Day 1, Mortals Tremble:

Rings accepted by Dwarves, Elves, and Humans today. I'm still a genius, and everyone else is still idiots, it would seem.

In other news, I've decided to upgrade my image. Instead of the old fluttering lily petals on a warm summer breeze, I've decided to go for the more intimidating long-range glare of a lidless eye, wreathed with infernal flames. I think it'll do well, don't you, Journal?

Well, I must get my beauty sleep. Ta.

Day 2, Headache Obliterates 500 Orcs:

I had an annoying migraine this morning, and accidentally destroyed half a legion of my little green-skinned minions.

Human kingdoms are starting to teeter, as their lords fall into the madness of their respective rings. Also, I think I've got some sort of toenail growth…

Day 28, I Rock:

The human lords have fallen, and became the Nazgul. At our first peptalk, they were pretty dismal, whining about how they had been transformed from vigorous living beings into shadows of the living, neither of the realm of life nor death. After I told them they'd get to run around and scare everyone for the rest of their existence, they perked right up. They seem useful, but… I…. I can't stand the smell of their horses. I think the horses are dead. My dread armies continue to terrorize the lands and advance. Soon, all Middle Earth will be in my grasp.

In other news, this ring is really starting to get annoying. Anytime I go to scratch my ass or a different sensitive place, the damn trinket lights up and gives me the most awful rashes.

Day 32, Humans Attack, Can't Stop Laughing:

The remaining forces of the races of middle earth have come to my precious, ash-laden hills. They haven't made much progress against my ENDLESS legions of orcs and other creatures yet… I think I'll go down there and give them a shake, tommorow.

Day 33, One Ring Lost, Physical Form Destroyed, All Hope Lost:

Fuck.

…I mean, a SWORD HILT? WHO AM I? A FUCKING ELF?

Will talk later, journal. Must go destroy things.

Maybe masturbate. Oh, yeah, I can't. I'm DEAD.

Day Day 950,259, God, My Back Fucking Hurts:

I have recovered sufficiently. Though I've tried, I can't take mortal form, yet… well, sufficient mortal form. The first time I tried I ended up as a frog with five legs, and six eyes, each the size of a goblin. I'm thinking I just need a little more time. On the plus side, my not-quite-omniscience is back and in action. I think it may be time to play "I see you…" with some old friends.

Oooooh, Saruman, wheeeeere aaaare you…

Day 950, 271, I'm A Busy Man:

Things are falling into place like clockwork. The ring is still missing, of course, but a former bearer of it, a pathetic wretch by the name of Gollum, has yielded his secrets to our lurvely torture chamber. I dare say, the screams were exquisite. Well, seems the ring is in the Shire, in the possession of some "Bilbo" fellow. To have discovered the ring and kept it so long, I'm sure he must be some great warrior with a sword that fells demons in one hearty swing.

Day 950, 272, What the Fuck?

Oh, yeah, yeah, we know exactly who the snatcher is now. And it's a HOBBIT. A HOBBIT. A bloody MIDGET has had my ring for over a hundred years. Oh, dear lord, I can only imagine what he's done to it with his filthy, hobbity fingers… Oh, the entry, right. I sent the ringwraiths after him. They were pretty happy to take mortal form again. Or sort-of-mortal form, as it turns out. They sure were making a lot of noise. Woke me straight up from my mid-day nap.

Oh well, suppose it can't be avoided. Time to contine the rebuilding of a world-wide empire of sheer malice and hate, I suppose. My work never ends.

Day 950, 301, I Hate Those Jerks:

Yeah, so, I send the ringwraiths after these defenseless hobbits to retrieve my ring of godly power. And yeah, they're pretty defenseless, turns out the wizard who was with them for a short while just upped and left. Oh, sure, they were joined by a ranger.

So, then, nine lords of utter death and horror versus… four midgets and a pansy ranger. Now, in the old days, this sort of thing cleared up right away. SO WHY ARE THEY NOT DEAD? Yeah, the ringwraiths wandered back in here, all soaked, complaining that they had been caught off-guard by some elven bitch, while oggling her considerable assets. I can't believe it. They're dead, and they STILL can't forget their nonexistent libido for a damn second. This is unbelievable. I believe I may need to take more severe actions…

Yep, time to call up Saruman the Inexplicably Creepy, I think.

Now where did I leave that damn stone…?