Fool for Love
A New Start...
By the Empress of the Eclipse
Disclaimer - I don't own Digimon. I also don't own Buffy (which I've borrowed a line or so from, as well as the title).
This was written as a challenge for Kirby. It contains DAIKEN/WILLKEN. Yup, Willis and Ken. Odd but hey, it was a challenge! I'm not sure it's all that good but I hope you enjoy it anyway!
Matt's band are entirely my creation and I'm rather proud of them!
"We are now flying into New York."
"Yippee," Ken whispered to himself.
He looked out of his window at the city below. It looked horrible.
"Marvellous."
Why was he going here? What was there for him in New York? Nothing. No friends. He didn't have a job waiting. Nothing.
Not that he had many friends in Odaiba of course.
Ken looked at his fists. They were clenched in his lap. Just thinking of Odaiba reminded him...
He shook his head.
"I need a new start," he whispered out loud "A new start with new people. Where no one knows my past. Where no one knows me."
The plane landed.
* * * *
"Welcome to New York."
Ken managed a smile before picking up all his luggage. Not much. He didn't want to remember much about Odaiba. He'd left behind all he could. Only clothes and a few small personal artefacts.
He looked at the address in his pocket. His new apartment that he'd rented over the phone before leaving. Slowly, he walked out of the airport and hailed a taxi.
"Where to Sir?"
"Here please."
Ken leaned back and closed his eyes. Oddly enough, the taxi driver reminded him of Davis.
'This is my new start' he told himself sternly 'Not time to think of the past. Not time to think of the past.'
But he couldn't help it. His mind was already taking him back three years, back to when he was eighteen.
* * * *
*Flashback - three years ago*
"So what's the plan Kenny?"
"Don't call me Kenny."
Ken grinned at Davis who grinned back at him. Davis had been calling him Kenny ever since they'd started going out two years ago. They now shared a small student flat and Davis was worse than ever.
It was why Ken loved him so much.
"What's the plan for the night sweetheart?" he asked happily.
"Tonight?" Ken said.
"Matt's concert. Remember?" Davis said.
Ken groaned.
"Oh no. I'm ill."
"Ken!"
Davis rolled his eyes.
"Come on. You always try to skive out of Matt's concerts and it's not fair on Matt. Why do you hate them so much?"
"I just do," Ken said "All the people. All the noise."
"Yes Ken. It's a band concert," Davis said "Aw come Ken! This is the Teenage Wolves you're talking about! They're getting famous now! They've got a record deal and everything!"
Ken grinned.
"Yeah but..."
"You've got free tickets for the Teenage Wolves! The most wanted things ever! Come on, you can't cry wolf about this!"
Ken rolled his eyes at the awful joke.
"I don't even LIKE their music!"
"Ken, they're the best band ever!"
Davis wrapped his arms round Ken's waist and started nuzzling him. Ken groaned.
"Davis, you always do that."
"Do what?" Davis murmured, licking Ken's neck.
"Try to make me do whatever you want by using sex."
"Is it working?"
Davis pressed nearer, burying his face in the crook of Ken's neck. Ken laughed.
"All right," he said "I'll come. But what other plans do you want?"
Davis cheerfully pulled back.
"Well, Matt said that we could all go partying with him and the band afterwards," he said "Want to?"
"No way!"
"What?"
Ken looked at him.
"Davis, do you know Matt's band? They're nuts!"
Davis laughed.
"They're nice guys!"
"They're freaks!"
Davis looked at him. Ken was blushing.
"Oh yeah!" he said, a wicked sparkle coming into his eye "I'd forgotten your little crush!"
"I don't have a crush on Toshiki, Davis!"
"Oh yes you do."
"No I don't!"
Davis laughed. He always teased Ken about his crush on Toshiki Miyahara, the bass guitarist in Matt's band. Ken always denied it, even though it was pointless. He DID have a crush on Toshiki and Davis was the only person in the world who knew about it. At least, that was what Davis claimed. Ken suspected that Matt and his whole band knew, another reason why he often tried to avoid them.
"At least I don't have a crush on Matt!" he said.
It worked. Davis turned crimson. Ken grinned. HE was the only person in the world who knew Davis's feelings about Matt and Davis wanted it to stay that way. Ken often threatened to tell the others when Davis was being extra-irksome, something that often controlled Davis when he wanted to act like a nut-case.
At this particular moment, it meant that Davis left the topic of Ken's crush and went back to pleading.
"That's besides the point! Come on Ken," he said pleadingly "Let's go. Please? You know I love Matt's band and the parties!"
Ken rolled his eyes as Davis wrapped his arms round Ken's waist and started kissing his neck hopefully.
"Please?"
"All right, all right!"
Ken pushed Davis off "All right, I'll go. Now, I have to go to college. See you soon okay?"
"See you!"
*Flashback ended*
* * * *
Ken looked around his new flat. Dropping his bags, he sat down on the sofa. It was a pre-furnished flat but the furniture was crap. Still, Ken didn't really care.
He hadn't care about much for a while now.
Sighing, he stood up and dragged his bags into his new small bedroom. He looked out of the window at the city.
"God."
He leaned his head against the pane of glass.
"What am I doing here? Why have I come?"
He already knew why. He knew exactly why he was here.
Davis. It all came back to Davis.
He sighed and shook his thoughts away before he could start to mope. Taking a deep breath, he began unpacking.
He was unpacking his second bag when he found his photo album. He meant to put it away but somehow he ended up opening it and flipping to his certain page.
Him and Davis. One of the Digidestined had taken it - Ken couldn't remember who. Davis was wearing black jeans, a red top and a leather jacket. He was leaning against a wall, looking hugely sexy. Ken was standing beside him, looking at him over his shoulder. He was wearing a trench coat and looked a bit creepy in Ken's opinion. But the picture of Davis was amazing and Ken had always kept it. Even after...
"Davis..."
Ken could feel tears gathering up. Quickly, he wiped his eyes and crammed the photo album under his bed.
"That was three years ago," he muttered "Three years. I'm over him now."
He walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge.
Empty.
"Oh no," Ken hissed "Oh, please no!"
The landlord had promised that there would be enough in his cupboards to get him through the first night. Ken had known that by the time he arrived, there was no way that shopping was going to be high on his agenda. Ken had paid extra for it.
"I'm such an IDIOT!" he snarled, going through the kitchen "Idiot, idiot, IDIOT!"
He looked at his watch. It was late, too late for shopping. And Ken was starving.
"Oh nice one Ichijouji," he said bitterly "This is going to make a GREAT impression on your new neighbours. "Hi, I'm Ken, can I have some of your food?" Marvellous!"
He ran his hands through his hair and walked into the bathroom. He looked tired and his eyes were red-rimmed.
"Not a good impression."
He grabbed his toilet bag and brushed his hair, then washed his face. Swallowing, he fixed a smile on his face, grabbed his money and walked out and to the next flat, knocking smartly on the door.
It was answered by a man who looked about his age with blonde hair and blue eyes.
"Hello," he said politely "Can I help you?"
"Hello," Ken said "My name's Ken. I've just moved in across the hall." He pointed "I know it's an awful inconvenience but I don't have any food and I was wondering if I could buy something off you?"
The man blinked at him. Ken kept his face impassive.
"I'm very sorry," he added.
The man frowned.
"Ken? Are you Ken Ichijouji?"
Ken's heart nearly stopped, then started beating faster than before.
Marvellous. In a city where he wasn't famous, the first person he talked to knew his name.
"Yes," he said dully.
The man smiled with delight.
"I'm Willis!"
Ken blinked. Was that supposed to mean something?
"Oh?"
"You know! Willis!"
Willis grinned and glanced around.
"I'm a fellow Digidestined! I know the others!"
Ken's heart stopped.
A Digidestined.
No.
"Davis has told me all about you!" Willis was saying excitedly "We kept in contact for a while when they all returned to Japan and he told me everything! We sort of stopped writing after the final battle again MaloMyotismon though. Things got busy and now I've lost his address! But even so, it's great to meet another Digidestined!"
Ken was shaking now. Davis...someone connected to Davis...
"Ken? Ken, are you okay?"
"I...I can't do this."
Ken stepped backwards and nearly tripped over his own feet. Willis frowned.
"Are you okay?"
"I...I have to go away," Ken stammered "I...I'm sorry I bothered you. I'll see you around..."
"Ken! Ken wait!"
"Sorry."
Ken fled. Willis watched as he shot back into his apartment and closed his door.
"What?"
He frowned.
"Well, Davis said he was odd."
* * * *
Ken slammed his door and sank to his knees.
"No. No, no, no. I came here to get away from this! I can't do this again! No!"
He could feel tears coursing down his face as his brain swam back three years.
* * * *
*Flashback - three years ago*
"See? Concert was cool wasn't it?"
Ken rolled his eyes at Davis. They along with the other Digidestined were back-stage, waiting for the band to show up.
"It was loud, shrieking and awful, normal for Matt's band," he said.
"I heard that!"
Ken blushed as Toshiki draped an arm over his shoulder. He noticed that Davis was wearing a look of huge amusement. Ken tried to pull away but Toshiki tightened his grip.
"Are you trying to say that we aren't the best band in the universe?"
"I didn't say that," Ken mumbled, blushing even more "It's just...I prefer...classical music. That's all."
Toshiki grinned and playfully pressed closer to Ken, making Ken turn even more crimson.
"Get off," he muttered.
"You didn't say please," Toshiki teased.
"Toshiki, leave off, you're embarrassing the poor little pet," Matt said, appearing with his guitar. The rest of the band - Gendo the second guitarist, Akemi the drummer and Istu the keyboardist - followed.
"He wasn't treating us like the best band ever!" Toshiki laughed, ruffling Ken's hair before releasing him. Ken swallowed and fidgeted.
"Hey, I'm supposed to punish the people who don't think we're wonderful!" Akemi laughed.
"Your idea of punishment is to not have sex with them," Gendo said dryly.
"Are you calling me a slut?"
"We're called you a slut for years Akemi, it's hardly going to make any difference now," Istu said "Hey Mini-Matt!"
He was addressing TK, whom he always called Mini-Matt. It always made TK go very red although Ken suspected that another reason for this was his minor crush on Akemi. Akemi appeared to be a sort of hero for TK which Ken knew worried Matt as Matt knew Akemi well enough to know that Akemi was NOT a good role model.
"Hey Istu," TK muttered "Good concert."
"Course it was. I was in it," Istu said.
Matt rolled his eyes.
"So, everyone coming to the nightclub?" he asked.
"Yeah!" came a chorus of voices.
"Excellent! Then let's go!"
Ken groaned.
"You know, I'm not really feeling..."
"Oh no you don't!"
Davis grabbed one arm, Toshiki grabbed the other.
"Come on Kenny-boy! Club time!"
Ken groaned.
*Flashback end*
* * * *
Ken woke from his memories to someone knocking on the door. He realised that his face was wet with cold tears. Wiping his face, he opened the door.
"Hey," Willis said. He held up a pizza "Thought you might be hungry still."
"Oh. No, I'm all right," Ken said.
"No, I insist. Here."
"Well...thanks," Ken said, taking the pizza "I...I'm grateful."
He prepared to close the door but Willis touched his arm.
"Ken," he said "Can we talk?"
"If you want," Ken said unwillingly.
He let Willis in and went to heat up the pizza. Willis looked at the poky flat, then sat down.
"Do you want some pizza?"
"No, that's fine."
Ken came into the main room. He started eating the pizza ravenously, belaying his claim that wasn't hungry. Willis watched him eat for a while, then took a deep breath.
"Ken," he said "I don't know you that well - and you don't know me at all - but I can't help getting the feeling that you aren't happy to see me."
Ken swallowed his mouth of pizza and looked at Willis.
"That's not true."
Willis raised an eyebrow. Ken sighed.
"I just...it...I..."
He shook his head.
"I came here for a fresh start," he said at last "I didn't mean...I wasn't expecting to find anyone who knew me. To be completely honest I...I didn't WANT to find anyone I knew here. I wanted a completely fresh start."
Willis blinked.
"Why?" he asked.
Ken shrugged.
"Long story."
He didn't want to go into this with Willis. He didn't know Willis and he didn't want to talk about it anyway. He took another mouthful of pizza.
Willis stared at Ken slowly, trying to remember everything Davis had ever told him. He knew that Ken was a genius and had once been the Digimon Kaiser but had been defeated before Willis had even met the other Digidestined. After the summer was over, he'd joined their team and helped defeat MaloMyotismon. He was Davis's DNA Digivolving partner and from what he'd written, Willis had got the distinct impression that Davis looked at Ken in a more than friendly manner. In fact, in the last letter he'd received - almost five years ago - Davis had hinted that he was going to ask Ken out.
Willis sighed. He wished he hadn't lost touch with the other Digidestined but things had got complicated in his life and then he'd lost Davis's address, making it difficult. And Davis hadn't written to him.
"I wish I hadn't lost touch with Davis and the others," he said eventually "I miss them. They helped me out."
"Yes."
Ken sounded bland and uninterested, as though Willis was just there to waste his time. Willis frowned. Ken puzzled him. Despite what he'd said about wanting a fresh start, Willis couldn't understand why he was so upset to met some vaguely connected with his past. Willis didn't know very much about Ken after all, only his friends.
He frowned. Was Ken going all Kaisery? Was that why he'd moved away?
"Ken," he began, trying to think of a polite way to breech the subject. Ken interrupted.
"Thank you very much for the pizza," he said "I will reimburse you of course."
"Oh no, you don't have to do that - " Willis began but Ken cut him off as though he hadn't spoken.
"I insist," he said calmly, producing some money "I trust this covers the cost?"
"Yes it does but..."
Ken interrupted again.
"I'm very sorry if I seem rude but I've had a long journey and I'm very tired," he said "I hope to see you around."
Willis blinked as Ken easily pulled him to his feet and hustled him out the door.
"But Ken....I..."
"Good night."
The door closed in his face. Willis blinked.
"Okay," he said after a moment.
He walked back to his own apartment, wondering what on earth was going on.
Inside, Ken slumped against the door and put his head in his hands.
'I don't want reminders. I came to get away from everything to do with the Digidestined. After Davis...'
He shuddered, the familiar rage and pain bubbling up inside him.
"Davis, why did you do this to me?"
* * * *
*Flashback - three years ago*
Ken hated nightclubs. As he'd said to Toshiki, he preferred classical music and that wasn't in supply. And he wasn't a fan of crowds of people. He preferred to be alone or with a few select friends. Not massive crowds of people. He'd already lost most of his friends in the crowd. He could see Akemi flirting with some girl and Tai and Sora giggling together. But everyone else had vanished, including Davis.
"Thanks Davis," Ken muttered "Just leave me all by myself here!"
He tried to blend into the background and hoped that Davis would re-appear soon.
"Hi gorgeous."
Ken gulped and looked at the girl who was smiling at him in a drunkenly charming way.
"Hi," he muttered, trying to sidle away.
"What's a lovely guy like you doing all by yourself?"
Ken went through a quite repertoire of replies and settled on the most polite one.
"I'm waiting for someone."
"Want some company?"
"No thanks."
The girl sniffed and stalked off. Ken rolled his eyes and waited.
'Come on Davis, find me!'
"Hey gorgeous!"
Ken stifled a furious sigh.
"Yes?"
"What's a lovely guy like you doing by yourself?"
Ken wondered if no one could think of anything better to say.
"Existing," he answered flatly.
"Want to some company?"
"No."
Ken kept waiting until another girl approached and asked exactly the same questions as the previous two. Ken was tired, fed up and wanted to find Davis and the others. He put on his best smile and turned to the girl.
"I'm the leader of a new occult sect and am looking for beautiful female sacrifices," he said, keeping the smile on.
The girl blinked at him, then turned and walked off, looking huffy. Ken began walking. He'd had enough. He was going to find Davis.
"Tai!"
Tai looked at him.
"Yeah?"
"Have you seen Davis?"
"He was with Matt - over there somewhere."
"Thanks," Ken said.
He walked in the direction which Tai had pointed, looking around. He couldn't see anyone he knew.
Another girl tried to accost him but he dodged her and realised that he'd reached a door leading the back rooms. A bouncer was standing there. Ken considered for a moment. He knew that the band had been to the club and performed there so it was probable that they knew who Matt was and what he looked like.
"Excuse me," Ken said politely "Have you seen Yamato Ishida?"
The bouncer nodded.
"He took some pretty boy-toy in the back rooms," he said.
"A pretty..."
Ken's voice trailed off.
"Did he have...red brown hair and mixed race skin?"
The bouncer nodded.
Ken took a deep breath. Matt had taken Davis into the back rooms? Why would he do that?
"Can I go back there? Matt's my friend."
The bouncer raised an eyebrow.
"Please?"
"You're Ken Ichijouji aren't you?"
"Yes."
The bouncer shrugged and stepped aside.
"If there's any trouble, I'll know who to blame."
Ken nodded and walked through. It led into a corridor lined with doors. Ken glanced into them, wondering where Matt and Davis were.
Then he froze.
He could see both Matt and Davis standing in a room together.
And they were kissing.
Ken felt his heart stop. As he watched, Davis's arms slipped tighter round Matt's shoulders and he pressed closer.
"No...."
Without really knowing what he was doing, Ken let the door open so they could see him. Matt and Davis didn't even seem to notice. They were too involved with each other. As he watched, Matt started kissing Davis's neck, making Davis moan.
"No!"
Davis and Matt jerked apart, staring at Ken. Ken could feel tears coursing down his face.
"Ken...."
Ken turned and ran.
*Flashback end*
* * * *
Ken unlocked his door and walked in, muttering obscenities to himself. He hated his job. It was beneath his intelligence and it drove him mad. He loathed it more than anything.
But it earned him money. And it gave him a distraction, however puerile.
He needed a distraction today.
Against their will, his eyes travelled to the calendar on his wall.
That day.
Ken didn't want to think about it. He couldn't afford to think about it. He was tired of thinking about it.
Ken went over to his cupboard and opened it. He'd stocked up on alcohol specially.
Then he wouldn't have to think.
Around three hours later, Ken was well and truly plastered. It wasn't keeping his mind off past memories. He was having a loud conversation with the wall about it.
"Why'd you do that Davis?" he muttered thickly "I thought we were happy together! Why'd didn't you talk to me 'stead of jumpin' at Ishida?"
The wall had one response to everything. It remained silent. Ken decided to take offence at this.
"It wasn't my fault! Not my fault!"
He threw a bottle at it, sending shards of glass everywhere.
"Not my fault! HE cheated on me! He kissed Matt! Couldn't expect me to stay with him after that! He wanted everything! Everything! I HATE him!"
Willis was walking up to his apartment when he heard a crash from behind Ken's door, followed by what sounded by shouting. He paused uncertainly.
Ken had been living in the apartment building for a few months now. He'd made no friends. In fact, everyone there thought that Ken was creepy.
"He's just not there when you talk to him!" "He acts polite but he obviously doesn't care at all about what you're saying." "He doesn't want to know." "So stand-offish!"
They were just some of the more polite things that Willis had heard said. He didn't understand it at all. He'd made his own attempts to befriend Ken since the first meeting but Ken had always rebuffed him.
But Ken sounded as though he was in trouble.
Willis knocked at the door and waited. After a moment, a bleary Ken opened it.
"Oh. You."
He swayed.
"Whaddaya want?"
"I was wondering if everything was okay," Willis said "I heard shouting."
"I'm fine. Just great."
Ken swayed again.
"Like hell!" Willis said, grabbing him as Ken's knees gave way "How much have you drunk?"
"Lots!" Ken said, sounding happy "Lots and lots."
His smile faded.
"Not enough. I can still think. Don't like that. More alcohol me thinkth."
Willis dragged him easily into his bedroom and pushed him down onto the bed. Ken glowered at him.
"I don't want to go to bed," he said stubbornly "I want more drink."
"No way mate. You're going to bed," Willis said firmly.
Ken struggled but Willis was strong and determined and Ken was very, very drunk anyway. He managed to remove Ken's shoes and tuck him into bed. Ken glared at him for a few minutes, then sniffed.
"Hate you," he said, sounding quite contented, then fell asleep. Willis waited, then walked out into the apartment and looked around.
It hadn't changed at all since he'd last been in there. The only difference was more mess, plus a broken bottle against one wall. There was a calendar hanging on the wall, three years out of date. He looked at today's date. It was circled with vivid red pen. There was another circle over the red in black.
"What happened today three years ago?" Willis muttered.
He shrugged uncertainly and began cleaning up. He wasn't leaving Ken alone that night. God only knew what might happen. He might throw up and choke or wake up and drink himself into a drunken grave.
No. Willis had to stay and wait.
Besides, this was a mystery. And Willis wanted to know the answer.
* * * *
Ken awoke with a pounding headache. He pushed himself up and felt a fuzzy feeling in his mouth. Then it was gone in a wave of nausea. He managed to roll out of bed before throwing up.
"Oh God..."
He heard footsteps.
"Ken?"
Ken looked up.
"Willis?"
He wanted to stand up but his body wouldn't move. He remained there, staring hazily up at Willis.
"What are you doing here?"
"I heard you yelling last night," Willis said gently "Here."
He had a basin in his hand which he handed to Ken. Then he helped Ken stand. Ken promptly threw up into the basin again.
"Oh my God..."
Willis easily led him into the bathroom.
"You need a bath," he said calmly "I'll be outside the door."
Ken obeyed, especially as Willis then handed him some aspirin. The bath soothed his jangling nerves somewhat but as soon as he got out, he threw up again.
"You should go back to the bed," Willis said quietly "I'll phone in sick for you. Sleep it off."
"You don't have to stay," Ken muttered.
"I shall."
Ken went back to bed and closed his eyes, trying to shake off a nameless fear that was haunting him.
* * * *
When he next awoke, it was getting late. He was hungry and felt less awful. Getting up, he walked out of his bedroom and found Willis watching his TV.
"Hi Ken," he said, smiling "Are you hungry?"
Ken nodded. Willis got up.
"You don't have to bother..." Ken began but Willis ignored him and went into his kitchen.
"You don't have much," he said calmly "In fact, if the contents of your kitchen is anything to go by, you are positively under-nourished."
"Er...oh," Ken offered, unsure of what to say. He was frantically trawling through his memories. What had he told Willis?
"It'd better be a pizza I think," Willis said "That do?"
"Sure."
Ken sat down nervously and remained completely still as Willis quietly moved round his kitchen. When he came out, he handed Ken a pizza, then sat down and watched him eating.
"Why are you staring at me?" Ken muttered.
'As if I couldn't guess' he added mentally to himself. He waited for the judgement that was sure to follow after Willis had seen him so drunk.
"Ken," Willis said gently "What's happened?"
Ken looked at him, startled. Willis looked back honestly.
"From what Davis has told me about you," he said "You were clever, brave, kind. Davis thinks the world of you. You made mistakes in the past but those are over with now. Why are you so unhappy?"
Ken hung his head.
"You can't understand," he whispered.
"Of course I can," Willis said "I've done a course in psychology. I'm fully qualified to listen and be sympathetic."
Ken laughed bitterly.
"Wonderful," he said.
"Ken please."
Willis took one of Ken's hands.
"Please tell me," he said "I want to help you."
Ken pulled away and buried his face in his hands. As the tears began to flow, he let his mind travel back.
* * * *
*Flashback - three years ago*
"Ken! Ken wait!"
Ken didn't. He didn't want to stop, didn't want to hear Davis's excuses. He kept running, shoving blindly past people until he was outside, gulping cold air.
"Ken!"
Davis grabbed his arm.
"Ken please, let me explain!"
"Explain?"
It came out as a scream. Ken whirled round and slapped Davis as hard as he could. Davis staggered.
"Ken! Ken-chan, listen to me, please. I was..."
"What? What were you JUST?" Ken spat at him "Was he teaching you how to kiss or something?"
"No! Of course not! I...I didn't mean for it to happen! I didn't mean to..."
"To KISS him?"
"Will you just listen to me?"
Davis was beginning to sound angry now, something that infuriated Ken even more.
"No!" he screamed "I WON'T listen to you! Why should I? How could you do this to me Davis? How COULD you? I thought you loved me!"
"I do love you!"
"You were kissing Matt!"
"Like you've never thought about kissing someone else!"
"THINKING!" Ken howled "God Davis, you ARE stupid!"
That got to him. He saw Davis's jaw clench. A sure-fire way of getting a response was to call Davis stupid. Ken never had before.
"I am not stupid," he said icily.
"You're sure acting it!" Ken spat "Thinking is nothing like doing! I don't care if it was with darling Matt Ishida, old friend and long-time crush of yours. It's not the same as thinking!"
He shuddered.
"Then again, maybe I shouldn't blame you," he said bitterly "After all, Matt's always been a slu - "
"Don't you DARE call Matt a slut!" Davis yelled. He was seething by now. Both of them had their fists clenched.
"He is a slut!" Ken yelled "He KNEW you were my boyfriend! He knew! And he still kissed you back! Or kissed you, whichever way it happened!"
"Ken..."
"Forget it!" Ken yelled "Just forget it! I don't want to talk to you Davis! I never want to talk to you ever again! You're dumped!"
"Well that suits me just fine!" Davis screamed back "Because as far as I'm concerned, I never want to speak to you again either! You wouldn't even listen to me! But that's just fine with me! We're finished!"
He turned to walk away.
"No you don't!" Ken screamed, irrational with his own rage "You don't just walk away from me! You NEVER walk away from me!"
"Or you'll what?"
"I...I....I'll smash your fucking face in!"
"Oh, I'm SCARED!" Davis spat "Ken's gonna go all Kaiser again! Big deal Ken!"
"Fuck you!" Ken yelled "Just fuck you Davis!"
Davis laughed.
"I thought you were supposed to be quick with replies!" he snapped "That's a lame come-back!"
Ken didn't know what to scream. Blinded by tears of hurt and hatred, he shoved Davis away from him.
"Get away from me you bastard!"
Davis stumbled backwards from the force of the shove. He'd been standing on the edge of the kerb and lost his balance, stumbling out. Still blinded by his tears, Ken never really saw what happened next. But it was imprinted on his mind.
There was an all too familiar shriek of tyres and breaks, a cry and then a heavy thud. Then that eerie silence as the world came into focus.
"DAVIS!"
Davis was lying crumpled on the road, eyes closed. The car had stopped, the driver now scrambling out.
"I didn't see...he just appeared...he..."
"Call an ambulance!" Ken screamed at him, throwing himself down beside Davis "Davis? Davis! Answer me!"
He pressed his hand against the neck, feeling frantically for a pulse. To his delight he found one, a slow, steady beat.
"Come on Davis!" he whispered "Keep that pulse beating! Come on baby. Come on! I'm here for you! I'm here for you, I swear. God, I'm so sorry but I'm here and it's all going to be okay now. I promise. It's all going to be okay now. All going to be okay. I promise. Come on now. Come on. Come on."
He didn't know how long he knelt there, fingers pressed again the slow pulse until the ambulance crew separated him and loaded Davis into the ambulance. He became aware of the other Digidestined gathered round, eyes big with fear, scared. The band were there too, ready to drive them all to hospital.
Ken remembered little else after that. He vaguely remembered the drive and then the wait, the long wait with people asking him what had happened and him being unable to answer, just needing to wait, needing to know that Davis was going to be okay. He remembered the Motomiya's arriving, their own frantic questions. He remembered them being taken into the side room.
Then his memories became clear again. Mr Motomiya had come out, his face strained. He walked up to where they were sitting in a group.
"The doctors say...say that Davis...Davis is brain-dead," he said, his voice trembling "There's nothing they can do. Davis...Davis is dead."
Yolei had started to cry. Kari had turned and clung to Tai, who was looking shell-shocked. Matt was trying to comfort a trembling TK.
Ken had just sat there, the words swimming round his head, confusing themselves with his parents, sitting him on the neighbours couch and explaining to him that Osamu wasn't coming home any more because he'd had to go away. His confusion. His horror. His realisation that it was all his fault.
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!"
*Flashback end*
* * * *
Willis stared silently at the sobbing Ken, trying to choke back sobs of his own. Davis...dead. His friend, the person who'd really insisted that he became a member of the Digidestined team...gone.
"I didn't know," he whispered.
"No," Ken choked "You know, I figured that out!"
"Oh Ken..."
Willis reached out for him but Ken jerked away.
"Don't touch me!" he sobbed "It was my fault! I'm...I'm a murderer!"
"Ken, it wasn't your fault!" Willis said "You didn't mean to! You couldn't have known what would happen, you couldn't have known that Davis would fall back off the pavement! None of this is your fault Ken! I'm sure the other Digidestined know that!"
"They never knew," Ken whispered "I never lied but I never told anyone the truth. I said that we'd been fighting and that Davis had gone out into the road. They never questioned that. I just didn't mention that I was the one who pushed him."
He scrubbed at his face and looked at Willis.
"They hated me," he whispered "They never saw me the same. Everything had changed now because I'd seen Davis die and should have been able to prevent it."
"That's rubbish! I'm sure they didn't think that!"
"Oh but they did! I know they did! I could feel it in their eyes, see it in their faces! They blamed ME!"
He sobbed hysterically.
"It wasn't my fault! It was Matt's fault, it wouldn't have happened if it hadn't been for Matt, it was his fault, all of it was his fault!"
Willis didn't know quite what to say. He didn't think that telling Ken that it wasn't really Matt's fault would do any good.
"It was his fault," Ken whispered "He deserved it!"
The tears began streaming down his face in force again.
"Deserved it? Who did? Davis?" Willis said confusedly.
Ken drew back. The tears stopped suddenly and his face began smooth and blank. He drew himself up into a tiny ball on the sofa and slowly began to whisper as the memories came back.
* * * *
*Flashback - a year ago*
Ken sprawled on the sofa, drinking heavily from the bottle of whisky, his eyes fixed on the calendar.
Two years. Two years without Davis. Without his love, his friend, his partner.
The pain was no better. The pain was drowning him, swamping him, hurting him. Alcohol made it better. Sometimes.
If Ken was honest with himself, he knew that he had a drink problem. He drank heavily most days and his marks in college were dropping because of it. But he didn't care. He just wanted the pain to go away.
Someone knocked on the door. Ken stood up to answer it and slipped on an empty whisky bottle, crushing it beneath his foot, leaving shards of glass on a floor already dangerously littered with broken bottles and empty cans. Cursing, he walked over and opened the door.
Matt and Tai were standing there.
"Ken?"
Ken ignored Tai's hesitant greeting, staring at Matt, hatred burning inside him.
"Ken?" Tai repeated "May we come in?"
"Please yourselves," Ken said, turning and walking back inside to slump on the sofa and take another gulp of whisky. He heard Matt and Tai walking inside.
"Jesus, this place smells like the back of Gendo's van," he heard Matt whisper.
"That probably comes from the empty bottles and cans," he heard Tai whispering back.
"He's got a bigger problem than we thought."
Another wave of rage swept through Ken. So they thought he had a problem. They were here to preach at him.
He gulped some more whisky and angry to discover that after only half a gulp, the bottle ran out. Dropping the bottle to the floor, he staggered up to grab another bottle.
"Ken," Matt said "I don't think you need any more."
"What the fuck would you know about it?" Ken snapped.
"Ken, we want to talk to you," Tai said.
"Talk then."
The boys exchanged looks before gingerly sitting down.
"Ken," Matt said "We're really worried about you."
Ken could barely suppress a sarcastic laugh.
"Seriously," Tai said "You've really changed Ken."
"You try watching your boyfriend die," Ken said bitterly "See how you manage."
Tai sighed.
"I know," he said "I know how horrible it must be Ken. But surely you understand that you're not handling this in the right way."
"Excuse me?" Ken repeated "Right way? WHAT right way? Davis died and I had to see it. There is no 'right way'. You deal with his death your way and I'll deal mine. You leave me out of it."
"Ken, we're your friends," Matt said quietly "We just want to help you. You aren't alone in this."
Ken felt a wave of rage sweeping over him.
"You aren't my friend!" he spat at Matt "I'd rather be alone than be your friend!"
"Ken..." Matt began, his face looking troubled.
Ken interrupted him. He was literally spitting with rage now. Heat had flooded his body. Words and thoughts he'd bottled up for two years were spilling out of him in a torrent.
"It's your fault he's dead!" he screamed at Matt "If you'd been able to keep your slut hands to yourself, we'd never have fought and he'd never have gone into the road! You killed him!"
"Ken!"
Tai and Matt both looked horrified.
"What a horrible thing to say!"
"It's true!" Ken screamed "It's true, it's true, it's true! You killed Davis!"
"Ken, it wasn't my fault!"
Matt was beginning to cry now, his face a mask of pain.
"I never meant for anything to happen! I'm so sorry Ken!"
In Ken's eyes, this was a confession of guilt. His mind exploded with rage and he threw himself at Matt with a scream. They fell to the floor, rolling and punching each other. Matt didn't stand a chance against Ken's blind, irrational, drunken rage. He cowered as Ken struck him again and again.
Ken rage blurred his memories of the next point. Matt rolled them both other, frantically trying to stop Ken hurting him. Ken felt his back crunching on the broken glass of the bottle he'd stepped on earlier.
He couldn't remember if he'd really meant it or not. But his hand scrabbled out instinctively, reaching for the largest shard of glass.
Then he remembered Matt's scream, Tai's horrified cry, the feel of blood splattering his clothes, the strange smell. The brightness of the blood. Scarlet, wet, almost glowing in his confused vision.
He'd just stabbed Matt in chest.
He was a killer.
*Flashback ends.*
* * * *
Willis gaped at Matt silently. Ken had stopped crying now. His eyes were dull, his face a sickly grey.
"What happened?" Willis whispered at last.
Ken looked at him.
"Do you really want to know?" he asked, his voice sounding strained and sick.
"Yes," Willis said, knowing that it was true.
"You want to know if I'm a murderer or not," Ken said, his voice sneering.
"No," Willis said "I want to hear the end of the story."
Ken turned his face away.
"He didn't die," he said "I missed his heart. By centimetres. Anyway, they managed to save his life. And he wouldn't press charges. Said he'd fallen over and made Tai play along. I...I tried to kill him and he kept me out of prison. But...but everything changed. Because the Digidestined knew. And for them, everything had changed. Yolei and Iori simply stopped speaking to me. TK and Kari made stilted conversation but it was plain they'd rather be anywhere else. The older ones...they didn't know how to act. Tai had seen me stab his best friend. He could never treat me the same. Izzy, Sora, Joe, Mimi....they didn't know how to treat me. And Matt..."
He gave a bitter laugh.
"He tried to make friends with me! He tried to forgive me and befriend me! After I tried to kill him!"
He started laughing hysterically, rocking backwards and forwards. Willis stared at him, shocked.
"Oh Ken."
Ken looked at him.
"I refused him of course," he said "I still hated him. He was still the person who was responsible for Davis's death. And I could never forgive him. He could forgive me for what I nearly did. But I couldn't forgive him."
He shuddered.
"I couldn't stay there any more! It wasn't just the Digidestined who knew but everybody. They all knew the truth, even though Matt hadn't pressed charges. I couldn't stay in Odaiba any longer."
He swallowed.
"I had to leave. I decided to come here. Since Mimi moved back to Odaiba, I knew that there was nobody here who knew me. A completely fresh start. New. Where I wasn't famous and I wasn't anybody. Where I wasn't...wasn't..."
His voice cracked.
"Wasn't a murderer."
He started to cry again. This time there was no hysteria, just deep, wracking emotional sobs filled with pain and misery. Willis paused for a long moment before moving. He sat beside Ken on the sofa and hesitantly drew him into his arms. He felt Ken tense and try to pull away but he held on, stroking the dark hair. Ken suddenly crumpled against him and pressed his face into Willis's chest.
"I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry!"
"Shhhhh," Willis whispered softly "It's all right. It's all right Ken."
Ken looked at him. Willis stared down at him.
"You aren't alone Ken," he said "I won't let you be. I'm not going to judge you over what happened. That's not my place and it won't help you. I want to help you."
He smoothed Ken's hair away from his face in what he hoped was a soothing motion.
"I'll help you Ken. You can get through this. I promise you."
Ken buried his face in Willis's chest again and clung on. Willis cradled him, whispering soft comforts to him until Ken's sobs slowed and his breaths slowly grew deeper and more peaceful. Willis continued to stroke his hair and back until Ken slept in his arms. Unable to move away, he lay back, Ken still cradled safe in his arms and wondered what to do now.
* * * *
When Ken opened his arms, he felt cold and uncomfortable. For a few moments, he didn't remember where he was. He sleepily remembered nights of lying on a sofa, safe with Davis and instinctively snuggled into the body that lay beneath him trying to find the warm nook in Davis's neck which was always warm and comfortable.
"Ken?"
It wasn't Davis's voice. Memories flooded back and Ken jerked away, realising that he was wound around Willis. Willis blinked at him dopily.
"Hello Ken," he said.
Ken knew that he was blushing. Trying to cover it, he looked at his watch.
"It's early."
"Yes."
Willis slowly sat up, wincing in pain. He looked at Ken.
"Ken," he said softly "We need to talk."
Ken slowly sat down and looked at Willis. Willis sighed.
"Ken," he said "I want to help you. I can only help you if you let me. Will you?"
Ken stared at him, his emotions in turmoil. He didn't want to let Willis near him but at the same time, he desperately craved affection and someone to guard him and care for him. He remained still, undecided.
"Ken?"
Ken looked at Willis. Willis's blue, honest eyes stared into his, no trace of dishonesty or dislike in them. Ken's walls suddenly crumbled. He needed help, he knew that.
He nodded his head.
"All right."
Willis smiled and touched Ken's arm.
"Okay," he said gently "Okay. And...and you know the first thing we're going to do. We're going to get rid of all your alcohol."
Ken blinked.
"Ken, you need to get over all of this," Willis said firmly "And you've already admitted that you've got a drink problem. You can't drink any more alcohol. You've got to try."
Ken said nothing. Then he sat down and drew his legs up silently.
"It's all in that cupboard."
Willis went into Ken's kitchen and returned with a bin-bag. Quietly, he began putting all the alcohol into it. Ken kept his eyes turned away. Willis could hear him softly whispering to himself. When he came closer, he realised that Ken was saying over and over "I don't need it, I don't need it, I don't need it."
Willis gently touched his shoulder.
"I'm here for you remember," he said quietly "I'll help you through this."
Ken gulped.
"I know."
He looked at Willis.
"It's strange," he said "I...I trust you."
"Not so strange," Willis said "I like to think I have an honest face."
At that, Ken flinched.
"I've seen honest faces before," he whispered "They usually come attached to liars."
"Well, I'm not a liar," Willis said firmly "I've never been a liar. And I am going to help you."
Ken smiled weakly.
"I hope so."
He looked away.
"God I hope so."
End of Part 1.
I meant this not to be a chapter fic but it's ended up going that way anyway. Sorry about that.
A New Start...
By the Empress of the Eclipse
Disclaimer - I don't own Digimon. I also don't own Buffy (which I've borrowed a line or so from, as well as the title).
This was written as a challenge for Kirby. It contains DAIKEN/WILLKEN. Yup, Willis and Ken. Odd but hey, it was a challenge! I'm not sure it's all that good but I hope you enjoy it anyway!
Matt's band are entirely my creation and I'm rather proud of them!
"We are now flying into New York."
"Yippee," Ken whispered to himself.
He looked out of his window at the city below. It looked horrible.
"Marvellous."
Why was he going here? What was there for him in New York? Nothing. No friends. He didn't have a job waiting. Nothing.
Not that he had many friends in Odaiba of course.
Ken looked at his fists. They were clenched in his lap. Just thinking of Odaiba reminded him...
He shook his head.
"I need a new start," he whispered out loud "A new start with new people. Where no one knows my past. Where no one knows me."
The plane landed.
* * * *
"Welcome to New York."
Ken managed a smile before picking up all his luggage. Not much. He didn't want to remember much about Odaiba. He'd left behind all he could. Only clothes and a few small personal artefacts.
He looked at the address in his pocket. His new apartment that he'd rented over the phone before leaving. Slowly, he walked out of the airport and hailed a taxi.
"Where to Sir?"
"Here please."
Ken leaned back and closed his eyes. Oddly enough, the taxi driver reminded him of Davis.
'This is my new start' he told himself sternly 'Not time to think of the past. Not time to think of the past.'
But he couldn't help it. His mind was already taking him back three years, back to when he was eighteen.
* * * *
*Flashback - three years ago*
"So what's the plan Kenny?"
"Don't call me Kenny."
Ken grinned at Davis who grinned back at him. Davis had been calling him Kenny ever since they'd started going out two years ago. They now shared a small student flat and Davis was worse than ever.
It was why Ken loved him so much.
"What's the plan for the night sweetheart?" he asked happily.
"Tonight?" Ken said.
"Matt's concert. Remember?" Davis said.
Ken groaned.
"Oh no. I'm ill."
"Ken!"
Davis rolled his eyes.
"Come on. You always try to skive out of Matt's concerts and it's not fair on Matt. Why do you hate them so much?"
"I just do," Ken said "All the people. All the noise."
"Yes Ken. It's a band concert," Davis said "Aw come Ken! This is the Teenage Wolves you're talking about! They're getting famous now! They've got a record deal and everything!"
Ken grinned.
"Yeah but..."
"You've got free tickets for the Teenage Wolves! The most wanted things ever! Come on, you can't cry wolf about this!"
Ken rolled his eyes at the awful joke.
"I don't even LIKE their music!"
"Ken, they're the best band ever!"
Davis wrapped his arms round Ken's waist and started nuzzling him. Ken groaned.
"Davis, you always do that."
"Do what?" Davis murmured, licking Ken's neck.
"Try to make me do whatever you want by using sex."
"Is it working?"
Davis pressed nearer, burying his face in the crook of Ken's neck. Ken laughed.
"All right," he said "I'll come. But what other plans do you want?"
Davis cheerfully pulled back.
"Well, Matt said that we could all go partying with him and the band afterwards," he said "Want to?"
"No way!"
"What?"
Ken looked at him.
"Davis, do you know Matt's band? They're nuts!"
Davis laughed.
"They're nice guys!"
"They're freaks!"
Davis looked at him. Ken was blushing.
"Oh yeah!" he said, a wicked sparkle coming into his eye "I'd forgotten your little crush!"
"I don't have a crush on Toshiki, Davis!"
"Oh yes you do."
"No I don't!"
Davis laughed. He always teased Ken about his crush on Toshiki Miyahara, the bass guitarist in Matt's band. Ken always denied it, even though it was pointless. He DID have a crush on Toshiki and Davis was the only person in the world who knew about it. At least, that was what Davis claimed. Ken suspected that Matt and his whole band knew, another reason why he often tried to avoid them.
"At least I don't have a crush on Matt!" he said.
It worked. Davis turned crimson. Ken grinned. HE was the only person in the world who knew Davis's feelings about Matt and Davis wanted it to stay that way. Ken often threatened to tell the others when Davis was being extra-irksome, something that often controlled Davis when he wanted to act like a nut-case.
At this particular moment, it meant that Davis left the topic of Ken's crush and went back to pleading.
"That's besides the point! Come on Ken," he said pleadingly "Let's go. Please? You know I love Matt's band and the parties!"
Ken rolled his eyes as Davis wrapped his arms round Ken's waist and started kissing his neck hopefully.
"Please?"
"All right, all right!"
Ken pushed Davis off "All right, I'll go. Now, I have to go to college. See you soon okay?"
"See you!"
*Flashback ended*
* * * *
Ken looked around his new flat. Dropping his bags, he sat down on the sofa. It was a pre-furnished flat but the furniture was crap. Still, Ken didn't really care.
He hadn't care about much for a while now.
Sighing, he stood up and dragged his bags into his new small bedroom. He looked out of the window at the city.
"God."
He leaned his head against the pane of glass.
"What am I doing here? Why have I come?"
He already knew why. He knew exactly why he was here.
Davis. It all came back to Davis.
He sighed and shook his thoughts away before he could start to mope. Taking a deep breath, he began unpacking.
He was unpacking his second bag when he found his photo album. He meant to put it away but somehow he ended up opening it and flipping to his certain page.
Him and Davis. One of the Digidestined had taken it - Ken couldn't remember who. Davis was wearing black jeans, a red top and a leather jacket. He was leaning against a wall, looking hugely sexy. Ken was standing beside him, looking at him over his shoulder. He was wearing a trench coat and looked a bit creepy in Ken's opinion. But the picture of Davis was amazing and Ken had always kept it. Even after...
"Davis..."
Ken could feel tears gathering up. Quickly, he wiped his eyes and crammed the photo album under his bed.
"That was three years ago," he muttered "Three years. I'm over him now."
He walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge.
Empty.
"Oh no," Ken hissed "Oh, please no!"
The landlord had promised that there would be enough in his cupboards to get him through the first night. Ken had known that by the time he arrived, there was no way that shopping was going to be high on his agenda. Ken had paid extra for it.
"I'm such an IDIOT!" he snarled, going through the kitchen "Idiot, idiot, IDIOT!"
He looked at his watch. It was late, too late for shopping. And Ken was starving.
"Oh nice one Ichijouji," he said bitterly "This is going to make a GREAT impression on your new neighbours. "Hi, I'm Ken, can I have some of your food?" Marvellous!"
He ran his hands through his hair and walked into the bathroom. He looked tired and his eyes were red-rimmed.
"Not a good impression."
He grabbed his toilet bag and brushed his hair, then washed his face. Swallowing, he fixed a smile on his face, grabbed his money and walked out and to the next flat, knocking smartly on the door.
It was answered by a man who looked about his age with blonde hair and blue eyes.
"Hello," he said politely "Can I help you?"
"Hello," Ken said "My name's Ken. I've just moved in across the hall." He pointed "I know it's an awful inconvenience but I don't have any food and I was wondering if I could buy something off you?"
The man blinked at him. Ken kept his face impassive.
"I'm very sorry," he added.
The man frowned.
"Ken? Are you Ken Ichijouji?"
Ken's heart nearly stopped, then started beating faster than before.
Marvellous. In a city where he wasn't famous, the first person he talked to knew his name.
"Yes," he said dully.
The man smiled with delight.
"I'm Willis!"
Ken blinked. Was that supposed to mean something?
"Oh?"
"You know! Willis!"
Willis grinned and glanced around.
"I'm a fellow Digidestined! I know the others!"
Ken's heart stopped.
A Digidestined.
No.
"Davis has told me all about you!" Willis was saying excitedly "We kept in contact for a while when they all returned to Japan and he told me everything! We sort of stopped writing after the final battle again MaloMyotismon though. Things got busy and now I've lost his address! But even so, it's great to meet another Digidestined!"
Ken was shaking now. Davis...someone connected to Davis...
"Ken? Ken, are you okay?"
"I...I can't do this."
Ken stepped backwards and nearly tripped over his own feet. Willis frowned.
"Are you okay?"
"I...I have to go away," Ken stammered "I...I'm sorry I bothered you. I'll see you around..."
"Ken! Ken wait!"
"Sorry."
Ken fled. Willis watched as he shot back into his apartment and closed his door.
"What?"
He frowned.
"Well, Davis said he was odd."
* * * *
Ken slammed his door and sank to his knees.
"No. No, no, no. I came here to get away from this! I can't do this again! No!"
He could feel tears coursing down his face as his brain swam back three years.
* * * *
*Flashback - three years ago*
"See? Concert was cool wasn't it?"
Ken rolled his eyes at Davis. They along with the other Digidestined were back-stage, waiting for the band to show up.
"It was loud, shrieking and awful, normal for Matt's band," he said.
"I heard that!"
Ken blushed as Toshiki draped an arm over his shoulder. He noticed that Davis was wearing a look of huge amusement. Ken tried to pull away but Toshiki tightened his grip.
"Are you trying to say that we aren't the best band in the universe?"
"I didn't say that," Ken mumbled, blushing even more "It's just...I prefer...classical music. That's all."
Toshiki grinned and playfully pressed closer to Ken, making Ken turn even more crimson.
"Get off," he muttered.
"You didn't say please," Toshiki teased.
"Toshiki, leave off, you're embarrassing the poor little pet," Matt said, appearing with his guitar. The rest of the band - Gendo the second guitarist, Akemi the drummer and Istu the keyboardist - followed.
"He wasn't treating us like the best band ever!" Toshiki laughed, ruffling Ken's hair before releasing him. Ken swallowed and fidgeted.
"Hey, I'm supposed to punish the people who don't think we're wonderful!" Akemi laughed.
"Your idea of punishment is to not have sex with them," Gendo said dryly.
"Are you calling me a slut?"
"We're called you a slut for years Akemi, it's hardly going to make any difference now," Istu said "Hey Mini-Matt!"
He was addressing TK, whom he always called Mini-Matt. It always made TK go very red although Ken suspected that another reason for this was his minor crush on Akemi. Akemi appeared to be a sort of hero for TK which Ken knew worried Matt as Matt knew Akemi well enough to know that Akemi was NOT a good role model.
"Hey Istu," TK muttered "Good concert."
"Course it was. I was in it," Istu said.
Matt rolled his eyes.
"So, everyone coming to the nightclub?" he asked.
"Yeah!" came a chorus of voices.
"Excellent! Then let's go!"
Ken groaned.
"You know, I'm not really feeling..."
"Oh no you don't!"
Davis grabbed one arm, Toshiki grabbed the other.
"Come on Kenny-boy! Club time!"
Ken groaned.
*Flashback end*
* * * *
Ken woke from his memories to someone knocking on the door. He realised that his face was wet with cold tears. Wiping his face, he opened the door.
"Hey," Willis said. He held up a pizza "Thought you might be hungry still."
"Oh. No, I'm all right," Ken said.
"No, I insist. Here."
"Well...thanks," Ken said, taking the pizza "I...I'm grateful."
He prepared to close the door but Willis touched his arm.
"Ken," he said "Can we talk?"
"If you want," Ken said unwillingly.
He let Willis in and went to heat up the pizza. Willis looked at the poky flat, then sat down.
"Do you want some pizza?"
"No, that's fine."
Ken came into the main room. He started eating the pizza ravenously, belaying his claim that wasn't hungry. Willis watched him eat for a while, then took a deep breath.
"Ken," he said "I don't know you that well - and you don't know me at all - but I can't help getting the feeling that you aren't happy to see me."
Ken swallowed his mouth of pizza and looked at Willis.
"That's not true."
Willis raised an eyebrow. Ken sighed.
"I just...it...I..."
He shook his head.
"I came here for a fresh start," he said at last "I didn't mean...I wasn't expecting to find anyone who knew me. To be completely honest I...I didn't WANT to find anyone I knew here. I wanted a completely fresh start."
Willis blinked.
"Why?" he asked.
Ken shrugged.
"Long story."
He didn't want to go into this with Willis. He didn't know Willis and he didn't want to talk about it anyway. He took another mouthful of pizza.
Willis stared at Ken slowly, trying to remember everything Davis had ever told him. He knew that Ken was a genius and had once been the Digimon Kaiser but had been defeated before Willis had even met the other Digidestined. After the summer was over, he'd joined their team and helped defeat MaloMyotismon. He was Davis's DNA Digivolving partner and from what he'd written, Willis had got the distinct impression that Davis looked at Ken in a more than friendly manner. In fact, in the last letter he'd received - almost five years ago - Davis had hinted that he was going to ask Ken out.
Willis sighed. He wished he hadn't lost touch with the other Digidestined but things had got complicated in his life and then he'd lost Davis's address, making it difficult. And Davis hadn't written to him.
"I wish I hadn't lost touch with Davis and the others," he said eventually "I miss them. They helped me out."
"Yes."
Ken sounded bland and uninterested, as though Willis was just there to waste his time. Willis frowned. Ken puzzled him. Despite what he'd said about wanting a fresh start, Willis couldn't understand why he was so upset to met some vaguely connected with his past. Willis didn't know very much about Ken after all, only his friends.
He frowned. Was Ken going all Kaisery? Was that why he'd moved away?
"Ken," he began, trying to think of a polite way to breech the subject. Ken interrupted.
"Thank you very much for the pizza," he said "I will reimburse you of course."
"Oh no, you don't have to do that - " Willis began but Ken cut him off as though he hadn't spoken.
"I insist," he said calmly, producing some money "I trust this covers the cost?"
"Yes it does but..."
Ken interrupted again.
"I'm very sorry if I seem rude but I've had a long journey and I'm very tired," he said "I hope to see you around."
Willis blinked as Ken easily pulled him to his feet and hustled him out the door.
"But Ken....I..."
"Good night."
The door closed in his face. Willis blinked.
"Okay," he said after a moment.
He walked back to his own apartment, wondering what on earth was going on.
Inside, Ken slumped against the door and put his head in his hands.
'I don't want reminders. I came to get away from everything to do with the Digidestined. After Davis...'
He shuddered, the familiar rage and pain bubbling up inside him.
"Davis, why did you do this to me?"
* * * *
*Flashback - three years ago*
Ken hated nightclubs. As he'd said to Toshiki, he preferred classical music and that wasn't in supply. And he wasn't a fan of crowds of people. He preferred to be alone or with a few select friends. Not massive crowds of people. He'd already lost most of his friends in the crowd. He could see Akemi flirting with some girl and Tai and Sora giggling together. But everyone else had vanished, including Davis.
"Thanks Davis," Ken muttered "Just leave me all by myself here!"
He tried to blend into the background and hoped that Davis would re-appear soon.
"Hi gorgeous."
Ken gulped and looked at the girl who was smiling at him in a drunkenly charming way.
"Hi," he muttered, trying to sidle away.
"What's a lovely guy like you doing all by yourself?"
Ken went through a quite repertoire of replies and settled on the most polite one.
"I'm waiting for someone."
"Want some company?"
"No thanks."
The girl sniffed and stalked off. Ken rolled his eyes and waited.
'Come on Davis, find me!'
"Hey gorgeous!"
Ken stifled a furious sigh.
"Yes?"
"What's a lovely guy like you doing by yourself?"
Ken wondered if no one could think of anything better to say.
"Existing," he answered flatly.
"Want to some company?"
"No."
Ken kept waiting until another girl approached and asked exactly the same questions as the previous two. Ken was tired, fed up and wanted to find Davis and the others. He put on his best smile and turned to the girl.
"I'm the leader of a new occult sect and am looking for beautiful female sacrifices," he said, keeping the smile on.
The girl blinked at him, then turned and walked off, looking huffy. Ken began walking. He'd had enough. He was going to find Davis.
"Tai!"
Tai looked at him.
"Yeah?"
"Have you seen Davis?"
"He was with Matt - over there somewhere."
"Thanks," Ken said.
He walked in the direction which Tai had pointed, looking around. He couldn't see anyone he knew.
Another girl tried to accost him but he dodged her and realised that he'd reached a door leading the back rooms. A bouncer was standing there. Ken considered for a moment. He knew that the band had been to the club and performed there so it was probable that they knew who Matt was and what he looked like.
"Excuse me," Ken said politely "Have you seen Yamato Ishida?"
The bouncer nodded.
"He took some pretty boy-toy in the back rooms," he said.
"A pretty..."
Ken's voice trailed off.
"Did he have...red brown hair and mixed race skin?"
The bouncer nodded.
Ken took a deep breath. Matt had taken Davis into the back rooms? Why would he do that?
"Can I go back there? Matt's my friend."
The bouncer raised an eyebrow.
"Please?"
"You're Ken Ichijouji aren't you?"
"Yes."
The bouncer shrugged and stepped aside.
"If there's any trouble, I'll know who to blame."
Ken nodded and walked through. It led into a corridor lined with doors. Ken glanced into them, wondering where Matt and Davis were.
Then he froze.
He could see both Matt and Davis standing in a room together.
And they were kissing.
Ken felt his heart stop. As he watched, Davis's arms slipped tighter round Matt's shoulders and he pressed closer.
"No...."
Without really knowing what he was doing, Ken let the door open so they could see him. Matt and Davis didn't even seem to notice. They were too involved with each other. As he watched, Matt started kissing Davis's neck, making Davis moan.
"No!"
Davis and Matt jerked apart, staring at Ken. Ken could feel tears coursing down his face.
"Ken...."
Ken turned and ran.
*Flashback end*
* * * *
Ken unlocked his door and walked in, muttering obscenities to himself. He hated his job. It was beneath his intelligence and it drove him mad. He loathed it more than anything.
But it earned him money. And it gave him a distraction, however puerile.
He needed a distraction today.
Against their will, his eyes travelled to the calendar on his wall.
That day.
Ken didn't want to think about it. He couldn't afford to think about it. He was tired of thinking about it.
Ken went over to his cupboard and opened it. He'd stocked up on alcohol specially.
Then he wouldn't have to think.
Around three hours later, Ken was well and truly plastered. It wasn't keeping his mind off past memories. He was having a loud conversation with the wall about it.
"Why'd you do that Davis?" he muttered thickly "I thought we were happy together! Why'd didn't you talk to me 'stead of jumpin' at Ishida?"
The wall had one response to everything. It remained silent. Ken decided to take offence at this.
"It wasn't my fault! Not my fault!"
He threw a bottle at it, sending shards of glass everywhere.
"Not my fault! HE cheated on me! He kissed Matt! Couldn't expect me to stay with him after that! He wanted everything! Everything! I HATE him!"
Willis was walking up to his apartment when he heard a crash from behind Ken's door, followed by what sounded by shouting. He paused uncertainly.
Ken had been living in the apartment building for a few months now. He'd made no friends. In fact, everyone there thought that Ken was creepy.
"He's just not there when you talk to him!" "He acts polite but he obviously doesn't care at all about what you're saying." "He doesn't want to know." "So stand-offish!"
They were just some of the more polite things that Willis had heard said. He didn't understand it at all. He'd made his own attempts to befriend Ken since the first meeting but Ken had always rebuffed him.
But Ken sounded as though he was in trouble.
Willis knocked at the door and waited. After a moment, a bleary Ken opened it.
"Oh. You."
He swayed.
"Whaddaya want?"
"I was wondering if everything was okay," Willis said "I heard shouting."
"I'm fine. Just great."
Ken swayed again.
"Like hell!" Willis said, grabbing him as Ken's knees gave way "How much have you drunk?"
"Lots!" Ken said, sounding happy "Lots and lots."
His smile faded.
"Not enough. I can still think. Don't like that. More alcohol me thinkth."
Willis dragged him easily into his bedroom and pushed him down onto the bed. Ken glowered at him.
"I don't want to go to bed," he said stubbornly "I want more drink."
"No way mate. You're going to bed," Willis said firmly.
Ken struggled but Willis was strong and determined and Ken was very, very drunk anyway. He managed to remove Ken's shoes and tuck him into bed. Ken glared at him for a few minutes, then sniffed.
"Hate you," he said, sounding quite contented, then fell asleep. Willis waited, then walked out into the apartment and looked around.
It hadn't changed at all since he'd last been in there. The only difference was more mess, plus a broken bottle against one wall. There was a calendar hanging on the wall, three years out of date. He looked at today's date. It was circled with vivid red pen. There was another circle over the red in black.
"What happened today three years ago?" Willis muttered.
He shrugged uncertainly and began cleaning up. He wasn't leaving Ken alone that night. God only knew what might happen. He might throw up and choke or wake up and drink himself into a drunken grave.
No. Willis had to stay and wait.
Besides, this was a mystery. And Willis wanted to know the answer.
* * * *
Ken awoke with a pounding headache. He pushed himself up and felt a fuzzy feeling in his mouth. Then it was gone in a wave of nausea. He managed to roll out of bed before throwing up.
"Oh God..."
He heard footsteps.
"Ken?"
Ken looked up.
"Willis?"
He wanted to stand up but his body wouldn't move. He remained there, staring hazily up at Willis.
"What are you doing here?"
"I heard you yelling last night," Willis said gently "Here."
He had a basin in his hand which he handed to Ken. Then he helped Ken stand. Ken promptly threw up into the basin again.
"Oh my God..."
Willis easily led him into the bathroom.
"You need a bath," he said calmly "I'll be outside the door."
Ken obeyed, especially as Willis then handed him some aspirin. The bath soothed his jangling nerves somewhat but as soon as he got out, he threw up again.
"You should go back to the bed," Willis said quietly "I'll phone in sick for you. Sleep it off."
"You don't have to stay," Ken muttered.
"I shall."
Ken went back to bed and closed his eyes, trying to shake off a nameless fear that was haunting him.
* * * *
When he next awoke, it was getting late. He was hungry and felt less awful. Getting up, he walked out of his bedroom and found Willis watching his TV.
"Hi Ken," he said, smiling "Are you hungry?"
Ken nodded. Willis got up.
"You don't have to bother..." Ken began but Willis ignored him and went into his kitchen.
"You don't have much," he said calmly "In fact, if the contents of your kitchen is anything to go by, you are positively under-nourished."
"Er...oh," Ken offered, unsure of what to say. He was frantically trawling through his memories. What had he told Willis?
"It'd better be a pizza I think," Willis said "That do?"
"Sure."
Ken sat down nervously and remained completely still as Willis quietly moved round his kitchen. When he came out, he handed Ken a pizza, then sat down and watched him eating.
"Why are you staring at me?" Ken muttered.
'As if I couldn't guess' he added mentally to himself. He waited for the judgement that was sure to follow after Willis had seen him so drunk.
"Ken," Willis said gently "What's happened?"
Ken looked at him, startled. Willis looked back honestly.
"From what Davis has told me about you," he said "You were clever, brave, kind. Davis thinks the world of you. You made mistakes in the past but those are over with now. Why are you so unhappy?"
Ken hung his head.
"You can't understand," he whispered.
"Of course I can," Willis said "I've done a course in psychology. I'm fully qualified to listen and be sympathetic."
Ken laughed bitterly.
"Wonderful," he said.
"Ken please."
Willis took one of Ken's hands.
"Please tell me," he said "I want to help you."
Ken pulled away and buried his face in his hands. As the tears began to flow, he let his mind travel back.
* * * *
*Flashback - three years ago*
"Ken! Ken wait!"
Ken didn't. He didn't want to stop, didn't want to hear Davis's excuses. He kept running, shoving blindly past people until he was outside, gulping cold air.
"Ken!"
Davis grabbed his arm.
"Ken please, let me explain!"
"Explain?"
It came out as a scream. Ken whirled round and slapped Davis as hard as he could. Davis staggered.
"Ken! Ken-chan, listen to me, please. I was..."
"What? What were you JUST?" Ken spat at him "Was he teaching you how to kiss or something?"
"No! Of course not! I...I didn't mean for it to happen! I didn't mean to..."
"To KISS him?"
"Will you just listen to me?"
Davis was beginning to sound angry now, something that infuriated Ken even more.
"No!" he screamed "I WON'T listen to you! Why should I? How could you do this to me Davis? How COULD you? I thought you loved me!"
"I do love you!"
"You were kissing Matt!"
"Like you've never thought about kissing someone else!"
"THINKING!" Ken howled "God Davis, you ARE stupid!"
That got to him. He saw Davis's jaw clench. A sure-fire way of getting a response was to call Davis stupid. Ken never had before.
"I am not stupid," he said icily.
"You're sure acting it!" Ken spat "Thinking is nothing like doing! I don't care if it was with darling Matt Ishida, old friend and long-time crush of yours. It's not the same as thinking!"
He shuddered.
"Then again, maybe I shouldn't blame you," he said bitterly "After all, Matt's always been a slu - "
"Don't you DARE call Matt a slut!" Davis yelled. He was seething by now. Both of them had their fists clenched.
"He is a slut!" Ken yelled "He KNEW you were my boyfriend! He knew! And he still kissed you back! Or kissed you, whichever way it happened!"
"Ken..."
"Forget it!" Ken yelled "Just forget it! I don't want to talk to you Davis! I never want to talk to you ever again! You're dumped!"
"Well that suits me just fine!" Davis screamed back "Because as far as I'm concerned, I never want to speak to you again either! You wouldn't even listen to me! But that's just fine with me! We're finished!"
He turned to walk away.
"No you don't!" Ken screamed, irrational with his own rage "You don't just walk away from me! You NEVER walk away from me!"
"Or you'll what?"
"I...I....I'll smash your fucking face in!"
"Oh, I'm SCARED!" Davis spat "Ken's gonna go all Kaiser again! Big deal Ken!"
"Fuck you!" Ken yelled "Just fuck you Davis!"
Davis laughed.
"I thought you were supposed to be quick with replies!" he snapped "That's a lame come-back!"
Ken didn't know what to scream. Blinded by tears of hurt and hatred, he shoved Davis away from him.
"Get away from me you bastard!"
Davis stumbled backwards from the force of the shove. He'd been standing on the edge of the kerb and lost his balance, stumbling out. Still blinded by his tears, Ken never really saw what happened next. But it was imprinted on his mind.
There was an all too familiar shriek of tyres and breaks, a cry and then a heavy thud. Then that eerie silence as the world came into focus.
"DAVIS!"
Davis was lying crumpled on the road, eyes closed. The car had stopped, the driver now scrambling out.
"I didn't see...he just appeared...he..."
"Call an ambulance!" Ken screamed at him, throwing himself down beside Davis "Davis? Davis! Answer me!"
He pressed his hand against the neck, feeling frantically for a pulse. To his delight he found one, a slow, steady beat.
"Come on Davis!" he whispered "Keep that pulse beating! Come on baby. Come on! I'm here for you! I'm here for you, I swear. God, I'm so sorry but I'm here and it's all going to be okay now. I promise. It's all going to be okay now. All going to be okay. I promise. Come on now. Come on. Come on."
He didn't know how long he knelt there, fingers pressed again the slow pulse until the ambulance crew separated him and loaded Davis into the ambulance. He became aware of the other Digidestined gathered round, eyes big with fear, scared. The band were there too, ready to drive them all to hospital.
Ken remembered little else after that. He vaguely remembered the drive and then the wait, the long wait with people asking him what had happened and him being unable to answer, just needing to wait, needing to know that Davis was going to be okay. He remembered the Motomiya's arriving, their own frantic questions. He remembered them being taken into the side room.
Then his memories became clear again. Mr Motomiya had come out, his face strained. He walked up to where they were sitting in a group.
"The doctors say...say that Davis...Davis is brain-dead," he said, his voice trembling "There's nothing they can do. Davis...Davis is dead."
Yolei had started to cry. Kari had turned and clung to Tai, who was looking shell-shocked. Matt was trying to comfort a trembling TK.
Ken had just sat there, the words swimming round his head, confusing themselves with his parents, sitting him on the neighbours couch and explaining to him that Osamu wasn't coming home any more because he'd had to go away. His confusion. His horror. His realisation that it was all his fault.
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!"
*Flashback end*
* * * *
Willis stared silently at the sobbing Ken, trying to choke back sobs of his own. Davis...dead. His friend, the person who'd really insisted that he became a member of the Digidestined team...gone.
"I didn't know," he whispered.
"No," Ken choked "You know, I figured that out!"
"Oh Ken..."
Willis reached out for him but Ken jerked away.
"Don't touch me!" he sobbed "It was my fault! I'm...I'm a murderer!"
"Ken, it wasn't your fault!" Willis said "You didn't mean to! You couldn't have known what would happen, you couldn't have known that Davis would fall back off the pavement! None of this is your fault Ken! I'm sure the other Digidestined know that!"
"They never knew," Ken whispered "I never lied but I never told anyone the truth. I said that we'd been fighting and that Davis had gone out into the road. They never questioned that. I just didn't mention that I was the one who pushed him."
He scrubbed at his face and looked at Willis.
"They hated me," he whispered "They never saw me the same. Everything had changed now because I'd seen Davis die and should have been able to prevent it."
"That's rubbish! I'm sure they didn't think that!"
"Oh but they did! I know they did! I could feel it in their eyes, see it in their faces! They blamed ME!"
He sobbed hysterically.
"It wasn't my fault! It was Matt's fault, it wouldn't have happened if it hadn't been for Matt, it was his fault, all of it was his fault!"
Willis didn't know quite what to say. He didn't think that telling Ken that it wasn't really Matt's fault would do any good.
"It was his fault," Ken whispered "He deserved it!"
The tears began streaming down his face in force again.
"Deserved it? Who did? Davis?" Willis said confusedly.
Ken drew back. The tears stopped suddenly and his face began smooth and blank. He drew himself up into a tiny ball on the sofa and slowly began to whisper as the memories came back.
* * * *
*Flashback - a year ago*
Ken sprawled on the sofa, drinking heavily from the bottle of whisky, his eyes fixed on the calendar.
Two years. Two years without Davis. Without his love, his friend, his partner.
The pain was no better. The pain was drowning him, swamping him, hurting him. Alcohol made it better. Sometimes.
If Ken was honest with himself, he knew that he had a drink problem. He drank heavily most days and his marks in college were dropping because of it. But he didn't care. He just wanted the pain to go away.
Someone knocked on the door. Ken stood up to answer it and slipped on an empty whisky bottle, crushing it beneath his foot, leaving shards of glass on a floor already dangerously littered with broken bottles and empty cans. Cursing, he walked over and opened the door.
Matt and Tai were standing there.
"Ken?"
Ken ignored Tai's hesitant greeting, staring at Matt, hatred burning inside him.
"Ken?" Tai repeated "May we come in?"
"Please yourselves," Ken said, turning and walking back inside to slump on the sofa and take another gulp of whisky. He heard Matt and Tai walking inside.
"Jesus, this place smells like the back of Gendo's van," he heard Matt whisper.
"That probably comes from the empty bottles and cans," he heard Tai whispering back.
"He's got a bigger problem than we thought."
Another wave of rage swept through Ken. So they thought he had a problem. They were here to preach at him.
He gulped some more whisky and angry to discover that after only half a gulp, the bottle ran out. Dropping the bottle to the floor, he staggered up to grab another bottle.
"Ken," Matt said "I don't think you need any more."
"What the fuck would you know about it?" Ken snapped.
"Ken, we want to talk to you," Tai said.
"Talk then."
The boys exchanged looks before gingerly sitting down.
"Ken," Matt said "We're really worried about you."
Ken could barely suppress a sarcastic laugh.
"Seriously," Tai said "You've really changed Ken."
"You try watching your boyfriend die," Ken said bitterly "See how you manage."
Tai sighed.
"I know," he said "I know how horrible it must be Ken. But surely you understand that you're not handling this in the right way."
"Excuse me?" Ken repeated "Right way? WHAT right way? Davis died and I had to see it. There is no 'right way'. You deal with his death your way and I'll deal mine. You leave me out of it."
"Ken, we're your friends," Matt said quietly "We just want to help you. You aren't alone in this."
Ken felt a wave of rage sweeping over him.
"You aren't my friend!" he spat at Matt "I'd rather be alone than be your friend!"
"Ken..." Matt began, his face looking troubled.
Ken interrupted him. He was literally spitting with rage now. Heat had flooded his body. Words and thoughts he'd bottled up for two years were spilling out of him in a torrent.
"It's your fault he's dead!" he screamed at Matt "If you'd been able to keep your slut hands to yourself, we'd never have fought and he'd never have gone into the road! You killed him!"
"Ken!"
Tai and Matt both looked horrified.
"What a horrible thing to say!"
"It's true!" Ken screamed "It's true, it's true, it's true! You killed Davis!"
"Ken, it wasn't my fault!"
Matt was beginning to cry now, his face a mask of pain.
"I never meant for anything to happen! I'm so sorry Ken!"
In Ken's eyes, this was a confession of guilt. His mind exploded with rage and he threw himself at Matt with a scream. They fell to the floor, rolling and punching each other. Matt didn't stand a chance against Ken's blind, irrational, drunken rage. He cowered as Ken struck him again and again.
Ken rage blurred his memories of the next point. Matt rolled them both other, frantically trying to stop Ken hurting him. Ken felt his back crunching on the broken glass of the bottle he'd stepped on earlier.
He couldn't remember if he'd really meant it or not. But his hand scrabbled out instinctively, reaching for the largest shard of glass.
Then he remembered Matt's scream, Tai's horrified cry, the feel of blood splattering his clothes, the strange smell. The brightness of the blood. Scarlet, wet, almost glowing in his confused vision.
He'd just stabbed Matt in chest.
He was a killer.
*Flashback ends.*
* * * *
Willis gaped at Matt silently. Ken had stopped crying now. His eyes were dull, his face a sickly grey.
"What happened?" Willis whispered at last.
Ken looked at him.
"Do you really want to know?" he asked, his voice sounding strained and sick.
"Yes," Willis said, knowing that it was true.
"You want to know if I'm a murderer or not," Ken said, his voice sneering.
"No," Willis said "I want to hear the end of the story."
Ken turned his face away.
"He didn't die," he said "I missed his heart. By centimetres. Anyway, they managed to save his life. And he wouldn't press charges. Said he'd fallen over and made Tai play along. I...I tried to kill him and he kept me out of prison. But...but everything changed. Because the Digidestined knew. And for them, everything had changed. Yolei and Iori simply stopped speaking to me. TK and Kari made stilted conversation but it was plain they'd rather be anywhere else. The older ones...they didn't know how to act. Tai had seen me stab his best friend. He could never treat me the same. Izzy, Sora, Joe, Mimi....they didn't know how to treat me. And Matt..."
He gave a bitter laugh.
"He tried to make friends with me! He tried to forgive me and befriend me! After I tried to kill him!"
He started laughing hysterically, rocking backwards and forwards. Willis stared at him, shocked.
"Oh Ken."
Ken looked at him.
"I refused him of course," he said "I still hated him. He was still the person who was responsible for Davis's death. And I could never forgive him. He could forgive me for what I nearly did. But I couldn't forgive him."
He shuddered.
"I couldn't stay there any more! It wasn't just the Digidestined who knew but everybody. They all knew the truth, even though Matt hadn't pressed charges. I couldn't stay in Odaiba any longer."
He swallowed.
"I had to leave. I decided to come here. Since Mimi moved back to Odaiba, I knew that there was nobody here who knew me. A completely fresh start. New. Where I wasn't famous and I wasn't anybody. Where I wasn't...wasn't..."
His voice cracked.
"Wasn't a murderer."
He started to cry again. This time there was no hysteria, just deep, wracking emotional sobs filled with pain and misery. Willis paused for a long moment before moving. He sat beside Ken on the sofa and hesitantly drew him into his arms. He felt Ken tense and try to pull away but he held on, stroking the dark hair. Ken suddenly crumpled against him and pressed his face into Willis's chest.
"I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry!"
"Shhhhh," Willis whispered softly "It's all right. It's all right Ken."
Ken looked at him. Willis stared down at him.
"You aren't alone Ken," he said "I won't let you be. I'm not going to judge you over what happened. That's not my place and it won't help you. I want to help you."
He smoothed Ken's hair away from his face in what he hoped was a soothing motion.
"I'll help you Ken. You can get through this. I promise you."
Ken buried his face in Willis's chest again and clung on. Willis cradled him, whispering soft comforts to him until Ken's sobs slowed and his breaths slowly grew deeper and more peaceful. Willis continued to stroke his hair and back until Ken slept in his arms. Unable to move away, he lay back, Ken still cradled safe in his arms and wondered what to do now.
* * * *
When Ken opened his arms, he felt cold and uncomfortable. For a few moments, he didn't remember where he was. He sleepily remembered nights of lying on a sofa, safe with Davis and instinctively snuggled into the body that lay beneath him trying to find the warm nook in Davis's neck which was always warm and comfortable.
"Ken?"
It wasn't Davis's voice. Memories flooded back and Ken jerked away, realising that he was wound around Willis. Willis blinked at him dopily.
"Hello Ken," he said.
Ken knew that he was blushing. Trying to cover it, he looked at his watch.
"It's early."
"Yes."
Willis slowly sat up, wincing in pain. He looked at Ken.
"Ken," he said softly "We need to talk."
Ken slowly sat down and looked at Willis. Willis sighed.
"Ken," he said "I want to help you. I can only help you if you let me. Will you?"
Ken stared at him, his emotions in turmoil. He didn't want to let Willis near him but at the same time, he desperately craved affection and someone to guard him and care for him. He remained still, undecided.
"Ken?"
Ken looked at Willis. Willis's blue, honest eyes stared into his, no trace of dishonesty or dislike in them. Ken's walls suddenly crumbled. He needed help, he knew that.
He nodded his head.
"All right."
Willis smiled and touched Ken's arm.
"Okay," he said gently "Okay. And...and you know the first thing we're going to do. We're going to get rid of all your alcohol."
Ken blinked.
"Ken, you need to get over all of this," Willis said firmly "And you've already admitted that you've got a drink problem. You can't drink any more alcohol. You've got to try."
Ken said nothing. Then he sat down and drew his legs up silently.
"It's all in that cupboard."
Willis went into Ken's kitchen and returned with a bin-bag. Quietly, he began putting all the alcohol into it. Ken kept his eyes turned away. Willis could hear him softly whispering to himself. When he came closer, he realised that Ken was saying over and over "I don't need it, I don't need it, I don't need it."
Willis gently touched his shoulder.
"I'm here for you remember," he said quietly "I'll help you through this."
Ken gulped.
"I know."
He looked at Willis.
"It's strange," he said "I...I trust you."
"Not so strange," Willis said "I like to think I have an honest face."
At that, Ken flinched.
"I've seen honest faces before," he whispered "They usually come attached to liars."
"Well, I'm not a liar," Willis said firmly "I've never been a liar. And I am going to help you."
Ken smiled weakly.
"I hope so."
He looked away.
"God I hope so."
End of Part 1.
I meant this not to be a chapter fic but it's ended up going that way anyway. Sorry about that.