Space Turtles part Deux- Chapter something, in which Tuvok and Seven have a deep, emotional therapy session
Disclaimer: Me no own. Me be rich if me did own. But me poor and living with parents 'cause me still in high school and have low-paying part-time job with weird bosses. Me no wanna be sued by big people with big, high-paying jobs who make more money than my street combined…
::Messhall::
Neelix was standing on the counter, waving his arms and rallying the crew.
"This post is going to be short!"
"Yah!" The crew screamed.
"This post is going to help the author waste space!" Neelix shouted.
"Yah!" The crew screamed.
"This post has nothing to do with the story line OR the plot!" Neelix continued.
"Yah!" The crew screamed.
"In fact, it is just a waste of time!" Neelix continued.
"Yah!" The crew screamed.
"That is all!" Neelix said.
The crew went on cheering.
::On deck 15.::
Two Ensigns were crouched around a tiny hole in the floor.
"What is it, Moe?" The first Ensign wondered.
"I Don't know, Larry." Moe replied. "It looks like a hole."
"Yeah, I suppose it does look like a hole!" Larry agreed.
"Are you stealing my ideas?" Moe demanded.
"No! Of course not! I was just agreeing with you. It looked like a hole!" Larry said quickly.
"Good." Moe said.
"So, if it's a hole, what should we do with it?" Larry wondered.
"I'm thinking about it." Moe replied.
"Maybe we can poke it!" Larry said.
"Hey!" Moe exclaimed, bonking Larry on the head. "I do the thinking around here!"
"Alright, I'll be quiet then. And I won't tell you the great idea I had!" Larry exclaimed.
"That suits me just fine." Moe grumped.
"Oh, oh, okay, you convinced me." Larry exclaimed. "I say we poke it!"
Moe bonked Larry on the head again. "Shut up! We're doing what I said, and what I said is we poke it!"
Larry rubbed his head. "Well, fine then."
Suddenly, another Ensign came walking up. "What are you all up to?" He asked curiously.
"Nothing, Curly. Go away." Moe growled.
"Well, I would, except we have a duty shift thingy and we have to be working on this thingy, and the boss will get mad if we Don't work on this thingy." Curly relied.
"He has a point there." Larry said, somewhere between sarcasm and earnesty.
Moe bonked them both on the head. "Now you listen, and you listen good! First of all, there are no real bosses anymore! Lieutenant Kasdbalsdfknbalksd-Fuoaibnlsdkfoasid will just have to wait until we're ready! And second of all, you all will do what I tell you! And I say we poke whatever this is with a stick!"
"Where will we get a stick on a starship?" Curly wondered.
"Hey, yeah, where will we get a stick on a starship?" Larry echoed.
Moe bonked them both on the head, and pulled out three long sticks. "Here they are!" He said, handing the two other Ensigns a stick each.
They began poking the little hole. The little hole began to glow bright blue. "Oooooooh!" The three Ensigns all gaped.
Suddenly, Lieutenant Kasdbalsdfknbalksd-Fuoaibnlsdkfoasid came walking up. "Hey! What do you stooges think you're doing?" She demanded.
The little glowing blue hole suddenly became a big, glowing, blue turtle.
"AAAHHH!!!!" Moe, Curly, and Larry screamed as the Turtle ate them.
Lieutenant Kasdbalsdfknbalksd-Fuoaibnlsdkfoasid tapped her commbadge calmly as she ran from the room. "Lieutenant Kasdbalsdfknbalksd-Fuoaibnlsdkfoasid to the Captain! There"s another Space Turtle on board! Deck 15, section 1D!" She shouted, and shut and locked the door behind her.
Janeway listened to Lieutenant Kasdbalsdfknbalksd-Fuoaibnlsdkfoasid's announcement. She ground her teeth together. "Lieutenant Tuvok..." She said, turning to her Vulcan tactical officer, "I will give you one more chance. I want you to stop this turtle... WITHOUT blowing it up." She said.
Tuvok nodded. "Understood, Captain. I shall attempt this." He turned and walked stiffly from the room.
Janeway ground her teeth together some more, until she suddenly realized that that hurt. With a sigh, she turned, and glared at Seven, who had just appeared out of the turbolift, which had mysteriously just closed on Tuvok, but seemed to have magically transported them...
"Well, Seven? Have you come out of your little shell?" Janeway asked.
Seven's eyes went wild. "I AM NOT SEVEN! I...AM... FROGWOMAN THE ETERNAL!"
"Don't you mean Frogwoman of the Eternals?" Chakotay asked.
"Uh... maybe..."
"Or the Eternal Frogwoman?" Chakotay continued.
"Perhaps, but..."
"Or maybe you'd prefer the Eternal of the Frogwomen?" Chakotay continued.
Seven of Nine looked confused. "I AM CONFUSED!" She shouted at the top of her lungs.
"OFF OF THE BRIDGE!" Janeway bellowed. "Before you touch something you're not supposed to!"
Seven grumbled something, but didn't move. "Captain, isn't it rather... well, to use a Vulcan term, illogical to send our obviously confused Borg to blow up some other part of the ship?" Harry asked.
"Forget the Vulcan terms! Captain, sending her off to blow up some other part of the ship is just plain stupid!" Chakotay exclaimed.
Janeway fixed him with a long, withering stare, and Chakotay slowly seemed to melt into his seat. Janeway then nodded. "Right. Sev---Frogwoman, do not blow up part of the ship." Janeway said.
"That was never my intention." Seven replied.
Janeway turned, flashing her officers a grin. "See? That was never her intention!"
::Engineering::
Rather then risk continuity, Carey had come up with a plan to get revenge on B'Elana.
It wasn't a very well-thought-out plan. In fact, it was a pretty stupid plan that would probably end with him in sickbay.
He sneaked into Engineering. The two Engineering twins which were not the Delaney sisters and shouldn't have even been on the ship, but we put them on the ship because we thought it would be funny, watched him enter and traded glances. Then they gave them back.
Carey stalked up on B'Elana, who was calmly screaming her head off at Vorik. Vorik was trying his hardest not to look bored.
Carey lifted his phaser, and swung it with all of his strength at B'Elana's head!
((CRAAAACK!))
B'Elana very, very, very slowly turned.
Carey stared at the Chief of Engineering, and the shattered remains of his phaser, and decided that this plan had definitely not been one of his best ideas.
"I believe you had best evacuate the premises, Mr. Carey." Vorik said, calmly and disdainfully.
"I think your right." Carey said, and took about three steps backwards before B'Elana grabbed him by the front of the shirt.
"YOU *#$&(*@# @(#*$&(@%*^ @#(*$&@*(# (!@*#$&!(% !%^(#@&@*#&(!%*(!@*&!(@*% (!!!!!!!!!!!" B'Elana screamed at the top of her lungs.
"I'm sorry!" Carey whimpered.
"$%*# #$* #*$& @%*@# (*%(@*(*!!!!!!!!!" B'Elana continued.
By now, the surrounding panels and consoles were beginning to glow bright red, and the air was heating up considerably. Vorik took a calm step backwards, watching this spectacle with a mix of boredom and indifference.
"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!" B'Elana screamed.
"I think that is a perfectly reasonable way to feel!" Carey whimpered.
"THEN YOU WON'T MIND ME DOING THIS!" B'Elana screamed.
:: Ten minutes later, Sickbay::
"Lieutenant! What did I tell you about killing crew members?" The Doctor demanded.
B'Elana shrugged. "I didn"t KILL him..."
::Deck Fifteen::
Tuvok walked up to the door.
Behind that door was a Space Turtle.
Now, Tuvok never managed to stop a Space Turtle without blowing it up.
This was his moment of truth. Of dignity.
Could he conquer the Space Turtle without destroying it?
Could he do it?
Could he?
Tuvok was a Vulcan. Such thoughts of future consequences were close to alien with him. You didn"t hope and pray for the future... you acted to control what would happen... acted in your own benefit, weighing the odds and acting in a way that would help you to succeed.
He could not help feel a slight anxiety about this, however.
Many times he had failed in so simple a task. Never before had a breed of turtles frustrated him so!
And then there was the matter of the Captain... who would likely attempt to harm him with her lesser human strength if he killed another turtle.
From behind the door, the Space Turtle was ramming it with metronomic slowness... ::Stomp... Stomp... Bang! Stomp... stomp... Bang!::
Dents were beginning to appear in the heavily armored door. It was now or never.
"Computer... open doors." Tuvok ordered, readying his phaser.
The doors opened, and the blue Space Turtle came barreling out, albeit a bit slowly.
Tuvok fired.
The turtle exploded.
For a second, Tuvok let the turtle guts cover him and the hallways, silently looking over the variables which had affected the demise of this, the last Space Turtle.
He then shrugged, and abandoning all Vulcan dignity, began to scream at the top of his lungs.
Captain Janeway's commbadge beeped. "Janeway here." She snapped.
"Captain, this is Lieutenant Tuvok." Tuvok said, his voice stiff as a shirt with too much starch.
"Yes, Lieutenant?" Janeway asked. "How goes the Space Turtle thwarting today?"
"I regret to inform you, Captain, that the Space Turtle has exploded." Tuvok replied.
"I TOLD YOU NOT TO BLOW IT UP!" Janeway screamed, leaping out of her chair. Tom, who had been approaching with a platter on which coffee was being served, leaped underneath his consel.
"My apologies, captain." Tuvok replied. "However, I can not find any way to reverse the effects of the explosion."
"Of course you Can't, you pointy-eared git!" Janeway screamed. "I JUST DEMAND TO KNOW WHY YOU BLEW UP ANOTHER ONE!"
"The LAST one." Tuvok stressed.
"Lieutenant... please report to the bridge." Janeway said silkily.
"Aye, Captain." Tuvok said, in a tired-sounding voice.
As he walked along the halls, he encountered Seven, aka Frogwoman the Eternal, the Eternal Frogwoman, etc, etc. "Seven of Nine. May I ask what you are doing?" Tuvok asked.
"I AM NOT SEVEN OF NINE!" Seven screamed, looking up guiltily from the Playgirl data PADD she was holding.
"Then who, may I ask, ARE you?" Tuvok questioned.
"I am... FROGWOMAN!" Seven shrieked.
"I beg to differ." Tuvok replied calmly. "For, I see no amphibic qualities."
Seven pointed at a Borg implant. "Then what do you call that?"
"A Borg implant." Tuvok replied. "NOT scales or an exoskeleton of any sort."
Seven was beginning to look deflated. "Then if I'm not Frogwoman the Eternal, then who AM I?"
"You're Seven of Nine. We've been telling you that throughout the entire story." Tuvok replied.
Seven looked confused. "Not the ENTIRE story..."
"Well, correct. We have been telling you this since the last chapter or so." Tuvok said.
Seven considered this. "You are... correct." She said, looking amazed.
"Indeed." Tuvok said, and turned, marching off down the halls.
"Lieutenant? Where are you going?" Seven asked.
"I am going to the Bridge." Tuvok said.
"May I ask for what reason?" Seven asked.
"Well... I believe the Captain is going to shoot me." Tuvok replied.
"Isn't it illogical to proceed to your almost certain doom?" Seven asked.
"Indeed." Tuvok agreed. "But it seems more illogical to hide from the captain. Then she would have reason to send my security teams after me."
He turned, and resumed his march to the bridge.
Picard walks into the room, holding a stack of papers in his arms. He begins to walk around, handing a little booklet to every member of the crew he can find. He hands a booklet to Vorik.
"Sir, may I inquire about what this is?" Vorik asked.
Picard smiled. "Of course, Ensign. It's the script to the next story."
Vorik looked confused. "To the next story, sir?"
"Of course, Ensign." Picard replied. "There will be another story airing soon after this one. Also quite silly, I hear."
"I have come to expect that." Vorik replied. "However, I did not realize that there was ever a script to follow."
"There's always a script to follow." Picard replied airily. "Unfortunately, no one ever follows it."
"Indeed. Thank you, sir." Vorik said.
Picard nodded. "Good day, Ensign." He said, and walked on, handing a script to Ensign #116.
::Bridge::
Tuvok stepped out of the turbolift.
Janeway began to strangle him.
"Neelix to the Captain!" Neelix exclaimed, his excited voice bursting over the commlink.
Janeway looked up from strangling Tuvok, who had been putting up little or not resistance to this point. "Janeway here, what is it, Neelix?" She asked.
"I"ve just discovered something about the Space Turtle Surprise!" He exclaimed. "This is actually THE miracle formula, when mixed with Leola root, it makes the ship"s engines go up to warp 10!"
"Amazing! Quick, send some of it to engineering!" Janeway exclaimed, letting Tuvok breathe for a minute.
"Uh... there"s a slight problem with that, Captain." Neelix said.
"What." Janeway said, her eyes suddenly narrowing.
"The last of the Space Turtle Surprise as just been eaten!" Neelix announced.
The screen pans to a shot of Voyager from the outside.
A horrible scream rents the silent nature of space, which is followed by a slight gurgle.
And the majestic ship powers up her engines and shoots off.
In the small photography shuttle, one Ensign stares after the ship. "They left me behind. Again."
THE END!