Author's Notes: This story here is a follow-up to my previous story, Bleeding Love, which is posted in the Tokyo Babylon section. I suggest you read that first, because BL gives you Subaru and Seishirô's overall attitudes and reasons for doing things. I won't dwell on those too much in this story, so reading BL may help you understand a bit more. This story takes place several years after BL (between seven and eight), and Seishirô has since died. Since one of the first scenes in this story is the very last scene in X seventeen, the latest book, most of this will be my imagination, and will most likely not go with CLAMP's story much at all. Ah, well…call it a timeline diversion at the end of book seventeen. I apologize for any dialogue discrepancies, for I can't translate everything that is said to get an accurate script. I got most of it at least paraphrased accurately, but I had to guess for a few lines.
Everything herein does not belong to me, but to CLAMP, a group of rather creative ladies that totally eclipse my storytelling talents.
Love You Always By Annie-chanSakurazuka Seishirô woke up slowly, gradually becoming aware that he was laying on something firm and soft at the same time, like a large, comfortable bed. He had been having dreams of blood and destruction, of his beloved in tears, of his own death…
Death.
He shot bolt upright in the bed, eyes wide, heart and breath rapid. Those had not been dreams. He had fought Subaru on Rainbow Bridge in Tokyo, and had purposely lost, letting the younger man punch a gaping hole in his chest. He had done it as payback, as a way of saying "I'm sorry" to the one he had loved the most, the one he had wronged the most. He had taken away all that was dear to Subaru, so it was only fitting that he give Subaru his much-needed revenge. The thought of dying at Subaru's hands let Seishirô enter Hell with at least one comforting thought.
But, he thought, looking around confusedly, what kind of Hell is this?! The room he was in was a medium-sized bedroom, furnished simply, yet elegantly, with a light color scheme. Not what he expected at all.
He realized with a shock where he was when the door opened, and in walked none other than Sumeragi Hokuto, a reading book in her hands.
"Sei-chan!" she whooped delightedly when she saw him sitting up in bed. "You're awake! Oh, it's felt like forever like you first got here! I've been waiting and waiting for you to wake up!" She had jumped on the bed and thrown her arms around him in a tight hug, the white-feathered wings that stretched from her back wrapping around him, too. He made no move to return the embrace. He was staring straight ahead, and his mouth and throat had gone very dry.
"H-how long…since I died…?" he managed to grate out.
"Oh, a couple days," she answered, loosening her hold and looking into his face, her own face still stretched in a grin. "Souls that come to Heaven wake up like this in what will be their homes for the rest of time. They don't remember the actual arrival here." She sat back and looked slightly skyward as she recounted the last couple of days. "You would have woken up a lot sooner, but when Saint Peter let your soul in the gates and it was about to be taken here, a bunch of angels that were near the gates saw you and they all got in a big spat as to whether you deserved to be here or not. Some were saying that Peter wouldn't have let you in if you didn't, and others were saying that Peter must have been wrong, and that you should be sent down to Hell. Peter tried to calm it down, but no one listened to him. It got to the point where they had to take it before God." She grinned again. "You should have seen the looks on the faces of the angels arguing against you when God said that He meant the whole time to let you in, that He would never allow one of His warriors to go to Hell, that your life as an assassin was the fault of that Sakura Tree, that your soul had been screaming for forgiveness for your crimes against Subaru and those you killed almost from word one, and that every angel in Heaven ought to have known that! It was the funniest 'oops!' look I've ever seen!" She dissolved into giggles for a few minutes, letting him think in the absence of her chatter.
He shouldn't be here. He never deserved to be here. He should have gone to Hell, like those angels said. He didn't deserve the snow-white wings spreading gracefully from his back. He didn't deserve the eternal peace and happiness that Heaven gave to its residents. He didn't deserve anything but endless punishment and torment in Hell for the sins he had committed in his life.
He shoved the covers back and jumped out of bed, startling Hokuto and almost knocking her off as well. He quickly put on his shoes, which were near the bedside—he was dressed in a simple white shirt and black pants—and rushed out the door. He ran through the front room of the house, hardly noticing anything in it, and burst out the front door. He scanned the horizon, and saw where he wanted to go: God's palace was pretty near, and he sped off toward it, traveling in great leaps and bounds, as the Ten no Ryû and Chi no Ryû tended to do when they wanted to get somewhere, unconsciously using his wings to steer and propel. He got to the palace in less than a minute, and streaked through the halls. He guided himself to the throne room by following the feeling of a very intense holy power, and found himself in the throne room itself in almost no time. He was shaking, not from the effort it took to get here, but from the turbulent emotions churning through him.
The angels that were in the throne room started whispering among themselves at his arrival, most of them quite surprised that he had burst in here unannounced. The deity at the far side of the large room, however, regarded him composedly.
"Why am I here?!" Seishirô asked, his voice thin and tremulous, tears threatening to fall. "Why did You bring me here?! Why?!" He fell to his knees, the tears overflowing, his hands fisting in his hair. "I don't deserve to be here! Why, why, why did You bring me here?!" He felt a few people kneeling beside him, and one put their arms around him. It was Hokuto, who had followed him here, and the others were angels moved to compassion by his grief. He didn't acknowledge their presence, in fact hardly even noticing them.
"There is more than one reason why I brought you here, Sakurazuka Seishirô," God replied evenly. "One reason is that you are a Chi no Ryû, one of those chosen directly by Me to help decide the fate of humanity. I will not send you or any of the others to Hell, for the driving force behind your actions in the war is to carry out your destiny, whatever destiny that may be. You may say that you have committed so many sins outside of the war, and that is true. But, the countless killings you committed were solely to obey that Tree you were enslaved to. You did not enjoy the killings, and would have stopped them altogether if you had the ability. The excitement you found in the killings does not count against you, for your body released a large amount of adrenaline as you killed, which made your body get a surge of energy. You could not control your body's chemical functions any more than any other human."
"B-but," Seishirô protested through his tears, "the crimes I inflicted against my love are enough in themselves to damn me!"
"No," God replied. "You were driven by your destiny as a Chi no Ryû, and you thought it best to keep from getting too close to an enemy. And, when you realized how wrong your actions were, it was too late to change. You thought you were acting in his best interest."
"I don't care," Seishirô murmured softly. "I hurt him so much…I hurt him more than he ever deserved. I ruined him…" He lowered his head again, weeping quietly.
"I have not stated My final reason for bringing you here," the Lord said. "All your life, you hated your role as the Sakurazukamori, even though you hid it behind a smile and a blithe fulfillment of your duties toward the Tree. You could have fooled anyone. And, you hid behind that same smile, though it turned into a smirk, as you tortured Subaru, coming off as a sadist who enjoyed his pain and his tears. To him, you were little more than a cruel beast of a man. But, deep down, whether it was about the murders you committed or your actions against Subaru, so deep you yourself hardly knew it happened, your soul was constantly screaming for forgiveness. I have never witnessed a soul so distraught by their own actions. Your conscious prayers were nothing compared to your unconscious pleadings, and I was moved to pity. Because of your heartfelt repentance, I forgive you of your sins, thus bringing you here where I believe you deserve to be."
"I…I am forgiven…?" Seishirô whispered, sounding unbelieving. The Lord nodded. Seishirô was silent a moment, then suddenly stood up, breaking free of the surrounding angels—much to their surprise—and stepped forward, his eyes intense and determined. "Punish me!"
Several angels gasped, surprised by his seeming eagerness for punishment. That was very unusual indeed.
"I have already said that I will not send you to Hell," the Lord replied.
"I know," Seishirô said. "I know I can't fight Your judgment, and I'm not asking for Hell anymore. But, I need some kind of punishment! If I don't, I'll never get rid of this guilt I have!" He dropped to his knees again, bowing low. "Please," he almost whimpered, "please, make me suffer for my sins! Make me make up for what I did! It's the only way I'll forgive myself!"
Hokuto looked dismayed at Seishirô's request, and there were murmurs among the other angels. Many were trying to decide if this man had a masochistic streak or not.
The Lord looked down at Seishirô's kneeling, trembling form for a long time. Long after the murmurs had died down and Seishirô's tears were reduced to occasional sniffling, He finally spoke.
"I will make you a ghost, Sakurazuka Seishirô," he said. "You will be a bodiless spirit trapped in the Material Plane, and the living will not be able to hear, see, or touch you. You will be tied to Sumeragi Subaru, unable to do anything but follow and watch him. Being so close to your love with no way to contact him should be punishment enough."
Seishirô's breath caught in his throat. Yes, that would be terrible. Being so close to Subaru, wanting so much to hold him, kiss him, tell him just how much he loved him and how sorry he was but be unable to act on any of his desires would be pure torture. He bowed his head again, silently accepting the proposed punishment.
He felt two arms wrap around him again, and he looked up into the eyes of his love's near-mirror-image, Hokuto. She was smiling sadly at him, her green eyes glistening with tears. He returned her embrace, pressing his forehead to the crook of her neck. "Sayonara, Sei-chan," she said softly. "I'll see you and Subaru when you get back."
Seishirô had no opportunity to respond before darkness enveloped him, and he felt like he was falling very quickly straight down. He could see nothing in the blackness, but the wind whistled loudly around him as he fell, and he felt a surge of panic. Was he ever going to stop?! After an endless moment of weightlessness, his descent finally slowed, and he settled gently on his feet on the ground. He looked around and saw he was in his own backyard, the house now abandoned—he had been the only resident at the time, and he was now dead. He looked down at himself, and since he looked solid to himself, he walked over to the nearest tree and grabbed a low branch. He could hold onto it, but he couldn't feel it in his hand, and he couldn't move it when he tried to gently shake it, though it would have offered little resistance to him if he had been alive. He had just confirmed to himself that, though he was in the Material Plane, he had no influence whatsoever on his surroundings.
He sensed two infinitely familiar presences nearby, and turned around to look upon the forlorn figure of Sumeragi Subaru, as well as the tall and somewhat forbidding shape of Monou Fûma, known to the Chi no Ryû as Kamui, standing partly in the shadows under a tree. They were talking quietly, and Seishirô slowly approached to see what they were talking about. Fûma seemed to not be in any sort of fighting mood today, but the man had caprices like you wouldn't believe. Seishirô came up almost behind Subaru, and reached out to lay a hand on his shoulder, but thought better of it and withdrew his hand. Neither Subaru nor Seishirô would feel it—Seishirô would feel the pressure of touch, but no warmth or texture—so there wasn't much point.
"Why have you come…?" Subaru asked Fûma quietly, his voice soft and subdued. The young man had had an almost timid demeanor since Seishirô's death. Fûma seemed to ignore the question.
"What a mysterious garden," he said, almost conversationally. "The flowers in here tend to bloom out of season. There're camellia flowers…and sakura." Fûma watched Subaru's reaction. "Of course, a Sakurazukamori built this house long ago, so it's no surprise there are sakura." He looked at Subaru directly. "You wanted to kill the Sakurazukamori. Your wish was fulfilled."
Subaru lowered his eyes, barely concealed despair flashing through them.
"But, the Sakurazukamori's wish did not come true, as yours did," Fûma said after a slight pause.
Subaru's eyes snapped wide open. "What are you saying?" he said, a slight edge to his voice. "That his wish is whatever you say it is?"
"Iya," Fûma replied. "But, I did understand what he wanted. I seek to fulfill the deepest wishes of certain humans. You remember I gave you your deepest desire, if you set aside your need for revenge." He pointed to Subaru's face. "You remember I took your right eye."
Subaru put his hand up to his face, his eyes half-closed in thought. "My eye…"
"The Sakurazukamori had much regret in his spirit," Fûma continued. "His actions against you left many scars, physically and emotionally. The Sakurazukamori's wish was to heal those scars that he left behind."
Subaru's face tightened. He hated being reminded of the pain he went through at Seishirô's hands.
"Oh, dear Subaru-kun," Seishirô said, though neither Subaru nor Fûma could hear him. "You don't know how right he is."
Fûma held up a medium-sized vial. You couldn't see inside, as the glass was opaque white. The Sakurazuka Pentagram was emblazoned on the side in stark black. "In this vial," Fûma said, "I have put the Sakurazukamori's left eye."
What?! Seishirô though, stunned. But, then again, he really wouldn't be surprised if he found out Fûma had found his mangled corpse in the ruins of Rainbow Bridge and dug the eye from his socket. He hadn't been squeamish when he did the same thing to a living Subaru, so why hold back from doing it to a dead Seishirô?
"I got it from his corpse in what's left of Rainbow Bridge," Fûma said, confirming Seishirô's recent musings. "This eye can be used to heal your scars. It's the Sakurazukamori's wish." He held the vial out to Subaru.
Subaru was hesitant to take it, and his face once again dissolved into depthless sorrow. "Seishirô-san," he whispered heartbrokenly, his hand on his chest as if his heart was hurting. Seishirô felt a surge of regret so deep at the look in his beloved's eyes that he nearly cried out in its intensity.
"You know…" Fûma began again, and Seishirô could see an almost sad look in his leader's eyes. Fûma continued almost hesitatingly, very strange coming from him. "I now find myself in the same predicament as you two were in."
Subaru looked up at him, pity in his eyes. "With Kamui?" he asked, an understanding tone in his voice.
"Yes," Fûma admitted, lowering his gaze.
Realization hit Seishirô like a slap in the face. Oh, good Lord, he thought, stunned. Fûma loved Kamui! He wasn't devoid of human emotion after all! He felt sudden compassion for the younger man. He knew how horrible it was to suppress soul-deep love, forcing yourself to torment the one you loved, who could never let go of their love for you, no matter what tortures you put them through. It did hell on your mental health and stability, and Seishirô knew what that was like all too well. He dreaded the fact that Fûma was implying that Kamui was going through the same thing as Subaru had been: an intense love-hate that threatens to push you over the brink of sanity at the slightest provocation.
"Well, what are you going to do?" Fûma suddenly asked Subaru, as if anxious to get away from his personal problems. He held out the vial again. "Will you take it or will you leave it?"
Subaru reached out and tentatively laid his hand on the vial.
"Are you sure?" Fûma said, not loosening his grip on the vial. "Will you inherit the Sakurazukamori's power to heal you by taking this?"
Subaru hesitated a moment more, then closed his fingers tightly around the vial and lifted it from Fûma's hand. Both Fûma and Seishirô watched silently as Subaru hugged the oddly-shaped container to his chest, closing his eyes, looking as if he was about to cry. He stood perfectly still, his head bowed over the small piece of his love, knowing it was the closest he could ever get to him again. Seishirô felt his heart squeeze tightly, and he closed the distance between him and Subaru and wrapped his arms around the smaller man, hugging him from behind, not caring that Subaru would not feel it. He wouldn't even feel a fleeting, cold sensation that people in ghost stories get when disembodied spirits touch them. He had no idea Seishirô was there, and Seishirô's heart clenched again at that knowledge.
When Subaru looked up again, Fûma was gone.
The young Sumeragi leader sighed, and broke away from Seishirô's grasp, the ghostly arms having no restraint on him. He launched into the air, still clutching the vial to his chest, and all Seishirô could do was follow. Even if he weren't tied to Subaru, he would follow this rare beauty anywhere he went.
It wasn't long before Subaru finally stopped, gliding smoothly through his open window, settling on the floor of his bedroom with ease. He turned around to close the window just as Seishirô entered, and before Seishirô could do anything, Subaru walked right into and through him, taking hold of the windowpanes and closing it, shutting the wind out. It was an odd experience, to say the least.
All he could do was watch as Subaru removed his white overcoat and shoes, climbing onto the bed and laying down, his back to Seishirô. Seishirô walked around the bed to see his love's face, and found that he was gazing thoughtfully at the vial, stroking it almost absentmindedly. The marks on his hands had surfaced again, glowing faintly but prominently on his skin.
"Oh, Seishirô-san," the young man murmured to the vial. "I would give anything to have you here now."
"I am here, Subaru-kun," Seishirô said in reply, a tearing sensation spreading through his chest. Subaru could not hear him, but oh, how he wanted him to. Seishirô felt ready to cry, but, being a ghost, he had no tears to shed.
After a while, Subaru pressed a gentle kiss to the Sakurazuka Pentagram on the side of the vial, as well as to the stars on the backs of his hands, his lips briefly caressing the feared and hated Sakurazukamori's symbol. He placed the vial on his bedside table and slipped under the bedcovers, seeming making ready to sleep, though it was still daylight outside. He reached inside his shirt and pulled out a small cross pendant, closing his hand around it, his eyes sliding shut, as if in prayer.
"Ah, yes, Subaru-kun," Seishirô mused aloud, though no ears could hear him. "You and Hokuto-chan are the first generation of the Sumeragi Clan to be Christian, aren't you? It wasn't really expected that you became two Christian, was it?" It was rather surprising that they converted, as the Sumeragi leader was traditionally onmyôji, and Subaru was had been already training in onmyôjutsu for several years when he and Hokuto had decided, at age twelve, to be Catholics. However, like many Japanese Christians, they did not entirely abandoned Shintô, combining it and Christianity to make the form of Christianity that was unique to Japan. As they told Seishirô not long after they met him, they practiced Christianity in everyday life, and Shintô when dealing with things such as exorcisms, séances, and the like, though Subaru was the one who did most of those, being more trained than his sister. Hokuto, ever the enthusiastic amateur clothes designer, had put crucifixes in at least half the outfits she designed since their conversion, be they ornamentations such as necklaces and earrings, or in the design of the clothes themselves. Seishirô had found that little quirk of hers amusing.
Seishirô was the same way in the fact that he was a Shintô-Christian, but he practiced Shintô as little as possible. He would have been completely Christian, if it wasn't for that damned Tree. The Tree gave him his onmyôjutsu, and that magic was rooted in Shintô customs and rituals. He wanted as little to do with the Tree as he possibly could, even though he was forced to kill for it, so he only practiced Shintô just enough to enable him to use his power. He and Subaru got their magic skill from training and certain practices, but the sheer power they possessed, so much more than their predecessors, was due to the fact that God had chosen them to be two of His warriors.
Seishirô broke out of his thoughts and noticed that Subaru's grip on the cross had slackened, and his body was more relaxed than before, his face serene instead of pained. He was asleep.
Seishirô climbed on the bed and placed his hand on Subaru's head, stroking his pitch-black hair. Or, more accurately, he tried to. He could feel that he was touching Subaru, but nothing else. No skin temperature, no texture, no nothing. His heart nearly broke anew at the fact that he was so close to his beloved but unable to do anything. His heart was screaming for a chance to say, "I'm sorry," to finally tell Subaru that he loved him more than life itself. That, due to his being there and not being there at the same time, was impossible for the tall, dark ghost to do. Again, he expected tears to slip down his face, but none came.
Finally, he had to satisfy himself with lying down next to Subaru and wrapping him in a tight, but unfelt, embrace. His lips were near Subaru's shell-like ear, and he found himself whispering, "I love you…I love you, Subaru-kun…" over and over, wishing with all his being that his silent voice be heard.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Three weeks later…
There was an almost timid knock at the door to Subaru's bedroom, and the Sumeragi leader straightened up. He had been sitting cross-legged in the middle of his bed, staring down at the vial that lay in front of him. He did that a lot when he had nothing else to do. Seishirô was sitting beside him, watching his beloved's every move. Even after so long, the mere sight of this exquisite creature fascinated him. Up until about three weeks ago, he had never been able to allow himself to watch Subaru unhindered, either by the politeness of not staring during the year after they first met, or the mask of sadism and joyful hate that he had worn for the past nine years. Watching Subaru was now his only comfort.
Three weeks, he thought forlornly. Three weeks of watching him, wishing to touch him, talk to him, hold him…anything! And, I can do nothing! Oh, how much longer will this be?! He dreaded the fact that, if Subaru survived this whole Promised Day business, he could live for any number of years, Seishirô trapped with him and yet not with him at the same time. Three weeks of unfulfilled desire to contact his love was bad enough, and several years of the same just might drive him mad. The self-reminder that he had asked to be punished for his sins was no comfort. The spiritual pain was just too much for him to easily handle.
"It's open," Subaru called to the person on the other side of the door. He put the vial back in the drawer of his nightstand. He had not told anyone or shown anyone the vial. It was his and no one else's, and he seemed to feel this need to keep it secret. Perhaps he wanted something that he could completely call his own after having everything else he cared about cruelly stripped away from him.
The door opened. A slight figure was framed in the light spilling in from the hallway. The owner of the figure was not as small as he used to be, but was still under average size for his sex and age. He was closer to the average size of girls his age, as a matter of fact.
Shirô Kamui.
"Kamui," Subaru said, putting a smile on. If he wasn't cheerful in reality, he could at least try to keep his own depression from affecting those around him. "How are you?" His smile faded when he saw the look on his young leader's face.
"Subaru," Kamui said shakily, closing the double doors behind him. He was in shadow in a dark room, so his facial expression was hard to see, but his voice betrayed his distress. "C-can I t-talk to you?" He sounded on the verge of tears.
"Of course," Subaru replied, moving over and patting the bed beside him. "Come sit down."
Kamui walked over, even his gait displaying his dismay. He climbed on the bed and sat, his shoulders slumped and head down. He was dressed a little more casually than was usual for him, wearing a simple white T-shirt and jeans cut off slightly above the knees. His arms and legs were yet again covered with fresh bandages. There was also a large square patch taped to his cheek, as well as two band-aids on his other cheek and forehead. He'd been in a fight again.
"Kamui," Subaru said, his voice heavy with concern, laying a hand on the young boy's trembling shoulder. He jerked it away when Kamui tensed up and cried out, as if in pain. Subaru seemed unsure of what to do for a moment, then grabbed at the boy's shirt and yanked it over his head, despite his protests.
There wasn't any intact skin anywhere. Half his torso was covered in bandages, and all the visible skin was covered in either scratches or deep bruises. Subaru's eyes widened considerably. He had seen Kamui with worse injuries, but never so widespread and numerous over the small body. He instinctively reached out to the boy.
"Jesus Christ," Subaru managed to choke out as Kamui cowered back from his touch. "Kamui, you shouldn't be up and about!"
"I know," Kamui sniffled. "It hurts to even move! B-but…I don't want to…to…give in to h-him. Not one inch."
"Him?" Subaru repeated. He gently took Kamui's chin in his hand and forced the boy to look him in the eyes. "It was Fûma again, wasn't it?"
Kamui's face crumbled into despair. "Yes!" he wailed, clutching at Subaru like a lifeline, his face pressed into the older man's chest, tears streaming from his deep-violet eyes.
Subaru put his arms around Kamui hesitantly, afraid of aggravating the injuries. He gently stroked the raven-black hair, murmuring soft, comforting words in Kamui's ear. Seishirô's heart squeezed at the pitiful sight.
"I hate him!" Kamui cried, pounding his small fist into Subaru's chest. "I hate him, I hate him, I hate him!"
Subaru's chest tightened. He remembered this kind of reaction from his own youth. "Kamui, don't say that," he said. "Don't lie to yourself. You know that's not true."
"It is!" came the cracked reply.
"No," Subaru persisted. "You don't hate him, Kamui. You love him. You love him very, very much. I can feel it."
Kamui lifted his head and looked into Subaru's eyes, shock and astonishment that Subaru had said that shining in the twin darknesses. His lower lip trembled, and his jaw worked soundlessly for a moment, then he lowered his head again.
"Yes," Kamui admitted, so softly Subaru nearly missed it. "Yes, I love him. Oh, God, if only I didn't! It's a curse! A black, cruel, hateful curse!"
"Yes," Subaru conceded. "Love feels like a curse when kept from you. I know. I know all too well what that feels like."
"What do you mean?" Kamui murmured. "Was it—"
"Yes," Subaru said again. "I didn't just care deeply for Seishirô-san. I loved him. I loved him with all my heart, and I still do. For nearly ten years, he tormented me, making me think he hated me, and I hated him. He did everything he could to give me grief, from the moment he killed my sister on." Tears were glistening in Subaru's eyes, but he refused to let them fall. "I could never decide if I loved or hated him. It kept switching back and forth at random, and I could never figure out what was the true emotion. But, his last words to me where that he had always loved me, and I know now that there is no way in Hell I could possibly hate him. Please, Kamui, don't look at the emotions only on the surface. Reach deep inside you, unlike I did, and don't ever lie to yourself about your feelings. It only makes it worse when you're forced to realize the truth."
"But, this is different!" Kamui whined into Subaru's shirt. "Fûma doesn't love me back! He can't love me back! He can't love anything! Not anymore…" The last two words trailed off, and the only sounds he uttered after that were soft, pitiful sobs, muffled by Subaru's shirt.
Subaru was silent, Kamui cradled in his arms. His hand was absently stroking the boy's soft hair, and he was rocking gently back and forth. After a minute, he sighed.
"You don't know that for sure."
Kamui's head snapped up, eyes wide. "W-what do you mean?"
"All I'm saying is that I thought Seishirô hated me as well."
"Thanks, Subaru," Kamui murmured. "But, he can't love me." He lowered his head back to Subaru's chest. "He can't love me…he can't love me…"
Several minutes passed. Seishirô stayed silent. Fûma loved Kamui, and Subaru knew that. Why didn't he just flat-out tell Kamui that?
"Kamui," Subaru said, breaking the silence. He put his hands on Kamui's shoulders and pushed him back far enough that he could look in his young leader's eyes. "There's something I have to tell you before it's too late and I am dead." He ignored Kamui's sudden panicked look at the mention of his death. "I will not actively seek death. If I were, I would have committed suicide long ago. But, if I find myself in a situation that threatens my life, I will not seek a way out, especially if it helps the Ten no Ryû." He looked deep into Kamui's eyes, his hands still resting on the narrow shoulders of the boy. "I will readily sacrifice my life for you and the others. And, I don't want you risking your own life for my sake. You must stay alive until the Promised Day, Kamui, or all our fighting will be for naught."
"But…b-but…Subaru…" Kamui stammered.
"I'm sorry, Kamui," Subaru said, his eyes lowering. "But, I don't want you to risk all we've been fighting for just for me. Besides, I would welcome death with open arms. It is my last chance to be with Seishirô-san. You know that."
"I don't want you to die!" Kamui burst out, throwing his arms around Subaru's neck and hugging him close, fresh tears making their way down his cheeks. The pain in his body was almost unbearable, but he forced himself to ignore it. "You're the only one who understands me, Subaru! I'll be alone without you!"
"Kamui, that's not true," Subaru whispered gently. "You know the others care very much for you. They may not understand you as I do, but that's not the most important thing. The thing that matters most is that they love you and accept you without question, that they give you a shoulder to cry on when you need it, that they would never leave you alone in the dark, that they always come to your aid at any time or any place. It's very rare that two people understand each other as you and I do, so don't shut people out just because they don't. You'll only end up isolating yourself of your own accord."
Kamui was still and silent for a moment, then pulled back and looked into Subaru's eyes again. "Do you really mean that?" he asked quietly, a glimmer of hope shining in his violet depths.
Subaru felt the ghost of a warm-hearted smile tug at his lips. "You know I do, Kamui."
Kamui looked unsure for a moment, then hugged Subaru tightly again. "Arigatô, Subaru," he whispered. "You're my best friend."
"And, you're mine, Kamui," Subaru replied in kind.
After a moment, Kamui extracted himself from the embrace, slipped his shirt back on, and climbed down from the bed, going over to the door. As he was about to go through, he turned around, giving Subaru a rare smile. Then, he was gone, leaving Subaru alone again.
Subaru sighed to himself. "He loves you, Kamui. I can only pray that you'll be able to handle it when you realize it." He turned toward his nightstand again, taking the vial out of the drawer.
"Oh, Subaru-kun," Seishirô whispered, love and pride swelling in his incorporeal heart. "You're so strong, even after everything I've done to you." He bowed his head. "I'm sorry…I'm so sorry, Love…" He reached out and wrapped Subaru in his arms. Having Subaru in his embrace was almost comforting, had it not been for the fact that Subaru had no stimulus whatsoever from the intangible contact.
Subaru's fingertips were gently stroking Seishirô's symbol on the side of the vial, his eyes thoughtful, almost unfocused. "He said this would help heal me," he murmured to himself. "I do feel a little more at peace with this than before he gave it to me. Perhaps having a piece of my love near, no matter how small, has somehow calmed my soul a bit." Sorrow suddenly flooded his eyes, and he pressed his lips to the Sakurazuka Pentagram briefly before hugging the vial to his chest. "Hokuto-chan…is he there with you? Is he there in Heaven with you? Oh, God, I can't bear the thought of him in Hell! Please, tell me You didn't send him there!" He began crying again, his sobs so soft, even in the otherwise silent room.
"I'm here, Subaru-kun," Seishirô whispered futilely. "I'm right here! Oh, if only you could see me, hear me, touch me!" He had curled himself around his weeping soul mate, as if seeking to shield him from any sort of attack. God only knew how much he had desired to hold Subaru like this in life.
Subaru's tears ceased after a few minutes, and he laid the vial back in the drawer after pressing another light kiss to the star on the side. He sighed and exited the room, walking the short route to the kitchen, seeking to satisfy the hunger that had situated itself in his stomach. Seishirô followed along, drawn more by his desire to be near his beloved than by the spiritual bindings that tied him to the suffering young onmyôji that held his heart.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The Promised Day.
"Subaru! Subaru! SUBARUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Seishirô stood frozen, hardly believing what he just witnessed. He heard Kamui shrieking Subaru's name, but the sound barely registered in his mind.
The fight had just barely begun. Seven Ten no Ryû against six Chi no Ryû. Somehow, despite the extreme intensity of the numerous fights, Seishirô was still the only Ryû to fall so far.
Monou Fûma had meant that to change. He meant to get the fight over with quickly, selecting Kamui as his target from the start, not bothering with the other Ten no Ryû, leaving them to his surviving followers. He was apparently anxious to get to wiping out all humanity, as his destiny called for, so he had taken no chances and let loose an enormous blast of raw psychic energy rocketing toward his Twin Star.
The blow never struck home.
Kamui was now dragging himself to his feet, having been thrown backward from the force of the blast. He was bruised and slightly bloodied, but otherwise fine.
Subaru had stepped between them. He had acted on instinct, his urge to protect Kamui with his life overriding all other thoughts. He had unhesitatingly thrown himself in the way of the blast, the magic shield he had managed to throw up in front of him shattering almost instantly under the force of the attack. He now lay perfectly still on the cracked, broken pavement, his body twisted hideously, the pool of his blood rapidly getting bigger around him.
Kamui stumbled over to the mangled mess of torn flesh, broken bones, and blood. "Subaru! Subaru, open your eyes!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He paid no heed to the blood and gore soaking into his clothes as he cradled the broken body to his chest, weeping hysterically.
Fûma stood there, several feet away, watching with an expressionless face. He seemed to have no sorrow at all for the man he had just brutally doomed to death.
Subaru, his world reduced to little more than bottomless agony, managed to open his eyes. "Ka…mu…i…" He was stunned he was even still alive. He didn't think anyone could be this far-gone and still be alive.
"Don't speak, Subaru!" Kamui choked. "Don't waste your energy!"
"It doesn't matter," Subaru whispered. "I am dying anyway."
"No!" Kamui almost screeched. "Don't die, Subaru! Please, don't die!" He barely noticed the rest of the Ten no Ryû gathering around them, all of them as shocked and dismayed at Subaru's condition as Kamui, though not expressing it so forcefully. The Chi no Ryû, in turn, were gathering around their leader, the fight coming to a complete halt for now.
"Gomen nasai," Subaru said, sadness in his eyes. The glazed-over green jewels suddenly widened, and, with amazing strength for his current state, he turned to the side and vomited bright red blood onto the cold pavement.
Kamui gathered the shuddering near-corpse to him, voice constricted as he pleaded against fate. "Subaru…no, Subaru…my dearest friend…oh, God, no! Nononono!"
Subaru, using the last reserves of strength available to him, reached up and brushed away Kamui's tears. "You must live, Kamui…don't let the Ten no Ryû fight in vain! You must win!"
"I-I will," Kamui stammered through his tear-choked throat. "I swear to you! I'll honor your last wish!"
Subaru smiled softly, his eyes shining his thanks. He suddenly looked a little to the side, directly to Kamui's left, and his eyes widened. "…Se…i…shi…ro…u…sa…n…" he whispered, gasping between each syllable. Seishirô had slowly walked up to his dying soul mate, and he realized that Subaru could see him, clear as day, now that his own soul was quickly losing its grip on his body. "…You've…come…you've…come…for…me…dear…one…"
Kamui and the others could not see the tall specter. All they knew was that Subaru had apparently slipped into the half-conscious daze that occurs when one dies slowly. Kamui practically crushed the already shattered body to his slim chest.
"Subaru-kun," Seishirô said, the first true smile he had had in a long time sliding over his lips. "You can see me! Oh, thank God! You can see me!"
Subaru's mouth quirked upward in the semblance of a smile, and he forced his right arm to rise, seeking to grasp his beloved's hand in his own. Seishirô immediately extended his own hand, as eager as Subaru was to touch his soul mate.
The moment their hands touched, Subaru's soul finally abandoned his damaged body. His physical hand dropped limply back down, his entire body relaxing inexorably in Kamui's arms. His soul, however, stood with the help of his Seishirô-san, opening his arms and wrapping them around his love in the way he had longed to do ever since they first saw each other under the Sakura Tree. A thrill of unrestrained joy flooded through him as he was enfolded in Seishirô's strong arms, pressing himself as close as he possibly could.
The mourning wails of Shirô Kamui, as well as the lamentations of the other Ten no Ryû, faded out as the world around them dissolved into all-encompassing, yet infinitely comforting, darkness.
"Seishirô-san," Subaru murmured, turning his face up to gaze deeply in his love's eyes. He let out a shuddering sigh of satisfaction when Seishirô pulled them tightly together and sealed his lips over Subaru's, caressing deeply, spilling all his restrained and tortured love onto his mate's tremulous mouth. Lips parted and tongue's clashed, twisting and dancing around each other, both fighting for dominance, neither backing down easily. They felt as if they could stay like this forever, tangled in each other's embrace, their entire world consisting of only each other.
"Subaru-kun," Seishirô gasped when he finally managed to pull away from Subaru's hungry kiss. "Oh, God, Subaru-kun, I love you! I'll always love you! I swear to you, I will!" He crushed Subaru to him, his forehead pressed against Subaru's shoulder.
"Yes, Seishirô-san," Subaru purred, his fingers burying themselves in Seishirô's thick, dark hair. "I know you love me. I'll always love you back just as much, if not more. Remember that, always."
"Yes," Seishirô whispered, feeling truly content for the first time in his existence. He suddenly raised his head again to look deeply in Subaru's eyes, suddenly becoming aware of an ascending sensation. "Come, Subaru-kun. Hokuto-chan is waiting for us."
"Mm," Subaru replied, a smile of his own gracing his beautiful visage. He wrapped his arms around Seishirô's neck and waited. Yes…everything was perfect.
OwariAuthor's Notes: I should probably explain why I made Subaru and Seishirô Christian, for one reviewer of Bleeding Love pointed out that onmyôji are deeply rooted in Shintô. Yes, they are, but many Japanese who practice Christianity still keep Shintô customs, though to what degree depends on the person. It's not entirely impossible that Subaru, a powerful onmyôji, could be Christian as well. Also, there are so many crucifixes in his and Hokuto's clothing and jewelry in Tokyo Babylon that I came to the conclusion that it is not just a fashion statement, but a statement of their faith as well. For those of you who disagree with me, I'm sorry. You can tell me if you disagree, but please be nice about it. I don't take kindly to criticism that seems more destructive than constructive. As for Seishirô, you really don't see anything protesting to his faith, so I decided to make him a Shintô-Christian as well. *shrug* I should say that I have NO PROBLEMS WHATSOEVER with people who practice Shintô, Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, Atheism, or any other non-Christian religions, God bless them all (I'm nondenominational Christian, myself). Just keep in mind the explanation I just gave you, okay?
Anyway, did you like this story? I so hope you did. It took a while to write this one, as I've been lazy the past couple of days. -_-0 Gomen nasai. Please, please, please let me know what you think of this either in a review or at mangareader@hotmail.com, onegai, onegai, onegai shimasu! ^_^V