Finally the last chapter! I actually finished it!! Can't believe it!! * Falls off chair *
Chapter 6: The Truth
Jealousy, Friendship or Love?
It was early morning and the sun was shining brightly where I stood. Everyone was sleeping peacefully beside the fire but unfortunately I wasn't. I can never get enough sleep anymore there is always something else on my mind to think about.
I am glad I am not distancing myself from anyone anymore and always being by myself. I used to be a loner, however I am beginning to trust people so they are now my friends.
I feel much better now, I can be happy and full of laughter instead of what I had a few years back misery and gloom.
All of a sudden I then heard some groaning and rustling. I turned around to look at the camp.
To my surprise Tai was limping over towards me.
"Tai your not meant to be walking!" I stated with worry. I ran over to him to help.
"Well you know I don't like to look weak" he commented.
"But Tai" I protested.
"No buts I am not going to receive any of your concern" argued back Tai.
I sighed in defeat and went and sat down where I stood. Tai did the same.
"So what brings you up early in the morning?" I questioned.
"I should be asking the same thing to you" teased Tai.
"Yeah well you know the normal reason" I mumbled.
"No I don't," he said.
I sighed. I do a lot of that lately.
"Cannot sleep" I answered quietly.
"The same reason I'm sitting here too" agreed Tai.
"It is so weird talking to you Tai, because I used to be your enemy" I concept out loud.
"No you wasn't you were just my rival" Tai corrected.
"Whatever" I muttered.
I looked out into the forest the scene was so ample. The sunrays pointed down on the top of the tall trees. It was as if the trees were sparkling from the rain droplets that fell the night before.
Then there came the entrance of the forest so dark so gloomy as if you entered it would swallow you up whole.
That was what I imagined the darkness in my heart was like that I carried about with me for so long. Nevertheless that has all been lifted.
For all those years it felt like there was a heavy weight hanging above my head wherever I would go and wondering when it will drop onto me from my insecurity.
After I then made friends with Tai it felt like that heavyweight dropped but instantly turned into feathers.
"Matt?" replied Tai. My thoughts were then not recalled.
"Yeah Tai?" I asked.
"Are you all right?" he interrogated.
"Of course. Why shouldn't I be?" I said quickly.
"Hmm I don't think so" he muttered under his breath. However, I still heard him from how close he was.
I realized right there, how close he was sitting next to me. So close Tai was almost sitting in my lap. I became uncomfortable.
I could feel his hot tanned arm against my pale one.
My stomach felt comparable to a swarm of butterflies fluttering around and at the same time as if it was also doing summersaults.
"Tai I am going for a walk be back later!" I said a little fast and nervously.
"Don't go" protested Tai. I stood up quickly. Tai went to grab my arm but missed and brushed past my hand.
That's it I am definitely going!
I broke out into a rapid pace, into the gloomy forest. I faintly heard Tai groan with disappointment, however I did not take any notice.
I had to get away but then it hit me.
I stopped in my tracks in the middle of the forest surrounded by tall trees, triple my height.
My palms became sweaty and I shiver traveled down my spine.
"No! It ain't true!" I shouted to myself.
I ran deeper into the forest, the more I ran the deeper I got into the forest. I felt insecure and ashamed. Of course I was full of sadness too.
Tears trickled down my face as if it was a stream flowing into the sea. I wiped my eyes from time to time. However there was no need as when I wipe the tears away thousands more appeared.
Ahead of me I spotted a cave, a good place to hide from reality. A place that wouldn't remind of what I discovered within me.
The thing I found out was that Tai was not my friend but the boy I was in love with.
I ran into the cave and sat on the cold floor, hiding in the shadows.
Unfortunately my mind wouldn't focus on anything else but Tai.
I couldn't stand it! Everywhere I will go I will be carrying that feeling around with me.
I felt literally sick.
HOW CAN I BE GAY? IT ISN'T FAIR!
I feel so ashamed of myself at that fact.
It all became clear now, the hatred, the fighting, and the jealousy. It all led to one thing, love. Why didn't I see this before? It was so simple to find out!
The hatred was the fact I didn't want him to know I liked him, cared for him and the way I felt for him.
The fighting was the only way I could get close to him, to touch him.
The jealousy was of the friendship the others had with him they were so close, if only I shared that too.
However I can now do that. As he is my friend now after all.
I sat in the dark, cold, chilly cave sobbing like a blubbering baby that couldn't get there own way.
It is pathetic really, if you think about it. It's just me feeling sorry for myself. I might as well cry myself to sleep.
I curled up and hugged my knees, and tried to drift off into dreamland.
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I slowly opened my eyes, my vision were blurred but soon went back to normal. I became face to face with the cave wall.
"Oh shit!" I cursed.
I got up quickly and decided to head back towards camp. They should still be there to let Tai rest. They must be wondering where I am!
I started to run towards the direction I came from, I looked behind me to see how far I was away from the cave, but then I slammed right into something.
I turned around to see what I knocked onto the ground to see Joe.
"Uh umm sorry Joe" I apologized.
"Huh? Oh Matt its you we have been looking for you for ages now!" stated Joe while getting up.
"Have you? I thought you would give up doing that I am always wondering off places" I explained.
"Well you know. Lets head back to camp, unless you don't want to" said Joe.
"Yeah its fine with me" I agreed.
It wasn't long until we saw the clearing of our camp.
Joe and I rustled through the bushes and all the gang turned to look in our direction.
"Way a go Joe! You found him!" praised Tai.
"Well it wasn't the matter of me finding him, it was Matt finding me!" explained Joe.
We walked towards them and sat by the fire that they rested around.
Tai motioned me to sit next to him, so I did so.
"I was worried for a second you wasn't coming back!" he replied with a smile.
"Yeah well you know me" I muttered returning him one back.
"I am glad you did!" Tai confirmed, While putting his hand on my forearm but immediately removed it again, "Whoa! You're cold! Its like you have been in a freezer for years!"
"What do you expect, I fell asleep in a cave" I clarified.
"Okay. Why the hell did you do that?" questioned Tai.
"Well I ran into a cave, laid on the floor, closed my eyes and fell asleep, because I was tired, duh!" I established sarcastically.
"Never mind" mumbled Tai.
It fell silent between Tai and I. Instead I listened to what the others were talking about.
Joe was talking to Izzy about something, I couldn't hear as he was whispering in his ear, so I ignored them.
Sora and Mimi were talking about fashion and TK was listening to them and joining in! I did not want to join that conversation!
The only one who wasn't talking was Tai and I!
I feel uncomfortable around him, at the fact I discovered my feelings for him.
Oh damn it Matt! Stop thinking about Taichi!
We must have been sitting here in silence for about 3 minutes now. Tai then suddenly laid back which caused a loud thud on the ground that made me jump. Tai then laughed at me.
"What's funny?" I questioned.
"That I made you jump and the look on your face was so hilarious!!" Tai smiled at me and laughed still.
"Aha, very funny!" I said sarcastically. By this point everyone was looking at Tai and me. Probably wondering why on earth Tai was rolling around in fits!
"What's Tai laughing at?" asked TK.
Just because he made me jump he thinks it's the most funniest thing in the world!" I replied. Tai calmed down a little.
"Hehe! I couldn't help it! The look on Matt's face!!" Tai burst out laughing again. I couldn't help it but chuckle at him. This had been a long time since I've seen Tai so happy.
"Enough is enough now, Tai" I tried calming him down. Which seem to work. He chuckled then just smiled widely at me. I smiled back.
"Guys" Tai called to everyone to get their attention.
"Matt and I are going to get some more firewood!" Tai announced as he got up.
Whoa? Tai then grabbed me by the arm and pulled me up to my feet. What? There was plenty of wood there! We didn't need anymore!
The gang gave knowing glances at each other and then smiled at Tai and I.
I laughed nervously and then was dragged into the forest.
"What's this about Tai? There is plenty of wood there to last us a day!" I confronted.
"I know let's just go into the forest deeper, there is something bothering me that I have to ask you" replied Tai with a worrying glance. He grabbed my arm again and picked up the pace.
Finally Tai stopped at tree and plunked himself down and taken me down with him.
"So?" I simply stated waiting for an explanation.
"You know when we first met…" Tai began.
I looked into his eyes to see what he was going to say next. I knew it was something bad.
"Yeah" I coaxed trying to get him to tell me, straight off.
"And you had all those cuts and bruises…" he stated.
I sweat dropped. Oh god not this again!
"Yeah what about them?" I queried with a building up of tension in my voice.
"Well when I saw the ones on your stomach after we stopped fighting, I noticed a big scar running from you ribs down to your navel… and I am concerned on how you got them all…" replied Tai wearily. His eyes began to shake slightly and I knew he was really upset. So I gave up and decided to tell Tai.
"It was my dad, when I was young, he… he got really mad at me once as I tried to run away to find TK… my father wouldn't let me see him and when he realized I had gone, he got into his car to get me. And then… and then that's when he tried to… to… run me over…" I explained.
I burst into tears and I dived into Tai's arms for comfort.
He put his hands through my hair and whispered soothing words to say it was okay. I pressed against his chest hugging him he hugged me back.
"I'm sorry Matt for bringing it up, really I am" Tai apologized.
"But that was only the beginning, that is how I got my scar…" I sobbed. "Then he said I should go to summer camp and I refused he got mad again…"
More tears fled from my eyes and I tried to wipe them away. However, as hard as I tried, ten thousand new ones appeared.
"I'm so sorry…" Tai atoned.
I ignored Tai's apologies. I didn't know I was telling Tai all this, but I felt much better getting some of my past off my chest.
"Matt? Was that why you didn't want to make friends in case they harmed you too?"
"Yes, if I figured my family didn't want me then nobody would…" I said my voice full of emotion.
Tai looked at me sadly.
"Matt, Of course your family wants you, and me included, so don't think bad about it. I mean look at TK, considering how you don't see each other so often he was so happy to see you and BE with you" gratified Tai. "And I have once been in a situation like you"
I looked up at Tai surprised. Tai smiled slightly.
"You see this black arm brace?" he said while pointing at his arm. I just nodded.
"I don't wear it because of a soccer injury, in fact the reason why I wear it is that because that part of my arm is really weak and scarred. My dad also done that to me…" Tai trailed off.
I gasped. "Tai…"
"He did to me when Kari nearly died, I deserved it really. I nearly killed her I was about seven or eight. I wanted to play soccer with my friends but I couldn't leave Kari on her own sick, so I took her outside with me. She collapsed and got pneumonia or something that's when my dad did this to me" explained Tai.
I couldn't believe what I was hearing it was like my ears were playing a trick on me.
"I had no idea" I replied as I got up, away from his grasp.
Tai put his head down low.
A tear fell onto the ground it was obvious he was crying.
I crawled closer to him and held his chin up.
"Tai don't cry, you didn't know your sister was really ill. You were young" I comforted wiping away the tears from his eyes.
Tai looked at me; we gazed at each other for a few moments.
Tai cared about me. I knew that from such certainty and yet I have never felt it from anybody before. So much love in those huge brown eyes and all directed at me.
My mother didn't love me, but Tai certainly could.
And I needed to feel loved, always have done. I guess that is why I leaned towards him and kissed him gently on the lips. So sweet, even above the saltiness of my tears I could taste the very essence of that sweet boy.
Yet as my tongue flickered out to beg entrance into that sweetness he pulled away from me. I'd done it again. Less than a minute making contact to other people, I was pushing someone else away from me.
"I'm sorry." I lowered my eyes, not wanting to see the hate that would now be clearly visible on his face.
"Why? Because you kissed me Matt? Don't you think I wanted you to kiss me?"
I was shocked. I didn't expect that answer. My voice has deserted me but I found myself nodding my head weakly.
"You don't have to be sorry, I've always wanted to kiss you… In fact I have been in love with you for quite a while now. I just didn't know how you would of reacted…" admitted Tai.
I was dumbstruck. Did Tai really mean that? Or was he just saying that to make me feel better for making myself act like a complete idiot?
Tai must of seen the doubt in my eyes, he lifted my chin up so I looked into his eyes.
"And I'm not just saying that, You got to believe me Matt." Reassured Tai and he moved closer to kiss me again. I soon responded as he touched my lips.
I knew I was in doubt and loneliness for a long time now. However, now I know I am not alone anymore. I am finally loved again.
What a fool I must have been to be so blind of someone wanting me.