Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
A/N: THANK YOU TO ALL OF MY AWESOME REVIEWERS. YOU ALL ARE SO COOL I AM TYPING THIS IS CAPS. MWAH. Oh yeah, and "A," this story is stupid and pointless because it's SUPPOSED to be. Dumbass. Ha ha ha.
Gandalf Screws Up - part II
Frodo's innocent blue eyes went as large as saucers as he viewed the angry mob of Orcs before him, all ranting and raving and waving their scimitars. Surely they had been sent by Saruman, the evil wizard with the great hair and nails (but not as great as Legolas's). Speaking of Legolas, the dreamy elf was standing at attention, one of his well muscled arms drawn back and reaching into his quiver. His stunning eyes were staring intently at the crowd of demons before him, and of course he did not fear them, because was LEGOLAS for Christ's sake, why the hell should he?
"That's one big-ass crowd of Orcs G!" he cried in his smooth, rich voice as the hideous beasts swarmed around them.
"ORCS ORCS ORCS ORCS ORCS ORCS ORCS ORCS ORCS ORCS ORCS ORCS ORCS ORCS ORCS ORCS ORCS ORCS ORCS ORCS ORCS ORCS!" shouted an over excited Frodo, who then dashed forward right into the angry group, ignoring Gandalf's blatant signs of a heart attack.
"God damnit," muttered Sam. "He's a right fucking dumbass."
Gimli turned to the swearing hobbit and asked, "I thought he was your master?"
"Fuck that, sir. He just plain annoys the shit out of me. The only reason I follow him around is because Gandalf said he would pay me, begging his pardon. But you know what, master Gimli? It's not worth it. I'm right fucking tired of taking orders from his lame ass." At this point something like epiphany dawned on Sam's features. "Well I'll be god damned. Why the hell didn't I think of that?"
"Of what?" inquired Gimli, even though he wasn't really listening to Sam. The dwarf was thinking of getting his hair done. And he had a lot of hair so thinking about it required all his attention.
"I probably shouldn't say, sir," replied Sam. The hobbit then turned and walked off, leaving Gimli ponder hairdos.
MEANWHILE...
The Orcs closed in all around the Company (Sam and Gimli not caring one way or the other) and Frodo leapt into one's arms. "OOH! YOU'RE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE!" he yelled, and hugged the creature with all of his hobbit strength. Normally this would have sent Sam into a fit of jealous rage, but today was not a normal day and the once subservient hobbit merely sat back and wished much grievous bodily harm on Frodo. Of course even if Sam wasn't jealous, the many Frodo-fangirls of the world were, and even your author must admit typing this out is agitating her greatly because she finds the romantic relationship between Frodo and Legolas very sexy indeed.
SO DON'T NICK IT!
Anyway, Frodo remained in the arms of the Orc and Legolas decided he had to do something, because he is obviously the best and the coolest not to mention the hottest. He stepped forward on his nicely shaped legs, sinewy muscles rippling underneath his tunic. Brushing one golden strand of hair out of his expressive eyes, he reached back once more into his quiver and pulled out.... A MICROPHONE.
The Orcs were left in confusion as the lights in the cave dimmed and Bilbo, who was supposed to be in Rivendell, walked into the spotlight.
~
Bilbo: Now Frodo, it's gonna be different livin' out heeya. Don't let Gandalf or Sam get you into any kind of shit do you hear me?
Frodo: Bilbo I'm grown now. Can't nobody me into trouble no more.
Bilbo: Well I'm glad you said that Frodo. But since you grown... don't bring yo' hobbit ass back home.
~
Legolas: Hot elf baby... ninety nine baby... I'm on the grind baby...
Frodo: You can do it put your back into it
Legolas: I can do it put your ass into it
Frodo: You can do it put your back into it
Legolas: I can do it put your ass into it
Frodo: Put your back into it
Legolas: Put your ass into it
Legolas: Tic-tic-boom
Hear me bangin' down the Brandywine
Bumpin' Elf beats, fiending like a troll
Life ain't a track meet (no)
It's a marathon
Fuck the cemetery that a Elf get buried on
We be wandering till the day we die
Hobbit ask the bartender if you think we lie
But if you think we high, hobbit think again
Cause when it's sink or swim
You gotta think to win
And if I drink this miruvor
Everybody will know it
Cause Gandalf ain't going for it
So pray to Gilthoniel that I don't pull out
Cuss out and bust out
Go to dwarf raveling
Make the clip traveling, uh
You can try to smoke pipeweed to this
While I pronounce this shit
Arwen bounce them...
[Aragorn: HEY!]
Galadriel move them hips
Mama shake them cheeks
I got hobbit for days
You got Elves for weeks, yeah, yeah, yeah
~
At this point the Orcs were in a pained frenzy due to Legolas's great rapping techniques. And who wouldn't be, I mean come on. Jeez. Anyway, in the panic, Frodo was trampled by a really big Orc which the over enthusiastic hobbit was hugging at the time because...
Well, because, alright? I'm feeling lazy right now and I don't want to come up with reasons. Deal.
Sam ran to what everyone PERCIEVED as Frodo's aid, crying what everyone PERCIEVED as tears of sorrow and guilt. "Poor hobbit," Gimli said, "He must feel very disgusted with himself after saying such terrible things about Frodo and having Frodo get hurt like this. But shit happens," he added, and walked out of the cave into the sunlight. No one noticed, or even heard what he said because Gimli isn't as special as oh say LEGOLAS.
Speaking of Legolas, and you know I most certainly am, the radiant Elf stood in a sexy pose, looking very jumpable. His long blonde hair glinted in the dim light and his perfectly shaped lips titled invitingly into a gorgeous smile. After giving such a great rapping performance his cheeks were slightly flushed, contrasting with his pale face, giving him an angelic glow. He put his hands on his slim hips, very close to his nice bum and thus formed the embodiment of a crazy hot guy.
And because your author wills it, James from Team Rocket on the show "Pokemon" appeared out of nowhere and stood next to Legolas, so that the two hottest possible guys on Earth were side by side.
AMEN!
But now that I've got such a great deal going, I might as well exercise my creative liberties. James threw himself into Legolas's strong arms and the two engaged in a passionate kiss. The Elf ran his fingers through James's shiny hair and James broke the kiss, to which Legolas responded by trailing smaller kisses down James's neck. What a badly written sentence. Moving on, the two beautiful young men sank to the cave floor and the rest will not be mentioned, because this story is PG-13 so go somewhere else for that kind of thing, ya perverted bastards.
Even though you have to admit it brightened your day just a little bit.
God I am such a fucking weirdo.
MEANWHILE...
"Frodo? Frodo! Are you alright?" asked Sam anxiously, looking from side to side. "Frodo?"
Frodo, however, was not responding. Luckily he had been wearing his mithril, however, and was actually unharmed. The only reason he was unconscious was because he really HAD gotten into the miruvor. Sam's face broke out into an evil smile. "Alright then, sir," he said to the sleeping form of Frodo, "Where's that ring of yours?"
He proceeded to grope around on Frodo and pretend he wasn't enjoying it, until he found the ring dangling on Frodo's necklace (Psh like he hadn't know it was there the whole time).
"I've got it!" Sam cried. "It's mine! My precioussssss..."
Er... right. So Sam has the ring and he's planning to fuck shit up old school. Is this the REAL end of the Fellowship?
TO BE CONTINUED
A/N: THANK YOU TO ALL OF MY AWESOME REVIEWERS. YOU ALL ARE SO COOL I AM TYPING THIS IS CAPS. MWAH. Oh yeah, and "A," this story is stupid and pointless because it's SUPPOSED to be. Dumbass. Ha ha ha.
Gandalf Screws Up - part II
Frodo's innocent blue eyes went as large as saucers as he viewed the angry mob of Orcs before him, all ranting and raving and waving their scimitars. Surely they had been sent by Saruman, the evil wizard with the great hair and nails (but not as great as Legolas's). Speaking of Legolas, the dreamy elf was standing at attention, one of his well muscled arms drawn back and reaching into his quiver. His stunning eyes were staring intently at the crowd of demons before him, and of course he did not fear them, because was LEGOLAS for Christ's sake, why the hell should he?
"That's one big-ass crowd of Orcs G!" he cried in his smooth, rich voice as the hideous beasts swarmed around them.
"ORCS ORCS ORCS ORCS ORCS ORCS ORCS ORCS ORCS ORCS ORCS ORCS ORCS ORCS ORCS ORCS ORCS ORCS ORCS ORCS ORCS ORCS!" shouted an over excited Frodo, who then dashed forward right into the angry group, ignoring Gandalf's blatant signs of a heart attack.
"God damnit," muttered Sam. "He's a right fucking dumbass."
Gimli turned to the swearing hobbit and asked, "I thought he was your master?"
"Fuck that, sir. He just plain annoys the shit out of me. The only reason I follow him around is because Gandalf said he would pay me, begging his pardon. But you know what, master Gimli? It's not worth it. I'm right fucking tired of taking orders from his lame ass." At this point something like epiphany dawned on Sam's features. "Well I'll be god damned. Why the hell didn't I think of that?"
"Of what?" inquired Gimli, even though he wasn't really listening to Sam. The dwarf was thinking of getting his hair done. And he had a lot of hair so thinking about it required all his attention.
"I probably shouldn't say, sir," replied Sam. The hobbit then turned and walked off, leaving Gimli ponder hairdos.
MEANWHILE...
The Orcs closed in all around the Company (Sam and Gimli not caring one way or the other) and Frodo leapt into one's arms. "OOH! YOU'RE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CUTE!" he yelled, and hugged the creature with all of his hobbit strength. Normally this would have sent Sam into a fit of jealous rage, but today was not a normal day and the once subservient hobbit merely sat back and wished much grievous bodily harm on Frodo. Of course even if Sam wasn't jealous, the many Frodo-fangirls of the world were, and even your author must admit typing this out is agitating her greatly because she finds the romantic relationship between Frodo and Legolas very sexy indeed.
SO DON'T NICK IT!
Anyway, Frodo remained in the arms of the Orc and Legolas decided he had to do something, because he is obviously the best and the coolest not to mention the hottest. He stepped forward on his nicely shaped legs, sinewy muscles rippling underneath his tunic. Brushing one golden strand of hair out of his expressive eyes, he reached back once more into his quiver and pulled out.... A MICROPHONE.
The Orcs were left in confusion as the lights in the cave dimmed and Bilbo, who was supposed to be in Rivendell, walked into the spotlight.
~
Bilbo: Now Frodo, it's gonna be different livin' out heeya. Don't let Gandalf or Sam get you into any kind of shit do you hear me?
Frodo: Bilbo I'm grown now. Can't nobody me into trouble no more.
Bilbo: Well I'm glad you said that Frodo. But since you grown... don't bring yo' hobbit ass back home.
~
Legolas: Hot elf baby... ninety nine baby... I'm on the grind baby...
Frodo: You can do it put your back into it
Legolas: I can do it put your ass into it
Frodo: You can do it put your back into it
Legolas: I can do it put your ass into it
Frodo: Put your back into it
Legolas: Put your ass into it
Legolas: Tic-tic-boom
Hear me bangin' down the Brandywine
Bumpin' Elf beats, fiending like a troll
Life ain't a track meet (no)
It's a marathon
Fuck the cemetery that a Elf get buried on
We be wandering till the day we die
Hobbit ask the bartender if you think we lie
But if you think we high, hobbit think again
Cause when it's sink or swim
You gotta think to win
And if I drink this miruvor
Everybody will know it
Cause Gandalf ain't going for it
So pray to Gilthoniel that I don't pull out
Cuss out and bust out
Go to dwarf raveling
Make the clip traveling, uh
You can try to smoke pipeweed to this
While I pronounce this shit
Arwen bounce them...
[Aragorn: HEY!]
Galadriel move them hips
Mama shake them cheeks
I got hobbit for days
You got Elves for weeks, yeah, yeah, yeah
~
At this point the Orcs were in a pained frenzy due to Legolas's great rapping techniques. And who wouldn't be, I mean come on. Jeez. Anyway, in the panic, Frodo was trampled by a really big Orc which the over enthusiastic hobbit was hugging at the time because...
Well, because, alright? I'm feeling lazy right now and I don't want to come up with reasons. Deal.
Sam ran to what everyone PERCIEVED as Frodo's aid, crying what everyone PERCIEVED as tears of sorrow and guilt. "Poor hobbit," Gimli said, "He must feel very disgusted with himself after saying such terrible things about Frodo and having Frodo get hurt like this. But shit happens," he added, and walked out of the cave into the sunlight. No one noticed, or even heard what he said because Gimli isn't as special as oh say LEGOLAS.
Speaking of Legolas, and you know I most certainly am, the radiant Elf stood in a sexy pose, looking very jumpable. His long blonde hair glinted in the dim light and his perfectly shaped lips titled invitingly into a gorgeous smile. After giving such a great rapping performance his cheeks were slightly flushed, contrasting with his pale face, giving him an angelic glow. He put his hands on his slim hips, very close to his nice bum and thus formed the embodiment of a crazy hot guy.
And because your author wills it, James from Team Rocket on the show "Pokemon" appeared out of nowhere and stood next to Legolas, so that the two hottest possible guys on Earth were side by side.
AMEN!
But now that I've got such a great deal going, I might as well exercise my creative liberties. James threw himself into Legolas's strong arms and the two engaged in a passionate kiss. The Elf ran his fingers through James's shiny hair and James broke the kiss, to which Legolas responded by trailing smaller kisses down James's neck. What a badly written sentence. Moving on, the two beautiful young men sank to the cave floor and the rest will not be mentioned, because this story is PG-13 so go somewhere else for that kind of thing, ya perverted bastards.
Even though you have to admit it brightened your day just a little bit.
God I am such a fucking weirdo.
MEANWHILE...
"Frodo? Frodo! Are you alright?" asked Sam anxiously, looking from side to side. "Frodo?"
Frodo, however, was not responding. Luckily he had been wearing his mithril, however, and was actually unharmed. The only reason he was unconscious was because he really HAD gotten into the miruvor. Sam's face broke out into an evil smile. "Alright then, sir," he said to the sleeping form of Frodo, "Where's that ring of yours?"
He proceeded to grope around on Frodo and pretend he wasn't enjoying it, until he found the ring dangling on Frodo's necklace (Psh like he hadn't know it was there the whole time).
"I've got it!" Sam cried. "It's mine! My precioussssss..."
Er... right. So Sam has the ring and he's planning to fuck shit up old school. Is this the REAL end of the Fellowship?
TO BE CONTINUED