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I Was Born to Love You
mbsilvana@yahoo.com
standard disclaimers
As I stand here waiting, I reflect.
I finally understand Kagome- well, as well as I ever will. It's a terribly thing to be jealous of yourself. How she dealt with Kikyou as gracefully as she did I'll never know, but the least I can do is return the favor- no matter how much I want to keep her away from Inu Yasha, and declare that she is mine. Damn it, we were born into the same time- can't she understand? She is mine, and I am hers. That's the way it's meant to be.
I first noticed Kagome when we transferred from elementary school to junior high. We hadn't been in the same school until them, and even though I must have passed her on the street a hundred times, I didn't know her. I guess it was a touch of me being blind- again. I've never been particularly observant, but sometimes I amaze even myself in how dense I can be.
I am not who I was, but I remember. I remember the anguish on her face after she caught me speaking to Kikyou. I remember fighting for her, how the Tetsusaiga seemed to only respond whenever she truly needed it, fighting with her when we first met. I'd even occassionally thing almost longingly of the rosary that Kaede had placed upon me, binding me to Kagome's will.
At least then she had known I'd existed.
I had a crush on her for the longest time- as she grew older, she only became more beautiful. I wanted to ask her out more then anything, but part of me shied away from the idea. I had caused her so much pain in the past... did I have the right to even be in her presence, much less presume to be her boyfriend?
It's a strange tale that time has woven for us. Two souls, both entwined intricately together, inadvertanty wounding each other. Kikyou and Kagome... Inu Yasha and myself... where does one end and the other begin? It makes my head spin, when I bother to think on it. That's why I don't bother to- Shippou would say that nothing has changed, since I never thought about anything in the past.
I knew the instant she passed through the well for the first time. I felt as though part of me we breaking away, and that suddenly I was caught back into the endless loop of fate. The excuses from her family started, and I knew what was happening to her. I started counting the months, knowing all to soon she would have her heart broken by the man I used to be.
I shouldn't've asked her out then, when she was gettng more and more involved in the feudal age, but I did. I simply couldn't stand to think of her in Inu Yasha's embrace. It must be the same as she feels about Kikyou.
I hate Inu Yasha. I am not him anymore. I want her to love me as I am now.
"Houjou-kun! I'm so sorry I'm late!" Kagome says, coming up to stand beside me.
I smile at her. "That's ok, Higurashi-san!" I chirp cheerfully, hoping to see her smile. "I'm glad you've gotten over your pneumonia!" I assure her, pretending to believe in her grandfather's unbelievable excuse. "I've got tickets for that move you wanted to see, and after I think we can go to the new sushi bar over on Sakura."
As I hoped, she gives me the blinding smile I had been hoping for. Someday I may find the courage to tell her the truth about me, but for now, I will do whatever it takes to ease some of the pain from her eyes. After all, she has the right to live her life without the knowledge of what happened back then.... and to discover for herself why I was reborn here, now.
Reborn to be by her side when the Bone Eater's Well closes for the last time on her. I will be here for her then, and perhaps this time, we can have our happy ending.
***********
Author's Note: Dangling my feet in the IY pool. Thanks to her Laz for answering my questions, and Raye Johnsen for writing the FY fic "Understanding" which inspired this. It's a quirky idea, but Kagome and Kikyou are very different... so I don't think it's IMPOSSIBLE....
I Was Born to Love You
mbsilvana@yahoo.com
standard disclaimers
As I stand here waiting, I reflect.
I finally understand Kagome- well, as well as I ever will. It's a terribly thing to be jealous of yourself. How she dealt with Kikyou as gracefully as she did I'll never know, but the least I can do is return the favor- no matter how much I want to keep her away from Inu Yasha, and declare that she is mine. Damn it, we were born into the same time- can't she understand? She is mine, and I am hers. That's the way it's meant to be.
I first noticed Kagome when we transferred from elementary school to junior high. We hadn't been in the same school until them, and even though I must have passed her on the street a hundred times, I didn't know her. I guess it was a touch of me being blind- again. I've never been particularly observant, but sometimes I amaze even myself in how dense I can be.
I am not who I was, but I remember. I remember the anguish on her face after she caught me speaking to Kikyou. I remember fighting for her, how the Tetsusaiga seemed to only respond whenever she truly needed it, fighting with her when we first met. I'd even occassionally thing almost longingly of the rosary that Kaede had placed upon me, binding me to Kagome's will.
At least then she had known I'd existed.
I had a crush on her for the longest time- as she grew older, she only became more beautiful. I wanted to ask her out more then anything, but part of me shied away from the idea. I had caused her so much pain in the past... did I have the right to even be in her presence, much less presume to be her boyfriend?
It's a strange tale that time has woven for us. Two souls, both entwined intricately together, inadvertanty wounding each other. Kikyou and Kagome... Inu Yasha and myself... where does one end and the other begin? It makes my head spin, when I bother to think on it. That's why I don't bother to- Shippou would say that nothing has changed, since I never thought about anything in the past.
I knew the instant she passed through the well for the first time. I felt as though part of me we breaking away, and that suddenly I was caught back into the endless loop of fate. The excuses from her family started, and I knew what was happening to her. I started counting the months, knowing all to soon she would have her heart broken by the man I used to be.
I shouldn't've asked her out then, when she was gettng more and more involved in the feudal age, but I did. I simply couldn't stand to think of her in Inu Yasha's embrace. It must be the same as she feels about Kikyou.
I hate Inu Yasha. I am not him anymore. I want her to love me as I am now.
"Houjou-kun! I'm so sorry I'm late!" Kagome says, coming up to stand beside me.
I smile at her. "That's ok, Higurashi-san!" I chirp cheerfully, hoping to see her smile. "I'm glad you've gotten over your pneumonia!" I assure her, pretending to believe in her grandfather's unbelievable excuse. "I've got tickets for that move you wanted to see, and after I think we can go to the new sushi bar over on Sakura."
As I hoped, she gives me the blinding smile I had been hoping for. Someday I may find the courage to tell her the truth about me, but for now, I will do whatever it takes to ease some of the pain from her eyes. After all, she has the right to live her life without the knowledge of what happened back then.... and to discover for herself why I was reborn here, now.
Reborn to be by her side when the Bone Eater's Well closes for the last time on her. I will be here for her then, and perhaps this time, we can have our happy ending.
***********
Author's Note: Dangling my feet in the IY pool. Thanks to her Laz for answering my questions, and Raye Johnsen for writing the FY fic "Understanding" which inspired this. It's a quirky idea, but Kagome and Kikyou are very different... so I don't think it's IMPOSSIBLE....