Author's note: This is a companion/sequel to "Shinjitsu wa itsumo hitotsu." If you haven't read that, please do so before reading this, because this fic begins in the middle of that one. While I've tried to explain what's going on without repeating myself too much, I think that this one will make more sense if you've read the other one first. That said, this is basically what happened with Heiji and Kazuha while Shinichi and Ran were having that all important discussion. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own Meitantei Conan. It belongs to Aoyama Gosho and all those other people who make it wonderful.
"Mamoritai"
(I want to protect you)
The tension in the room was so thick that Kazuha suddenly found herself wishing she were anywhere else than where she was. The sun was beginning to set, the room darkening as a result. Ran stood next to her, looking down at the floor, seemingly fascinated with the growing shadows. Heiji stood near them, looking worried. Or looking confused. Maybe he was looking a bit apprehensive? Kazuha considered herself an expert on Hattori Heiji, and the look on his face was one she had never seen before. Then again, he had just admitted to something that she never, ever thought he would ever consider doing.
He would lie to her.
She pushed aside all of the emotions that stirred up as a result of thinking about that, and focused on the situation at hand. Kudo Shinichi was sitting up, and he was staring at Ran. Kazuha had only met him once, and then she didn't even really get to talk to him. But between Heiji and Ran, she felt she knew a little bit about the person who had just transformed miraculously from a child to an adult. Well, then again, maybe she didn't know him after all. But looking at him, seeing the sheer anguish on his face as he looked at Ran, Kazuha decided that she would reserve judgment. A change from the norm, she knew, but she couldn't bring herself to be too angry as she watched Shinichi silently beg Ran for at least a glance in his direction. There had to be something more to him than the lies he had told.
The four of them were silent; each caught up in their own thoughts. So Kazuha nearly jumped out of her skin when Heiji's voice filtered through hers as he suggested that she and Ran go get some things from the kitchen.
Kazuha silently led Ran by the hand out of the bedroom. She was very worried about her friend. Imagine being led to believe that one person was really not the person you thought them to be. And not in just terms of behavior, but really two different people. The kicker here was that the two people that you thought you knew as different people were actually the same person. Kazuha shook her head. Thinking about this could very well drive someone crazy.
Ran sniffed, trying to cover the fact that she was crying. Kazuha glanced back at her friend as they made their way to the kitchen. If thinking about this situation was driving her crazy, another thing she couldn't imagine was how Ran was dealing with all of this. Someone she thought she trusted had been lying to her. And not just one of those little white lies, either. This was huge. Kudo-kun had effectively kept Ran in the dark about a great many things. And he had done so willingly. Weren't they supposed to be friends? Weren't they supposed to trust each other? She was grateful that she had Heiji. He never kept secrets from her, especially important ones. If something as serious as somehow being turned into a kid happened to him, then she would be the first to know.
Wouldn't she?
No.
Because he had just said that he would've had lied. He would have done the same to her as Kudo-kun had done to Ran.
Oh there had better be a good explanation for that.
They reached the kitchen, and Kazuha went over to put a kettle of water on for tea. Ran stood motionless for a moment, but then moved to the table where a basket of various bentos and other snacks had been put out before. She systematically began taking them out and placing them on the tray that Kazuha had just provided. Kazuha moved about the kitchen with the knowledge of familiarity, getting cups and chopsticks to go along with the food they were preparing. She didn't know how anyone was going to eat. Emotions were running high enough. She doubted any of them had much of an appetite.
"Kazuha-chan," Ran spoke softly, "I'm sorry we ruined your birthday."
Kazuha faced her friend in bewilderment. Her birthday? She had completely forgotten. Ran and Conan had been coming to Osaka for the day to celebrate her birthday. The four of them had planned to spend the day outside, visiting various places in Osaka that Kazuha especially liked. And Heiji had been hinting about taking her somewhere that evening…well, that wasn't important now.
"Ran-chan, you haven't ruined my birthday. I think that we've all got more important things on our minds right now."
"Did you know, too? About Shinichi… being…Conan?"
"No, I didn't. I'm as much in the dark about this whole situation as you are."
Ran walked over to the sink and splashed some cold water on her face. Kazuha could see that she was trying to be strong. She finished making the tea and poured two cups. She knew Ran was going to want to talk about this before going back up there. "Are you okay?" she asked, handing Ran a cup of steaming tea.
Ran dried her face with a towel, accepted the tea, and took a deep breath. "I really don't know. I don't know if I should be happy that I finally know where he's been all this time, or if I should be furious with him for lying to me like he did."
"Probably a little of both, I would guess. I think I would be."
Ran looked at her curiously. "You mean if Hattori-kun had been lying to you about his whereabouts for the better part of a year, only to find out that he was right beneath your nose the entire time?"
Kazuha did not miss the implication in Ran's voice. "You're asking me how I would feel if Heiji had done something like this to me?"
Ran just nodded.
"You realize he said he would, you know. Heiji said that if he had been in Kudo-kun's position, that he would have lied, too."
Ran nodded a second time.
Kazuha tried to put her thoughts in some semblance of order. "I don't really know. I think that I would be very angry at first. I would probably scream a lot and demand explanations and a whole lot of other things. That's how I usually react when Heiji makes me mad."
Ran almost smiled. "I have a tendency to punch holes in walls when Shinichi makes me mad."
Kazuha laughed. "Oh, I've punched a wall or two. Heiji has this infuriating way of getting under my skin." She paused, taking a sip of tea. "I think…I might cry a little. I don't like to cry in front of Heiji, because he really doesn't know how to handle that. But, in this case, I might, because I cry when Heiji makes me sad."
"He's definitely done that," Ran whispered, and Kazuha wasn't exactly sure who she was talking about- Heiji or Shinichi.
"But, without knowing the whole story, without knowing the reasons why he did what he did, I don't think that I could really know how to feel until I knew just what those reasons were. I know that I'd be angry and sad, but I'm not sure what else I'd feel."
"You mean that you would give him a chance to explain."
Kazuha looked a little surprised. "You don't want to give Kudo-kun a chance to explain himself?"
"I do, and I will, I think. I'm just scared to. What if…what if he says that it really isn't any of my business and that I should just not worry about it? Or that it's not important for me to know the reasons why he suddenly became a child."
Kazuha placed a hand on Ran's shoulder, knowing what she was really getting at.
"You're afraid that he doesn't care enough for you to be involved in his life, and that's why he didn't tell you."
Ran closed her eyes, fighting back the tears. "I care about him so much, Kazuha-chan. He knows I do. What if I go up there and find out that he doesn't care about me the way that I care about him?"
Kazuha didn't have an answer to that one. She was facing the same thing, really. She had already made up her mind to ask Heiji just what he meant about lying to her. Would he say that it was none of her business? Did she want to hear that? Was she ready for the possibility that Heiji didn't love her?
It was something she had been thinking about a lot recently. She was finally ready to admit, at least to herself, that she was in love with Heiji. But what she didn't know was if she was ready to admit that to him. So many things had happened in recent months. Heiji was still getting himself involved in dangerous murder cases without thinking about the risk to his own life. And she couldn't be there all the time to protect him. Suppose something happened, and she hadn't told him? What if he ever got involved in something as dangerous as Kudo-kun seemed to have…
Kazuha stopped that train of thought as a new one slowly began to develop. Just how involved was Heiji with what was going on with Kudo-kun? He had known about Conan. How long had he known? Was he at risk of becoming a child, too? Kazuha felt a deep fear wash over her. She had been there when Kudo-kun had been in so much pain. She was here now listening to how this whole thing had affected her friend. Heiji could be in some serious danger. Kazuha realized that she might one day find herself in this same situation. That terrified her. She couldn't leave anything unsaid anymore. She would never forgive herself if something terrible happened and she hadn't told him how she felt.
"Ran-chan. I think you owe it yourself and to Kudo-kun to go up there and hear what he has to say."
"Why?"
"Because you may never have another chance. We don't know how serious this situation is. What if something happens and you walked away from this opportunity? I think it's worth this risk. If he doesn't feel the same, then you deal with that later. At least you will have told him, and at least you'll know more about why he lied to you."
A knowing smile spread across Ran's face. "It seems that tonight will be an interesting night for conversations."
A light blush spread across Kazuha's cheeks. "This is what we get for falling for famous high school detectives, I guess."
At that, they both laughed.
Kazuha moved back to the table and finished getting the trays ready to take upstairs, giving her friend a moment to herself. When she was ready, Ran came over and took the other tray. They both looked at each other, nodded, and headed back to the bedroom.
"Well, this is it," Ran said as they neared the door. Kazuha thought she sounded a bit steadier. "Are you ready?"
Kazuha took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "As ready as I'll ever be. You?"
Ran nodded. "Thank you, Kazuha-chan. I think I needed to straighten out some thoughts before I came back up here. Thanks for being such a good friend."
"Hey, we're here for each other, right?" Kazuha smiled and reached for the door. "Good luck."
"You, too."
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Heiji watched as his friend stared out the window looking at who knew what. The things that he must be going through right now. Heiji shook his head. Why hadn't Kudo told Ran about this Conan business earlier?
Heiji knew part of the reason. Kudo was protecting someone very close to him. He was no fool. Ran's life would be in danger if those black clothed jerks ever found out that Kudo was still alive. And Heiji believed that Kudo would do anything to protect Ran. Even lie to her for so long about something so serious.
And Heiji knew without a doubt that he would have lied to Kazuha if it meant her life. She could yell and scream all she wanted. But the fact remained that Heiji very much wanted her alive and angry than dead.
He was slowly becoming aware of how important she was to him. Before he had just taken for granted that she would always be there, either as a friend that he could count on, or even as that older sister she always claimed he needed. He was starting to realize, however, that she was becoming much more than that.
The door to the room opened before he could clearly define that last thought, and Kazuha and Ran came in carrying trays of food and tea. Heiji didn't think anyone was hungry. He had suggested that so Kudo could get dressed. Heiji glanced in his direction. The Detective of the East was still staring out the window, not even acknowledging the return of the girls.
Ran went over and sat on the bed, grasping her hands tightly together in her lap. Heiji felt sort of sorry for her. She didn't deserve any of this. All she had ever done was care for someone. But he had to admire the way she sat with patient determination. The expression on her face was calm, as if she were ready to listen all night. Her hands were the only obvious signs of her distress. She was going to sit and listen to Kudo explain his way around the lies he had told. Lucky guy.
Heiji risked a glance at Kazuha. He didn't think his chances of Kazuha just sitting and listening were all that great. In fact, he was pretty sure that she was mad about what he had told Ran before. Kazuha was looking at him, perhaps signaling that they should leave the room. He couldn't gauge how mad she was by her expression, but then she lifted one eyebrow, giving her face a rather expectant look. He felt himself tense. As much as he wanted to explain everything to Kazuha, he was not looking forward to the verbal lashing that he was sure she was about to unleash.
He followed her silently out the door, making sure that he closed it behind him. Kazuha had paused in the hall, making sure that he would follow her. Feeling somewhat like he was in trouble, he followed Kazuha to the kitchen, where she began to clean up. He watched her for a minute, admiring the way she carried herself. She was wearing that dark pink dress he liked so much. The one that 'coincidentally' matched the light pink shirt he was wearing under his jacket. He may tease her about it, but always found himself secretly pleased when she did that. And her hair was tied up in her usual fashion. What he wouldn't give to see her wear it down just once…
He was so immersed in his own thoughts that the silence in the room caught him off guard. Kazuha went about her business, cleaning cups and knives she must have used earlier, and she wasn't saying a word. Heiji just stood there, tempted to scratch his head in confusion. Where was the outburst he had been expecting? The Kazuha he knew would have started an intense interrogation session the minute they reached the kitchen. But here she was, finishing up her cleaning, and now leaning against the counter, facing him. Her arms were crossed, and she had that expectant look about her again.
Uh-oh.
This could possibly be much worse than the yelling.
"Is…uh…is Ran okay?" he ventured, figuring that he better say something.
"That depends. A lot rests on what Kudo-kun has to say. But I think she is holding up well for someone who just received the shock that she did."
"She'll be okay. Once she understand everything that's been going on."
"And just what has been going on, Heiji?"
There was no accusation in her voice, yet. Heiji knew that it was just a matter of time before she asked about what he had meant about lying to her. For now, she seemed content just to find out the facts. "Where do I start?" he asked, almost to himself.
But Kazuha had heard. She tilted her head and said, "How about the beginning?"
Heiji sighed, not really liking her tone. "The beginning? Well, let's see. I first found out that Conan was really Kudo Shinichi a while back."
"Were you on a case?"
"Yeah. He had already been making me suspicious with his ability to reason. No seven-year-old displays that kind of intelligence. He has these gadgets that…"
"Gadgets?"
"A stun-gun wrist watch that puts people to sleep and a bow tie that lets him change his voice into somebody else's. The Professor made them so he could still solve cases. He couldn't very well go around and let everyone know that he really wasn't a seven year old boy."
"Why?"
"Because the if the people who did this to him ever found out that he was still alive, then they would do anything and everything to make sure he wound up dead some other way."
Kazuha's eyes grew wide. "You mean, this wasn't some accident? Someone did this to him on purpose?"
"Yes, and I'll get to that, but you asked me to start at the beginning, so stop interrupting me and let me explain this. It's complicated enough without you nagging about every little detail."
She narrowed her eyes and appeared to bite back a scathing retort. He hadn't meant to sound harsh, but her silence before had unnerved him. He was halfway trying to provoke her so that she would yell. Then he'd be on more familiar ground. But maybe he should be thankful that she wasn't irate. He hadn't even gotten to the hard stuff yet.
"Anyway," he continued, silently reminding himself that he needed to watch what he said, "I found out the truth when he used me in such a fashion. He'd knocked me out with one of his little darts, but I had woken up in the middle of his explanation. His Osaka-ben is horrible, and that was what tipped me off. I confronted him about it later, and he swore me to secrecy. Once he told me about the Organization, I began helping him discover more about them. He wasn't exactly thrilled about his situation, and he was desperate to get his own body back.
You know, I think he was glad that I found out, in a way. I was someone that he could be himself around. It had to be aggravating pretending to be a little kid, especially around Ran. He was scared for her. He knew that if she somehow found out, then her life would be in danger. That was something he was not willing to risk. It must have made for a pretty miserable existence."
"So he thought lying to her and making her worry were the only choices he had?"
"I tried to convince him to tell her…"
"But instead he convinced you that lying about it was better."
Heiji slowly began to lose his temper. "You are missing the point. He wanted to tell her, but he was afraid for her safety."
Kazuha shrugged. "Why not go to the police? If the situation was that dangerous, why not get some help?"
"He had help. The two of us were doing just fine investigating this thing quietly. There was no need to get anyone else involved."
"Oh, of course not. The two famous Detectives of the East and the West were on the case. Nothing could possibly be more important, especially the feelings of your closest friends!" Kazuha's voice was dripping with sarcasm, and Heiji finally lost his temper.
"AHO! Kudo worried about Ran above everything else. Whatever you might think about him, he truly cares for her. Why do you think he was so desperate to get this thing solved as quickly as possible? So he could stop lying to her!"
And with that, the Kazuha that Heiji knew so well returned. She leaned forward, hands on hips, and practically shouted, "Do you have any idea what she's been through? How much she's worried? And this is how he shows that he cares about her? He's told lie upon lie to keep this secret of his, and all the while, Ran continues to believe that Kudo-kun is still the same friend she's always known. Someone that would never lie to her!"
Heiji took a step forward and pointed straight at Kazuha, lowering his voice to keep from shouting. "You know, it's not any of your business on how Kudo conducts his affairs. Who are you to pass judgment on what he's had to go through?"
Kazuha had taken a step forward as well, until she was almost right up in Heiji's face. "I thought I was your friend until I learned that you would treat me with the same disregard as Kudo-kun has treated Ran!"
The phone rang.
Heiji cursed under his breath, and went to answer it. His parents weren't supposed to be home until later, and it might be something important for his dad. As he walked to the phone, though, he realized what was really bothering Kazuha. They hadn't been arguing about how Kudo treats Ran. They had been arguing about how Heiji would treat her if he ever found himself in a similar situation. She was afraid that he wouldn't be honest with her. How was he going to explain it to her?
He made it to the phone on the third ring. "Moshi-moshi?"
"Hattori Heiji-sama? This is the Sakura Restaurant calling about tonight's reservation…"
Heiji slapped his forehead. Kazuha's birthday. He had planned a really nice night for her. Some dinner down by the Aquarium, maybe a ride on the Ferris Wheel…well, it wasn't looking like they were going to do any of that tonight.
"I'm sorry for not calling to cancel. We won't be able to make it after all."
Heiji hung up the phone feeling terrible. Kazuha was waiting in the other room so that they could continue their 'talk' or whatever it was they had been doing. She was obviously upset, and it was her birthday. He reached into his pocket, finding the present he had bought for her. He felt a sudden need to make her feel special, and he wanted more than anything for her to understand how much he cared about her. He felt a sort of underlying urgency. This fighting was pointless, he decided, and it was time they talked for real.
As Heiji walked back into the kitchen, Kazuha turned quickly away from him, trying to hide her face. He could tell that she had been crying.
"Kazuha…"
"I'm sorry for yelling at you like that," she said, pulling herself back together, but still not turning around.
He walked up behind her and gave her shoulders a comforting squeeze. "I know. Go get your jacket."
She turned around, obviously confused by the request. "My jacket?"
Heiji had moved to the counter and began to scribble on a piece of paper. "Yes, your jacket." He finished what he was writing and placed it on the table in plain view. Kazuha was still staring at him. "We're going out for your birthday."
"My birthday? But, Heiji…"
"Just go get your jacket. I've left a note for Kudo and Ran. Those two aren't going to be missing us for a while. If they need anything, they'll call."
Still looking bewildered, Kazuha gathered her jacket and purse, and the two of them left the house.
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They rode in silence towards their destination, hindered as much by the fact that they were on a motorcycle as by their own thoughts. The wind was chilly, but not cold, and the night was clean and clear. Kazuha berated herself for getting angry earlier. She had thought that she could be patient while Heiji told his story, but patience had never been one of her virtues. Her temper had gotten the better of her as Heiji continued to defend the actions of Kudo Shinichi. She never could understand how Heiji always managed to make her mad.
This sudden outing just added to her confusion. Where was he taking her? They had just passed Osaka Dome, and it looked like they were headed towards the Aquarium. He had said something about her birthday. She admitted to feeling a little put out that all of this had happened on her birthday, but, as she had explained to Ran earlier, it didn't matter. All that mattered to her right now was trying to understand just what was going on between her and Heiji.
For his part, Heiji was trying to calm down his racing heart. He knew what he had to do, now, in order to make Kazuha understand. It became clear to him when he saw just how upset she had been about his willingness to lie to her. Kazuha obviously had some feelings for him, although he wasn't sure just how serious she was about them. All he knew for sure was that he wanted to find out.
The bike slowed, and Heiji parked on the street next to the Aquarium. He took Kazuha's helmet from her and stashed it with his. Kazuha waited to see which direction he would lead her. The Aquarium was bound to be closed by now. There was an outer courtyard that was often filled with street performers during the day, but now only a few sparse couples walked hand in hand, enjoying the beauty of the evening. On the far side from where they were was a line of benches facing the water, where people could sit and watch the boats coming in.
Impossible to miss was the Ferris Wheel that stood tall and brilliantly lit against the night sky, and it was in that direction that Heiji began walking. Kazuha followed, not sure if she should say anything, but her curiosity got the better of her.
"Heiji, where are we going?"
Heiji pointed up. "I thought you might like to see all of Osaka from way up there. It's an amazing view on a night as clear as this."
Kazuha didn't know what else to say so she just walked silently beside him. Heiji glanced at her, catching faint traces of a smile on her face, and he couldn't help smiling a bit himself.
They approached the escalator that would take them up to the ticket machines. It wasn't very crowded, so there was no wait for tickets. There was someone taking pictures, and Kazuha hoped that Heiji wouldn't mind getting their picture taken. She had a suspicion that she was going to want to remember this night.
"Ah, Hattori-sempai. We've been expecting you," the cameraman said. Kazuha vaguely recognized him from school but didn't have time to remember his name as she and Heiji were shuffled into a spot to have their picture made. They were then shuffled again into a slowly moving bucket, and Kazuha thought she heard the young man say something about "taking all the time you need."
"What was that all about?" she asked Heiji who was seated across from her.
"That's Yuuta from the Kendo Club. He owes me a favor. We can stay in here as long as we like."
Kazuha gave him a look. "Just what have you planned for my birthday, Heiji?"
Heiji put his hand behind his head the way he does when he's nervous. "Well, I had made us reservations at that restaurant that you always wanted to go to, and had hoped we'd be able to go to the Aquarium. I know how you like it there." His face fell a bit, and Kazuha thought he looked a little sad. "But, since the evening's been…sort of…interrupted…I thought that I'd make it up to you and at least bring you here."
What ever anger about the day's events that was left slowly ebbed away. "Heiji, what happened today was not your fault. I'm…I'm so sorry for getting so angry earlier." Heiji started to speak, but Kazuha stopped him. "No, let me finish. You're right about it not being any of my business what Kudo-kun does. But when you said that you would lie if something serious happened, it made me feel like maybe I wasn't important to you. That scared me."
Heiji could see the light blush that spread across Kazuha's cheeks. He leaned forward, put his elbows on his knees, and looked straight into Kazuha's eyes. "I want you to listen to what I have to say. Some of it you might not like, but please remember that you will always be important to me, no matter what I say, okay?"
Kazuha noted the seriousness of Heiji's tone, and her heart rate increased exponentially.
Heiji took a deep breath and began. "Yes, I believe that there are circumstances in which I would lie to you. If I thought that you'd be in serious danger if I told the truth, then I would lie. You're always going on and on about how you need to be there to protect me. Well, it works both ways. I want to do everything I can to protect you. Even lie to you. It's not that I don't trust you or think you can't handle yourself; I just don't trust everybody else. I don't want anything to happen to you…because…I care about you."
"Really?"
"Yes. I'll always care for you as a friend, but I think that maybe I'm starting to care…more."
Kazuha then graced him with the most brilliant smile he had ever seen, and he mentally kicked himself for not saying anything sooner just so he could get a glimpse of that smile. Their bucket was just coming to the top of the Ferris Wheel, and the light from the city below highlighted her face so that she stood out against the night sky.
Heiji thought she had never looked so beautiful.
Kazuha reached across and held both of Heiji's hands in hers. She never thought she could be this happy. She now understood why Heiji did and said the things he did. He cared about her; it was that simple. And if she was reading him right, he might even love her. If her heart was beating fast before…
"Heiji, there's something I want to tell you, too. I've cared about you for a long time. I think today…I realized that I love you. I've just been afraid that you didn't feel the same. But now…"
Heiji pulled on her hands. "Come here." Kazuha got up and sat next to Heiji. He didn't let go of her hands. "I want to give you your birthday present."
Kazuha thought that he might kiss her, but he surprised her by reaching in his pocket and pulling out a small box wrapped in silver paper. He handed it to her.
"Open it."
Puzzled but pleased just the same, Kazuha carefully unwrapped a black velvet jewelry box. Inside, she found a silver pendant on a silver chain. The pendant itself was an elongated circle with a beveled edge. There was a word engraved in black that stood out sharply against the silver.
"Mamoritai," she whispered, tracing the engraving with delicate fingers.
Kazuha looked up at Heiji, tears forming in her eyes. He took the necklace from her and placed it around her neck. "The lady who sold me that said I should choose a word that was important to both of us. That way, it would have meaning for us both."
Kazuha fingered her necklace, liking the comfortable way it felt against her skin. She was completely stunned when Heiji cupped her cheek, forcing her to look at him.
"I know you want to protect me. Well, now you know that I want to protect you. Because I love you, too."
Kazuha closed her eyes, feeling Heiji leaning in to kiss her…
The phone rang.
This time, it went unanswered.
Owari
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Some things….
Moshi-moshi means hello when you answer the phone.
Osaka-ben refers to the dialect that Heiji and Kazuha speak.
-sama is an honorific often attached to someone's name when being polite. In this case, Heiji was a potential customer, so the guy from the restaurant called him "Hattori-sama"
-sempai is an honorific used to designate someone higher than you. Heiji is an upperclassman, so Yuuta would use "Hattori-sempai" instead of "Hattori-san"
Mamoritai means "I want to protect you." I thought it very fitting, especially since Kazuha is always making sure that Heiji has his omamori.
Complete WAFF, especially there at the end. I couldn't resist having them go to the Ferris Wheel by the aquarium. When I visited there last summer, I couldn't help but think about how romantic a setting that place is. The Ferris Wheel is supossed to be the tallest in the world, or something like that. And I was there during the day. I can only picture how beautiful Osaka would look at night...but I digress.
I hope you enjoyed it. Maybe I've come out of my recent writing funk and can work on that other story that seems to be giving me some trouble...