Title: Reflections
Author: EV
e-mail: EVLYN827@cs.com
summary: Michael drives from the airport to the hospital.
Spoilers: Episode 122
Disclaimer: I have no claim to the characters--just the voices that live in my head.
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What if I hadn't answered my phone? What if I'd turned it off? When I saw your number flash on my cell, my brain screamed to me "Ignore him!" But did I listen? Damn it! If you're playing one of your mind games again...making me run to you like you know I always will. Like you did when David and I went away that weekend. You tricked me into coming home early. Because you knew you could. You knew I would. You have your ways. If I hadn't answered I'd be on a plane right now, on a plane heading for Portland. I'd be sitting next to David making plans for a new life. Actually, the plans are made already. David is so organized--he's so together. I like that about him. I think.
Instead I'm on my way to the hospital. Holy shit! What happened? You sounded so upset. You scared me at first. I've never heard that sound in your voice before. I've never heard your voice crack like that. You sounded scared---terrified. It reminded me of when you and I were kids. You'd come to my house in the middle of the night--when your father came home drunk. I'd wake up to the sound of the window sliding open and I tried not to move, kept my eyes closed--not let you know that I was awake. I was sure your cheeks were still tear stained. You never wanted me to see you like that. I knew--but I never let you know that I knew. That was my secret. I would feel you crawl onto my bed and lay on top of the comforter beside me--your hand outstretched on top of my shoulder. You just wanted to know that someone was there--someone that cared about you. When I woke up in the morning--you'd be gone. You couldn't let anyone see inside of you. But I did--when you weren't looking. You were so cool. You were acting then...but you're not acting now.
What am I doing? Am I choosing you over David? Reality check. I can't have you--and I know that. I can have David. So what the fuck am I doing? You make one phone call and it changes my life forever. Man, do you have the power--The Flash, Superman and Captain Astro all rolled into one. Am I destined to be Galaxy Lad forever? I don't want to be your side kick anymore Brian. I don't want to be here day after day, night after night. Driving you home when you get a little too drunk. Watching you stuff a weeks pay up your nose. Stepping aside--making room for your latest trick. Picking up the pieces of your life. Or is it my life? I can't keep doing this. I won't. And yet--I do. What's wrong with me?
Reality sucks!
You called me because you need me. We've been best friends since we were fourteen. I've always been there for you. And no matter what I say or what I think I always will be. And, no matter what everyone else says--you'd be there for me too. You'd come to my rescue if I needed you to. You'd swim the deepest ocean for me...you climb the highest mountain for me. Jesus--where is this shit coming from? Well, I do believe that you'd risk your own life to save mine. I have to believe that--if I didn't, then what am I doing now? You're sort of like that really worn out faded pair of blue jeans. The pair with the holes in 'em. And no matter how many times my Mom tried to throw them out--I'd sneak 'em out of the trash bag and put them back in the bottom of my closet. They're comfortable. They're my favorites and I never want to give them away. I made a pact with you years ago and I am a man of my word. Even if you're not.
Fuck you Brian! Fuck you for doing this to me again. Fuck you for screwing with my life!
Shit! Hang on Brian...I'm on my way.
Author: EV
e-mail: EVLYN827@cs.com
summary: Michael drives from the airport to the hospital.
Spoilers: Episode 122
Disclaimer: I have no claim to the characters--just the voices that live in my head.
_______________________________________________________________________
What if I hadn't answered my phone? What if I'd turned it off? When I saw your number flash on my cell, my brain screamed to me "Ignore him!" But did I listen? Damn it! If you're playing one of your mind games again...making me run to you like you know I always will. Like you did when David and I went away that weekend. You tricked me into coming home early. Because you knew you could. You knew I would. You have your ways. If I hadn't answered I'd be on a plane right now, on a plane heading for Portland. I'd be sitting next to David making plans for a new life. Actually, the plans are made already. David is so organized--he's so together. I like that about him. I think.
Instead I'm on my way to the hospital. Holy shit! What happened? You sounded so upset. You scared me at first. I've never heard that sound in your voice before. I've never heard your voice crack like that. You sounded scared---terrified. It reminded me of when you and I were kids. You'd come to my house in the middle of the night--when your father came home drunk. I'd wake up to the sound of the window sliding open and I tried not to move, kept my eyes closed--not let you know that I was awake. I was sure your cheeks were still tear stained. You never wanted me to see you like that. I knew--but I never let you know that I knew. That was my secret. I would feel you crawl onto my bed and lay on top of the comforter beside me--your hand outstretched on top of my shoulder. You just wanted to know that someone was there--someone that cared about you. When I woke up in the morning--you'd be gone. You couldn't let anyone see inside of you. But I did--when you weren't looking. You were so cool. You were acting then...but you're not acting now.
What am I doing? Am I choosing you over David? Reality check. I can't have you--and I know that. I can have David. So what the fuck am I doing? You make one phone call and it changes my life forever. Man, do you have the power--The Flash, Superman and Captain Astro all rolled into one. Am I destined to be Galaxy Lad forever? I don't want to be your side kick anymore Brian. I don't want to be here day after day, night after night. Driving you home when you get a little too drunk. Watching you stuff a weeks pay up your nose. Stepping aside--making room for your latest trick. Picking up the pieces of your life. Or is it my life? I can't keep doing this. I won't. And yet--I do. What's wrong with me?
Reality sucks!
You called me because you need me. We've been best friends since we were fourteen. I've always been there for you. And no matter what I say or what I think I always will be. And, no matter what everyone else says--you'd be there for me too. You'd come to my rescue if I needed you to. You'd swim the deepest ocean for me...you climb the highest mountain for me. Jesus--where is this shit coming from? Well, I do believe that you'd risk your own life to save mine. I have to believe that--if I didn't, then what am I doing now? You're sort of like that really worn out faded pair of blue jeans. The pair with the holes in 'em. And no matter how many times my Mom tried to throw them out--I'd sneak 'em out of the trash bag and put them back in the bottom of my closet. They're comfortable. They're my favorites and I never want to give them away. I made a pact with you years ago and I am a man of my word. Even if you're not.
Fuck you Brian! Fuck you for doing this to me again. Fuck you for screwing with my life!
Shit! Hang on Brian...I'm on my way.