Summary: I shamelessly insert myself into this tale and team up with the fabulous Lamb Chop, taking us both on adventures in preparing for the fabled Marvel-X Roast. Featuring appearances by Jubilee, and the villainy of Mandy Moore! Rated PG-13 for crude humor.
Notes: There's a lot of names of fanfic authors from Marvel-X in this chapter. The names of things being bought for them are inside jokes ^_^ Lamb Chop calls me "blond boy", which I used to be, but not anymore. I'm all about my natural brown hair now! Oh, and the Ultron reference about the Pentium III processor is outdated, I know, but I decided to keep it as is. Pentium IV wasn't feasible back in those days, chilluns! Oh yeah, the end is scary, I think. And as usual, ' ' are for internal thoughts, and { } is for telepathic speech.
Cast: Me, Lamb Chop.
Disclaimer: All Marvel characters mentioned are property of Marvel Comics, they ain't mine. Lamb Chop is property of... uhm... the Lewis family? I dunno. But she ain't mine either. Digimon... I don't who the !@#$ they belong to, but not me. I am property of myself.
"Shop Till We Drop"
Ryan pushes the shopping cart down the aisle, with Lamb Chop holding the shopping list and telling Ryan what they need. "Oh, oh, oh! Right there! Ego Delights!"
Ryan looks puzzled. "Ego Delights? Who are those for?"
"Eric Moreels... duh."
Ryan grabs the box and puts it in the cart. The duo moves on, and Lamb Chop stops Ryan again. "There, Digisnacks!"
"These must be for Aaron's little creature-thing... y'know, the one with the big mouth that has a crush on you."
Lamb Chop makes a gag signal. "Ugh, don't make me barf. He's such a loser!"
Ryan grins. "Nah, I think you like him."
"Quiet, you. Now c'mon, keep pushing the cart!"
Ryan gets to the end of the aisle and moves to the next one. Lamb Chop stops him half-way down the aisle. "Hmmm... looks like they're out of Forbidden Goodies... Sinister won't be pleased."
"Forbidden Goodies? Sounds like the title of one of those cheesey sex flicks they show on Cinemax..."
"I think it is, actually; these are snacks based on the movie." Lamb Chop shudders. "Hmmm... how about we get him Nasty Tarts instead." Ryan grabs the box and quickly drops it in the cart, moving on as Lamb Chop crosses off another item on the list.
"So, what else do we have to get?" Ryan asks.
Lamb Chop studies the list, then replies, "Bubbaroos for Wolverine... Twinkies for Beast... Obscurios for Darkhawk... Milk Duds for Marrow... Fruit-By-The-Hand for Shinobi Shaw... some brewskies for Warbird and Iron Man... and seaweed for Spider-Man."
"Seaweed?"
"Yep. Apparently, it's part of his 'secret formula' for webshooter fluid." Lamb Chop sighs and folds up the list. "Let's nab these things then head over to the book store."
Later...
Ryan and Lamb Chop walk into the massive book store, a list of books in Lamb Chop's hands. "Yeesh, why did WE get assigned to buy all this stuff for the next roast?! Wouldn't it be easier to just have Franklin Richards snap his fingers and make everything on the list appear?"
"Oh, stop whining, blond boy. You're giving me a headache. Now, quick, let's find these books: Popularity For Dummies for X-Man, Chicken Soup For The World-Dominating Megalomaniac Soul for Dr. Doom, How To Be A Proper Ho for Psylocke, The Dog Ate My Negative Zone Portal for Mr. Fantastic, The Digimon Freak's Digibook for Aaron Thall..."
"Y'know, Chop, Aaron's obsession with Digimon REALLY scares me..."
"Whatever. I don't give a flying fudge, long as he keeps that thing away from me," Lamb Chop replies. "Okay, that's it for the books. On to the magazines!"
Lamb Chop reads the list aloud, "Okay, let's see... Goddess Gardening for Storm, Genetically-Engineered People for the High Evolutionary, and... eeewww... a Penthouse for Professor X!"
Ryan sighs, disgusted. "It wasn't enough that he was feeling up Jean Grey when she first came to see him as a child... now he's getting off by looking at pictures of women with busts the size of Scotland?!"
"Where was it revealed that Xavier did that to Jean?" Lamb Chop asks.
"It wasn't... but come on, you know it's true. I mean, a lonely old crippled man with telepathic powers running a school to help train young mutants in the use of their powers? Gimme a break! He's probably had some fun with ALL the X-Men, then erased their memories..."
Lamb Chop shakes her head and sighs. 'Where does he come up with this stuff?' she thinks to herself.
"So, what now?"
"We have to head on over to Best Buy. We need to pick up some CD's, and also grab a Pentium III processor for Ultron..."
Ryan looks shocked. "What? You mean he DOESN'T have a Pentium III?"
"Nope, he's only got a Pentium II."
"Hmph. No wonder the Avengers keep kicking his ass."
Later on, at Best Buy...
"Okay, we got Ultron's processor, now let's go find these CD's... Iceman wants the new 'N Sync..."
"Iceman listens to 'N Sync? Oy veh..."
"He's probably gay," Lamb Chop deduces, continuing down the list. "Okay, we also need Dr. Dre for Cecilia Reyes, Smash Mouth for Songbird, Dixie Chicks for Husk, Celine Dion for Daredevil, and... and..."
Lamb Chop's eyes widen and her jaw drops. She tries to speak, but cannot; the shock of what she sees on the list is too much.
Ryan looks at the list. "What? What is... it... oh... my..."
Ryan and Lamb Chop slowly look up from the list and at each other. What follows is a loud scream from both of them. "AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!"
A few minutes later, still reeling from the shock, Ryan and Lamb Chop double-check the list to be sure they aren't seeing things. As it turns out, they're not.
"I can't believe this! Belasco... he... he listens to MANDY MOORE!"
Lamb Chop crumples up the list and throws it to the ground. "Well, I refuse to touch that nasty waste of a CD... and I certainly don't expect you to touch it either."
Ryan balls his hands up into fists. "Belasco ain't gettin' no Mandy Moore CD... all he's getting a great big can of whoop-ass!"
All of a sudden...
{CANDY... CANDY... CANDY... CANDY...}
"AAAEEEIIII!" Lamb Chop grabs her head in pain, shivering and breathing heavily. Ryan attempts to calm her down. "Chop, what is it?! Talk to me!"
Lamb Chop composes herself, and looks at Ryan, terror in her eyes. "Ryan... she's alive! MANDY MOORE IS ALIVE!"