didn't see it. He was watching the cars.
"Would you really just be asleep and never wake up and be in nothing?" he whispered.
"Yes. I think so."
Osamu let go of his hand.
"Mama said you were supposed to hold my hand," Ken began.
He never finished his sentence.
Before he could do anything, say anything, Osamu calmly stepped out into the road, still busy with rushing traffic.
There was a heavy bang.
"OSAMU!"
Osamu didn't move. Ken stood frozen, staring as everyone nearby rushed around shouting. All he could think about was Osamu's words.
'Just a deep sleep...'
A Nothing.
Gone.
He was never going to see his brother again.
Unbidden, his wish floated back to him 'I wish he'd just disappear!'
Ken started to cry.
The End.
By the Empress of the Eclipse
Disclaimer - I don't own Digimon.
Another one of my strange Osamu fics which I keep thinking of lately. This one's a little...freaky. To be honest. But there's thought in it so....
Osamu and Ken Ichijouji were sitting silently together on the balcony outside Osamu's bedroom. Ken was sulking, his young mind still smarting with the unfairness of the world in which his brother was more intelligent and more loved than he was, a world where everything belonged to Osamu. Osamu was reading, his eyes fixed on the book but continuously darting away from it to stare over the city.
"Ken," he said suddenly "What do you think it's like to die?"
Ken stared at him, shocked. Death was never something that he'd thought about, not something that he wanted to think about. To a six year old's mind, death was a great unmentionable, an unthinkable that happened to everyone in the future, but not something that would ever happen to anyone he knew. It meant little to him and he'd never thought about it.
"I don't know," he said, almost hating to say this in front of Osamu, sure that Osamu was going to say something clever now, like he always did.
Osamu didn't. He frowned and put his book down, staring out over the city with all his attention fixed on it now. Ken stared at him nervously, conscious of a need to give a better answer than the one he'd already tried.
"My teacher told me that when you die, you go up to a nice place where everything is happy," he sad hopefully.
Osamu frowned.
"That's what people say..." he agreed.
"Isn't it true?" Ken asked.
"I don't think so."
Ken frowned now.
"But that's your reward," he said "My teacher said so. If you're a good person, you go to Heaven. If you're a bad person, you go to Hell. Everyone says so."
"What does everyone know about it?" Osamu asked "People say that because they don't want to think about what really happens."
Ken blinked. For him, it was simple. Everyone was right except him. If his teachers or Osamu said something was true, it probably was. To have them disagree about something confused him.
"What does really happen?" he asked after a few moments when curiosity got the better of him.
Osamu paused a moment.
"Well," he said "Some people believe that you are reincarnated."
"What's that mean?"
"It means that you die and then are reborn as a different person or animal," Osamu explained.
"That sounds nice," Ken said "Could I be reborn as a bird and get to fly?"
The idea excited him.
"I don't think you get to choose," Osamu said "I think you're supposed to start as a flea or something."
"Oh."
Osamu was still frowning, not looking happy.
"Is that what you think happens when you die?" Ken asked.
"Sometimes," Osamu said with a shrug "But mainly I think you just die."
Ken blinked.
"Huh?"
Osamu shrugged again.
"You know. You just die. Just stop existing. Like being asleep only with no dreams. And you never wake up from it. You know when you think back over the night when you wake up and you can remember a sort of period of nothingness? Like that."
Ken stared at Osamu, fear filling him. Osamu kept talking, as though in some sort of dream.
"Can you imagine that Ken? No talking. No colours. No laughing. No people. Just black. Endless sleep. Nothing."
"Stop it," Ken whispered.
Osamu didn't seem to hear.
"I expect that's what happens," he said "The great Nothing. No people mithering you. No more work. Just a deep sleep."
"Osamu, please," Ken whimpered "Stop it. I don't like it."
Osamu still wasn't listening.
"I think I should like that," he said dreamily "No one bothering me. No one talking to me any more about how to behave and about how I should work. Just a peaceful nothing where I'd never have to see anyone again. I'd be happy there I think."
"But you'd want to see me!" Ken wailed "If you were gone, I'd want to see you again and you'd want to see me!"
Osamu looked at him.
"That's why you have Heaven!" Ken said desperately "So no one really loses each other!"
"That's why you have the illusion of Heaven," Osamu said "So no one has to THINK that they've ever really lost each other. And look at it this way Ken. When you die, you won't know about there being no Heaven because you'll have entered that nice peaceful blackness and you won't have to worry or think about anything any more."
"Stop it Osamu!"
Ken attacked his brother with his fists, his own childish way of trying to make Osamu retract the frightening things that he'd said. Osamu fended him off easily, slightly started at the torrent he'd unleashed.
"Calm down Kenny-boy, calm down! It's okay stupid! There's no need to be so upset by it all!"
"Take it back!" Ken shouted "We don't just go away! We do see each other again! You don't just stop being!"
"Course we do," Osamu said. Even to Ken's young ears, he sounded insincere "Of course we do Ken."
He released his brother. Ken stared at him, tears in his eyes.
"Don't cry," Osamu said "Come on. I'll take you down the shops and buy you some sweets. Okay?"
Ken nodded.
"Okay."
"Mum!" Osamu yelled "I'm taking Ken out okay!"
"All right honey! But mind the road! It's very busy! Make sure you hold Ken's hand!"
"We'll be fine Mum."
The brothers walked out together and stood by the road, waiting for a gap in the traffic.
"If a car hit you," Ken said slowly "You'd be dead, wouldn't you?"
He didn't want to talk about death but like an aching tooth, it was something that he couldn't quite leave alone.
"Yes, I expect so," Osamu said "It would depend how hard."
The funny dreamy look came back over his face. Ken didn't see it. He was watching the cars.
"Would you really just be asleep and never wake up and be in nothing?" he whispered.
"Yes. I think so."
Osamu let go of his hand.
"Mama said you were supposed to hold my hand," Ken began.
He never finished his sentence.
Before he could do anything, say anything, Osamu calmly stepped out into the road, still busy with rushing traffic.
There was a heavy bang.
"OSAMU!"
Osamu didn't move. Ken stood frozen, staring as everyone nearby rushed around shouting. All he could think about was Osamu's words.
'Just a deep sleep...'
A Nothing.
Gone.
He was never going to see his brother again.
Unbidden, his wish floated back to him 'I wish he'd just disappear!'
Ken started to cry.
The End.