Day Two: Caught Between A Rock and A Hard Place

It was 0630 when Kathryn rang the chime of the guest quarters. She didn't know whether he would be up or not, but felt that she should see him. A sleepy voice told her to come in. When she entered, she was greeted by a tired man in boxer shorts. Instinctively, she turned her head to give him privacy.

Mark laughed. "Come on Kath, you have seen me in less than this!"

She tried to laugh along with him but it was merely a nervous reaction. She was uncomfortable.

"Sit down. I'll get dressed and then we can talk." He slipped into the other room. "How much time do we have? I remember you saying that you had to be on the bridge this morning."

She was still standing by the door, her spine stiff and her hands locked behind her back. "I have to be there in about a half an hour. I thought maybe we could go to the mess hall for a quick breakfast." Her thoughts spilled out nervously. "I will be working until 1600. Then I thought you might enjoy a tour of the ship and then maybe dinner."

By the time she finished, he had returned. "That sounds fine. Lead on."

She exited his quarters and led the way to the turbo lift. She kept her hands behind her for fear that he would hold her hand. She did not want a repetition of what had happened in sickbay yesterday.

Word had spread quickly throughout the ship about the appearance of the Captain's boyfriend. It made the empty chair across from Commander Chakotay at breakfast all the more prominent. They had met every morning for breakfast for the past six months. Today he ate alone. He heard the room drop into silence and he looked up from his plate. He watched as his captain ordered breakfast for herself and her new companion. His appetite lost, he got up and recycled his dishes. The only way out of the mess hall was past the two of them.

He nodded his head in polite greeting. "Captain."

She winced when she heard his voice. She had forgotten their daily breakfast meeting. "Commander." With hope in her eyes she added, "I'll see you on the bridge shortly."

He paused and looked at her for a moment beyond what was socially acceptable. "Take your time, Captain. I can see that you are busy." With that he stormed out of the room.

'Damn that man! He had no right!' She turned to pick up the breakfast tray fighting desperately to keep her Captain's mask in place. 'If that was true then why did his words hurt so much?'

Mark had witnessed the entire exchange but decided to ignore it. "Kath, is there a special captain's table?"

She led him to a table in the corner where they would have as much privacy as possible. As she picked at her food she explained about Q and their present situation. She was careful to leave out the parts about her doubts as well as Chakotay's part in the situation.

"That's kind of sweet. He brought me here because you missed me." He reached across the table to take her hand. She pulled it away before he succeeded. "What's the matter? You did miss me. Didn't you?

She placed her elbows on the table and folded her hands under her chin. Her voice soften a little as she spoke. "Of course I did. It's just that… Mark, you have to understand, I am the Captain. You can't just go around holding my hand, much less kissing me like you did in sickbay."

"Why not?"

"Because I am the Captain! I have a certain image to uphold."

"Kath, I haven't seen you in over three years." His voice began to get louder as his emotions poured out. "Hell I thought you were dead! Now I'm here and you're here. All I want to do is hold you tight and never let you go. I want to kiss you all night long. I want to make love to you over and over to try and erase the sadness of the last three years."

Just as he finished that sentence a young ensign from engineering walked by. As embarrasses as she was at her timing, she could not ignore her captain. "Good morning, Captain."

"Ensign." She lowered her voice. She pointed to the passing ensign. "Now do you see what I mean?"

"No, I don't!" Mark shouted.

Captain Janeway was not used to having to explain herself. She paused in an attempt to calm herself. "She just heard you say you wanted to make love to me!"

Mark tried to control his voice. "And?"

"Don't you get it? Anyone could hear what you are saying or for that matter see what you are doing."

"So what?"

She was furious. Through clenched teeth she tried once again. "I am the Captain for god sakes."

"You are also a woman." He tried to stop the smile that begged to spread across his face. It had been a long time since he saw that fire in her eyes.

She couldn't believe it! He had the nerve to laugh at her. Exasperated, she tried once again to make him understand. "Don't you see? It would be like me coming into the institute and kissing you in front of everyone while you were presenting a paper! It would go against every protocol! Just indulge me in this, please. This is a very small ship. Talk of public displays typically spread around the ship before the incident is over. I don't want to be the center of ship's gossip."

He relented. "Fine, no more public displays of affection," he smiled mischievously, "as long as you promise to indulge me in private."

She had reached her breaking point. "I need to go." She stood up and straightened her uniform. "What are you going to do?"

He sensed a difference in her. It was almost a coldness. She had been reserved throughout their relationship but it felt different now. She was distant. "Do I have to return to my quarters?"

"Of course not! You are not a prisoner." She got to go. "I'll see you later."

"Yes, I will look forward to seeing the ship."

I may not be a prisoner but I sure feel like an unwelcome guest. He sipped his coffee as he stared out into the stars. Three and a half years was a long time.

Captain Janeway took the turbo lift to the bridge. She stood in silence dreading its arrival on deck one. Today started out badly and was about to get worse. The doors opened and she stepped out. Before anyone could speak she called for a report.

Harry Kim responded first. "It is very quiet, Captain. There is nothing out there."

"Thank you Mr. Kim."

Next, Mr. Paris announced the course.

"As you were Mr. Paris." She turned to face Tuvok. She was doing everything she could to avoid facing her first officer.

"As Mr. Kim stated, it is quiet. The reports from last night are in your ready room."

"Thank you. I will be in there reading them if you need me." With that said she walked briskly across the bridge and entered her sanctuary.

Once inside she let out her breath and her hand immediately went to her temples. She forged ahead to her desk and began to read, hoping to get lost in her work. It did not work. Her thoughts kept invading her conscious mind. She found herself in emotional agony. 'Damn it, if this wasn't the dullest day in the Delta Quadrant, not a ship, not a planet, not even an anomaly, just me and my thoughts! This day is interminable.' She continued to work in the solitude of her ready room while those on the bridge began to be concerned.

"Tuvok, she has been in there for eight straight hours! Don't you think someone should check on her?" Tom had heard about their new visitor. He also heard about the encounter with the first officer at breakfast, so he knew better than to ask Chakotay.

"Lt. Paris, it is not unusual for the Captain to remain in her ready room reading reports."

"Come on Tuvok, you and I both know that there is nothing in those reports worthy of eight hours."

"May I remind you that she is the Captain and does not answer to me or anyone else on this bridge."

Commander Chakotay had had enough. He jumped up from his chair and down the step onto the bridge floor. "I'll go." He took two steps toward her door when it suddenly opened and she emerged. He couldn't help but catch her surprised look as she made eye contact with him.

She stopped. "Commander?"

He turned and returned to his seat. He did not trust himself to speak.

She crossed in front of him and took her seat. "Report."

Each station in turn reported no change.

The bridge was silent for the remaining 60 minutes of the Alpha Shift.

Captain Janeway sat and stared out the view screen at the stars in this unknown section of space. She found no comfort in them.

Commander Chakotay did the same. If the Captain had looked over, she would have seen that his knuckles were white and his muscles were ripe with tension as his death grip on the arm rests continued.

Tom, who usually enjoyed the social interplay between the Command Team, remained mute at his station. If he let himself, he could almost feel sorry for the old man.

Harry was just praying for time to move quickly so he could escape.

Tuvok as always stood stiffly at his post. He watched the body language of the Captain and the Commandeer and it occurred to him that this might be a very trying five days for her.

The captain and her fiancé had been quietly walking around the ship for about an hour when they reached engineering. So far she had not run into anyone that needed an introduction but that was about to change. She would have to introduce him to B'Elanna. She squared her shoulders and prepared for the worst. B'Elanna was Chakotay's oldest friend. When the doors opened they found themselves amidst controlled chaos. The first thing the Captain noticed was the heat. Then she saw people hustling from station to station with tools in their hand. The Captain searched for B'Elanna. She followed the sound Klingon cursing to find her chief engineer replacing wiring under the main console.

"Report."

B'Elanna jumped at the sound of her voice. "Captain… I … didn't mean for anyone to call you. We can handle the problem." She admonished her entire staff with a single look.

The Captain squatted down and spoke reassuringly to B'Elanna. "No one called me. I was just walking around the ship. Now what is the problem?"

"There was an overload on the console and it shorted out. Just when I get one relay fixed another blows." The frustration was evident in her voice.

Captain Janeway crawled under the adjacent panel. "Here let me help." The women worked side by side for the better part of an hour. Mark stood in the corner and watched. He always knew what she did for a living but it was something else to actually see it.

Tom had come to engineering in hopes of convincing B'Elanna to have dinner with him. He stood back and watched the scene play out in front of him. Slowly he approached the man he surmised to be the Captain's fiancé. "She is something else. Isn't she?"

The man turned around to see the smiling face of a crewman who looked vaguely familiar. Before he could respond a stern voice barked from the other direction.

"I remind you Mr. Paris that that is the Captain you are talking about. I suggestion that you show a little discretion before I put you on report. Is that clear?"

"Perfectly Commander."

By now both B'Elanna and the Captain had emerged. "Gentlemen, is there a problem?"

Still staring at Chakotay Tom shook his head and answered her. "No Captain. There is no problem." He was in no mood to be a part of whatever would happen next so he excused himself and left.

It was then that Chakotay noticed the Captain's messed hair and the tools in her hand. "Is there a problem Captain?"

She laughed as he turned her words onto her. "Just some trouble with the relays. I helped B'Elanna take care of them."

Mark went to her side and struck a possessive pose. "It was interesting watching you work. I always pictured you on the bridge giving orders. It never occurred to me that you would have to get on your back and get your hands dirty."

"I enjoy getting on my back and getting my hands dirty. I am sorry it took so long." In truth she had forgotten that he was there.

"Well, shall we head to dinner Kat… Captain?"

She smiled at his effort to be proper. "Yes, but I need to clean up first." Chakotay and B'Elanna were still standing there so she saw no other alternative. "Would you two care to join us?"

Before Chakotay could decline B'Elanna answered yes for both of them.

"The Commander and I can meet you in the mess hall after you two clean up, if he will lead the way."

The ladies left with the two men close behind. Once they were alone, Mark spoke up. "You don't like me do you Commander?"

Using ever bit of strength the spirits ever gave him Chakotay held his tongue.

Mark laughed. "That's all right Commander because I don't like you either. You are the reason that she is here. If it weren't for you and your band of renegades she would be home with me. We would be married and maybe even have children. She would be happy."

They had reached the end of their journey and Chakotay had reached the end of his patience. Before they entered the mess hall he said what was on his mind. "She would have been with you but that doesn't necessarily mean that she would be happy. How could you make her happy when you don't even know her? You didn't even know what her job entailed. You've been together for a long time and you still don't know what kind of captain she is! She's the hands on kind. She likes to be involved in all aspects of the ship. I guess you just pictured her life nice and easy sitting on the bridge. You live a different life than her. You have no idea what kind of strength and ability it takes to captain Voyager as well as she does! You don't know her at all!"

"And I suppose you do!"

The men were standing dangerously close. Chakotay spoke through clenched teeth. "Yes."

"Good that gives me all the more reason to dislike you." He turned to walk into the mess hall but stopped and added, "Just remember, in the end she will be coming home to me."

They both donned a false smile as they entered. Mark did not hear Chakotay as he whispered, "We'll see about that!"

Dinner went as well as could be expected. Both men were able to successfully hide their feelings. B'Elanna was officially introduced to the Captain's fiancé. They talked about Starfleet as well as things back home. He asked questions about the ship and the various species they had met. Chakotay enjoyed detailing the many harrowing experiences that the Captain had been through. For some perverse reason he found solace in the fact that he had supported her through those times, not Mark. It was late and all the tables in the mess hall were empty except for theirs. Neelix came over and offered them coffee.

Chakotay declined and stood up. B'Elanna did the same. They left Mark and the Captain alone with their coffee.

Chakotay was pacing B'Elanna's quarters like a caged tiger. "Before we even got to the mess hall I wanted to punch that smug look off of his face. He said that I was the reason that she was stuck here. If it wasn't for me and the Maquis she would be home with him living a happy life."

B'Elanna grabbed his arm and forced him to sit down. She let her hand remain on his arm. At one time she would have given anything for him be jealous over her, but that was long ago. In this place and time he was simply the good friend she never had before he came into her life and now he needed her. "Do you think he is right?"

"Yes! No!" He raked his hands through he short hair. "I don't know." He closed his eyes and laid his head against the headrest.

"Do you think Captain Janeway would be happy settled down on earth? What would she do all day? Cook!" He couldn't help but laugh at that picture. "He doesn't understand her at all if he believes that that is true."

"That's what I told him."

"And what did he say?"

"He asked me if I thought that I knew her better and I told him yes."

"You do understand her. You just don't realize how much she needs you. You give her the strength to do things that she could never do alone." He looked at her skeptically. "I know, because you did the same for me. I would never have become what I am today without your belief in me. I think the Captain feels the same way." B'Elanna took his hand and held it tightly. She knew he took comfort in physical contact. They sat quietly for awhile before B'Elanna continued. "What did he say when you told him that you understood her better than he did."

Chakotay sighed again. "He reminded me that Kathryn would be going home to him."

B'Elanna cringed at the calculated meanness of Mark's words, then she grinned. "Do you want me to break his nose for you?" Despite his anger Chakotay laughed out loud. Then he considered taking her up on the offer.

The Captain stood up and directed Mark to the couch in front of the view port. They settled down in uneasy silence.

She turned to face him as she tucked her legs underneath her on the couch. "Mark, I am sorry if things did not turn out the way you expected today."

"I did not expect anything. Two days ago I did not expect to be here!" They both laughed. "Life with you is never dull. Kath, are we in public now? I mean, I know we are in the mess hall but it is empty. I thought maybe you could sit over here with me."

She slide over and settled herself under his arm. It struck her that it did not feel the way she remembered it. She didn't seem to fit. She fidgeted awhile and then tried to relax.

He closed his eyes and inhaled the aroma of her hair. In his mind he saw her naked in their bed. The sound of her sigh forced him to open his eyes. "Don't cry, sweetie, please."

Through her tears she spoke. "You don't know how hard this is for me. For more than three years I have been pushing the memories of you and your touch deep down within myself. It hurt too much to remember." He stroked her hair as she spoke. "I have to be strong to command this ship. I can't let loneliness or longing get in my way. Now you are here and it is all coming back to me."

"I am only going to be here for three more days. Can't we just enjoy our time together?"

"No, we can't! You will not remember these five days but I will. I cannot allow myself to do anything that would compromise my ability to command this ship." The tears began again.

He pulled her closer. "Shh. Just sit and let me hold you. Let me share my strength with you."

She did sit there but she didn't feel it. She felt no strength, she felt exhausted, beaten. She would rather be battling the Borg than waging the emotional battle that played itself out within her heart.