Day Four: The Calm and The Storm

"You should have seen them dancing. He was practically on top of her."

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"When I came down to the mess hall late the other night they were together on the couch. It was dark and no one else was around. I can only imagine what happened next."

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"I saw him kiss her in front of everyone at Sandrines.

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"It must be great to have sex again after three long years alone."

"Oh come on! Her and Chakotay have been doing it for years. It's him I feel sorry for."

~

He stormed past the two crewmen who were discussing the Captain's sex life. He said nothing but his pointed stare sent shivers of dread down each of their spines. They turned down the first corridor they could find to escape his bubbling ire.

Every where he went it was the same. He overheard people talking about Kathryn and Mark. By the time he reached the bridge he was fuming. He exited the turbo lift to see Tuvok still sitting in the Captain's chair. He crossed the back of the bridge and sat down in his chair. Tuvok relinquished command and returned to his position at tactical. Each station in turn gave Chakotay their report. Everything remained status quo, except for the Captain. She was late. Just then his commbadge chirped. He tapped it and said, "Go ahead."

"Commander is everything all right on the bridge?"

"Yes, Captain."

"Good. I will be a little late this morning." She quietly added that she had overslept. "You have the bridge until I arrive."

"Yes, Ma'am. Chakotay out."

Three heads snapped to attention when Chakotay uttered the word ma'am. Everyone knew that the Captain did not like that official title. In fact, Harry remembered that she told him to only use that when it was crunch time. Apparently, in Commander Chakotay's mind, it was crunch time.

Chakotay sat and stewed in his command chair. 'In all the time they had been on Voyager she had never overslept. Why today? Did Mark come and see her after Sandrines? Maybe that was why she did not want to open the door last night. Spirits I hope he did not spend the night.' These thoughts and many others continued to swirl around Chakotay's brain. So, by the time the Captain actually appeared on the bridge he was in a state of quiet rage.

The Captain settled into her chair calling for reports. As before there was nothing to report. She chanced a glance in Chakotay's direction and was not surprised to see the hard set of his jaw. She knew when he called her ma'am that something was wrong. She just didn't have the strength to ask him about it. She had finally fallen asleep two hours before she was supposed to get up. She had been plagued by the final thing Q had said to her. "It was time to decide what she really wanted." She thought about that until she felt sick. Even with all her thinking she came to the same conclusion that she always did. It didn't matter what she wanted. An overwhelming sadness had enveloped her and then she cried herself to sleep for the first time in a long time. When she woke up she looked horrible. She needed extra time to get ready in an attempt to disguise her pain. As she sat there the only thing that lightened her load was the idea that Mark would be gone in one more day. She couldn't wait for her fiancé to leave. What a horrible person that made her. Upon that realization the weight returned to her shoulders and a sigh escaped from her lips. As she had the past two days, she practically ran to her ready room to hide. The only problem was that she could not hide from herself.

Chakotay couldn't help but notice how good she looked. Her cheeks were pink, almost flush, and she had a little spring in her step. Then she sat down next to him, and sighed. Was it a sigh of contentment or of frustration? He couldn't tell. He settled back and prepared for what felt like another excruciatingly long day. She took him by surprise when she abruptly went to her ready room without saying a word.

The other members of the bridge crew almost laughed. Each day seemed to begin the same way. Thankfully an end was in sight. The five days Q had given their guest was almost up.

Chakotay worked in silence all morning. He was two weeks ahead on crew rotation schedules and he had even begun some preliminary work on the yearly evaluations. But as hard as he tried he could not clear his mind of Kathryn. When Mark existed only as a memory he was an easy adversary. Chakotay had the distinct advantage, he was with her and Mark was not. All that changed with a snap of Q's finger. Now he was no longer a memory. Mark was a real live flesh and blood man, who had spent the last three days getting reacquainted with his fiancée. Now he had an unfair advantage. It was not that Chakotay was afraid of the challenge but he wasn't sure how to compete with a man who could kiss and touch Kathryn at will, when he could not. He was torn between pushing her and giving her the distance she always requested. How could she make a comparison between them when he had never even kissed her? He sat for awhile longer considering his options. Then he made his decision.

He walked briskly toward her door leaving Tuvok in charge as he did.

He walked in to find her at her desk reading reports. She looked up expectantly as he crossed the room and stood directly in front of her. "Kathryn, these last three days have been very hard for me."

Before he could say another word she countered, "It has been hard for me too." She looked down at her hands which she had folded in her lap.

"When he was thousands of light years away it was easy to pretend he didn't exist."

"I know."

"You and I could attend functions together, have dinners, play pool." He stammered as he continued. He had rehearsed it all in his mind on the bridge but it seemed harder now. "We could do all the things couples did without actually being a couple."

"I know."

He ran his hand through his hair as he always did when he was nervous. Kathryn couldn't help but smile. She knew this man so well, yet she still found an element of peace in his simple familiar gestures. "You were more than my friend but less than my wife."

The emotions began to well up within her once again. "I know."

His eyes were soft and his voice almost a whisper as he spoke to her. "I don't know how to fight this battle, Kathryn." She began to say something but he stopped her. "He can take you in his arms and make love to you while I can only stand beside you and be your friend. It is difficult to win when the playing field is so uneven."

He did not know how right he was. The playing field was very uneven because his friendship was more important to her than any physical comfort that her fiancé could give her. He would not believe that under these circumstances so she looked at him and told him the one thing he wanted to know. "I have not slept with him, Chakotay."

She remained seated behind her desk while he remained standing in front of it. "I don't want to add more pressure to what I can see is an already difficult situation." He placed his two hands down on the surface and leaned in closer to her. "Just know this Kathryn Janeway, that if I was seeing you for the first time in more than three years it would be very different. I would take you in my arms and hold your head close to my heart so you could hear it beat just for you. I would find your lips and sear them to mine until their touch was imprinted in your mind forever. I would take you to my bed and love you as you deserve, slowly," he leaned in an inch closer, "meticulously," and closer still, "passionately, until both our bodies and souls were intertwined so irrevocably that you would never even think of anyone else again. And through it all, and when we left my bed, I would remain where I am today, beside you, your best friend." He removed his hands and stood erectly. "We both know what is at stake here Kathryn. You have to decide."

She got out of her seat and walked around her desk to his side. A tear slid down her cheek. The conflict was evident in her eyes. "No matter what I do, after tomorrow, he will not even remember."

"But we will." He raised his hand and gently brushed the tear away. Her resolve was failing. She was close to throwing caution to the wind and wrapping her body around his. He pulled his hand back and returned it to his side. He turned and headed for the door. He stopped to add one last thing before he left. "Whatever you do Kathryn I will be here for you. I am your friend, no matter what. But it is time to ask yourself what you really want." With that said he slipped through the doors and disappeared onto the bridge.

"What do I want Chakotay? What do I want?" She sank down on her desk as she admitted for the first time even to herself, that the one thing she wanted, was the one thing she couldn't have, him.

When Chakotay left the Captain he practically ran into Mark who was standing next to Chakotay's command chair. Before the Commander could say anything Tuvok spoke. "Mr. Johnson came to the bridge a few moments ago to pick up the Captain for their lunch date. I informed him that I could not disturb her. I would have to wait until your meeting was finished before I could call the Captain."

Chakotay eyed the chief of security with surprise. "Thank you, Tuvok. I will go and inform the Captain that she has a guest waiting for her." Just as Chakotay began to retrace his steps to the ready room the ship rocked. The Captain bounded out of her ready room in an instant.

"Report!"

"There is nothing to report, Captain."

She spun around and glared at him. "Ensign Kim, my ship does not simply shake for no reason! So either there is some sort of spatial anomaly out there or we are being fired upon and I want to know what it is! Is that clear."

"Yes, Captain." Harry frantically checked all scans to find some sort of answer. Before he could find anything the ship rocked again.

Chakotay hailed engineering. "B'Elanna, is there anything going on down there that would cause the ship to rock like this?"

"No, Chakotay. I was just going to call you and ask you what was going on up there."

"Check your readings and the warp core just to be sure. We have no explanation for what is happening and we need an answer yesterday!"

"Captain, there is an energy reading off our port bow. I believe it is a cloaked ship."

"Good work, Tuvok. Evasive maneuvers, Mr. Paris. Harry, hail them."

"No response, Captain."

Voyager rocked violently once again. "Shields are holding at 98%" Chakotay heard what sounded like a crack coming from Harry's station. He turned to see what it was. He jumped from his chair and hurled himself against their forgotten guest who had been standing quietly next to Ops. Mark was knocked out of the way just as a piece of bulkhead came crashing down. By the time Kathryn turned around she saw her First Officer pinned to the floor under the piece of the ship that had fallen. Mark was the first to reach him. He tried to lift the massive structure off of the Commander but he couldn't. Two crewmen arrived to help and they successfully freed the trapped First Officer. Kathryn reached down and found his faint pulse. She turned his head to the side and found blood pouring out of an open wound. She hit her badge, "Emergency site to site transport. Commander Chakotay has sustained a head injury." After his body disappeared in a shimmer of light the Captain stood to return to her command. "Tuvok, find that damn ship and lock phasers on it. The lines of diplomatic communication have just been severed!"

Mark had frantically watched as the man who probably saved his life was beamed to sickbay. He then saw a side of Kathryn that he had never witnessed. She was a different person, suddenly she was larger than life. She had become the embodiment of steel resolve. She had become their leader. For the first time in his life he saw her as a Starfleet Captain. He silently walked to the side of her command chair. "Kath, I'm sorry. I never…"

Without turning her head she gave her orders. "Mr Ayala get this civilian off my bridge!"

It was 0200 by the time the Captain finally made it to sickbay. She had played cat and mouse with their mystery ship for more than 9 hours before the situation finally ended. Voyager had taken minor damage and no injuries were reported. Once everything was secure she left the bridge to Tuvok and came to sickbay to check on Chakotay.

He was lying perfectly still on the biobed when she approached him. "Doctor?"

The Doctor had seen her walk in and was already coming to speak to her.

"How is he Doctor?" The Captain was standing beside her First Officer with her hand on his bare shoulder.

"As you know he sustained a blow to the head. It fractured his skull. There were cuts on his head and face and he also fractured his left wrist when he fell." The Captain never took her eyes off of Chakotay as she listened to the Doctor's report. "I repaired all the damage. The trauma to the head will result in some severe headaches once he wakes up but that should be the only residual."

"Did you give him a sedative?" Without realizing it she began to gently rub her hand across his shoulder and chest.

"No, Captain. He has yet to wake up."

"Is that a cause for concern considering that he was hit in the head?"

"If he doesn't wake up within the next eight hours then I will be concerned, but for now I believe sleep is the best thing for him."

"Thank you, Doctor."

"You're quite welcome."

"Things look quiet down here. If you don't mind I think I will stay awhile."

"It's your ship." The Doctor returned to his office while the Captain pulled up a chair and sat down beside the biobed.

Her left hand returned to his upper body where she gently caressed his skin. At the same time she took his hand in her right hand and held it tightly. She sat in silence for a long time just enjoying the momentary freedom to touch him. She watched his chest rise and fall rhythmically. On impulse she lifted his hand and hers to cover his heart. 'What was it he had said? I would place your hand on my heart that beats only for you.' She smiled at the thought of their previous conversation. The man had a way with words. If his actions were half as good, well she better not even think about it. She returned their hands to his side and began to talk. "You missed an interesting one this afternoon, Chakotay. There was a cloaked ship on our port bow and it was firing a low level type of weapon. It was not enough to do serious damage but enough to rattle us around. We continued to chase the shadow for hours on end. We would get hit with a blast and a reading would appear and then just as quickly it would disappear. It went on like this for hours. No real danger or threat but damn annoying. Finally, about an hour ago another ship appeared on our port bow. This one was much larger and well armed. I was about to order evasive maneuvers when the new ship hailed us. It turned out that the smaller ship had been stolen by the son of the captain of the large one. The boy was attempting to prove his worth to his father. Needless to say his father was not pleased. He apologized for any inconvenience his son may have caused and then took the other ship and left." She had leaned so far over that her head was practically resting on him. "I accepted their apology and let them go without telling them that his son's actions had almost killed my first officer. He had apologized for any inconvenience but you are more than an inconvenience. You are my friend." She was crying now. The tears dripped onto Chakotay's arm who had yet to stir. "I was just about to tell him what his son may have cost me when I saw you sitting in your chair shaking your head no. You whispered to me that he was only a boy and that I should let him go. You see, Chakotay even when you are not there you guide me to do the right thing." She was exhausted. She moved her chair a little closer and gently stroked his cheek. "Chakotay, I need you. I need to look over and see you sitting there. We started this journey together and I don't want to go one single step without you. I need the man whose heart and soul were in this thing since it began. Wake up and come back to me. Today you told me that it was time to decide. Well I did. I need you." She softly placed her head down on his chest. She quickly fell asleep never noticing the man who had come to sickbay a few minutes earlier to thank the Commander for saving his life.