Title: Goodbye (1/1)
Author: Jaycee
Disclaimers: These characters are not mine. They were all created by a wonderful man named J.J. Abrams and Bad Robots Production.
Spoilers: Before Time will tell
Category: Vaughn/Alice/Sydney
Summary: Vaughn and Alice's breakup.
Rating: G
Archive: Go on… archive it, just tell me where okay?
Author's Note: Hope you guys like it. Please tell me what you think okay? This has been posted in other Alias websites, but still I want to post it here.
"I don't know what's happened to you Michael, but all I can say is that… I don't like it… and I'm not going to sit here and pretend that this relationship is not going downhill." Alice said in a low controlled voice as she started to gather her things from our bedroom to a box.
'Okay, what is happening here?' I thought to myself as I followed her around the room, trying to calm her down. "Alice, honey, what are you talking about?" I asked her, even though I have a feeling on what she's talking about.
She stopped and slowly turned around. The sight that I saw broke my heart. Tears were running down her face, which she kept on brushing away furiously. "Please… stop lying to me." She begged as she sat on the bed and brought her knees to her chest.
'This is all your fault, Vaughn.' I scolded myself as I gently sat beside her. "Alice… I…" "I know what's happening Michael. At first, I tried to ignore it… thinking that maybe I'm just paranoid… jumping to really weird conclusions… but I saw you… with her…"
My eyebrows shot up in surprise. She saw me? With… her? When? Where? How? She looked at me… staring at my eyes as if reading my thoughts… my soul… my very being…
"See? I can see it in your face… the guilt is written all over you." She said bitterly and bent her head. "Please Alice… let me explain." "Stop it! I don't need to hear your explanation… I don't need to hear your side… your lies…" And with that she stood up and got back to packing.
"Lies? Are you saying that I'm cheating on you?" I asked incredulously. I know that I'm feeling confused right now… between her and Sydney… but I've never cheated on her before.
"No… you haven't cheated on me physically… your not that kind of man Michael… but you've cheated on me emotionally." She explained, getting a giant suitcase from the cabinet and started to throw her clothes in it.
"Please Alice… I don't know what you're talking about. I haven't cheated on you… I swear." I stood behind her and tried to stop her movements and turned her around to face me. She turned reluctantly; her head bent… refusing to look into my eyes. I tilted her chin up and was shocked to see despair and utter defeat in her eyes.
"It's over Michael." She whispered as she pushed my hand away and returned to her packing.
"When did you see me? Where? How? You just misunderstood everything… I promise…" "Stop it Michael. I know what I saw… I know what I saw means…" "When?" I asked feeling desperate and so disgusted at myself for hurting this wonderful woman.
"That day… when we we're supposed to have dinner because it's our first year anniversary… you said that you can't make it because you have some work to do. I went to the pier that night… to cheer myself up… then I saw you… with this girl… the look on your face, it was something that I haven't seen for a very long time… its the face of someone who's willing to risk everything for that woman that you were with… it's been such a long time since you looked at me that way. Then, there was something else… your face has this look of hopelessness… hopelessness that you can't really express to her what you feel. Then, she threw something into the water… and you said something, which made her laugh. Your face… it was a picture of sheer happiness… happiness that you made her smile. I thought the worse was over, but then, she placed her hand above yours… I can see that you were really happy about that… so happy in fact that I was surprised that you didn't jump into the air… there and then… I knew that it's over for me… over for us." She confessed as she then covered her face with her hands and wept.
'Was it that obvious? Am I that transparent with my growing feelings for Sydney Bristow?' I looked at her… and swallowed back a sob that was threatening to escape my throat. I haven't cried for a very long time. The last time I cried was when I learned that my dad died… after that, I didn't even cry at the funeral because I wasn't allowed to, maybe because I didn't want to… and because they said that crying is a form of weakness… and I agree with that. From then on I decided that I'm never going to cry again. And that wasn't a problem for me… since I haven't had the reason to cry…
Until now.
Alice was the first woman that I fell in love with. She always made me smile… never failing to make me feel good about myself. When I see her smile, its like the sun has risen after a storm. She walks into the room, and I feel light… I hold her in my arms and I feel like each of my problems would simply disappear. She was the only normal thing in my life… my only epitome of normalcy… and now all of that's going to change. I reached out and stroked her blond hair, feeling how soft it is. She raised her head and met my eyes. Wordlessly, she stood up and resumed to her packing.
I just sat there on the bed and watched her pack. It's over… it's over… it's over. The phrase repeated itself again and again in my brain. It's over and it's my entire fault.
I shouldn't have let myself fall in love with her. I shouldn't have fallen in love Sydney Bristow. God! Can my life be even more confusing? I'm her handler… nothing can ever happen between us. I know that… and I know the consequences of this thing if it happens. I could get fired…. Hell! I'll be fired, no questions asked. And not only that, if any one finds out about us… I'm dead… worse… she'd be dead…
But… it's Sydney… and I know that I'm willing to take that risk.
With Alice… I have to hide everything… and I feel bad lying to her about my entire life, because if I do tell her everything, she'll die… and I just couldn't live with that.
With Sydney… my life's an open book… she knows everything about me… she knows me… and I love that. I love the fact that I have nothing to hide when I'm with her.
Maybe, this is all for the best… she deserves someone who will love her back… someone who doesn't have anything to hide from her… no secrets… no lies…
An hour passed with me just sitting there, looking at her stuff… knowing that in just a few minutes… all of this would be gone and my apartment would feel empty without it…. That my life would be empty without her.
Alice just nodded at me and started to carry her stuff to her car outside. When the last of her stuff has been carried out, she turned to me and took my hand. She placed her house key and the silver locket that I gave to her a few months back.
"Alice… this is yours. Why are you giving it back to me?" I asked, biting my lip, trying to hold back the tears as I tried to give her back the locket.
"Don't get me wrong, I want to keep it. But, I just can't bear to look at it and remember that I'm not with you anymore… that your not mine anymore… that nothing could ever happen between us anymore." She explained, brushing her hair away from her eyes. The simple gesture almost opened the waterworks that was trying to break free.
Almost.
I will not cry… I will not cry… I will not cry…
"Goodbye Michael. She's a very lucky woman." She barely whispered. I can see that she's trying to hold back the tears with the way that she's biting her trembling lower lip.
I nodded and leaned over to kiss her. She moved away from me and slowly shook her head. "No. Don't do that. It's over. I don't want to feel any more pain… you kissing me would make me stay… and would make me give this relationship one more chance. I don't want that… I don't want to be in a relationship where in I know that I'm not the one you love. Not anymore."
I nodded as she turned around and walked towards her car. I didn't walk with her. When she got into the driver's seat, I quickly closed the door, knowing that seeing her drive away would tear my heart apart.
I leaned against the door as I heard her turn on the ignition. I braced my heart for the rumbling of the engine that I knew would signal an ending to this chapter of my life.
I heard the car drive away… and the inevitable happened… I felt the tears fall down on my face. I touch my face.
I'm crying…
I slid down towards the floor… feeling my heart break with every tear that fell from my eyes. I love her… that will never ever change.
Goodbye, Alice.