Listen as the sands of time tell you a story …
Of men …
Of monsters …
The choices we make today shape the course of tomorrow
And as I stand here waiting for my death … I am reminded of the path that led me here.
My legs grow weak , slowly crumbling down to the ground and I smile knowingly .
Great men have come before , their struggles …… the stuff of myths and legends as they fight for the greater good.
These men were made heroes and remembered as nothing less for the sacrifices they made.
They speak to me now …
They tell me not to give up.
I laugh , almost choking on my own blood.
No one will remember me.
Who will know my name …?
Who will give a damn whether I live or die ?
When the maggots devour my rotting corpse , they will not ask my name nor will they spare a second to care.
I'm not immortal…
I aint no fucking hero either…
I'm just a man…
As ordinary as any other.
I will die like any other man will.
But no one will deny me of this …
for in this life … my moment will live forever …
And this is how my story will end.
BLACK & WHITE
prologue …
" Wake up kid … the world is not the way it used to be anymore."
A silence like no other filled his body with dread and to the voices that heard his cry, the echo of a dying truth swept the warmth away. Cold was not all he felt for he felt more. Indeed it began like he knew it would and the sensation ate him bit by bit , taking from him … his most valued possession ,drinking away his soul.
It began with a little pain….
For he lost his heart today….
*~ flashback ~*
Anya was unusually quiet recently but I didn't think too much of it , shrugging it off to the fact that she was just recovering from the shock of a small vamp attack we had a few days back. Since she was my fiancée I felt it best to devote my time to her for the moment. The gang hasn't really been needing me that much and with SuperWitch Willow and slayer Buffy protecting Sunnydale , there wasn't a whole lot I could do to help out.
I'm still just me remember ? Just Ol' ordinary Xander.
I had planned a night out on the town but later skipped on the idea. Just me and Ahn enjoying each other's company would be a better proposal. I figured she needed to escape the weird world for a while and so I dug into my role of loving boyfriend and prepared my girlfriend a small intimate little picnic dinner for two. I had candles lit , soft music playing and the perfect mood and atmosphere to complement the setting. I made her smile the way I wanted her to and everything went as it should. We made heaven at our place.
Our place…
Just saying that struck a new chord with me. It wasn't just me now. It was gonna be me and Anya. She'll be wearing my ring and I'll be calling her my wife. Wow… how time passes eh ? Not long ago I was jobless , luckless , useless and loveless. Now I have a great job that pays me well , a place to call my own and a beautiful woman who adores me . I never had it so good before.
But still it bothered me somehow… to be able to have what I now have. Some semblance of a normal life. My thoughts drifted again towards Buffy and the burden she carries on her small shoulders. We brought her back from the dead or rather Willow did. Its been bugging me. Something just wasn't right. Willow's use of magic frightens me a lil these days and I even had Tara go watching out for her. I've heard nothing bad yet . Giles had left us for England but I understood his reasons. I know he needed to leave. The whole Buffy dying and coming back again was an awful lot for him to take in one bite. I still miss his presence at the Magic Box though.
As for Buffy … remember what I said about her being all 'slayer Buffy' ? Since she came back and resumed her usual slaying routine I noticed something … strange. I don't know if any of the others picked up on it yet but I certainly did. She had no problems falling back on being the slayer. If anything , she's almost better than ever at that but as for just being …Buffy… something was very wrong.
" Xander …"
Anya's voice brings me out of my thoughts and I let my eyes rest upon her lovely face. She seems nervous and maybe a little bit scared even. I start to get worried but make no initiative to pursue the subject of her troubles. More important was a need to comfort her from any source of pain and my arms take her petite frame closer to my body and I held her against me protectively. It was entirely possible that I maybe trying to reassure myself in the light of uncertain times.
" You were thinking about them weren't you ?" Anya murmured softly.
" Who …?"
" Your friends… You always think about them."
" I was thinking more about the future than anything else really."
" The future …?"
" Ours…"
" Oh …" She seems a little surprised. "…really ?" A small shy smile adorns her features , hopeful eyes lighting up as they look into mine. " me too."
Contrary to what people think , Anya isn't as selfish , insensitive, arrogant and horrible a person as they would like you to believe. She can be awfully sweet at times. She's shown to be really generous despite her attachment to money and material things. She is very loving and in her, beneath it all , lies an innocence so very rare and pure. These are just some of the things the others don't see. She has insecurities and fears like any other person. She's human … very human. People don't know that but I do.
I give Anya a smile of my own adding a little kiss to the mix for good measure.
" Don't ever think that you're not important to me Ahn. You know you are and that's one of the reasons why I've been thinking about the future in the first place."
" I know but you're selling me short if you think I don't understand what your friends mean to you. They're family."
I give her an incredulous look.
" What… ? Don't look at me like that. I've grown too y'know. "
"I guess so and they are family but these days you're my number one priority."
" They're my family too. Dawn's really growing on me. Willow's like my annoying brat of a sister that loves to hate me for no reason and Tara's really sweet even though I don't get her most of the time. We're bonding . Spike is the black sheep of the family only bleached blond and really pale."
" Spike's not family. He's not even the pet dog."
" Oh , you still hate him. I forgot about that part."
" Its quite easy to remember. The trigger finger on my crossbow gets real itchy around Billy Idol lookalikes."
" And then …there's Buffy…"
She says her name like its such a sensitive topic for me and my ears perk up as I start to wonder what exactly she is getting at with that tone of voice.
" Buffy …? " I blurt out in confusion.
" Buffy…" Again she uses that tone.
I blink and then I blink again, the puzzled look in my eyes very clear.
" What about Buffy ? "
" She's special isn't she ?"
" She's our favourite slayer ?"
Anya giggles and it just leaves me more confused.
" What's so funny ?"
" You actually don't know do you ?"
" Know what …?"
She kisses me on the cheek and hugs me tighter.
" Forget about it . Xand… There's something I have to tell you."
" I have something to tell you too. I've been thinking a lot these days and I've come to a decision. "
" You better go ahead then."
" Recently I've been thinking about us and our future and what that would mean. I want the best for you and I feel being caught up with the supernatural world is not what we need."
" Are you suggesting what I think …you are ?"
" Let's leave Sunnydale. Just you and me. Let's go somewhere with a sunnier disposition and fewer demons. No more danger. No more fighting evil. No more risking your life. C'mon Ahn , whaddya say …? Let's get away from the hellmouth. I'm not needed here anyway."
Anya looked at me blankly. For a second there I thought she didn't hear me right and I needed to repeat what I said before but then she slowly opened her mouth and softly said …
" No …"
" Wha …?"
I thought I had heard wrongly but I hadn't.
" No…" She repeated. " I wanna stay here."
" Why…? But I thought…"
" We should stay here." She cut me off. "…here…" Then I get another kiss. She's really good at those.
Anya smiles a little sadly and continues. " You're my first priority. That's why we should stay. In case you don't already know, I love you "
" I love you too…" I answer quickly.
" I know . That's why it makes it all so hard."
I brush away a strand of hair from her face , studying her as I do so. She tries to lighten the mood a little bit by giving me a quick grin , playing with the fingers wrapped around her own. I sighed , a quiet laugh leaving my lips.
" Your turn." I said.
" My turn …?"
"You had something to tell me remember…?"
" Right …It's…It's nothing important really."
" You sure …?"
" Yeah…"
It was at that point when thunder roared and rumbled outside. The sound of raindrops falling filled the air and soon it became a downpour as lightning flashed through the dark sky. From there I stood up and closed the windows as the rain tried to enter the apartment.
" Looks like a storm . The power seems to be gone. The hi-fi is out. At least we still have some light from the candles."
" Its getting cold." Said Anya as she rubbed her shoulders to warm herself up. " I thought the weather was clear today. That weather girl on tv you like to drool over said so."
" Wha …? Never mind .I'll turn up the heater. Wait here 'kay ?"
" I'm not going anywhere."
" …be right back ."
Anya let out a breath , mentally cursing herself as Xander's figure faded from her view. The ex-demoness had always been honest, almost to a fault. She has never been one to not speak her mind but the moment had passed and still she had said nothing.
" When are you going to tell him …"
Standing up , Anya worked up the nerve she needed and made way to find Xander in the candle-lit apartment.
" No turning back now."
--------------------------------
" Xander … where are you ?"
It all happened so fast , I never knew what hit me. I was bringing some hot cocoa from the kitchen after turning on the heater when Anya called my name. That was the last time I heard her voice.
" Xander…?"
" Hey Ahn … I cooked up some hot cocoa for ya."
" I'm preg…."
Nine thirty seven pm.
The watch I wore stopped working at that exact time.
What happened you ask …?. Well … my whole life got shattered into pieces as all hell broke loose. The walls started crashing down on us as broken glass went flying everywhere. A hurricane seemed to rip into the apartment with the rain slamming down hard as winds of unimaginable terror thundered in and destroyed everything in sight. I was screaming Anya's name over and over and over again , hoping she answer me somehow even though I couldn't hear my own voice as the storm raged on. I caught a glimpse of her in the chaos and those … th-those …were the final moments of her alive.
" ANNNNNNNYAAAAA !!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The roof caved in and …Ahn… she was gone.
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