My apolgies but this chapter is very short. It is at the request of some people not least Anna Rousseau a h/c chapter. Just to warn you in advance. I would love feedback for this chapter as generally I am quite poor at h/c I make it too brief or to dull. I found this really hard to write because how do you phrase the idea of a warrior becoming suddenly afraid over his possible mortality without making him sound too cowardly? Please put any suggestions you may have in your reviews or email me at gevaudan@another.com which ever you prefer.
Well I think I've probably babbled enough. Oh I'm currently updating some of the previous chapters it was pointed out to me that sometimes my language was a bit jarring. I may well put them up soon if anyone's interested. I have some new LOTR fic up 'Legolas's things to do list' and 'Boromir's things to do list'. Check them out for some light relief if the mood takes you. Thanks as always.
PS. They still (except Duredhel) ain't mine.
***
Elrond, Arwen and Gimli soon retired to bed, relieved that Legolas was well once more. He and Aragorn remained to talk for a while, promising Elrond that it would not be long before they headed in the same direction.
Aragorn looked over his friend in concern.
'How are you Legolas?'
'You have asked me that before, 'Legolas pointed out with a smile, 'and I have told you that I am in good health.'
Aragorn raised his eyebrows at the statement so obviously contradicted in the Elf's terrible appearance.
'That is not what I meant Legolas and I am sure that you know that.'
'I am well Aragorn. I am healing and Lord Elrond believes I should be well by the end of the month. There is no reason that you should be concerned.'
Legolas looked at his knees knowing that Aragorn knew that it was a lie.
'We don't have to talk about this,' Aragorn told him gently, 'but if you want to then I will always listen.'
Legolas nodded. He paused for a long moment before trying to put into words what he felt in his heart.
'I was,' Legolas paused again, not wishing to appear weak in the eyes of one of his closest friends. He then realised that if Aragorn was the friend he considered him he would understand. He tried again, thinking how surprising it was that he, a usually eloquent Elf, was lost for words.
'When I was ailing due to the poison, I wasn't angry, like I am now. It did not occur to me that one of the things I had always taken for granted as a personal choice had been taken away from me. I was aware on some level of that, yet it was not what dominated my thoughts.'
Aragorn nodded, encouraging his friend to bring out into the open what was so obviously troubling him.
'I do not consider myself cowardly,' Legolas continued, 'I have stood unafraid when faced with many foes in battle. Yet when I was faced with my own mortality I was so terribly afraid, Aragorn. Now I cannot get that thought out of my mind. Me and my kindred are immortal and because of this I expected it to be my fate that, if I survived the War of The Ring, I would live on and go to see the Grey Havens. Now that future seems less certain. What if we stand in one battle once more and these thoughts consume me? I will be a danger to you all,' a pause, then quieter. 'I would never forgive myself if I caused you harm.'
Aragorn thought for a moment. Unsure of how best to respond to the distressed Elf before him.
'Legolas, what you feel is not new or unusual to me. Every time we stand together in battle I am afraid, afraid that fear will hold me still when I should act and that my hesitation will kill one of you.'
Legolas looked up at this statement in something akin to amazement.
'I do not think I have ever seen you afraid.'
Aragorn smiled reassuringly at his friend.
'I thought you read the expressions of people better than that, Legolas. I have been afraid many times when in your companionship, but my friend, when you are in battle are you usually distracted or do you do what you must and save emotion for later?'
Legolas thought remembering the last skirmish he had been in. Briefly he had thought of Gilgolas then the pattern of fighting and staying alive had surfaced and he remembered very little of conscious thought other than noting where his aggressors were stood.
Aragorn read the answer in his eyes before he voiced it.
'For two thousand years, Legolas, you have fought wisely and bravely. Though what you have been through I cannot begin comprehend I do believe that you will stand bravely once again should the need arise and should you have to. And although it is not altogether comforting you will stand bravely in battle once more, for your dark foe must be conquered before the blood of anyone else dear to me is shed.'
Legolas nodded, finally beginning to accept that he could work through his fear.
'I think I lied to you Aragorn, although I assure you it was entirely unintentional. You were right, I think we all stand fearful before a battle but we work past that fear to do what must be done. I must do that now, for my sake and the sake of my people so that I may vanquish our foe Duhredhel.'
Aragorn smiled and tremulously Legolas smiled back. Then they retired and for the first time in nights Legolas's sleep was not plagued by the dreams which had haunted him in his illness.
Well I think I've probably babbled enough. Oh I'm currently updating some of the previous chapters it was pointed out to me that sometimes my language was a bit jarring. I may well put them up soon if anyone's interested. I have some new LOTR fic up 'Legolas's things to do list' and 'Boromir's things to do list'. Check them out for some light relief if the mood takes you. Thanks as always.
PS. They still (except Duredhel) ain't mine.
***
Elrond, Arwen and Gimli soon retired to bed, relieved that Legolas was well once more. He and Aragorn remained to talk for a while, promising Elrond that it would not be long before they headed in the same direction.
Aragorn looked over his friend in concern.
'How are you Legolas?'
'You have asked me that before, 'Legolas pointed out with a smile, 'and I have told you that I am in good health.'
Aragorn raised his eyebrows at the statement so obviously contradicted in the Elf's terrible appearance.
'That is not what I meant Legolas and I am sure that you know that.'
'I am well Aragorn. I am healing and Lord Elrond believes I should be well by the end of the month. There is no reason that you should be concerned.'
Legolas looked at his knees knowing that Aragorn knew that it was a lie.
'We don't have to talk about this,' Aragorn told him gently, 'but if you want to then I will always listen.'
Legolas nodded. He paused for a long moment before trying to put into words what he felt in his heart.
'I was,' Legolas paused again, not wishing to appear weak in the eyes of one of his closest friends. He then realised that if Aragorn was the friend he considered him he would understand. He tried again, thinking how surprising it was that he, a usually eloquent Elf, was lost for words.
'When I was ailing due to the poison, I wasn't angry, like I am now. It did not occur to me that one of the things I had always taken for granted as a personal choice had been taken away from me. I was aware on some level of that, yet it was not what dominated my thoughts.'
Aragorn nodded, encouraging his friend to bring out into the open what was so obviously troubling him.
'I do not consider myself cowardly,' Legolas continued, 'I have stood unafraid when faced with many foes in battle. Yet when I was faced with my own mortality I was so terribly afraid, Aragorn. Now I cannot get that thought out of my mind. Me and my kindred are immortal and because of this I expected it to be my fate that, if I survived the War of The Ring, I would live on and go to see the Grey Havens. Now that future seems less certain. What if we stand in one battle once more and these thoughts consume me? I will be a danger to you all,' a pause, then quieter. 'I would never forgive myself if I caused you harm.'
Aragorn thought for a moment. Unsure of how best to respond to the distressed Elf before him.
'Legolas, what you feel is not new or unusual to me. Every time we stand together in battle I am afraid, afraid that fear will hold me still when I should act and that my hesitation will kill one of you.'
Legolas looked up at this statement in something akin to amazement.
'I do not think I have ever seen you afraid.'
Aragorn smiled reassuringly at his friend.
'I thought you read the expressions of people better than that, Legolas. I have been afraid many times when in your companionship, but my friend, when you are in battle are you usually distracted or do you do what you must and save emotion for later?'
Legolas thought remembering the last skirmish he had been in. Briefly he had thought of Gilgolas then the pattern of fighting and staying alive had surfaced and he remembered very little of conscious thought other than noting where his aggressors were stood.
Aragorn read the answer in his eyes before he voiced it.
'For two thousand years, Legolas, you have fought wisely and bravely. Though what you have been through I cannot begin comprehend I do believe that you will stand bravely once again should the need arise and should you have to. And although it is not altogether comforting you will stand bravely in battle once more, for your dark foe must be conquered before the blood of anyone else dear to me is shed.'
Legolas nodded, finally beginning to accept that he could work through his fear.
'I think I lied to you Aragorn, although I assure you it was entirely unintentional. You were right, I think we all stand fearful before a battle but we work past that fear to do what must be done. I must do that now, for my sake and the sake of my people so that I may vanquish our foe Duhredhel.'
Aragorn smiled and tremulously Legolas smiled back. Then they retired and for the first time in nights Legolas's sleep was not plagued by the dreams which had haunted him in his illness.