Day 1, Journal Started, Tower Still Dreary, Boring:
For lack of anything better to do, I have decided to start this journal. In other news, my tower is still dreary, boring, and thoroughly unentertaining. Other wizards haven't stopped by in a while. Think Gandalf has some sort of obsession with those midgets.
Day 2, Dusting off Palantir:
Dusted off Palantir orb, hoping to catch random elven maiden during bathing. Was confronted by the dark glare of a lidless eye wreathed in infernal flame. Now dedicated to Dark Lord, Sauron. Also, my back hurts.
Day 3, Power Overwhelming:
Sauron was kind enough to show me the benefits of Absolute Power, today. Never knew masturbation could be so fun.
Will talk later, Journal. Am busy.
Day 7, I Knew That Fucker Was Up To Something:
Gandalf dropped by today. Turns out One Ring was right under his nose the entire time. Am beginning to wonder how he could have missed this. Furthermore, he rambled on about Sauron for a bit, until I subtly revealed my new allegiance. He tried to flee, and then, when I prevented it, got very pissed. Why must he be so dreary? Nevermind. Beat him up, then placed on top of tower, with the theory that he will be so depressed by orcs running around below him that his heart will break. Oh, orcs. Will explain tommorow, Journal.
Day 8, BURN, FUCKERS, BURN:
Orcs from Sauron have arrived, along with the order for me to build a big-ass army. Hey, no problem. Immediately set about ordering the orcs to cut down all trees and use them to fuel our war-machine. Because, y'know, burning trees is just downright evil.
Evil. Yeah, I never really thought I'd stoop to it, but now that I am, I have to admit its pretty damn fun. Now all I need is an elven maiden to torture, and I'd be set for life. Gandalf still whining on top of tower. Saw weird butterfly fly past. Probably just my imagination.
Day 11, Shit:
I pulled a Sauron.
Despite the fact that I had my brand-new nemesis,Gandalf the Fucking Grey, on top of my tower, he escaped. Yep, there I was beating him down and this big-ass BIRD just flew up and TOOK HIM AWAY. Damn. I think I know how Sauron felt when he got shafted.
Oh, well. Army is growing as planned. New project started. Mixing orcs with humans to create new breed of orcs, without disadvantages of normal orcs. Hah! Who's shafted now? THAT'S RIGHT, SAURON. I'M BETTER THAN YO- Oh, shit, shit, that hurts. Sorry, Sauron. Damn Palantir. Maybe I should destroy it.
In other news, Isengard looks like a real shit-hole, now. I think I like it.
Day 14, I RULE:
OH, YEAH. Silly Gandalf and his "fellowship" tried to take a less-than-safe route through the mountains. Nearly killed the suckers, with a neat little cantrip I learned back in the day.
In other news, I was messing around with the Palantir again, today. Ran into a weird women in latex, who was screaming something about a dark lord, and a ring. Think I may have happened upon Sauron during his "do-not-disturb" hour…
Correction, Journal, have discovered the latex-lady was an elven queen of fell arcane power. Am starting to wonder if she'd like to hook up.
Day 21, Hi, Uruk:
My orc cross-breed the Uruk-Hai, the warrior orcs, are jacked up and good to go. Rather impressive specimens, if I do say so myself. Unfortunately, they show a rather dreadful propensity for grunting, pillaging, and killing, and utterly no inclination to chat with me. Oh, well. Suppose they're effective.
Sent them off after the "fellowship", who apparently have reached Lothlorien. Latex-Lady has not responded to any of my Palantir-aided come-ons. Am beginning to think she may be one of those goody-two-shoes.
Day 25, Mmm:
Settling down to Palantir orb for a bit of maiden-oggling, while waiting for Uruk-Hai to report back. Am starting to worry somewhat at the delay. Surely they can't have all been slaughtered, though. I mean, we're talking about a bunch of midgets, an elf, an old man, and a pair of scruffy humans. I'm sure it'll work out fine. Aaah… Now that is a nice one.