Disclaimer: I do not own The West Wing or its characters or its actors. As hard as I may try to claim them as mine, it is, sadly, not to be so.
"Hey Rick! Come here."
He walked in the door.
"Yeah?"
"I just found this... uh..."
"Website?"
"Yah. With this... uh..."
"Survey?"
"Yah. And it says that 'The West Wing Character I Am Most Like' is Toby."
"Yeah. So?"
"But that's you."
He nodded, "I know."
The two stared at each other.
"Well, if it makes you feel any better, Brad, more fans are in love with you. Actually, I had to force my way past some to get in here."
"Hm. Ok, fair enough. But I want you to try this."
He moved away from the computer to let Richard try.
A few minutes later.
"Hmmm... it says I'm 'most like' Sam Seaborn."
"We're all playing the wrong characters! This is serious. Do you think Aaron should know about this?"
"You realize that you're basing your conclusions on the results of two incidents. Two."
"That sounds like something Sam would say."
Schiff ignored that. "Let's get someone else."
In his chair, Brad wheeled over to the window and yelled outside, "Hey! Janel!"
She was there in a second.
"What do you want Bradley?"
"To ask you some quest-"
"You have a computer with internet access?"
"...Yah."
"This is seriously your trailer?"
"Yah."
"And you have a fridge!"
She helped herself to rummaging through it.
"Your trailer isn't like this?"
"Mine's about the same as this," Richard added, "What about yours?"
"I... don't even have windows... And all I have is a typewriter whose "E" is stuck... And I don't have a fan club threatening to shake me out of trailer."
Brad waited impatiently for her to finish speaking, "I assure you I'm crying on the inside... but can you answer this thing on the computer for me?"
A few minutes later.
"So now I just click this button?"
"Yes."
Pause.
"It says 'Donna Moss'."
"What? No!"
"What? What does this mean? 'Donna Moss'?"
"That you're most like her."
She stared at them. "Well, of course. I swear, guys come up with the dumbest things."
She went back to her refrigerator-raiding.
"Well, now the results are inconclusive."
"Sounds like something Toby would say."
Whitford ignored that, "Let's try Allison."
Richard called outside, "Hey Al! Can we ask you something?"
She came in. "When did I say you could call me 'Al'?"
Brad looked at her, "You did."
"When?"
"In a song."
"Okay, Betty."
A few minutes later.
"Hey Allison, this says you're most like President Jed Bartlet."
"Bartlet?!"
"Oh. Maybe it's because I answered 'yes' for you on 'Do I have a chronic autoimmune disease of the central nervous system.'"
"That would do it."
"That sounds like something Bartlet would say."
She ignored that.
Brad screamed. "What happened? What happened?! Everything shut off!"
Janel quickly shut the fridge. "If anything spoils, it's not my fault!"
The four then looked out the door of the trailer and were confronted by a mob of girls.
"We love you Josh!" They chorused.
"That's not my name, you know."
"We love you Brad!" They chorused.
"I have a wife, you know."
One of the girls burst into tears.
"Don't tease us like that!"
"But it's true. My wife's name is Jane Kaczmarek."
"Who?"
"The mother on Malcolm in the Middle."
"Who? In the What?"
"Malcolm in the Middle. It can be found on the Fox Network. You should watch it."
The girl burst into more intense tears.
Brad sighed, "Jeez, don't you all have something better to do? You get here before I do. Don't you have actual lives?"
One of the girls shouted hurriedly in one breath, "I have my TV slash VCR programmed to only turn on a little before The West Wing starts and to turn off right after it ends!"
Another girl spoke up, "I... I have the mailman cut out everything in my TV Guide that isn't somehow connected with The West Wing and its actors and actresses."
"Wow. You all frighten me."
"Getting back to the reason we even came out here..." Janel reminded them.
"Oh, yah," Brad screamed, "AAAH! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY POWER?!!"
The group walked around the trailer to find a cursing-like-a-sailor Martin Sheen.
"I tripped over this damn cord on the damn ground." He threw other obscenities into the air.
The cord led to Bradley's trailer.
Richard plugged it back in.
Brad screamed in delight.
His mob echoed him.
He assured them, "You're never getting into my trailer."
Rob Lowe, however, did get in.
"What's going on? I heard screaming that wasn't from my own adoring fans."
"It's horrible! We're having an identity crisis."
A few minutes later.
"So, instead of the President, I'm supposed to be our sarcastic, good-for-nothing, never-listens, resident-shmuck of a Deputy Chief of Staff."
"Hey!"
"Brad, you know it's true."
"I am NOT sarcastic."
"Well, it says I'm most like Charlie."
"No one cares Rob."
"That hurts Allison."
"Just acting like the President."
"Damnit. That's not how I act. Is it?"
She shrugged.
Rob continued with his self-absorption, "But how am I supposed to be a minor character?"
The trailer door opened.
"Someone mention minor characters?"
Dule Hill and Stockard Channing walked in, John Spencer trailing behind them.
"I don't really think I'm a minor character."
"You're a minor character. Shut up and get over it, John." Stockard snapped and then quickly smiled.
"I'll admit that I'm a minor MAJOR character."
"And I'll admit that you're a major idiot."
"So what's up?" Dule asked.
Quite a few minutes later.
"This is very odd."
"Sounds like something Abbey would say."
Spencer didn't ignore that. "I'm not a woman Bradley, I will take you down."
Richard added, "I don't think Abbey would say that."
"Well, let's just find Aaron and tell him he's made a mistake."
"What? Huh? There's a mistake?"
Dule sighed, "Nevermind Janel. Go back to Brad's fridge."
"Oh. Okay." She happily complied.
"Ok, but let me do something really quick before we go."
Brad made a chart:
Stockard Channing is Abbey, but should be Leo.
Dule Hill is Charlie, but should be CJ.
Allison Janney is CJ, but should be Jed.
Rob Lowe is Sam, but should be Charlie.
Janel Moloney is Donna, but should be Donna.*
Richard Schiff is Toby, but should be Sam.
Martin Sheen is Jed, but should be Josh.
John Spencer is Leo, but should be Abbey.
Bradley Whitford is Josh, but should be Toby.
*Ignore this Aaron. Janel is uncooperative.
"Ok. Let's go."
The group headed off to find Aaron Sorkin. They found him drinking coffee and musing over a future script. They pushed Janel to the front, urging her to talk to him.
"Umm... Hi Aaron."
"Yes, Janel?"
"We were... concerned... about the... casting... of the show."
Sorkin looked up, "We?"
"Well, not really me, but everyone else..."
"Why?"
"I... umm..."
She dragged Brad next to her. He nervously handed his chart over to Aaron who looked it over, then looked up from it to the group.
"What do you want me to do?"
Whitford proposed, "Change the casting?"
"Won't that confuse all the viewers who already love the show how it is?"
"Yes?"
A day later.
"I can't do this, Aaron! Rob Lowe makes the worst presidential aide ever!"
"Hey!"
John whispered to Martin, "I told you there can't be a woman president."
Allison gritted her teeth, "That's it my 'dear husband', I'm going to kill you!"
Stockard added, "As your chief of staff, I'm gladly going to help."
Janel sighed, "I don't see why everyone's having such a hard time with this..."
Sheen glared at her, "You're playing the same part, so you wouldn't know what 'hard' is."
"I liked it better when Josh was nice. I don't like him old... and surly... and mean!"
"Did you just call me old?"
Meanwhile, Schiff and Whitford bit their lips to keep from laughing at Dule.
"You mean, we weren't supposed to dress like them?"
He just wasn't quite so dignified as Allison in CJ's clothes.
"Cut!"
Sorkin sighed.
"Go change into what you're supposed to be wearing... I'm switching the parts back!"
A whole day wasted because of some stupid thing from the internet.
You've got to love show business.
Footnote: I love all of The West Wing's characters. Do not take any of the above as me favoring or 'hating' any of them. They're all awesome. And do not believe any of what is written above as the truth. Currently, I do not have any connections with the actors/actresses or Aaron Sorkin, thus, I can not dictate how they actually act. It's a parody! I'm supposed to be making fun of them! Again, I reiterate that I love them all.
"Hey Rick! Come here."
He walked in the door.
"Yeah?"
"I just found this... uh..."
"Website?"
"Yah. With this... uh..."
"Survey?"
"Yah. And it says that 'The West Wing Character I Am Most Like' is Toby."
"Yeah. So?"
"But that's you."
He nodded, "I know."
The two stared at each other.
"Well, if it makes you feel any better, Brad, more fans are in love with you. Actually, I had to force my way past some to get in here."
"Hm. Ok, fair enough. But I want you to try this."
He moved away from the computer to let Richard try.
A few minutes later.
"Hmmm... it says I'm 'most like' Sam Seaborn."
"We're all playing the wrong characters! This is serious. Do you think Aaron should know about this?"
"You realize that you're basing your conclusions on the results of two incidents. Two."
"That sounds like something Sam would say."
Schiff ignored that. "Let's get someone else."
In his chair, Brad wheeled over to the window and yelled outside, "Hey! Janel!"
She was there in a second.
"What do you want Bradley?"
"To ask you some quest-"
"You have a computer with internet access?"
"...Yah."
"This is seriously your trailer?"
"Yah."
"And you have a fridge!"
She helped herself to rummaging through it.
"Your trailer isn't like this?"
"Mine's about the same as this," Richard added, "What about yours?"
"I... don't even have windows... And all I have is a typewriter whose "E" is stuck... And I don't have a fan club threatening to shake me out of trailer."
Brad waited impatiently for her to finish speaking, "I assure you I'm crying on the inside... but can you answer this thing on the computer for me?"
A few minutes later.
"So now I just click this button?"
"Yes."
Pause.
"It says 'Donna Moss'."
"What? No!"
"What? What does this mean? 'Donna Moss'?"
"That you're most like her."
She stared at them. "Well, of course. I swear, guys come up with the dumbest things."
She went back to her refrigerator-raiding.
"Well, now the results are inconclusive."
"Sounds like something Toby would say."
Whitford ignored that, "Let's try Allison."
Richard called outside, "Hey Al! Can we ask you something?"
She came in. "When did I say you could call me 'Al'?"
Brad looked at her, "You did."
"When?"
"In a song."
"Okay, Betty."
A few minutes later.
"Hey Allison, this says you're most like President Jed Bartlet."
"Bartlet?!"
"Oh. Maybe it's because I answered 'yes' for you on 'Do I have a chronic autoimmune disease of the central nervous system.'"
"That would do it."
"That sounds like something Bartlet would say."
She ignored that.
Brad screamed. "What happened? What happened?! Everything shut off!"
Janel quickly shut the fridge. "If anything spoils, it's not my fault!"
The four then looked out the door of the trailer and were confronted by a mob of girls.
"We love you Josh!" They chorused.
"That's not my name, you know."
"We love you Brad!" They chorused.
"I have a wife, you know."
One of the girls burst into tears.
"Don't tease us like that!"
"But it's true. My wife's name is Jane Kaczmarek."
"Who?"
"The mother on Malcolm in the Middle."
"Who? In the What?"
"Malcolm in the Middle. It can be found on the Fox Network. You should watch it."
The girl burst into more intense tears.
Brad sighed, "Jeez, don't you all have something better to do? You get here before I do. Don't you have actual lives?"
One of the girls shouted hurriedly in one breath, "I have my TV slash VCR programmed to only turn on a little before The West Wing starts and to turn off right after it ends!"
Another girl spoke up, "I... I have the mailman cut out everything in my TV Guide that isn't somehow connected with The West Wing and its actors and actresses."
"Wow. You all frighten me."
"Getting back to the reason we even came out here..." Janel reminded them.
"Oh, yah," Brad screamed, "AAAH! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY POWER?!!"
The group walked around the trailer to find a cursing-like-a-sailor Martin Sheen.
"I tripped over this damn cord on the damn ground." He threw other obscenities into the air.
The cord led to Bradley's trailer.
Richard plugged it back in.
Brad screamed in delight.
His mob echoed him.
He assured them, "You're never getting into my trailer."
Rob Lowe, however, did get in.
"What's going on? I heard screaming that wasn't from my own adoring fans."
"It's horrible! We're having an identity crisis."
A few minutes later.
"So, instead of the President, I'm supposed to be our sarcastic, good-for-nothing, never-listens, resident-shmuck of a Deputy Chief of Staff."
"Hey!"
"Brad, you know it's true."
"I am NOT sarcastic."
"Well, it says I'm most like Charlie."
"No one cares Rob."
"That hurts Allison."
"Just acting like the President."
"Damnit. That's not how I act. Is it?"
She shrugged.
Rob continued with his self-absorption, "But how am I supposed to be a minor character?"
The trailer door opened.
"Someone mention minor characters?"
Dule Hill and Stockard Channing walked in, John Spencer trailing behind them.
"I don't really think I'm a minor character."
"You're a minor character. Shut up and get over it, John." Stockard snapped and then quickly smiled.
"I'll admit that I'm a minor MAJOR character."
"And I'll admit that you're a major idiot."
"So what's up?" Dule asked.
Quite a few minutes later.
"This is very odd."
"Sounds like something Abbey would say."
Spencer didn't ignore that. "I'm not a woman Bradley, I will take you down."
Richard added, "I don't think Abbey would say that."
"Well, let's just find Aaron and tell him he's made a mistake."
"What? Huh? There's a mistake?"
Dule sighed, "Nevermind Janel. Go back to Brad's fridge."
"Oh. Okay." She happily complied.
"Ok, but let me do something really quick before we go."
Brad made a chart:
Stockard Channing is Abbey, but should be Leo.
Dule Hill is Charlie, but should be CJ.
Allison Janney is CJ, but should be Jed.
Rob Lowe is Sam, but should be Charlie.
Janel Moloney is Donna, but should be Donna.*
Richard Schiff is Toby, but should be Sam.
Martin Sheen is Jed, but should be Josh.
John Spencer is Leo, but should be Abbey.
Bradley Whitford is Josh, but should be Toby.
*Ignore this Aaron. Janel is uncooperative.
"Ok. Let's go."
The group headed off to find Aaron Sorkin. They found him drinking coffee and musing over a future script. They pushed Janel to the front, urging her to talk to him.
"Umm... Hi Aaron."
"Yes, Janel?"
"We were... concerned... about the... casting... of the show."
Sorkin looked up, "We?"
"Well, not really me, but everyone else..."
"Why?"
"I... umm..."
She dragged Brad next to her. He nervously handed his chart over to Aaron who looked it over, then looked up from it to the group.
"What do you want me to do?"
Whitford proposed, "Change the casting?"
"Won't that confuse all the viewers who already love the show how it is?"
"Yes?"
A day later.
"I can't do this, Aaron! Rob Lowe makes the worst presidential aide ever!"
"Hey!"
John whispered to Martin, "I told you there can't be a woman president."
Allison gritted her teeth, "That's it my 'dear husband', I'm going to kill you!"
Stockard added, "As your chief of staff, I'm gladly going to help."
Janel sighed, "I don't see why everyone's having such a hard time with this..."
Sheen glared at her, "You're playing the same part, so you wouldn't know what 'hard' is."
"I liked it better when Josh was nice. I don't like him old... and surly... and mean!"
"Did you just call me old?"
Meanwhile, Schiff and Whitford bit their lips to keep from laughing at Dule.
"You mean, we weren't supposed to dress like them?"
He just wasn't quite so dignified as Allison in CJ's clothes.
"Cut!"
Sorkin sighed.
"Go change into what you're supposed to be wearing... I'm switching the parts back!"
A whole day wasted because of some stupid thing from the internet.
You've got to love show business.
Footnote: I love all of The West Wing's characters. Do not take any of the above as me favoring or 'hating' any of them. They're all awesome. And do not believe any of what is written above as the truth. Currently, I do not have any connections with the actors/actresses or Aaron Sorkin, thus, I can not dictate how they actually act. It's a parody! I'm supposed to be making fun of them! Again, I reiterate that I love them all.