Hi! Thank you for all your KIND reviews!!! *beams* This is the surprise chapter. I promise there's nothing in it but surprise. It's FUNNY!!!! You should all love it. I felt this fic *needed* comic relief. If you don't like it, tough monkeys. Or better yet, tough pickles. XD I know, bad pun.

This chapter-and all others-go to Moonflower for being gloriously nice and friendly enough to type them all for me. Everybody say "Yay for moonflower!" in their reviews of this or ELSE! *glares* She deserves it.

Award for moonflower and all my fans out there (small group though you are)

FLOOF!!!!!!

*note from moonflower* "Aaaaaaw!" I feel so special. *sigh* Do I really deserve it? I think I'll go cry now. *teardrops* Well, all of you should like this chapter, (it's a fav. of mine).

~*floof!*~

Chapter 7

Barhopping

~~~

I sigh. Here it comes again. THE argument "Yotan, I keep telling you, you don't need to be going out-"

"And I'm telling you, bishonen, that I can do whatever the hell I want." Yohji lights a cigarette, but I can tell he wants something stronger.

And Omi will start in on how bad the weed is for him, and how he surprised Yohji still has a liver, drinking the way he does. And Yohji will get pissed and come home before Omi's bedtime, just to piss him off.

I really am starting to hate my life.

Suddenly, I have an idea. I head it off at the pass. "Look, Omi, if it bothers you that bad, I'll go with him."

Omi looks at me suspiciously. "Why?"

"Cause Kenken's not a prude like you are," Yohji drawls. "Right, Ken?"

"No, it's because I'm sick of you guys arguing," I snap. I turn to Omi, scowling. "Lighten up, Omitchi. Yohji's a big boy, even if he can't take care of himself." I turn back to Yohji with the same scowl. "And you could watch out for yourself a little more."

And they both look at me, and pout. "Ahh, Kenken…" can be heard heard from both blondes.

No doubts about it, I really hate my life.

How am I supposed to resist them both?

But Yohji's green eyes are nowhere near as compelling as Omi's big blue bishonen eyes. Honestly, there's something about this kid you just can't turn down. "I'll go, if you want," I tell Omi. Yohji groans as Omi nods.

"Thank you, Ken," he says happily. "Keep an eye on Yotan for me, will you?"

"Yeah, yeah," I grumble. It's not like Omi ever takes care of the man anyway. I turn to Yohji. "Clubbing or barhopping?"

"Barhopping," he answers after a moment's hesitation.

I nod. I had been expecting that. "All right then. Let me change my shirt, and I'll go."

~~~ etc.

I can tell immediately it's a straight bar. Old men in open flannel shirts with sweatstains all look at us as we come in, trying to stare us down, as if trying to say, "You're not one of our kind. Get out." Well, sorry, boys, but I'm afraid not. I don't like them either, but that shouldn't interfere with my drinking, should it?

A girl-probably a prostitute-sidles up to me and rubs against me the way a cat would. "I could cheer you up," she purrs.

Sorry, I don't dig sex I'll end up paying for. "Thanks, but I'd rather I didn't have whatever disease you've got," I tell her coldly. It's not that I don't like women, just not her kind. She gets all offended and goes away in a huff.

"Smart man," Yohji mutters to me. We sit down at the bar, and order a shot apiece. The bartender looks surprised, like he doesn't think we can handle it. Or at least me. What is up with that? Everybody thinks I'm a good little boy who's never done anything wrong. I'm not. I think my job attests to that.

Yohji swallows his without blinking. I down mine with relative ease, surprising both of them. I order another one just for the fun of it.

I feel a tap on my shoulder and turn around. I see a guy standing behind me that can only be described as "Bubba." He's tall and has got a huge beerbelly, and he has to be at least forty-five.

"Want something?" I ask calmly.

"Me and the boys-" he jerks his head toward the other Bubbas- "we had a little vote about you two, and we all came to a mutual decision."

"Which is what?" Yohji asks snidely. "That we're both younger, smarter, and better-looking than you are? It doesn't take a genius to figure that one out."

"Real funny," he snaps. "We don't take kindly to queers. We're willing to be kind and say that you just walked into the wrong bar. Now walk out."

This is too much for me. This is Japan, dammit! We're supposed to be past this. I stand up. "I AM NOT GAY!" I bellow. Bubba backs up a few steps. I follow him. "Even if I was, I wouldn't leave just because some old man who clearly hates anyone different like you told me to."

"That's going a little far," Yohji warns. "Even though I agree with your basic principles, be polite. He's not old." Yohji smirks.

Bubba, in the meantime, is swelling with anger. He takes a low, lumbering swing at me. I duck easily, and punch him in his massive gut. It has the desired affect- Bubba goes down. It also has the expected affect- the rest of the Bubbas rush to attack me.

Yohji and I slip out quietly, neither of us suffering a scratch. We're to quick for that.

He laughs. "I tell you what, Kenken, I have to take you with me more often. That was fun." He looks at me assessively. "So you're not gay?"

I shrug. "Not exactly."

"But you do like guys."

"D'you think I could stand living with you guys if I didn't?"

"Touché. C'mon, let's go to another bar. A better bar."

~~~ etc.

~~~ etc.

Okay, last night was supremely weird.

Here I was, trying to drown my sorrows, and watching Kenken get plastered was so funny I forgot to. I had to take him home and put him to bed. It was really backwards. At least it felt that way to me.

I'd never been inside Ken's room before. It's exactly what you'd expect to find. There's a soccer shrine in the corner, his assassin gear in another, his bed in the third. His clothes are strewn about everywhere. And in the fourth corner…well, maybe his room isn't quite what you'd expect. In the fourth corner, there's a bookshelf full of shonen ai manga. Romance manga. It's funny, really, I'd never thought Ken would read that. Then again, I could never really see Ken reading.

I think I'll have to hang around Kenken a little more. He cheers me up. He takes my mind off things.

~~~~~ etc.