Space Turtles Part Deux- In which Tuvok blows up innocent space-land sea creatures
Disclaimer: I neither own Star Trek: Voyager, nor aspire to own it. Space Turtles are mine, as is Frogwoman the Eternal and everything else she's called.
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"Captain! We're detecting something off our port bow!" Harry Kim announced.
Captain Katherine Janeway turned. Improperly placed stage-lighting made her look like she was glowing. "Have you identified what it is?" She asked.
"I think... I think it's a space turtle!" Harry announced.
"A... space turtle?" Janeway asked, and the scary-Voyager music began. "Are you certain?"
"Not really." Harry replied.
"Put this 'space turtle' up on sensors, Mr. Kim." Janeway ordered.
Harry stared at the counsel. "The blue button, Mr. Kim." Tuvok supplied.
"I knew that..." Harry muttered defensively, and pressed down on the blue button.
A picture of a giant, blue turtle appeared on the view screen. It was chewing on the port nacelle. The scary music began to crescendo.
"A space turtle!" The entire crew exclaimed.
"Amazing! Let's contact it! Harry, send a message to it, all frequencies." Janeway said.
"Captain?" Chakotay asked.
"Yes, Commander?" Janeway replied, looking over.
"I hate to be a party pooper, but..."
"But what?" Janeway asked.
"It's a turtle, captain." Chakotay said. "I doubt it can answer our hails."
"What makes you think that?" Janeway asked.
"Captain... I realize that making incredible leaps of logic or being at all smart isn't really my department, but shouldn't we do something to stop it from chewing up our engines?" Tom Paris asked.
"Ssssh, lieutenant, I'm thinking." Janeway replied.
"No answer to our hails, Captain." Harry announced.
Chakotay looked over triumphantly. "See? A space turtle. Turtles can't talk."
"But turtles aren't supposed to fly around in space, either..." Janeway replied.
Chakotay thought about that one.
"Well, are we going to do something about the turtle or just ignore it?" Seven of Nine wondered from her temporary post at a science consul.
"I say we do something about it." B'Elana announced savagely, pounding her fist into her opened palm.
"What're you doing up here?" Janeway demanded. "Get! Shoo! Go back to engineering!"
"Errrm... okay, Captain." B'Elana said, and retreated from her engineering station to the turbolift.
As soon as the doors shut, Tuvok voiced his opinions. "Lieutenant Torres's suggestion of "doing something about it" is a most prudent course of action, Captain."
"Of course it is... I just didn't want her on the bridge... she's spooky. Alright, Tuvok, fire a light phaser blast on It's nose... Don't hurt it, just scare it away." Janeway ordered.
Tuvok rose one eyebrow, and aimed the phasers. Seven of Nine considered Janeway's last remark. "Spooky, Captain?" She asked.
"Yes, spooky. Now sssssh, or Ill kick you off the bridge, too..." Janeway said.
Seven turned back to her consul and stayed silent. Janeway grinned. She loved the power!
The Captain watched the turtle on the view screen as the phaser shot towards it. It hit the turtle on the nose.
The turtle exploded.
"Tuvok!" Janeway exclaimed. "I said a LIGHT phaser beam! What didn't you understand about that?" She demanded.
"My apologies, captain. It appears that the turtle had ingested some plasma from the nacelles, causing to become an explosive agent, and thus..." The Vulcan began.
"Stow it, Tuvok. Now we have a dead turtle on our hands... and our ship... and the surrounding space, and if there's any more of them, they will NOT be happy." Janeway growled.
"If you just said that they couldn't answer hails, what makes you think they're smart enough to understand what just happened?" Chakotay asked.
"And how can you truly be certain that there are more of them?" Seven of Nine asked.
"Sssssshhh!!" Janeway hissed at Seven and Chakotay. "You're ruining our plot! It wasn't very well thought out, you know!"
The turbolift doors slid open.
"I can develop a sensor grid to keep us invisible to the space turtles, Captain!" B'Elana exclaimed. "Then we won't have to worry about if they are angry or not!"
"Didn't I tell you to get off the bridge?" Janeway asked.
"Yes... but..."
"Off! Off! GET!!!" Janeway ordered.
Grumbling under her breath, B'Elana went back into the turbolift.
"Captain... are you in good health?" Seven asked.
"Sssssh!"
Tom and Harry had decided to keep it safe and stay silent during this disturbing exchange. Harry wandered over to Tom's consul.
"It sounds like she has an air leak." He muttered.
Tom chuckled quietly.
Janeway looked deep in thought. "Alright, Chakotay, I have an idea." She said.
"What?" Chakotay asked cautiously.
"We'll have B'Elana rig up a forcefield and..."
"I thought you said you didn't want her on the bridge." Chakotay said. "Too spooky."
"Oh, right. I forgot about that." Janeway said, and went back to thinking. "Hhhmmm..."
"Captain, may I offer my assistance at this point? I can construct a Borg forcefield, which will block our ship from visual confirmation by the space turtles, and do the exact same thing as B'Elana's force field, only glow green and look real Borgish." Seven said.
"Tell me, Seven, did the Borg ever assimilate any of these space turtles?" Janeway asked.
Seven considered this. "I believe they were too "silly" of an idea for the Borg to assimilate them."
Janeway nodded. "Hmmm..."
"Captain! We're picking up three more space turtles on long-range sensors!" Harry announced.
Janeway looked up. "Red alert!"
Chakotay looked pained. "Tom broke it, remember?"
"I didn't mean to!" Tom protested.
"Well, figure out how to do red alert somehow..." Janeway said.
Chakotay walked over to the main light switch, which was located behind Tuvok's station. He tapped his commbadge and began screaming, "WHoop! WHoop! WHoop!" And flashing the lights on the entire ship on and off.
"Okay, Commander!" Janeway shouted. She paused. Chakotay continued. "Commander!" She gritted her teeth together. "CHAKOTAY THAT'S ENOUGH!"
Chakotay sat down very quickly. "Sorry, Captain."
"Can you please turn the lights back on?" Janeway asked.
Chakotay switched back on the lights. "Yes Captain."
"Okay. Now that everyone is forewarned... Mr. Paris, prepare for warp 3!" Janeway exclaimed.
"Aye Captain!" Tom exclaimed.
The mighty engines of Voyager powered up with an impressive whir.
Then, it unexpectedly powered down with a sad-sounding grind.
Janeway blinked. She tapped her commbadge. "Lieutenant Torres." She said, her voice becoming too silky and soft to be anything but completely enraged. "What is wrong with our engines?"
"When the lights were flipping on and off, one of the Ensigns got skittish and ran right into the warp core. Cracked it even. We have shattered glass all over the place..." B'Elana replied.
"And you're not all dead from the plasma?" Janeway wondered.
"Oh, no, who worries about continuity?" B'Elana replied.
"Thank you. Janeway out." Janeway said. She stood up and began pounding her head on the railing behind her chair.
((THWACK!!)) ((THWACK!!)) ((THWACK!!))
"Commander?" Tom asked, turning to Chakotay, who was still sitting on the floor behind Tuvok's station.
"Hmm... yes?" Chakotay asked.
"What should we do about the space turtles?" Tom wondered.
((THWACK!!)) ((THWACK!!)) ((THWACK!))
Seven looked over at Tuvok. "I think the Captain is not taking this too well." She said.
Tuvok rose one eyebrow. "Indeed."
"Are the space turtles still in pursuit?" Janeway asked, after she had finished causing herself physical damage.
"Captain, we have not moved from our last position." Tuvok said. "The space turtles are still coming."
"Well... then... grrrr!" Janeway said, sounding a little frustrated. "Janeway to Lieutenant Torres."
"Torres here, Captain." B'Elana's voice came back over the commsystem.
"Torres...are those engines online yet?" Janeway demanded.
"Almost, Captain. We're just vacuuming up the pixie dust."
"Pixie dust?" The entire crew asked in unison.
B'Elana sounded annoyed. "Yes... Pixie dust... what else do you think our warp core was powered by?"
"Pixie dust... it never comes out of anything..." Tom muttered.
"Plasma, maybe?" Janeway suggested.
B'Elana started laughing. "Uh huh, sure... what ancient sci-fi book have YOU been reading?" B'Elana asked.
"LIEUTENANT!" Janeway bellowed. B'Elana immediately fell silent. "Just vacuum up that pixie dust, and get the warp core back online! At least give us impulse engines..."
"We've had impulse engines." B'Elana interrupted.
Janeway turned to Tom. "Mr. Paris... then why aren't we moving?" She demanded.
Tom looked down at his consul blankly, and then a flashbulb seemed to appear above his head... actually, it had been dropped from above and was hanging on a string. It bounced off of his head, and that seemed to give him an idea. "Right! The blue button!" He exclaimed.
Voyager went into full impulse power, gliding serenely along. The space turtles reoriented, and followed them. "Can you go any faster, Mr. Paris?" Janeway asked calmly.
"Uhhhhmmmmmmm... no." Paris replied. "Sorry, Captain."
"Captain, may I suggest we take offensive measures against these space turtles?" Tuvok asked.
"After what you did to the LAST turtle, It's no wonder they're following us!" Janeway exclaimed. "I think you've done just about enough."
"Probability states that the turtles, having not ingested any of the plasma from our warp cores, are not going to explode as the last unfortunate one did earlier." Tuvok replied.
"I concur." Seven agreed.
::Messhall::
Neelix was standing casually behind his counter, stirring his newest torture. He had just scraped it off of the ship's hull, and found that it was organic, and thus, edible.
He was humming a merry tune to himself. In fact, it actually had something to do with an ancient space turtle song that his great ancestors had sung. It went something like this...
"Mmmmmmhhmmmm hmmmm mmhhhhh..."
Remember that he was humming.
As Neelix stirred, he slowly looked upwards, and regarded the three approaching blue blobs. "Hmmm..." Neelix thought, and looked down at his soup. He looked back up at the three approaching blobs, and then back at the soup.
A thought began to slowly creep across his mind. For a second, it searched around, and then found Neelix's brain and kicked it.
Neelix jumped. "Oh my goodness!" He exclaimed. "There are more space turtles! I bet they will be very angry to realize that I have used one of their people in making soup!"
He looked around. Where could he hide the soup? Where could he hide the soup?
He watched as a few crewmembers came walking in. "Hello! Good morning! I have a great surprise for you..."
That's where he would hide the soup...
::Engineering::
"VORIK! GET OUT OF MY WAY!" B'Elana screamed.
The Vulcan hastily raced to the side of engineering and pressed himself against the wall as the chief engineer went storming past.
"Are you troubled, Lieutenant Torres?" Vorik asked, dislodging himself from the bulkheads to follow B'Elana at a safe distance.
"Yes... yes Vorik... I am troubled." B'Elana growled, kicking up puffs of pixie dust as she paced. "I have the perfect way to save Voyager from these blue space amphibians, and the Captain won't let me on the bridge! Too spooky, she says. I'll show her spooky... grrrr..." She muttered under her breath. "...and then, she yells at me because some how it was wrong to be upset that the warp core was broken? Grrrrrrrr..."
Vorik allowed a safe pause. "Lieutenant?" He asked cautiously.
"Yes, Vorik?" B'Elana growled, bending down to scoop up a tricorder.
"Reptiles."
"What?" B'Elana demanded.
"Reptiles. Turtles are reptiles." Vorik repeated.
B'Elana fixed him with a disturbing smile and stare. "Vorik... I am going to fire this phaser at you with the intent to cause you physical harm."
"Of course, Lieutenant. I understand." Vorik said, and leaped behind one of the counsels.
B'Elana turned to see Lieutenant Carey stalking towards a pile of pixie dust with a broom and dustpan. She saw the broom.
::Flashback::
Scene: Broom smacking Tuvok over the head
Scene: Disembodied broom smacking Tuvok over the head.
Scene: Burning broom smacking Tuvok over the head
""AAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!! DON'T DO IT CAREY!"" B'Elana screamed.
Carey had already begun sweeping. "What?" He asked.
The broom yanked itself out of Carry's grip. "Excuse me! Don't you know that It's IMPOSSIBLE to get pixie dust out of straw?" It demanded.
""AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"" Everyone in Engineering screamed. "IT'S THE BROOM!"
"Yes indeed." The Broom said dryly.
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