by Zapenstap
Heero hung up the phone and turned to Duo. "Mandred says your welcome," he said without much feeling. "And you won't be the only company tonight either. Coran's still there and someone else is coming over."
"Company, huh?" Duo reiterated. "Heero Yuy, living in a house with some guy and company's coming over. It's enough to boggle the mind."
Heero turned and began walking down the street toward the bus station. He didn't have to turn around to know Duo wasn't following, but he did anyway, stopped and waited. "You coming?"
Duo smiled and caught up. "Do you have company a lot?" he said casually, fingers laced behind his neck as he walked on Heero's left.
Heero looked straight ahead as he answered. "Sometimes Immilie comes over, but no, not really. We're pretty secluded."
"Who's Immilie?"
"Mandred's girlfriend." That didn't sound quite right. She wasn't what one normally associated with the word "girlfriend," but Heero couldn't think of a better word or phrase to describe her in relation to Mandred.
Duo didn't seem to think anything of it, but then, there was no reason why he should. "Man oh man!" Duo exclaimed. "I just can't get over how bizarre this is. I want to see what this Mandred guy is like. I've got some questions to ask him."
"Like what?" Heero asked.
"I want to know if he knows anything about war. I mean, you've said he must by what he says, but he seems too old to have fought in the last one and too young to be a veteran in anything else."
Heero said nothing. He had already considered that. "I'm pretty sure he wasn't involved in the last war, and I think he's a lot older than he looks."
Duo shrugged. "Must be somethin' like..."
Heero shushed him with one hand and stopped moving. After a second, so did Duo. They were being approached. Heero caught movement out of the corner of his eye and turned to see a tall young women walking toward them from across the street, her hands shoved casually in the pockets of a short black coat, shoulder-length dark brown hair hanging loose. There was nothing particularly remarkable about her, but she walked with an easy confidence and there was a peculiar gleam in her eye as she caught their faces and held them steadily in a friendly gaze. She smiled, and Heero understood that she knew them immediately on sight. He tensed. Duo frowned.
"You kids talking about Mandred?" she inquired in a low laughing manner. She spoke as if meeting with old friends, or people who were at least expecting her. She was not nervous, nor anxious, nor arrogant, and there was something nonchalant and even playful about her expression. Heero judged her to be about Treize's age, give or a take a year, but distinctly different in maturity. She seemed quite a bit younger by her casual behavior. There was a contentedness about her expression, a genuine cheerfulness that was both warm and provoking. But she was not immature, nor naive, innocent or unlearned. Just the opposite. By the swift, adaptive manner in which she filed both them and their surroundings in one raking look, she seemed to be someone who knew and understood a great deal about the world and herself in it. Furthermore, she seemed to like what she saw, and dismiss what she did not like. And she knew about Mandred. Heero was at once wary, guarded, perplexed, and in a troubling state of admiration.
"Yeah. You know him?" Duo asked in complete obliviousness. Heero remained silent, mind still running through a few possibilities. He thought he could huess her identity now, but he wanted to be sure.
The young woman looked at him and winked, untroubled, like she knew what he was thinking. She waved a hand. "I'm going to his house for dinner tonight to pick up my boy and bring him home." Heero raised his eyebrows. She paused and chuckled at his expression. "I meant Coran, not you, Heero."
"Have we met?" Heero asked blankly, blandly, and without preamble. He had guessed correctly, but he wanted to know how she knew him.
"No," she said, "but I've done quite a bit of research on you for Mandred." Heero did not express his surprise at this confession. She continued as if it were nothing, and her behavior was not false. She really thought little of it. "He's always calling us up and asking what you were up to and who you were with and how you were doing." She smiled again, that charming, mischievious smile. "It was great fun tracking down all the people you've come in contact with over the years," her eyebrows rose expressively, "even some you've never met." Her teeth flashed in a grin as she swivled her head to look at him. "I feel like I know you. Unfair, isn't it?"
It certainly was. Downright disconcerting. But none of that showed on his face.
"Mandred kept tabs on you all through the war?" Duo said to Heero. "Through this girl?"
"My name's Kyra," the young woman supplied, but didn't offer a hand Heero wouldn't shake at this point. "And I didn't stalk you all that much. Mandred only lost track of you twice, when you moved from the Earth to space and borrowed his name," she pointed at Duo with a wink, "and again after you escaped with Quatre from Space to Earth and before you went to the Cinq Kingdom." She watched him for a moment. Duo's eyes were positively bulging. "Hey," she said casually. "Don't look so spooked. I didn't know anything about you before Mandred came knocking on my door and asking for my assistance. Of course he kept tabs on you. He searched for you for ten years and he'd be damned if he'd lose you again just because of a war. That's what he told Coran and I anyway."
Heero didn't reply. Mandred had already mentioned most of that at some time or another. Heero had guessed he had been kept under some sort of loose surveillance just by how much Mandred knew about what he did in the war. "You and Coran?"
"He's my fiancé," she said.
"I thought Coran was with Felicia," Duo muttered, scratching his head.
"You're not the first one to think so," Kyra said. "But Fa...Felicia's actually one of my friends and sort of a little sister to Coran. He lost his real sister."
"In the war?" Duo asked quietly.
She looked perplexed, hands on her hips. "Not exactly."
There was a long moment of confused and awkward silence.
Again like it was nothing, Kyra pulled a wallet from her coat pocket and pointed to a concession stand by the bus station. "We've got a few minutes before the bus arrives. Let me buy you guys some milkshakes."
"We're not kids, lady," Duo said indignantly, putting his fist on his hips.
"I've never had a milkshake," Heero said blankly. This woman had a way of making even him loosen up a little and relax, but he was not sure of her, and he didn't understand why she made this offer.
Kyra grinned at both of them. "I didn't suggest it because I thought you were kids. I want a milkshake and I offered to buy you one too." Heero blinked. As simple as that? He could see blunt honesty in her eyes as she stared right at him with this incredulous, amused expression. "You've never had a milkshake? See, that's just wrong." she straightened. "You ought to have been able to take time out of your soldiering to have a milkshake. We'll start with vanilla."
"I want chocolate," Duo said. Heero looked at him. "What?" Duo said defensively. "She offered and I accepted. Heero wants chocolate too!"
"I'll take vanilla," Heero said, crossing his arms.
Kyra raised her eyebrows at them and grinned again. "Two vanillas and a chocolate. You got it."
As Kyra was purchasing the milkshakes, the bus arrived. She walked over and handed them their milkshakes silently before stepping on the bus ahead of them. They followed, sipping blended ice cream and milk through their straws. Duo looked happy as a clam. Heero enjoyed the shake, but was suspicious of this stranger's kindness and paid it little attention. Why had Mandred invited people like Coran and his girlfriend over for dinner? Duo and Kyra chatted all the way to Heero's neighborhood while he watched them in thought. They seemed to click immediately. Heero took the time to observe a few things about this stranger. Kyra was very relaxed, taking everything in stride, surprised by nothing, but at the same time asking very direct and pointed questions, so it was not as if she just didn't care. She was also very confident and seemed sincere, reacting honestly and easily to everything that was said. It was a little like Mandred, only without the authority. This woman was not anybody's mentor, but she might be someone who did not need one.
"Oh, I don't know how to pilot anything," she said conversationally in response to Duo's question to whether or not she had fought in the war. "I must say that's one skill I don't have, though I have acquired a lot of random skills. I did gather some intelligence for one of my associates, but I was busy with other things at the time."
"Other things?" Duo said a little incredulously and perhaps scornfully. "What could be more important than the war?"
"I've learned enough to know that distractions never stop, Duo Maxwell. I consider war to be an exaggerated distraction, but no different than anything that might interrupt me in peaceful times. Sometimes you just got to do stuff, whatever's going on, or you'll miss out."
Duo blinked. "That's highly insensitive. A lot of good people died in the war."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I'm not saying I don't care that good people died, or the other problems caused by the war, but there just didn't seem to be a lot of reasons why I should have taken part in it. It really had nothing to do with me. I honestly don't even understand why there was one. I don't see the point of fighting just for the sake of fighting. Seems like a waste of time."
Duo stared at her.
She looked back. "Don't look at me like that. I understand why you fought. I wasn't doggin' on you or the war in general, just my involvement in it. My situation is a little complicated."
"You were afraid to die?" Duo said.
"Where'd you get that from?" she said, still in the same calm, conversational tones. She wasn't at all provoked. "I'm just saying that if I'm going to risk my life on purpose, I'd be better off believing it's a good trade. I've done it before, and my share of fighting. You don't know enough about me or my business to judge my decision anyway. Not everyone can always make the choice I did, and if you can't you might as well make the best of it, but I had the opportunity this time, and I knew what I was doing."
Heero sat back and crossed his arms, puzzled. "That sounds a little like something Mandred would say," he commented. Some of it.
"Does it?" she said. "I did spend some time with Mandred a few years ago, but more with a few of his friends."
"Mandred's friends," Heero said, suddenly genuinely interested. "I've never seen any of them."
"Old friends," Kyra said. "Real old. They don't hang out together a lot anymore, but they'll always be friends in the way you'll always be friends with the people you fought with, Heero. Comradeship forms a peculiar bond."
"Did they fight together?" Duo asked.
Kyra's eyes twinkled mischievously as the bus stopped and they stood to exit. As Heero walked home, the others followed him. Kyra muttered that she didn't the know the address of Mandred's "new abode." To Duo's obvious dismay and Heero's disappointment, she refused to answer any more questions.
"This is your house, Heero?" Duo said as Heero approached the front door.
"Yeah."
"Wow. It really is a real house," Duo said, mouth open as he stared up at house.
Kyra looked at him strangely and took another sip of her milkshake. "Yeah, hey, look at that." Then she winked at him.
"It's a home," Heero said, and opened the door. They both followed him inside.
In the entryway, Heero removed his shoes. After a moment, Kyra and Duo followed suit.
"Of course, Mandred would have rules about that sort of thing," Kyra muttered quietly to herself.
Heero could hear Coran and Mandred talking from the kitchen, and stopped paying Kyra and Duo any attention.
"I still think it's dangerous," Coran said. "You should be more proactive."
"I don't want to frighten him away," Mandred said. "He's heady and reckless, but not stupid. He would not stand to challenge me and then I would be forced to track him or we shall lose him permanently."
"Ah, and you'd have to leave your protégé," Coran said. "We don't want that."
Mandred laughed. "No. My protégé?"
"Isn't he?" Cor said.
"They talking about you, Heero?" Duo asked quietly. Heero nodded.
"When's he getting back anyway?" Coran muttered.
"He's already here," Mandred said, raising his voice. "Heero! Don't lurk in the doorway. Show your friend and mine to the dinner table."
"How did he know we were here?" Duo asked, surprised and a little offended. "I am the master of stealth!"
"Mandred always knows where I am," Heero replied. "I don't know how he does it."
Kyra chuckled.
"Hey!" Coran's voice came brightly. "Is that my girl?"
"Yep. I'm coming," Kyra said lightly, striding past Heero and into the kitchen. Heero followed, leading Duo behind him. Coran rose from his chair to give Kyra a hug and helped her seat herself beside him across the table. Heero gestured for Duo to take a seat and sat himself in the chair beside him, across from Coran and Kyra. Mandred sat at the head of table.
"Well," Mandred said, folding his hands on the tabletop. "I see you've all already met, so there's really no need for introductions." He looked at their empty milkshakes askance. "I also see you've had a snack."
"I couldn't resist," Kyra said flatly. Even without emotion, she sounded like she was making a joke. "The kid's never had a milkshake."
"You've never had a milkshake?" Coran said incredulously, and then began to immitate Kyra's laid-back tone. "Tell me you've at least has ice cream. A milkshake's just like ice cream when, as a kid, you stir it up so it's smooth and creamy."
"What do you mean 'as a kid'?" Kyra said without energy. "I still do that." As Heero didn't answer, she grinned and turned to Mandred. "How's that Immilie thing going?"
"I'm having about the same luck as before," Mandred said, nodding his head.
"Ah," Kyra said.
"Another boy with girl problems," Coran said. "I feel lucky in this company."
Kyra leaned over and kissed his cheek. "That's for being sweet."
He looked at her. "How come you didn't buy me a milkshake?"
She shook her cup at him. "I saved you some."
"I'll get dinner," Mandred said. "I'm sure some of you saved room."
Heero just sat in his chair, observing without expression. He would be content to observe their domesticy for some hours.
"Speaking of girls," Coran said suddenly. "What's Relena been up to lately?"
"Mars Terra Formation project," Heero said automatically. He caught the insinuation, but ignored it and changed the subject. "To make a habitable world for people in space to live in that's not earth-dependent or unstable like the colonies."
"It's a big deal," Duo said. "But some people are worried it might develop into another war in the future, since it will make two world nations."
"Oh well," Kyra said casually. "Another war's bound to come along anyway. It will probably just be one of many more. What can you do?" She smiled and sipped at her straw.
"People want peace now," Duo said. "This was the war to end all wars."
"People always say that. Two generations from now people won't even remember this war."
Heero started. Duo's eyes grew wide. Mandred returned with dinner, setting a pot roast, breadsticks and salad on the table. Most everybody served themselves in silence, but Kyra and Coran chatted about things relevant only to the pair of them, whispering and laughing in quiet voices. Mandred observed Duo and Heero intently.
"What are you thinking about?" Mandred asked. Coran and Kyra shushed each other.
"Treize said that wars will never end," Heero said, "that the battles fought throughout history have defined human existence, but Relena's peace efforts and the cooperation of the world powers, colonies and citizens have brought about universal peace." He looked at Kyra. "Why do you say that wars will continue?"
"Are you against pacisfism?" Duo added unsteadily. "I mean, I'm a soldier, but now that peace has really come, I admire those who fought for it in the face of resistance. You just seem so..."
"Insensitive and selfish?" Kyra supplied, and shook her head. "It's not really like that. It's just because my world and my peace weren't threatened." Seeing their bewilderment, she gestured dismissively. "You know what? Don't worry about it. The point is that wars will continue everywhere and you have to pick your battles."
"That's depressing," Duo said. "You really do sound like Treize. Why can't battles end forever?"
"I am not like Treize," Kyra said with some indignation, but her good humor was still evident.
"You fought for that peace," Mandred cut in, nodding to Duo. "And would you again, if you were attacked and your peace threatened?"
"Well yeah," Duo said. "But so often we have been the cause of wars. That's why we originally decided to send out gundams into the sun and later detonated them. There's no need for weapons anymore, no need for soldiers like ourselves."
"True, and so Heero constantly laments," Mandred said. "And every time I remind him not to define himself by such finite terms."
"You ask if I'm a pacifist?" Kyra said, leaning back in her chair. "No, not at all."
"Then you think wars are good?" Heero asked. "Or that they're necessary?"
"I think," Kyra said, pausing for a moment. "That that is one incrdible way to narrow a topic to two assumptions. I do not believe wars are good, but neither do I think that they don't do any good ever."
"I fail to perceive the difference," Duo exclaimed.
"Who is to say what does good or what good can be found out of what is bad? Do we really know that wars do more harm than good? Would the world really be a better place if no wars were fought, if dictators were simply allowed to rule or revolutions allowed always to proceed according to the wishes of the public, if when one aggressor was simply allowed to aggress and the victims to succumb? Isn't that merely speculative?"
"Some wars in the past were necessary," Heero said with bitterness. "But they did great evil. Many people have died due to the aggression and selfishness of mankind. Everybody has always wanted to conquer everybody else."
"Yes, mankind is aggressive and selfish," Mandred said suddenly. "I would not dispute that, but mankind has always been aggressive and selfish. There have been many wars fought where great evil has been done, but great evil is being done even as we speak. Peaceful times have their own disputes and mankind will always be contending. Treize thought battles are special cases of history, but they are not. A war is merely a greater aggravation of the turbulence that already exists in society. The only thing needed to begin a war are leaders with the power to unite people in their aggression. Treize would have been better off analyzing why humans are so aggressive, so selfish, so evil, than wondering why they fight. The fighting spirit is a noble thing, but it is a response to something else with deeper implications. Some wars are fought to end a great evil already taking place, others to start a new one, and some to end the others. There is no 'new' kind of war. Nothing is new in this world. And nothing ever ends."
"But all the death..." Duo said. "So many people are killed in wars."
"What percent of people die, Duo? Think carefully."
He did not answer.
"Everyone," Mandred said. "We are all going to die. You can feel
death knocking at the door even now as you sit in that chair and breathe."
Kyra laughed as if Mandred had said something hilarious.
"Everyone dies," Mandred said. "Whether by a bullet or by disease is no matter. Many pacifists hate war because they think death is the greatest evil there is, or that mass death is the greatest evil, or even violent death, but this is a premature idea. In truth, death in war is quicker and cleaner than most other kinds. But how you die or even how long you live is irrelevant. Even in a long life you will not accomplish everything you want. Something will go left undone, perhaps something important. You are young so perhaps you do not fully comprehend your mortality, but one day you will wake up and find that you are sixty and you have cancer. Then you will understand that death is nothing special and that a long life is not to be treasured as much as a good life. And living a good life is much more difficult, and takes far greater courage, than dying however gloriously. Any fool can die."
"I..." Heero paused. "There are so many other things that have to be done to be so selfish."
"Then don't be selfish," Mandred said. "A good life is not judged by how much you obtain for yourself, whether that be material possessions or the praise of your peers. But be careful. Neither is a good life judged by how deeply you throw yourself into a cause. A man obsessed with any one thing is in tremendous danger of losing all joy. It is a good thing that you have the skills of an excellent solider. If there is ever a need for them, you will be of utmost use, just as a man who knows CPR will be of use if a man's heart stops beating. A good soldier can be instrumental in saving his homeland from destruction when war strikes. It is even more important to learn the art of warfare if you expect war to invade your borders at any time, just as it is necessary for a man to know how to save a man from drowning if he is living on the beach. That is why for generations mankind has trained their sons to be great warriors in troubled lands. However, the man on the beach can obsess about the art of life-saving. He might require everybody to learn it and urge that people learn nothing else but how to save the lives of drowning people. Then his skill has become laughable. In the same way, a soldier who believes that soldiering is all anybody should do or all he can do, or that dying is a noble art, even though every idiot can and will die, has lost his good sense. It is an honorable thing to die for your country. It is a silly thing to live for the battle itself."
"So you're saying we should all lay down our weapons now that the fighting is over and involve ourselves in the peace process like Relena Peacecraft?" Duo said incredulously.
"Not necessarily," Mandred said. "Relena is just as obsessive as Heero. One shouldn't live for politics any more than for battles. If that is just her occupation and a good cause, well and good, but she could use other pursuits as much as you pilots. May people do not like her for this reason, though perhaps that is unjust as her obsession is not her character."
"So what should we do?" Heero asked.
"You should go after the things you want. Your life is too short to waste time waiting for the moment to be right."
"I've got my business," Duo said, leaning back. "And Hilde. That's a handful right there."
"I wasn't really talking to you," Mandred murmured politely. "You will do fine." Duo smiled like a child who had received a praise.
Heero lowered his eyes and said nothing.
"Has our part in the war all along been wrong?" Duo asked. "Or is Relena wrong? I admit that I'm getting a little confused."
"And rightly so," Mandred said. "This is confusing. As Kyra mentioned earlier, the result of all wars is not always bad and it is well peace was achieved through this one. I would add that there are some useful wars and some useless wars. I would further argue that this particular war was until the very end, quite useless. One thing that makes war honorable, if not good, is the clarity of the sides. In this war, there were no clear enemies, and the contenders were often fighting about ideas or policies and not over anything substantial. There was a lack of something to protect. Even you gundams came on behalf of the colonies without the support of the colonies on a political idea. You came to earth like assassins. Granted, the circumstances were peculiar, but Relena is probably correct in that much of the war, if not all of it, could have been painlessly averted through discussion. It is not always so. When Milliardo Peacecraft directly threatened the earth and could not be deterred, there was no choice but to fight him and I supported both the work of you pilots and Treize in that matter. I would have done the same. There were many turning points in the war that make it difficult to pinpoint the correct action at any particular time. Relena's pacifism was probable at the time and situation she proclaimed it, but it became useless with the creation of White Fang. When she proclaimed it, Romafeller was the subtle foe, and the support for pacisfism was increasing world wide. I have never heard of that before and it is quite extraordinary that it occurred. In most times and places, that would not have been possible. With the rise of Mariemaia, it no longer was and Relena recognized that. Her business now is the prevention of wars, not declaration against them, which I can support without much difficulty. If however, war develops despite her efforts, taking up arms will once again be appropriate."
Duo stared. Heero looked up. Assassins in the night, with no banners furled and no support. No wonder the colonies rejected them on their return to space! But they had kept fighting, against foes no one saw but them, though they were real. That was honorable right? Yes, but they were unsuccessful then. Perhaps there could have been a better way.
"Let's go back to the dying," Duo interjected suddenly. "I mean, yeah okay, everybody dies and long life isn't necessarily good, but surely death is still a terrible thing and we ought to prevent it if we can."
"How do you know death is a bad thing?" Mandred asked.
Duo blinked.
"Weren't you raised in a church for a time?" Kyra said. Duo stared at her. "Okay, so I'm a busy-body, but weren't you?"
"Are you saying that since some people believe in an afterlife, dying isn't an important thing?" he said dubiously.
"Precisely," Mandred replied.
"What about people who don't believe in God or afterlife or reincarnation?" Duo questioned aggressively.
"They've probably more to fear," Mandred said. "They either blot out the thought of death or they are hopeless and likely cynical about it. I worry more about the former who has given it no thought, but this is a topic for another time. I will mention that if you do believe in God, you may consider war to be an catalyst in getting other people to think about God. One thing that war does, is it makes death real. Death was always real before, but war makes it obvious to everyone, and frightens everyone, and in such a time of uncertainty, man is more likely to think about the state of his soul than in times of peace when he has no cause for doing so. I am not saying this makes war good, but it is something good one can find in war, especially if you believe in a God that works to make good out of what is bad. The point is that when lots of people are dying for what seems to be no reason, there is panic and fear, not because of the people who are lost, but because the people who are still alive begin to fear for themselves. But the man who understands death and already has a healthy fear for what it entails, keeps his head and is able to see beyond the chaos. He retains peace in himself, despite whatever war surrounds him. So supported he is unshakable, and can do his job and live his life with courage in the face of death."
"Those who are afraid to die shouldn't be fighting at all," Heero said.
"Those who are not afraid are not courageous. Courage is persistence in the face of what frightens you. If you are not afraid to die, then you do not value your life. That's very sad, Heero."
Duo was looking at him strangely. Heero tried to sink into his chair.
Mandred rescued him. "These are important discussions and ought to be considered, but let's not try to figure out the universe over a cup of coffee."
They finished dinner with only pleasant and domestic conversation. Afterward, their guests was invited to stay the night in the guest rooms, but everyone elected to return home. Heero said little the rest of the night. He couldn't stop thinking that perhaps he had all along put too much into being just a soldier and tried to think about other things.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!! The action/fantasy will pick up
pretty soon.
*A lot of these ideas were drawn from C.S. Lewis's TheWeight of Glory
and other Essays (particularly Learning in Wartime and Why
I am Not a Pacifist). I already had the ideas before I wrote
this. I went out and bought the book (for $9.77) just to get examples
and a method of persuasion, so don't call me a complete plagiarist.