Summary: I shamelessly insert myself into this tale and team up with the fabulous Lamb Chop, taking us both on adventures in preparing for the fabled Marvel-X Roast. Featuring appearances by Jubilee, and the villainy of Mandy Moore! Rated PG-13 for crude humor.
Notes: Okay, not much to add for this chapter. But haven't I made Lamb Chop COOL? She's a carnivorous puppet with the mutant power of telepathy! How can you not love her? A reminder, ' ' are for internal thoughts, and { } is for telepathic speech.
Cast: Me, Lamb Chop, Jubilee, Mandy Moore.
Disclaimer: Jubilee and any other Marvel characters mentioned are property of Marvel Comics, they ain't mine. Lamb Chop is property of... uhm... the Lewis family? I dunno. But she ain't mine either. I am property of myself, and Mandy Moore is property of the evil music company that creates her awful music. I'll admit she's not as big of a ho as she was back in the day, but still. AARRGGHH.
"The Death Of Mandy Moore"
"AND AH'M MISSIN' YOU LIKE CANDAAAAAAAAY-EEEEE-YAAAAAY!"
"ARRRGGHHH! Enough already!" Ryan yells angrily. "If I hear that damn song ONE MORE TIME...!"
Lamb Chop sighs and gives Ryan a pat on the back. "Now, Ryan, don't have a hernia. Mandy Moore may be a conceited, stuck-up bitch with music that can make the devil vommit, but she's not as bad as she could be. There's been worse; for example, Barbara Streisand..."
"Don't EVEN go there. 'Sides, Streisand's out of the media loop these days... Mandy's plastered all over MTV, and just refuses to go away! That stupid piece of...!"
Suddenly, a light bulb goes off in Lamb Chop's head. "Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh! I got an idea, Ryan!"
"Why does this scare me?" Ryan replies sarcastically.
"Hush..."
"...Puppy?"
Lamb Chop blinks. "Was that supposed to be a joke?"
"Uh..."
"Anyway, getting back to my idea... well, since we both despise Mandy Moore so much, why don't we take care of the problem, or, as I like to say, 'take out the trash'? At least it'll keep you from whining like an impetulant child."
"Hey, don't forget... my hand's up your ASS. I can do things to you that will HURT..."
Lamb Chop gulps nervously and gives an innocent smile. "Heh... no need for that. So, like, what do you think? You wanna get rid of Mandy Whore... I mean, Moore?"
Ryan smiles and replies, "Sure! But how?"
"Well, all she needs is a little telepathic nudge to come to where we want her..."
Lamb Chop activates her psionic powers, reaching across hundreds of miles of land until she finally locks minds with Mandy Moore. {Come, Mandy... come to the Marvel-X Roast!}
{Must go to... Marvel-X Roast... taste the candy...}
Soon...
"Hey, the bitch is actually here! You must be a pretty powerful telepath, Chop..."
"Pfft, it was nothing. And you wanna talk powerful? Bring on all those other 'telepaths'... Phoenix? Professor X? X-Man? Emma Frost? Cable? Buncha lightweights..."
"Whatever. So, what now?"
Lamb Chop smiles deviously. "Now the fun begins! First, we need some popcorn..."
A woman walks by and places a bowl of popcorn in Lamb Chop's tiny hands. "Next, we walk outside..."
Ryan, Lamb Chop, and the mind-controlled Mandy walk outside to the edge of the road. It's dark, and there's a LOT of traffic...
{Okay Mandy, go play in the traffic!}
"Yes, I'll go play in the traffic and bring my candy with me!"
Ryan and Lamb Chop laugh as Mandy Moore walks into the middle of the street, barely missing several speeding vehicles. She stops in the middle of the lanes, then takes the stance of someone giving a speech, an innocent and thankful yet fake look on her face.
"Hi, I'm Mandy Moore, and thank you sooooooooo much for voting for my music video 'Candy' on TRL! I love you guys sooooooooooo much, and I appreciate all your love and support!"
Ryan looks puzzled. "Huh? What's she doing?"
Lamb Chop ponders for a moment, then replies, "Hmmm... she must have been doing one of her fake-ass speeches when I took control of her mind... I let go of her mind when she started walking out into traffic, so now she's picked up where she left off..."
"...So, again, thank you soooooo.... huh? What? Where... where am I?" Mandy looks around, confused, feeling as though she's missed something. "Why am I in the middle of the road?!"
"Er... hiya Mandy! We're your... uh... biggest fans..."
Lamb Chop giggles at Ryan's comment, as Mandy flashes her fake-ass smile and replies, "Ooooooooh, I love you too! Want to buy my debut CD?"
Ryan raises an eyebrow. "Hey Mandy, watch out for that..."
"Hey, want me to sing for you? Maybe that'll convince you." Mandy suddenly has a pouty, seductive look on her face, and begins to sing. "So bay-beh, talk to me, show me who you AAAAAAAAHHHHH!"
Ryan and Lamb Chop stare in amazement as Mandy Moore is run right over by a huge truck. Their shock turns to happiness, as they pop some popcorn in their mouths and enjoy the show.
*SPLAT!*
"Oh, that has GOT to hurt!"
"Hope she has insurance..."
Lamb Chop eats some more popcorn, smiling the whole time. "So, Mandy... how's the pavement taste? Like candy?"
Seconds later, Jubilee walks outside. "Oh, THERE you guys are! Aaron wants to talk to you two about that dating back-up story for the annual, so... hey, is that Mandy Moore flattened like a pancake on the road?!"
Ryan and Lamb Chop nod, and Jubilee's face lights up. "Dudes... you guys are awesome! You got rid of Mandy Moore!" Jubilee high-fives Ryan and Lamb Chop.
"It had to be done, and in her case, the sooner the better."
Ryan sighs. "Well, I guess we better go see Aaron..."
"WAIT!" Lamb Chop literally drags Ryan over to Mandy's body and tears off one of Mandy's fingers. She takes a bite, as Ryan and Jubilee watch on, disgusted.
Lamb Chop smiles. "Mmmm... takes like chicken!"