Title: Reflections
Author: EV
e-mail: EVLYN827@cs.com
Disclaimer: I have no claim to the characters--just the voices that live in my head.
Spoilers: Based on episode 122
Summary: David stares at the unoccupied seat next to him on the plane as he flies to Portland.
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I dreamed about you. I dreamed about sharing my life with you. I wanted you and I thought that you wanted me too. I was sure that we could make our lives mesh. I could get used to your comic books lying on my coffee table. I want to see your Captain Astro figurine as it adorns my wine cabinet. I want that. I want it all and I wanted you. But you have to want it too.
Well, I guess this means you've made your decision. I'm disappointed but I'd be lying if I said that I'm surprised. I actually would have been shocked if I'd seen you making your way down the center aisle of this plane. Happy, yes--elated, absolutely--shocked, you betcha.
You are so fortunate Michael. You have the love of a great family. You have close and wonderful life-long friends. You seem content in Pittsburgh. I asked you to make a difficult decision. Choose between the excitement of starting a new and love-filled life with me or the comfort and familiarity of your home and family. I know the choice is hard. I'm having to deal with making a similar choice. I need to return to my son. Hank is my only family now and he needs me. I need to be there for him. If you chose your family over me...that, I would have understood. After all, that's what I'm doing now. I would have accepted that you didn't want to leave your mother. I know that your close to your Uncle Vic. You'd miss the guys. I can understand that. But that's not it...is it? It's him.
As long as Brian is in your life you'll never have to grow up. You'll never have to be alone. You'll never have to be an adult. You can spend your days working at a thankless job and your nights playing at Babylon. Playing Lois Lane to his Superman. You'll always be the sidekick. He'll never allow you to play the lead. He needs you--he has his own agenda. You call it friendship--even love. But it's not love. He'll never give you what you really want.
It's not like I didn't know. He's all that matters to you. He's your world, your life. Everything you think about, everything you dream about, everything you know. He is who you think about whenever you close your eyes. I wanted to be that person. I wanted you to feel that way about me--about us. I tried. I tried to come between you and Brian--tried to win the battle because I believed you were worth fighting for. But it's clear to me now that I've lost.
I can give you whatever you want. I can buy you cars and gold watches and comic books by the gross. I can take you to places you've never seen--only dreamed about. I can make your life comfortable. I can give you the life you deserve--the love you desire. But I can't give you what you need. Brian. He's become part of the air you breathe. I wish it could be me.
Brian Kinney will never give you the one thing that you want most.
I can. I will wait---but not forever.
Author: EV
e-mail: EVLYN827@cs.com
Disclaimer: I have no claim to the characters--just the voices that live in my head.
Spoilers: Based on episode 122
Summary: David stares at the unoccupied seat next to him on the plane as he flies to Portland.
_______________________________________________________________________
I dreamed about you. I dreamed about sharing my life with you. I wanted you and I thought that you wanted me too. I was sure that we could make our lives mesh. I could get used to your comic books lying on my coffee table. I want to see your Captain Astro figurine as it adorns my wine cabinet. I want that. I want it all and I wanted you. But you have to want it too.
Well, I guess this means you've made your decision. I'm disappointed but I'd be lying if I said that I'm surprised. I actually would have been shocked if I'd seen you making your way down the center aisle of this plane. Happy, yes--elated, absolutely--shocked, you betcha.
You are so fortunate Michael. You have the love of a great family. You have close and wonderful life-long friends. You seem content in Pittsburgh. I asked you to make a difficult decision. Choose between the excitement of starting a new and love-filled life with me or the comfort and familiarity of your home and family. I know the choice is hard. I'm having to deal with making a similar choice. I need to return to my son. Hank is my only family now and he needs me. I need to be there for him. If you chose your family over me...that, I would have understood. After all, that's what I'm doing now. I would have accepted that you didn't want to leave your mother. I know that your close to your Uncle Vic. You'd miss the guys. I can understand that. But that's not it...is it? It's him.
As long as Brian is in your life you'll never have to grow up. You'll never have to be alone. You'll never have to be an adult. You can spend your days working at a thankless job and your nights playing at Babylon. Playing Lois Lane to his Superman. You'll always be the sidekick. He'll never allow you to play the lead. He needs you--he has his own agenda. You call it friendship--even love. But it's not love. He'll never give you what you really want.
It's not like I didn't know. He's all that matters to you. He's your world, your life. Everything you think about, everything you dream about, everything you know. He is who you think about whenever you close your eyes. I wanted to be that person. I wanted you to feel that way about me--about us. I tried. I tried to come between you and Brian--tried to win the battle because I believed you were worth fighting for. But it's clear to me now that I've lost.
I can give you whatever you want. I can buy you cars and gold watches and comic books by the gross. I can take you to places you've never seen--only dreamed about. I can make your life comfortable. I can give you the life you deserve--the love you desire. But I can't give you what you need. Brian. He's become part of the air you breathe. I wish it could be me.
Brian Kinney will never give you the one thing that you want most.
I can. I will wait---but not forever.