Summary: I shamelessly insert myself into this tale and team up with the fabulous Lamb Chop, taking us both on adventures in preparing for the fabled Marvel-X Roast. Featuring appearances by Jubilee, and the villainy of Mandy Moore! Rated PG-13 for crude humor.
Notes: This starts the final saga for Tales Of The Marvel-X Roast, and jumps ahead two years to the present time (since the last three parts were written in late 1999). This is just stupid crap that I write because I'm deranged. This first part sets everything up for the big war with the Hoes Of The Apocalypse, which will be like two or three more parts. After that, Marvel-X Roast spins off into a new series - Lamb Chops X!
Cast: Me, Lamb Chop.
Disclaimer: All Marvel characters mentioned are property of Marvel Comics, they ain't mine. Lamb Chop is property of... uhm... the Lewis family? I dunno. But she ain't mine either. I am property of myself.
"Time Warp!"
It was late 1999 when Ryan & Lamb Chop were on their quest for the Marvel-X Roast... now, a massive time warp has occured, and it's suddenly December of 2001!
"HOT DIGGITY!" Ryan exclaims as the bright light behind him and Lamb Chop fades away. "What in the LESBIAN JESUS was that?!"
Something's different. Different about where they are, and how they look. Ryan is taller, darker, and manlier, and Lamb Chop is now clad in a black shirt with a yellow 'X' across the chest and black silk bandana on her head. She looks over herself, then takes a good look at Ryan, confusion never leaving her face.
"Lesbian Jesus?" Lamb Chops says, puzzled. "Ryan... what... what happened to us?! Where are we?! Why do I look like a dominatrix?! Why aren't you a cracker anymore?!"
"Well duh, Chop," Ryan states, "I am part Indian. Guess my dad's genes kicked in. 'Bout time, yo. But... wait a minute..."
Both of them gasp loudly as an influx of new memories penetrate both of their minds. And... they remember!
"We're two years in the future, Ryan! We... I remember! The Roast took place, and we had to battle Mandy Moore! I... I wiped her mind... and became LAMBSLAUGHT! Then I... I joined the X-Men, and became their leader, and Phoenix helped rid me of the evil Mandy influence in my mind! And now...!"
"I remember too! I... I helped fight Mandy Moore... and I had a drunken night of passion with Marrow... I declared war on Britney Spears, and had a brutal battle with that dirty ho and I destroyed her symbiotic implants and killed her... then, I went home, and forgot everything... and then, there was this guy I was in love with, I was ALL up in his grill..."
Lamb Chop's eyes widen and she turns sharply to look at the man with his hand up her ass. "You WHAT?"
"Oh please, like you didn't know. You're a telepath," Ryan says matter-of-factly. "Damn, two years... so much has happened!"
"No shit," Lamb Chop says with a sigh. "I mean, I'm leading the X-Men, and now all of a sudden you're a ghettlicious homo prairie ni-"
"Hey, WATCH IT!" Ryan says in a lecturing tone.
Suddenly, Lamb Chop feels a burning sensation in her mind, and cries out in pain. "AAAAHHHH!"
"CHOP?! Speak to me, girlfriend!" Ryan cries out, petting the small creature of wool on the head. "What is it?!"
Lamb Chop breaths heavily for a minute, then manages to say, "We must return to the mansion and gather the X-Men! She's back, Ryan... Mandy Moore is BACK! And this time... she's got FRIENDS!"
Next: It's the X-Men vs. Mandy Moore and Hoes Of The Apocalypse!