When I woke up the next morning Jeff was playing with Geannie and packing his things up.
"Good morning sleepy head." he said to me when I woke up.
"Hey, how come you didn't wake me up when she woke up?"
"Because I know that you got in late and I didn't want to wake you up before you were ready."
"You're sweet. I'll take her from you so you can finish doing what you have to do."
"You don't have to." he said to me. "You just got up. Take it easy."
"No, let me. She is my child and I want to take care of her."
"I know that you do, but she's just so cute."
"I know that she is." I got up and took her from Jeff's arms. "She takes after her mommy." I said jokingly."We're going to go and take a shower, we could use one can't we Geannie." I said smiling at her.
"O.k. lf I'm not in here when you get out then I am packing up the van for the car ride."
"All right, I got you." I said and walked into the bathroom with my bags. "Mommy can use some time to figure something out can't she?" I said to Gean when I got in the bathroom. "Yes she can."
I took my time taking a shower and getting Geannie dressed. I really didn't want to hurt Jeff, or even think of hurting Jeff. Jeff was there for me through the toughest of times ever since I was in the business. He was never selfish enough to tell me that he needed to take care of his own problems and that he couldn't listen to me. If I needed him at three in the morning he was there for me and never once complained about being tired or waking up. Now here I was returning the favor by getting ready to break his heart. I knew that from the very beginning things could be dangerous and soemone could get hurt, but I didn't think that it would be like this.
When I got out Jeff was outside by the car. After I finished getting dressed I started to pack up the rest of the things. Geannie was sitting in the car seat sleeping. I heard a knock on the door. I hoped that it wouldn't be Dwayne. I had a feeling that it was probably him, but I hoped that it wasn't. I was not ready to face Jeff or Dwayne. I had no idea what Dwayne exppected from me but I knew what Jeff was going to say when he found out about the entire thing. Jeff was never one for cheating and getting played. I don't know how many times I can say that it was never my intention to hurt Jeff for anyone to really believe me. I know that to some I probably look like some kind of slut. And maybe I was, I can't say. But I didn't want to hurt Jeff.
"Kayla you in there?"
"Yeah, come on in Dwayne." I said opening the door.
"How you doing?" he asked me.
"A little stressed out." I said.
"Stressed why?"
"Why do you think Dwayne?"
"You mean you didn't tell Jeff?"
"No I didn't tell Jeff. Do you think that any of this is easy?"
"No, but don't you want to be with me?"
"Dwayne I honestly don't know what I want."
"You can't tell me that you dont' know what you want."
"O.k. so maybe I do, but what does that have to do with any of this? I still need to tell Jeff and I don't know how to tell him."
"I don't care how you tell him, but I want you to tell him." he said to me. "Jeff does need to know, no matter what happens he deserves to know."
"Know what?" Jeff said walking back in the room.
"Nothing really." I said trying to hide my worry.
"Kay he needs to know."
"Dwayne don't do this, not here and not like this."
"Tell me what? It must be something if you are upset Kay, I can see it in your face and in your vioce. Tell me."
"Tell him.
"Dwayne,"
"I don't care who tells me but I want someone to tell me and I want them to tell me now. Tell me what is going on."
"I can't." I said.
"Then I will." Dwayne said.
"No, please."
"Last night." Dwayne started. "Kay and I were talking after Shane left."
"ANd?" Jeff asked. "What's the big deal?"
"We were talking about old times and how things use to be." I said to Jeff trying to offer some sort of reason, which would make no difference, I did what I did and there was no changing it no matter why I did it.
"One thing lead to another and the next thing I know I am kissing her." Dwayne said.
"What?" Jeff said getting upset. "You're kidding right? Please Kayla tell me that you are kidding."
I just looked at him and didn't say a word. "It's true? No it can't be, please Kayla tell me that he's lying that he forced you something, tell me something." I was crying seeing Jeff get all upset. "I can see it in your face. You're not lying, this really happened. Why?" he asked. I didnt' say anything still. "Why?" he yelled. I jumped a little. "How could you do this to me? I thought that we were really going somewhere and now, now. Oh God why? You, you slut. How could I even think that I could love someone like you?"
"I didn't mean for things to go this way Jeff. I love I really do."
"Love me? Love me? You don't even know what love really is. You never loved, and you can never. All you care about is yourself." he said to me. "You make me sick. Find another way to get to the arena."
I sat down on the bed crying. "Kay, I'm sorry I didn't want that to happen. As much as I love you, I didn't want that to happen at all." Dwayne said kneeling down next to me.
"I know that you didn't. But you could have bouhgt me some time. Dwayne Jeff means a lot to me. More then you know. He has been there for everything and I just killed him. I hurt him so bad. I don't care about what he said to me, I know that it's true. Maybe I don't know how to love."
"That's not true. For the time that we were together we were happy and in love. And I am more then sure that you held that for Jeff at one time too, but things happen and people change."
"But love is supposed to last forever."
"It has, with us. You wanted time to see if we were really meant for each other. Jeff made you happy, but you don't realize is that Jeff always makes you happy, he always has and he always will. Jeff is someone special to you that you will never give up, but you need to make your choice. I know who you want and what you want. Just choose on how to handle things." Dwayne kissed the top of my head and left the room.
I took Geannie and ran to Matt's room.
"Kay what's going on?"
"Jeff found out and he hates me."
"Why? I thought you were going to tell him last night?"
"I was going to, but I couldn't and then before he came in and Dwayne was there and he was talking and Jeff found out."
"It's o.k. Come on in, and take it easy. We have a little time before we have to leave."
I went in and told Matt exactly what happened. "Didn't he come here?"
"No, I haven't seen him since last night, he was supposed to meet up with me before we left."
"God I hope he doesn't do anything dumb or dangerous."
"I'm sure that he just needed to blow off some steam and think things through that's all." Matt said. "Don't worry."
"Matt, when you see him can you please tell Jeff that I want to talk to him. I know that he probably wants nothing to do with me, but if you can get him to talk to me I would really like that. I just want to get things settled so I can get on with the rest of my life."
"I'll try. I'm not saying that he will, but I will alll that I can to convince him to talk to you."
"Thank you." I walked out and calmed down before going to see Steve.
"Do you mind if I ride with you today Steve?" I asked him when I walked into his room.
"No of course not, I love to have my little sister around. I thought that you were riding along with the Hardyz, what happened to that?"
"Oh nothing at all. I just thought that it would be nice to spend some time with my brother that's all." I said to him lying. "We haven't been spending a lot of time together and I figured some time to talk would be nice for the both of us."
"I'm all for it, especially with my darling little niece." he gave a smile and picked Geannie up.
"And they say that you are the toughest redneck around." I said teasingly.
"I still am. Don't you ever forget that Gean." Steve said playing with her.
"She's getting so big and so fast." I said to him.
"I know, she's going to be taller then her mommy."
"That's because her daddy's family has some tall people in there and she is not going to get stuck being short, trust me."
I was trying to hide my pain from Steve, he knew that something was wrong, but I think because he knew that I was never going to talk that he wouldn't even bother to get the both of us frustrated.
When we got to the arena that night I made sure that I found Dwayne.
"Hey baby, what brings you around?" he asked me when I walked in the locker room.
"Listen, I wanted to apologize about before, I put you in that situation and I didn't mean to. It's not fair to you to be put through hell because I let my emotions take over me once and a while."
"Kayla you don't have to apologize at all." he said to me. "I know that you didn't mean it. Let's put it this way. I would rather be put through hell to know that you are by my side then to be shielded and not be put through this and be alone. You are worth all of it."
"Sometimes I wonder, I really do wonder." I said.
"Don't. You are always worth it." he kissed the top of my head again. "You take your time and do what you need to do, just make sure that you tell me every so ofter what is going on inside that head of yours."
"If you really want me to. I'll have to see what I can do, but thank you and I do love you."
I walked out and went to a monitor. Jeff was one of the first one's fighting and I wanted to help him out to show him that I was sorry and hoped to fix things, at least to the point of a friendship.
When I went out there Jeff was just pushed off the turnbuckle and onto the floor. I went to check on him and make sure that he was o.k.
"Jeff, Jeff I know that you are awake please talk to me. Please jsut talk to me."
I looked back and forth between Jeff and Crash, trying to make it seem like it was fake and all, but I wanted him to talk to me.
I helped Jeff up and back in the ring. "Get away from me." he said once he was getting back in the ring.
I stood there stunned and just watched the rest of the match.
"Come on Jeff." I said cheering him on. Sometimes when he knew the camera wasn't on him he looked my way and told me to get lost. I stayed where I was and all, not moving. I wanted to make sure that Jeff knew that I was sorry and was making every effort to talk to him.
When the match was over,Jeff won, I walked up the ramp beside him. "Please just talk to me. I am really sorry."
"So am I now go away." When we got backstage he went one way and I had no choice but to go the other. I needed time to let him calm down before I tried to go and grovel and get him to talk to me once again.
I went to the locker room and changed for my match. I honestly don't remember what happened and what was going on. I can't even say I know what I did or if I won. My head and mind was so focused on what was going on with Jeff and what I was going to do to fix certain things that I can't remember one things from that match. All I know is that I was supposed to wing and all. But I can't even tell you if I did that right.
"Kayla are you o.k.?" Vince asked me when I was backstage. "I haven't seen some one have to lead you like that since you first started here."
"I know and I am really sorry about that." I shook my head. "Something happened that I wasn't ready for and it took my by surprise, I promise that it won't happen again."
"It didn't look bad to the audience, but I know that that isn't your normal way of fighting. Every one has a bad day." he said to me. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"Not right now." I said. "It's still kind of fresh and hard to talk about."
"I understand. When you are ready if you need someone to talk to, you know that I am here for you."
"I know. Thank you Vince."
"Oh, before you go off to take a shower and all, Shane was looking for you. He wanted to see if he could take Geannie out tonight."
"O.k. well, if you see him before I do tell him that it's fine with me. Where did he want to take her?"
"He wanted to take her out shopping I think,"
"That's sweet. Maybe I should go along for this one."
"I think that the shopping is for you. Your birthday is coming up soon."
"Right, well, tell him that it's perfectly o.k. with me."
"I will."
I went in and took a shower and went to the hotel. I was the only on there, I didn't want to be around anyone and I was early in the show so I was able to get out of the arena before everyone else.
I sat down and wrote Jeff a letter. I was going to tell him that was sorry one way or the other. It was a couple of pages and all. I was explaining that I loved him as the friend, but I felt like something died, and I just found that old spark back in Dwayne. I think that everyone knew it was going to happen sooner or later, but I wanted to have Jeff as the friend, best friend that meant so much to me. So I stopped by the main desk and told the man to give it to Jeff Hardy when he signs in. After that I went back to bed.
It took a week for Jeff to talk to me. It was the day before my birthday and he didn't seem very happy, or his normal self. It was like he was doing something that he didn't even want to think of doing until a few days before.
"I really need to talk to you alone for a little." he said to me. "I want you to come some where with me tomorrow."
"Where?"
"Don't worry about that, but I want you and Dwayne to ride along with me. Can you do that?"
"Sure I can, but why?"
"Don't worry just please this is the last favor that I am going to ask of you. I really need you to do this."
I nodded."Thank you." and then he walked away. I couldn't for the life of me figure out what he wanted.
"Good morning sleepy head." he said to me when I woke up.
"Hey, how come you didn't wake me up when she woke up?"
"Because I know that you got in late and I didn't want to wake you up before you were ready."
"You're sweet. I'll take her from you so you can finish doing what you have to do."
"You don't have to." he said to me. "You just got up. Take it easy."
"No, let me. She is my child and I want to take care of her."
"I know that you do, but she's just so cute."
"I know that she is." I got up and took her from Jeff's arms. "She takes after her mommy." I said jokingly."We're going to go and take a shower, we could use one can't we Geannie." I said smiling at her.
"O.k. lf I'm not in here when you get out then I am packing up the van for the car ride."
"All right, I got you." I said and walked into the bathroom with my bags. "Mommy can use some time to figure something out can't she?" I said to Gean when I got in the bathroom. "Yes she can."
I took my time taking a shower and getting Geannie dressed. I really didn't want to hurt Jeff, or even think of hurting Jeff. Jeff was there for me through the toughest of times ever since I was in the business. He was never selfish enough to tell me that he needed to take care of his own problems and that he couldn't listen to me. If I needed him at three in the morning he was there for me and never once complained about being tired or waking up. Now here I was returning the favor by getting ready to break his heart. I knew that from the very beginning things could be dangerous and soemone could get hurt, but I didn't think that it would be like this.
When I got out Jeff was outside by the car. After I finished getting dressed I started to pack up the rest of the things. Geannie was sitting in the car seat sleeping. I heard a knock on the door. I hoped that it wouldn't be Dwayne. I had a feeling that it was probably him, but I hoped that it wasn't. I was not ready to face Jeff or Dwayne. I had no idea what Dwayne exppected from me but I knew what Jeff was going to say when he found out about the entire thing. Jeff was never one for cheating and getting played. I don't know how many times I can say that it was never my intention to hurt Jeff for anyone to really believe me. I know that to some I probably look like some kind of slut. And maybe I was, I can't say. But I didn't want to hurt Jeff.
"Kayla you in there?"
"Yeah, come on in Dwayne." I said opening the door.
"How you doing?" he asked me.
"A little stressed out." I said.
"Stressed why?"
"Why do you think Dwayne?"
"You mean you didn't tell Jeff?"
"No I didn't tell Jeff. Do you think that any of this is easy?"
"No, but don't you want to be with me?"
"Dwayne I honestly don't know what I want."
"You can't tell me that you dont' know what you want."
"O.k. so maybe I do, but what does that have to do with any of this? I still need to tell Jeff and I don't know how to tell him."
"I don't care how you tell him, but I want you to tell him." he said to me. "Jeff does need to know, no matter what happens he deserves to know."
"Know what?" Jeff said walking back in the room.
"Nothing really." I said trying to hide my worry.
"Kay he needs to know."
"Dwayne don't do this, not here and not like this."
"Tell me what? It must be something if you are upset Kay, I can see it in your face and in your vioce. Tell me."
"Tell him.
"Dwayne,"
"I don't care who tells me but I want someone to tell me and I want them to tell me now. Tell me what is going on."
"I can't." I said.
"Then I will." Dwayne said.
"No, please."
"Last night." Dwayne started. "Kay and I were talking after Shane left."
"ANd?" Jeff asked. "What's the big deal?"
"We were talking about old times and how things use to be." I said to Jeff trying to offer some sort of reason, which would make no difference, I did what I did and there was no changing it no matter why I did it.
"One thing lead to another and the next thing I know I am kissing her." Dwayne said.
"What?" Jeff said getting upset. "You're kidding right? Please Kayla tell me that you are kidding."
I just looked at him and didn't say a word. "It's true? No it can't be, please Kayla tell me that he's lying that he forced you something, tell me something." I was crying seeing Jeff get all upset. "I can see it in your face. You're not lying, this really happened. Why?" he asked. I didnt' say anything still. "Why?" he yelled. I jumped a little. "How could you do this to me? I thought that we were really going somewhere and now, now. Oh God why? You, you slut. How could I even think that I could love someone like you?"
"I didn't mean for things to go this way Jeff. I love I really do."
"Love me? Love me? You don't even know what love really is. You never loved, and you can never. All you care about is yourself." he said to me. "You make me sick. Find another way to get to the arena."
I sat down on the bed crying. "Kay, I'm sorry I didn't want that to happen. As much as I love you, I didn't want that to happen at all." Dwayne said kneeling down next to me.
"I know that you didn't. But you could have bouhgt me some time. Dwayne Jeff means a lot to me. More then you know. He has been there for everything and I just killed him. I hurt him so bad. I don't care about what he said to me, I know that it's true. Maybe I don't know how to love."
"That's not true. For the time that we were together we were happy and in love. And I am more then sure that you held that for Jeff at one time too, but things happen and people change."
"But love is supposed to last forever."
"It has, with us. You wanted time to see if we were really meant for each other. Jeff made you happy, but you don't realize is that Jeff always makes you happy, he always has and he always will. Jeff is someone special to you that you will never give up, but you need to make your choice. I know who you want and what you want. Just choose on how to handle things." Dwayne kissed the top of my head and left the room.
I took Geannie and ran to Matt's room.
"Kay what's going on?"
"Jeff found out and he hates me."
"Why? I thought you were going to tell him last night?"
"I was going to, but I couldn't and then before he came in and Dwayne was there and he was talking and Jeff found out."
"It's o.k. Come on in, and take it easy. We have a little time before we have to leave."
I went in and told Matt exactly what happened. "Didn't he come here?"
"No, I haven't seen him since last night, he was supposed to meet up with me before we left."
"God I hope he doesn't do anything dumb or dangerous."
"I'm sure that he just needed to blow off some steam and think things through that's all." Matt said. "Don't worry."
"Matt, when you see him can you please tell Jeff that I want to talk to him. I know that he probably wants nothing to do with me, but if you can get him to talk to me I would really like that. I just want to get things settled so I can get on with the rest of my life."
"I'll try. I'm not saying that he will, but I will alll that I can to convince him to talk to you."
"Thank you." I walked out and calmed down before going to see Steve.
"Do you mind if I ride with you today Steve?" I asked him when I walked into his room.
"No of course not, I love to have my little sister around. I thought that you were riding along with the Hardyz, what happened to that?"
"Oh nothing at all. I just thought that it would be nice to spend some time with my brother that's all." I said to him lying. "We haven't been spending a lot of time together and I figured some time to talk would be nice for the both of us."
"I'm all for it, especially with my darling little niece." he gave a smile and picked Geannie up.
"And they say that you are the toughest redneck around." I said teasingly.
"I still am. Don't you ever forget that Gean." Steve said playing with her.
"She's getting so big and so fast." I said to him.
"I know, she's going to be taller then her mommy."
"That's because her daddy's family has some tall people in there and she is not going to get stuck being short, trust me."
I was trying to hide my pain from Steve, he knew that something was wrong, but I think because he knew that I was never going to talk that he wouldn't even bother to get the both of us frustrated.
When we got to the arena that night I made sure that I found Dwayne.
"Hey baby, what brings you around?" he asked me when I walked in the locker room.
"Listen, I wanted to apologize about before, I put you in that situation and I didn't mean to. It's not fair to you to be put through hell because I let my emotions take over me once and a while."
"Kayla you don't have to apologize at all." he said to me. "I know that you didn't mean it. Let's put it this way. I would rather be put through hell to know that you are by my side then to be shielded and not be put through this and be alone. You are worth all of it."
"Sometimes I wonder, I really do wonder." I said.
"Don't. You are always worth it." he kissed the top of my head again. "You take your time and do what you need to do, just make sure that you tell me every so ofter what is going on inside that head of yours."
"If you really want me to. I'll have to see what I can do, but thank you and I do love you."
I walked out and went to a monitor. Jeff was one of the first one's fighting and I wanted to help him out to show him that I was sorry and hoped to fix things, at least to the point of a friendship.
When I went out there Jeff was just pushed off the turnbuckle and onto the floor. I went to check on him and make sure that he was o.k.
"Jeff, Jeff I know that you are awake please talk to me. Please jsut talk to me."
I looked back and forth between Jeff and Crash, trying to make it seem like it was fake and all, but I wanted him to talk to me.
I helped Jeff up and back in the ring. "Get away from me." he said once he was getting back in the ring.
I stood there stunned and just watched the rest of the match.
"Come on Jeff." I said cheering him on. Sometimes when he knew the camera wasn't on him he looked my way and told me to get lost. I stayed where I was and all, not moving. I wanted to make sure that Jeff knew that I was sorry and was making every effort to talk to him.
When the match was over,Jeff won, I walked up the ramp beside him. "Please just talk to me. I am really sorry."
"So am I now go away." When we got backstage he went one way and I had no choice but to go the other. I needed time to let him calm down before I tried to go and grovel and get him to talk to me once again.
I went to the locker room and changed for my match. I honestly don't remember what happened and what was going on. I can't even say I know what I did or if I won. My head and mind was so focused on what was going on with Jeff and what I was going to do to fix certain things that I can't remember one things from that match. All I know is that I was supposed to wing and all. But I can't even tell you if I did that right.
"Kayla are you o.k.?" Vince asked me when I was backstage. "I haven't seen some one have to lead you like that since you first started here."
"I know and I am really sorry about that." I shook my head. "Something happened that I wasn't ready for and it took my by surprise, I promise that it won't happen again."
"It didn't look bad to the audience, but I know that that isn't your normal way of fighting. Every one has a bad day." he said to me. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"Not right now." I said. "It's still kind of fresh and hard to talk about."
"I understand. When you are ready if you need someone to talk to, you know that I am here for you."
"I know. Thank you Vince."
"Oh, before you go off to take a shower and all, Shane was looking for you. He wanted to see if he could take Geannie out tonight."
"O.k. well, if you see him before I do tell him that it's fine with me. Where did he want to take her?"
"He wanted to take her out shopping I think,"
"That's sweet. Maybe I should go along for this one."
"I think that the shopping is for you. Your birthday is coming up soon."
"Right, well, tell him that it's perfectly o.k. with me."
"I will."
I went in and took a shower and went to the hotel. I was the only on there, I didn't want to be around anyone and I was early in the show so I was able to get out of the arena before everyone else.
I sat down and wrote Jeff a letter. I was going to tell him that was sorry one way or the other. It was a couple of pages and all. I was explaining that I loved him as the friend, but I felt like something died, and I just found that old spark back in Dwayne. I think that everyone knew it was going to happen sooner or later, but I wanted to have Jeff as the friend, best friend that meant so much to me. So I stopped by the main desk and told the man to give it to Jeff Hardy when he signs in. After that I went back to bed.
It took a week for Jeff to talk to me. It was the day before my birthday and he didn't seem very happy, or his normal self. It was like he was doing something that he didn't even want to think of doing until a few days before.
"I really need to talk to you alone for a little." he said to me. "I want you to come some where with me tomorrow."
"Where?"
"Don't worry about that, but I want you and Dwayne to ride along with me. Can you do that?"
"Sure I can, but why?"
"Don't worry just please this is the last favor that I am going to ask of you. I really need you to do this."
I nodded."Thank you." and then he walked away. I couldn't for the life of me figure out what he wanted.