New Mobile Report: Pretty Girl Soldier Sailor Wing


Story © MCM aka AngelCabbit 2001

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing, Sailor Moon, V Gundam, Rayearth, and it's come to my attention that there is an anime called Sailor Victory, are all © their respective owners.

Note: This story is purely comical. Everyone is totally OOC and it's a huge spoof of Sailor Moon. No offense to any fans. I'm an SM fan myself. There's a million and one different references to other stories and stuff. It makes fun of everything and everyone in every way. So have a good laugh.

Ch 1: A Scout is Conjured Up

Ah! Another day of school is over! Relena says as she walks out of the overly luxurious mansion-type school.
Hey, Relena! a girl with short blond hair runs out of the school.
Oh, hi Alli.
Relena, d'ya want to go down to the video arcade with me?
No... not really.
Aw, come on! I hear they have the new Sailor V Gundam' game!! The girl eyes sparkled with the thought of being the first to play it.
Alli, you know I'm not really into video games. They're too violent. Relena turns toward her awaiting car.
Come on, it'll be fun! Alli grabs Relena by the arm and drags her away to the arcade.

They come to the arcade. There's a huge poster on the window that reads:
Play the NEW Side Story 007: Sailor Victory Gundam!
Alli rushes in with a burst of energy, where as Relena just stands there staring, blankly at the poster.
Seems too violent to me... Relena walks in. There's hardly any one there, except her ever pleasant friend, shrieking away as she takes part in playing her new favorite game. Relena walks over to her.
Sailor Victory Kick!! Alli yells as she pounds away on the controls. Relena sits down on a stool next to her friend and, only the lord himself knows how, but falls asleep.

Relena sits up fast from her nap.
Relena, do you have another quarter? Alli looks at her sleepy friend with despair.
she looks around confused, Alli, what time is it?!
Oh, I don't know... five... six o'clock maybe??
What?? You've been playing for that long!
Well, yea. I ran out of money a long time ago so I've been borrowing some from you every now and then. Alli looked down at her hands embarrassed.

Well, I got up to level 62 and learned how to use the Sailor Victory Crescent Shower move... and I just couldn't stop playing!
Alli! You've been playing for almost three and a half hours! she said, now confirming it to be slightly before six thirty, D'you know how much money that is??
No... do you?Alli starred blankly.
Well.... it's a lot!
Alli blinked, Well, can I have another quarter?
*Sweat drop* Relena fumed with anger, FINE! Have all the stinkin' quarters!! Here, have fifty bucks!! No, make that a hundred dollars!! she picked up her purse and dumped out its contents all over her friend, letting chap stick, pens, makeup, and a colorful assortment of notes fall to the floor, along with, of course, some change.
Somehow Alli catches a quarter in her hand, Gee, thanks Relena!
Don't mention it.... Relena grumbles and storms toward the door.
Hey, Relena... Alli calls toward her friend with a soft apologetic voice.

Don't you wish you could be like Sailor Victory? Alli stairs with longing eyes.
Relena walks out.

Relena walks down the street towards her overly luxurious mansion-type house. She reaches over her shoulder and pulls out a test from earlier that day.
Ninety-eight percent! I got a ninety-eight percent! I can't believe this!! This is the worst grade I've gotten all year!! Dad's gonna hold my allowance for two whole weeks when he sees this!
She notices a boy walking down the street. She's never seen him before. Slightly stalky, greenish brown hair, extremely mysterious, and has the same school uniform she does.
she says, He's slightly stalky, with greenish brown hair, and extremely mysterious... he also has the same school uniform as I do! Hmm.... he's slightly attractive, and for some reason I find him incredibly annoying. she looks down at her test, still in her hand, I think I'll throw this test at him so he'll get annoyed at me, and call me things like odango head. Though I don't know why...
So she crumples up the paper and throws it at the boy's head.
the boy picks up the wad of paper and unfolds it. A ninety-eight percent?! Hey meat ball head!
Relena turns around, odango head'.
Oh, right... wait, why am I calling you that? You don't have buns, your hair's perfectly strait.
I don't know... Relena stairs at him for a few seconds, you know, you're really annoying.
There's a long pause, So are you... I think I'm going to kill you.




Oh, okay then.
And they part.

Relena continues her walk home. She walks down a shadowy alley.
Ms. Relena? Is that you?
Relena turns around startled, there's no one there.
Down here.
Relena looks down. In front of her sits a cat with purplish, blue hair, and a crescent moon shaped bald spot.
Yipe! A cat! And... and it's talking to me! Relena backs away.
Don't back away, I need to talk to you. the cat steps forward.
N-no! I'm leaving! But she couldn't move.
The cat saw a OZ soldier's hat laying on the ground near her. One quick swipe, and the pin on the front was totally blown off. This cat meant business.
Now, I'm not going to hurt you. the cat smiled softly at Relena. My name is Noin, Luna-crezia Noin. The cat stepped back, Ms. Relena, I want you to have this... the cat jumped up into the air and did a summer salt.
A round object fell into Relena's hands. Wow! It's beautiful.... wait... this is just an onion ring.
Well the Sailor Moon props manager wanted the broach back, and I couldn't swipe anything interesting from the Magic Knights so that'll have to do.
Oh, well what does it do?
It's an onion ring, dugh. You eat it. Oh... wait, sorry... um.... it's a magic broach-uh-onion ring. It has powers beyond your wildest dreams.
Well how does it work?
Well, I'll let you ponder that and come by and tell you later?

Relena continues her walk home.

When Relena gets home:
Relena, how did your test go today? her mother pops her head out of the parlor.
Oh, uh... fine.
That's good honey, your father will be home then.
Relena walks upstairs three flights and finally gets to her room, and falls onto her bed, What a day!
What a day indeed! a voice comes from the window sill.
Relena sits up only to see the same cat from before.
Good evening, Ms. Relena.
Good evening Luna-crezia. Wait how did you get to my window sill?? We're three flights up...
Eh... trick of the trade, anyway I've come to tell you how to use that onion ring. Now stand up.
Relena stands up.
Take out your magic onion ring.
She takes the onion ring out from her pocket.
Now hold it up to the sky and shout Gundam Wing Onion Ring Power, Make UP!!'
Gundam Wing Onion Ring Power... Make UP!! She starts to twirl in the air, and onion rings wrap around her body and transform into a red and blue sailor fuku.
Relena looked at herself in the mirror. Is this what the public school students wear?
Ms. Relena, you have to for fill your destiny! Your real name is Relena Peacecraft and now you are Pretty Girl Soldier Sailor Wing!
Wow!...... what does that mean? Are you saying that Milliardo Peacecraft is my brother??

No one...
It means you have to save the world through love and justice and pacifism. Just like your father.
My father wore a sailor fuku??
No, it didn't fit. But just the same, he did great things!

Now get to bed, and leave your magical onion ring on your window sill. The moon light gives it energy... and I would get a baggy so it doesn't spoil.

And with that our heroine falls asleep for the night. For who knows what could come the next day??

Ch 2: Hero in a Mask

*Wavy dreaminess*
Double braid girl... some one was yelling through the mist to Relena.
Come here. I can't see you through all this mist! Relena walks forward to see who had been calling her. But the vision disappears and Relena awakes.
'Bout time you got up, Ms. Relena!
Relena looks startled around her room. Smack dab in the middle of her floor is the purple cat from the day before.
Who said you could take up lodging in my room?! Relena scorned at the cat. She had become frustrated from her previous dream.
Well, I figure you'll need me around since you're now the Champion of Pacifism Sailor Wing.
What would I need you around for?? You're a cat.
I can tell you things. Important stuff you don't know.
I don't need to be told what to do by a cat, Luna-crezia.
Luna-crezia turns around and curls up in a ball on the floor again.
There's a moment of silence that is suddenly broken...
Get out of my room you stupid cat!! Relena jumps out of bed and chases the poor cat down stairs with a pillow. And my, is that a long way.
Her mom yells as Relena comes rampaging through the halls holding a pillow above her head. Relena! Get in your uniform, you should have been to school an hour ago!
And so, Relena gets prepared for another day at school.

When Relena finally reaches the school:
Relena Darlin! You're late! Relena's teacher scorned at her.
Sorry, Mr. J. Relena took her seat.
Hey, Relena. A girl sitting besides her whispers, I'm new here and so are these other three girls, we don't know each other, and it's kinda' funny we all came on the same day, don't ya think? Any way we were thinkin' that we could all go to the cafe after school together. The girl gave a friendly smile.
Do I know you?
N-o, I said I was new.
Oh.... okay then. After school.

Once Relena gets out of school...
Hey Relena! Over here! the bunch of girls stood waiting for her on the curb.
Relena walked over to them.
Let us formally introduce ourselves. Since we really don't know each other any way.
One girl stepped forward. She had short blueish hair and wore a tam.
I'm Hilde Mizuno! She smiled and curtsied.
The next one stepped out. She had long blackish, purple hair, pulled together into two interesting looking twisting braids.
she said, I'm Sally HinoPo
The next girl didn't have to step out, she was tall enough to be seen from behind the others. She dawned bouncing, brown, curly hair.
Hi! Please to meet you! I'm Cathrine Kino!
The last of them stepped aside and bowed deeply. Her long, bond hair, tied back by a bow, fell over her shoulders.
And I, Miss Relena, am Dorothy Aino.
Nice to meet all of you! Relena bows slightly, I am Relena Darlin. And It's a pleasure...
All of a sudden a huge monster comes running down the street. All the girls scream. But from out of no where Luna-crezia comes running.
Girls! There's no time to explain! Hurry take these pens, hold them in the air, and shout out various planet names! Luna-crezia threw pens at them.
Hilde bent down and examined the pen that had landed at her feet, Hey cool! Milky Gel Rollers!!
The girls picked up the pens and held them in the air.
Now shout out planet names! Luna-crezia said.
-Hilde
-Dorothy
-Cathrine
-Sally
Suddenly all of them were wearing cute, school girl uniforms. Hilde was clad in blue. Dorothy, in orange, and um.....
Cathrine exclaimed, Mine's the same as yours! she pointed at Sally who was also wearing aqua.
Well, I said Neptune. Sally answered.
Well, so did I. Cathrine countered. You can't have the same planet as me!
But I like Neptune!
But it's my star sign-birth planet-thing!
No, it's not! You're not an Aquarius.
Like you are!
The girls started into an all out battle against each other for the right to represent the ocean planet.
The monster looked irritated.
Could we just do this? it tapped it foot, glaring at the girls.
they yelled back, continuing to argue.
The monster grew tired and started to charge at them.
Look out! Relena shouted. She then drew her onion ring from out of no where and threw it up in the air, Gundam Wing Onion Ring Power, Make UP!
Relena appeared in a shiny new pink and maroon sailor suit.
Yo! I stand for Love! I stand for Justice! And! I also stand for Pacifism! she whipped out a heart shaped sugar bowl, And on behalf of the Peacecraft name, I will defeat you..... with out resorting to violence!
She held the sugar bowl up in the air, Pink Sugar surround and destroy....er um... surround and defeat! The sugar bowl opened and out came sparkling pink sugar.
All of a sudden a pink rose jetted across the scene.
Relena shouted, I'm gonna defeat him!
No, Sailor Wing! a man in a tuxedo stood on a lamp post.
Hey, how'd you get on that lamp post? one of the girls asked.
Never mind. the tuxedoed and masked man said, his voice very deep and rehearsed. Sailor Wing, you must believe in your heart to over come this monster. This may be one of the toughest villains you've faced, but you've got to stick though it with your friends till the end! Don't let him over come you. You must face your fear..........You will do everything in your power........and you friends will be by your side.......... through thick and thin........... do it for pacifism and the Sanc way!......
About an hour later this masked man finally stops preaching and Sailor Wing jumps up from her nap.
Okay! Pink Sugar, Surround and Defeat!
The pink sugar went everywhere and the monster shriveled up like a slug in a cup of salt.
Wow! That was fun! I wanna do it again! Sailor Wing shouted as she jumped up and down.
All the girls cheered and hugged their new leader. The masked man disappeared off into the sun set. And Relena ate a plate of onion rings.

.The End.