Space Turtles Part Deux- Chapter three, in which Vorik and Carey make some bad decisions.
Disclaimer: I don't own Voyager, though it'd be really cool if I did and I'd give all of the people who reviewed my stories a ride in space…
:: Sickbay::
Vorik came in dragging B'Elana after him. "Doctor, your assistance please."
The Doctor looked up. "Oh dear! What happened?" He asked, helping B'Elana sit down on one of the med.-beds.
"That Vulcan #% @#(#*^ (@*$@T@#^ *@*@*@#* @@&&@$! **! %R *@#! @&*#^! @* %&! *@#^! @^*! @& shot me!" B'Elana screamed.
"Oh... and why did you do that, Mr. Vorik?" The Doctor asked.
"There was a dishrag strangling her." Vorik explained.
"Well, considering the frequency of your last explosion, Ms. Torres, I would say there was pretty much no damage at all done to your throat..." The Doctor continued, putting down his medical tricorder
"There will be damage done to a certain Vulcan later..." B'Elana said, growling at Vorik.
"But Lieutenant... I saved you from the dishrag!" Vorik protested, his Vulcan voice beginning to show a little bit of irrational emotion.
"You could have walked up and helped me tear it off... but nooooooo... instead you decided to TRY AND TEAR OUT MY THROAT WITH YOUR PHASER!" B'Elana shrieked, leaping up.
"Whoa!" The Doctor exclaimed, leaping between the two. It would have been slightly more heroic if he hadn't been a hologram, which couldn't be harmed anyway. "Ms. Torres... please calm down!"
B'Elana sat back down in a huff. Vorik was slowly creeping towards the door. "Doctor, Lieutenant," Vorik began. "At this point, I feel the only logical course of action would be for me to vacate the premises." He turned around and ran out the door.
"I'LL GET YOU IN ENGINEERING!" B'Elana shrieked.
"Now, Lieutenant..." The Doctor began. "You know that killing engineers has been against the rules for some time now!"
"Who said I was going to KILL him?"
"Now Lieutenant...", the doctor said in his best reprimanding voice.
B'Elana thought. "I'LL SCHEDULE YOU ON THE NIGHT SHIFT!" She screamed.
Out in the hall, there was a Vulcan scream of terror.
::Bridge::
Harry was sitting on the bridge, trying to comfort Tom. "It's okay, Tom... I'm sure Chakotay won't hold any grudges... It's okay... stop crying..." Harry said, patting Tom awkwardly on the back.
The two Ensigns, Will and the tactical Ensign, were offering morale support as well. "It's Okay, Lieutenant, at least you get a recurring roll!" Tactical Ensign said.
"Right! And at least you don't get shot at every single episode as a repeat of a bad joke!" Will exclaimed loudly.
"What bad joke?" The tactical Ensign asked, going for her phaser.
"You want me to shut up, don't you?" Will said sadly.
"Yes. Go away." Tactical Ensign said.
Will crept into the corner and whimpered quietly. Tactical Ensign went back to her post and stood there.
Tom had stopped crying and was now whimpering quietly and pawing at his face. Harry sighed, and went back to his personal log.
"Kim... personal logs Stardate 12381928591827349471823791825912.1283." Harry said. "I am upset. The captain made my Gnome leave. Without him I feel lost. End log."
Suddenly, there was a squelching noise at the door, and blob of liquid goo came falling out of the Jeffrey's tube. It rolled to the center of the bridge and oozed there.
Tom, Tactical Ensign, Will, and Harry jumped up. "You better stay back, Tactical Ensign..." Harry warned. "No name is a bad sign..."
"Right." She replied, taking a step backwards.
"What IS it?" Tom wondered, reaching for his tricorder.
"It looks like a discolored blob of goo." Will offered.
"Besides that, genius." Tom said.
"Tom... do you realize you're using your phaser instead of your tricorder?" Harry asked.
"Whoops." Tom said, and quickly put away the phaser before he could fry this curious blob of discolored goo.
Harry pulled out his tricorder, quickly double checking so he wouldn't make a stupid mistake. "It's a..." Harry stared at the computer screen. "Blob of discolored goo."
"Itty bitty... blob of discolored goo... what other vague answers will this computer give us?" Tom wondered.
The blob of discolored goo hadn't done anything in the past minute, so Tactical Ensign cautiously crept forward. "Is it dangerous?" She asked.
Just then, the blob of goo ate Will's hand. "Yes." The three officers said at once. "Run Tactical Ensign! Run Will!" Harry screamed. "We'll hold it off!"
"No we won't, you idiot! Run!" Tom exclaimed, dragging the heroic but idiotic Harry after him. "TUVOK TO THE BRIDGE!" He screamed over his commlink.
Tuvok was sitting in the holodeck, hiding from Captain Janeway. The reason he thought that this holodeck-hidden haven would be safe was due to the title and author of the program.
"Happiness and Joy by Neelix." Tuvok said, rereading the bright glowing letters. "The Captain will not hypothesize my entrance into this program."
Just then, three Talaxian woman came running up, draping leis around his neck. Tuvok glanced at the leias and noticed that they were made out of Leola leaves instead of flowers.
"Fascinating." Tuvok said. "That the leaves of the Leola root are actually decorative."
The Talaxian women giggled and tried to pull him into the little building. Tuvok turned and stalked away as quickly as he could. The Talaxian women followed him.
Tuvok rounded a corner... and there were more. He was surrounded! So Tuvok said, "Computer, delete additional characters to this scene."
Nothing happened. Tuvok rose one eyebrow. "This appears to be quite a predicament." He said, as the giggling Talaxians moved in around him.
Janeway was stalking outside the holodeck. The computer had confirmed that Tuvok was in this room, but Janeway was having a hard time believing it. It didn"t seem like Tuvok to willingly go inside a program labeled "Happiness and Joy", especially when it was made by Mr. Neelix.
Just then, Tuvok came bursting out of the holodecks. He slid to a halt, looked either way, and smoothed his uniform. He took about three steps. "Not so fast!" Janeway exclaimed. "I'm not done yelling at you yet!"
Tuvok slowly turned. "Captain." He said, looking about as surprised as a Vulcan ever could.
Suddenly, his commbadge beeped. Tuvok cautiously tapped it. "TUVOK TO THE BRIDGE!" Tom screamed. "HEEEELLLLPPPP!!!!!!!!"
"Excuse me, Captain." Tuvok said, feeling joyful, and ran to the nearest turbolift.
"You set that up, didn't you!" Janeway screamed accusingly after him.
"I assure you I did not!" Tuvok said before the turbolift doors closed behind him.
On the turbolift, Tuvok did a Vulcan dance of glee, which was simply raising both eyebrows and twitching his head a little bit. Whatever this evil thing on the bridge was, he was going to have to give it thanks before sending it to the Brig!
::Turbolift::
Chakotay had his head resting on the door to the turbolift. "I... want... out." He said.
"Unable to comply." The computer replied.
"I...want...out." Chakotay repeated.
"Unable to comply." The computer replied.
This had been going on for almost an hour, and Chakotay was beginning to get a little tired. His throat was dry, and he was about to fall asleep.
"Computer... I have to talk Seven of Nine out of Cargo bay 2. Let me out..." Chakotay said.
"Unable to comply." The computer said. It didn't sound a bit tired. In fact, it was seemingly getting more cheerful.
Chakotay realized that was just because he was getting angrier. But he was bound and determined he would find whoever put this plot hole here and rip out their throat with his bare hands!
"I... want... out..." Chakotay said, resuming their little game.
"Unable to comply."
"I...want...out..."
"Unable to comply."
"I...want...out..."
"Acknowledged." The computer said as the doors opened.
Chakotay fell forward, completely taken by surprise, and landed face-first on the carpeting.
"Thank you." Chakotay muttered.
The turbolift doors opened and shut on him a few times.
::Bridge::
Tuvok burst onto the bridge. "Where is the problem?" He inquired.
Harry and Tom were standing up on top of his counsel, hiding. Will and the Tactical Ensign had locked themselves in the captain's readyroom. "It's... It's..." Harry began, pointing at the discolored blob of goo.
"A discolored blob of goo!" Tom finished.
Tuvok rose one eyebrow. "Fascinating." He said.
The discolored blob of goo saw Tuvok, and began squelching in his direction. Tuvok pulled out his phaser and shot it.
The discolored blob of goo exploded.
"Is this some sort of running gag?" Harry demanded, as the bridge was covered in discolored guts.
"I'm afraid so." Tom said sadly, shaking his head and trying to get the goo out of his hair.
"What else will explode?" Harry wondered.
There was an explosion from the Captain's ready room. "Good going, Harry!" Tom shouted, slapping Harry upside the head.
The two officers leaped down from the top of the consul, Tom hitting his head on the roof, as Tuvok walked sedately over to the Captain's ready room and opened the door with his security-command lock out.
"Eeeeewwww!!!" Harry and Tom both exclaimed.
"It got BOTH of them!" Harry said, looking both amazed and disgusted.
"Indeed." Tuvok agreed, raising an eyebrow.
"Well what are we going to do about this?" Tom demanded.
Tuvok looked up, one eyebrow raised. "The scene hasn't cut yet?" He wondered.
"No, sir." Harry replied. "It wasn't long enough."
"Isn't two lines long enough?" Tom asked.
"Apparently not, Mr. Paris." Tuvok replied. "We shall have to find some way to elongate this post so that it may end and another group of characters may take our place."
"Yeah... I want my coffee break!" Harry whined.
"Forget coffee... I want a shower to get rid of this discolored goo in my hair..." Tom complained.
"If you will both cease your complaining, we can figure out some way to elongate this post so it is suitable for submission." Tuvok said.
"But Tuvok, whining is a perfect way to make this post long enough!" Harry whined.
"Perhaps. But something tasteful is in order." Tuvok replied.
"What about this story has been tasteful?" Tom wondered.
Tuvok considered this. "Perhaps you are correct, Lieutenant." He agreed. "You may continue whining."
"Okay, let's sta----
End of scene
~~~~~~
::Corridors of Voyager::
Janeway stalked around the corridors of Voyager, searching for something to do. She was bored. Bored and Janeway did not go together well. Bored and Janeway, when mixed, could create an explosion that could wipe out half the galaxy. Bored and Janeway were enemies. Bored and Janeway were being put together.
Janeway wanted something to do. Anything. Anything at all. At this point she was almost desperate enough to strike up a conversation with Neelix. Almost, not quite that desperate.
Janeway was rambling through this post. She was going on and on. She realized that, and realized that she was talking herself in circles. Janeway didn"t care.
She was bored. Bored and Janeway did not go together well. Bored and Janeway, when mixed, could create an explosion that could wipe out half the galaxy. Bored and Janeway were enemies. Bored and Janeway were being put together.
Janeway wanted something to do. Anything, anything at all. At this point she was almost desperate enough to strike up a conversation with Neelix. Almost, not quite that desperate.
Janeway was rambling through this post. She was going on and on. She realized that, and realized that she was talking herself in circles. Janeway didn"t care.
She was bored. Bored and Janeway did not go together well. Bored and Janeway, when mixed, could create an explosion that could wipe out half the galaxy. Bored and Janeway were enemies. Bored and Janeway were being put together.
Janeway wanted something to do. Anything. Anything at all. At this point she was almost desperate enough to strike up a conversation with Neelix. Almost. Not quite that desperate.
Janeway was rambling through this post. She was going on and on. She realized that, and realized that she was talking herself in circles. Janeway didn"t care.
She was bored. Bored and Janeway did not go together well. Bored and Janeway, when mixed, could create an explosion that could wipe out half the galaxy. Bored and Janeway were enemies. Bored and Janeway were being put together.
Janeway wanted something to do. Anything. Anything at all. At this point she was almost desperate enough to strike up a conversation with Neelix. Almost. Not quite that desperate.
Janeway was rambling through this post. She was going on and on. She realized that, and realized that she was talking herself in circles. Janeway didn"t care.
She was bored. Bored and Janeway did not go together well. Bored and Janeway, when mixed, could create an explosion that could wipe out half the galaxy. Bored and Janeway were enemies. Bored and Janeway were being put together.
Janeway wanted something to do. Anything. Anything at all. At this point she was almost desperate enough to strike up a conversation with Neelix. Almost. Not quite that desperate.
Janeway was rambling through this post. She was going on and on. She realized that, and realized that she was talking herself in circles. Janeway didn"t care...
~~~~~
Chakotay came walking up to the Cargo Bay doors. "Seven? Are you in there?" He asked, knocking.
"No! Go away! I am not Seven! I am Frogwoman of the Eternals!" Seven screamed.
Chakotay sighed. Another personality disorder. Great. Just what he needed. "No, you're Seven of Nine. Can I come in?"
"I AM NOT SEVEN OF NINE! I AM FROGWOMAN THE ETERNAL! THE BORG HAVE TAKEN ME FROM MY HOME!" Seven screamed.
Chakotay blinked. She kept on saying the name differently. Oh well. "Can I come in, Frogwoman?"
The doors to the cargo bay opened. Chakotay walked in, and ducked as a piece of Leola root came flying at his head. "Hey!" Chakotay protested.
"The eternal Frogwoman shall destroy her enemies!" Seven screamed, and hurled another Leola root at Chakotay. "Resistance is futile against me!"
"Sev... Frogwoman, knock it off!" Chakotay exclaimed. "I'm not your enemy..." He said, and then quietly, "Not yet..."
Seven stopped. "You're not?"
"No! I'm your friend! And I want to help you!" At this point, a warm, loving feeling for the entire universe seemed to emanate for Chakotay, filling the entire ship and the surrounding space.
Nearby warring colonies suddenly decided to make peace and flower chains instead of guns and ammunition belts. The vicious monster lurking in Neelix's soup became Naomi's pet. And Janeway calmed down for a few minutes.
Suddenly a leola root bounced off of Chakotay's head. "I'm not falling for it, mister! Frogwoman of the Eternals never gives up!"
Chakotay ducked behind a row of boxes as Seven reloaded and began throwing more leola roots. "Why me?" Chakotay asked the ceiling.
"Please restate question." The computer replied.
Chakotay blinked. "Computer... why is Commander Chakotay having a bad day?"
The computer beeped. "Commander Chakotay is scheduled on his shift as the ship scapegoat." The computer said.
Chakotay beat his head against the crates around him, as Leola roots landed all around him. "I guess that answers the eternal question of "why me?"..." He said quietly.
"COME OUT! COME OUT AND FACE YOUR DOOM!" Seven shrieked.
Chakotay considered this. "Why do attackers always shout that?" He wondered. "Like you're really going to come out if you feel threatened..."
"JUST COME OUT!" Seven screamed back. "I DON'T HAVE TO OPEN THE BOOKS OF DECISIVE STRATEGY, DO I?"
Chakotay said, "Yes."
Seven stopped, and thought. "I would have to go get it..." She said.
"Go ahead. I'll cower here while you're gone." Chakotay replied.
"Alright." Seven said.
There was the sound of an opening and closing door. Chakotay cautiously peeped over the side of the crate.
Seven smacked him over the head with a Leola root. "FROGWOMAN THE ETERNAL IS ALWAYS TRIUMPHANT!" She screamed.
Chakotay rubbed the top of his head. "Ouch!" He complained. "That really hurt!"
Seven blinked. "Has the Eternal Frogwoman's calculations about the velocity needed to use the instrument to knock the enemy into submission?"
"Yes, you have!" Chakotay exclaimed. He picked up one of the Leola roots and smacked Seven across the jaw.
The Cargo bay suddenly goes dark, and when it lights back up, a bell goes of. Ding-ding!
"Oh shoot!" Chakotay exclaimed. "Not this again!"
Seven took her Leola root and began beating Chakotay up. "DIE! THE ETERNAL FROGWOMAN WILL KILL YOU BY USING MULTIPLE IMPROPERLY CALCULATED ATTACKS!"
Chakotay raced to the other side of the cargo bay. "Come ON, Seven! Snap out of it!" He exclaimed.
"THE ONLY THING I INTEND TO SNAP IS YOUR PUNY NECK!" Seven shrieked.
Chakotay rolled his eyes. He then ducked as Seven tried to hit him with the Leola root again. "Would you have done this if Captain Janeway had come down?"
Seven stopped, and considered this. "Probably not. Her arrival would have entailed a heart-felt discussion with..."
She looked up just in time to get Chakotay's sucker punch right in the face.
::Sickbay::
The Doctor looked up as Chakotay dragged Seven into sickbay. Seven was muttering deliriously about frogs and turtles.
The Doctor sighed. "Since when have I become so popular? I used to be able to travel off into the land of waiting! But nooooo, in THIS story, I have a major roll!" he heaved a deep sigh. "Okay, Major Pain, what did you do to Seven?"
"I... uh... punched her in the face." Chakotay said.
"Turtles are niiiiiice." Seven squealed.
"Uh-huh. For some strange reason, that doesn't surprise me. WHY did you punch her in the face?" The Doctor asked.
"Well... she was trying to beat me up with a Leola root, Doc." Was Chakotay's reply.
"And lizards have scales." Seven added.
"Why was she trying to do that?" The Doctor asked, artfully ignoring Seven.
"Well, she was having another personality disorder. This time it was The Eternal Frogwoman, or Frogwoman the Eternal, or Frogwoman of the Eternals, or something like that." Chakotay said. "I was never quite sure. She kept on switching it."
The Doctor nodded. "Okay, Seven, sit down right here." He instructed.
"I'M NOT SEVEN! I AM THE ETERNAL FROGWOMAAAAAN!" Seven screamed.
The Doctor sighed. "Chakotay... you can go." He said, seeing the way in which the Commander was edging towards the door.
Chakotay turned and bolted out of the door.
And ran smack-dab into the last remaining turtle on the ship...
::Engineering::
((CRASH!!))
There was the sound of stomping.
((CRASH!!))
More stomping, and an enraged yell.
((SMASH!!))
Finally, the figure stomped over to the warp core and sat down on the railing surrounding it. "This has NOT been my day." Carey said angrily. (Whom were you expecting?)
Two Ensigns who had been following Carey and keeping on the lookout for B'Elana came trotting over. "Why?" They asked in unison.
"Well, first of all, I created the monster broom again! And B'Elana yells at me. Then, I create a monster dishrag! And B'Elana yells at me again! And then she tries to get me to leave engineering! It's just not fair!" He pouted.
"We understand." The two Ensigns said in unison.
Carey looked over, annoyed. "Are you two twins, or something?" He demanded.
"Yes." They said in unison.
Carey rolled his eyes. "Well please stop talking in unison."
"Yes..." Started the first.
"Sir." Finished the second.
Carey counted to ten slowly. He then gave the two Ensigns a huge smile. "Go away."
They turned and walked away, in unison. Carey slowly ground his teeth together.
Just then, B'Elana came storming in. She looked rather angry. Steam was literally coming out of her ears. At this point, Carey decided to make himself scarce.
He hadn't gotten very far, though, before B'Elana caught up with him. "Where do you think YOU'RE going?" She demanded.
"Away?" Carey suggested.
B'Elana considered this. "Okay, good enough."
Carey ran. "But..." B'Elana said, and Carey ground to a halt. "You haven't finished the warp core diagnostic I told you to do."
"But B'Elana, only the Chief engineer can run a level 47 diagnostic on the warp core!" Carey whined.
B'Elana blinked. "Oh... yeah... I forgot."
"Does that mean you'll promote me to chief?" Carey asked hopefully.
B'Elana gave him an evil look. "Nooooo! That means I'll do it myself! And it also means I have no use for you here right now! Get out of engineering before I cause you physical damage!"
Carey turned and stormed out of engineering. "Stupid Klingon... wouldn't let me be Chief engineer... I'll show her!" Carey exclaimed, and lifted his hands to the sky. "I'LL SHOW B'ELANA TORRES!"
Everyone in engineering turned and stared at him. Carey blinked. Apparently the doors to engineering hadn't closed yet... they slid shut, and Carey turned around and ran.
Captain Janeway stormed around the halls.
She was beginning to calm down a little bit. That was good. Without all of her excess anger, she was less likely to beat the next person she saw into the wall, unless it was Tuvok. Then she would beat him into the wall, unless it was Neelix. Then she would run.
Neelix had been happy again. Just five seconds ago, he had hailed her over the commlink with the good news that the Space Turtle Surprise had been de-bugged. He said that the infectious disease which had been inside of the Space Turtle Surprise earlier had been killed by adding leola root.
Janeway told him how happy she was to hear that, and how glad she was that she hadn't had any of his Space Turtle Surprise yet.
Janeway then arrived on the bridge. The bridge was covered in discolored goo. Janeway stared at the discolored goo all over her bridge with incomprehension. She then turned to the three officers standing there.
"Tom... Harry... Tuvok." Janeway said slowly, and then fixed them with a huge grin.
The three men had slowly turned and were now facing their Captain with looks of sheepishness, fright, and well, no look at all. "Yes, captain?" They asked in an amazing minor 3rd.
"WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY BRIDGE?!?!?" Janeway shrieked, running at Tuvok and waving her arms madly. "YOU BLEW SOMETHING ELSE UP, DIDN'T YOU? WELL CLEAN IT UP AND BE QUICK ABOUT IT!!!!"
Tuvok turned stiffly, and marched in the other room. Harry and Tom traded glances. "This wouldn't be a good time to tell her about her ready room, would it..." Harry whispered.
Janeway wheeled. "My ready room?" She said, and then in a roar, "MY READY ROOM?!?!" She turned and raced to her ready room.
The doors slid open, revealing the remains of the two Ensigns, splattered all over the walls. "My ready room!" Janeway gasped, and then quieter, "My ready room." She turned, and glared at Harry and Tom. "MY READY ROOM!!!" She hissed.
"Ack!" Tom and Harry both exclaimed, turning and running for the turbolift, fighting to get through the door.
"MY READY ROOM! MY REAAAADY ROOM!" Janeway shrieked, chasing after them.
The two officers managed to get through the doors to the turbolift. So did Janeway. They both tried to escape, but the doors closed on them. "TUVOK HELP!" Harry screamed through the closing crack.
"Computer, seal turbolift doors." Tuvok said calmly, as he pulled out his bottle of Super Ship Clean, and began cleaning up the bridge.
"NOOOO!!!!!!" Harry and Tom both screamed. "AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!!! TUVOK!!! TUVOK!!!"
Tuvok allowed himself a slight smile at this, and then continued cleaning the bridge.
::Outside sickbay::
Chakotay stared at the turtle.
The turtle stared at the Chakotay.
For a few minutes, neither of the slow-witted animals moved. They stared at each other. A few minutes dragged into several minutes, several minutes dragged into about 30.
And still they stared at each other, waiting for the other to make the first move, and desperately hoping that they wouldn't, because they hadn't figured out what to do about that other move yet.
30 minutes dragged into 40. Some crew members were beginning to walk past, and regarded the spectacle of turtle and commander with mute indignation.
By now, they were used to it.
After awhile of staring at each other, a long stick comes poking out of sickbay, and poked Chakotay in the shoulder.
Chakotay jumped, and pulled out his phaser as the stick disappeared back inside sickbay. "Alright, turtle." Chakotay said. "I don't know how you got on the... no, I KNOW how you got on the ship... okay. I don't know what you... no, I know what you are... uhm... wait, hold on, I'll get it... lets see..."
The turtle rolled its gargantuan eyes and ambled away at top speed.
By the time Chakotay had finished his thinking, the turtle had almost reached the end of the hallway, which is a rather long and slow and tedious walk for a turtle.
"Hey! Come back here!" Chakotay commanded, and chased after the turtle.
The turtle continued walking. Chakotay raced forward, almost catching up to it, and then the turtle ground to a halt.
If there's one thing a turtle can do fast, It's stop.
Chakotay smashed into the back of the turtle's shell, and through some odd chemical process that would take months of research and twenty pages of ticker tape to explain, the turtle's shell happened to be constructed of double-sided tape.
"AAHHH!!!!!!" Chakotay screamed, as the turtle ambled down the hall with the XO of the Starship Voyager stuck to its shell.
A few Ensigns whispered and pointed as he passed, but they didn"t seem to anxious to give Chakotay a hand. After all... who knows what would happen if they got too close! None of them had names, so the turtle could easily take off an arm or a leg... or worse!
"HELP! HELP!" Chakotay cried piteously.
Suddenly, a thought came to his mind. It had taken a long time to get there from his hand, and was pretty tired, and it needed a rest at a good tavern, but it was better than anything that Chakotay's brain could have come up with.
"What am I doing?" Chakotay wondered.
He pulled out his phaser and shot the turtle.
The turtle exploded with a piteous "Eeeee!"
Chakotay stood up, completely covered in turtle guts, and hung his head. "Now I feel kind of bad..."
::Bridge::
Janeway was sitting in her command chair, looking as happy as she ever had in her entire life. The Bridge was sparkling. Her ready room now looked better than ever. And she had three man-servants following her now.
After Tuvok had cleaned the bridge, Janeway had pressured Tuvok, Harry, and Tom into cleaning up her ready room, as well as adding a new coat of paint, sealing up the rip in one of the seat cushions, cleaning the windows, and just generally making her ready room spic and span.
"More coffee!" Janeway snapped.
Harry appeared with a cup of coffee. He bowed. Janeway took the coffee. Harry ran away. Janeway allowed herself a small grin. This was great... she was going to have to drag this on for awhile...
"Chakotay to the Captain."
"Janeway here, Commander." Janeway said, feeling in the highest of spirits. "What's wrong, Commander?"
"The last of the Space Turtles has exploded, Captain." Chakotay said.
Janeway leaped up. "What?"
"I'm sorry, Captain." Chakotay said, sounding abashed.
"Never mind that. Janeway out. TUVOK!" Janeway screamed.
Tuvok came walking over, a dishtowel over his arm and a disdainful look over his face. "Yes, Captain?" He asked.
"Why did you blow up another Space Turtle?" Janeway demanded.
"Captain, as I have been on the bridge for the past hour, I do not see how I could have possibly made another Space Turtle explode." Tuvok said. "The possibility of me existing in more than one place at one time is incomprehensible."
Janeway's nervous twitch returned. "I don't particularly care... I care about is that I want a scape goat!"
Tuvok rose one eyebrow. "I believe Commander Chakotay's on the scapegoat roaster for today."
Janeway shook her head. "No, Chakotay's shift ended three minutes ago." She said. "Computer, who is the ship's scapegoat for this shift?" She demanded.
"The Scapegoat for this shift is Captain Janeway." The Computer replied.
Janeway blinked. "Shoot, didn"t see that one coming..."
Tuvok rose one eyebrow. "Captain, this is all your fault."
::Sickbay::
"So... Seven, how are you feeling now?" The Doctor asked.
The former Borg drone laying on the med-bed stared at him. "I am not Seven."
"I thought we went over this." The Doctor said, shaking his head. "After a few post breaks in the scripts, you're supposed to be completely healed."
"I do not understand how a passage of time could possibly cure this split-personality disorder, if in truth I even have one. Which I don't. Because I know who I am. I AM FROGWOMAN OF THE ETERNALS!"
The Doctor sighed, and rolled his eyes. "Whatever you say, Frogwoman of the Eternals."
"I am the Eternal Frogwoman. Who is this other person you speak of?" Seven asked.
"Who... Seven?" The Doctor asked.
"No...Frogwoman of the Eternals!" Seven exclaimed.
"But you just said you were Frogwoman of the Eternals!" The Doctor protested.
"That is true. I am." Seven replied.
"So... you're..."
"Frogwoman the Eternal." Seven said.
"Frogwoman the Eternal." The Doctor repeated carefully.
"No! I am Seven of Nine!" Seven protested.
The Doctor grinned. "So you remember who you are, Seven?" He asked hopefully.
"Seven what?" Seven asked, looking around.
The Doctor clutched at his holographic head for a moment, and then recovered his cool. "Alright. Let's go over this again. Who are you?"
"Frogwoman the Eternal." Seven said.
"No... you are Seven of Nine."
"The Eternal Frogwoman!"
"Seven of Nine!"
"Frogwoman of the Eternals!"
"Seven of Nine!"
"If I just agree, will you leave me alone?" Seven demanded.
"Yes." The Doctor said immediately.
"Okay... I am Seven of Nine." Seven replied. Suddenly, a glimmer came over her eyes. "I AM SEVEN OF NINE! BWHAHAHAHAA!!!!"
She turned and raced out of sickbay, laughing maniacally. The Doctor shook his head, and then shrugged.
~~~~~~~