Trooper Journals
Chapter Three: I Want The Nightmare To End
A/N: I don't own the song, "The Ghosts Of You And Me" by BBMAK.
//What am I supposed to do with all these blues haunting me everywhere, no matter what I do?//
Well, today was a regular nightmare, like just about every other day since I returned.
With Arago defeated, I guess it was just a matter of time until we all returned to our homes, but I guess I just didn't think it would be so soon. I don't know, it was just sudden for me.
Too sudden.
I was taken back to where I supposedly "belong", thrown back into a world that I can no longer cope with. My place isn't here. Everyone thinks it is, but my real place is with my friends.
I wonder if they feel the same way?
//Watching the candle flicker out in the evening glow, I can't let go. When will this night be over?//
I guess I'm almost as bad as Seiji and Touma in one area: hiding what I really feel.
I could be crying or screaming on the inside, but you'd never know from all my jokes and laughter. You would never be able to tell how I really felt.
That's my secret. You won't tell, right?
During the fight with Arago, I always tried to stay cheerful. Make jokes, make the others laugh, take some tension out of the situation. Sure, it didn't always work, but it was worth it to see their faces when it did. That was the reward for it.
Now I have no one to make jokes with.
My friends all went back to their homes, and Nasuti is off to college.
We don't see each other much.
I wish we did.
//Seen a lot of broken hearts go sailing by, phantom ships lost at sea, and one of them is mine.//
I think I need to be with my friends to be myself. D'you know what I mean? My friends are the best a guy could ask for, and without them I'm not me, not complete.
I think you get my meaning, but if you don't, I'll sum it all up: I'm lonely without them.
I feel like I can't be me without the others around to bring that out. I suppose Seiji is the same: I've seen him in public before, and he's not nearly as open (if you can call it that..) around others as he is with us.
I'm more observant than anyone seems to think, and I notice more than people think I do. I know the others inside-out, especially Shin, my best friend in the world.
To think that I would even attempt to write something like this didn't seem like it would happen, you know? But here I am, pen in hand, writing this. I can't believe it.
I just don't write that much. I'm more of a talking person than a writing person, I guess.
I just want the nightmare of reality to end.
//Raising my glass I sing a toast to the midnight sky, I wonder why the stars don't seem to guide me.//
Heh. I read over what I've written and I suppose it's all true. Too true, for my tastes.
I almost wish I could be someone else sometimes. Then again, everyone has their problems. I think I'll stick to being me for now, thanks.
I guess I have some pretty good friends outside of our little "group", but it really isn't the same. No one is as close to me as those four. My best friends ever.
I miss them even as I'm writing this.
I can put on the disguise of indifference but I can't act the part.
//The ghost of you and me, when will it set me free? I hear the voices call, following footsteps down the hall, trying to save what's left of my heart and soul.//
Life is harder now, without my allies and friends to back me up. So much for the almighty warrior of strength, huh?
School seems even longer and harder to get through than usual these days, and I keep wondering what subjects the others are in at their schools, or if they have the same vacations as I do. We don't get together often, and more often than not at least one of us won't be there. I've only missed one meeting, because it was a busy day at the restaraunt and I was recruited by Mama to help out. Touma is missing from our meetings more often than the rest of us, mainly because of his mother's false promises to visit him. Then he calls the next day, apologizing for it.
Sometimes I used to think that I had it rough, but all I do is think about any of my friends, and I realize just how lucky I am. There's Ryo. He's an orphan, and has to live with his grandparents. The thought of that being me is enough to give me nightmares. Shin, who's father died when he was little and his mom being sick all the time. Seiji, who is expected so much of that he's developed a fear of failure. And Touma, who's father is always at a lab and who's mother can't be bothered to drop by and see him, always telling him she will and leaving him waiting, alone, at the train station all night.
I just wish I could do something to help them all out, but I guess that's what brings us all together:
How different we all are.
//Watching the candle flicker out in the evening glow, I can't let go, when will the night be over?//
Well, I guess I'm coming to the conclusion that I need my friends to survive. But how, now that we are all apart?
I don't really know, but at least I came to a conclusion.
Anyway, I guess I'm closing this thing now.
Like I said before, though, I just want the nightmare to end.
Sincerely,
Shuu Rei Faun, Warrior of Kongo
Yoroiden Samurai Trooper
Chapter Three: I Want The Nightmare To End
A/N: I don't own the song, "The Ghosts Of You And Me" by BBMAK.
//What am I supposed to do with all these blues haunting me everywhere, no matter what I do?//
Well, today was a regular nightmare, like just about every other day since I returned.
With Arago defeated, I guess it was just a matter of time until we all returned to our homes, but I guess I just didn't think it would be so soon. I don't know, it was just sudden for me.
Too sudden.
I was taken back to where I supposedly "belong", thrown back into a world that I can no longer cope with. My place isn't here. Everyone thinks it is, but my real place is with my friends.
I wonder if they feel the same way?
//Watching the candle flicker out in the evening glow, I can't let go. When will this night be over?//
I guess I'm almost as bad as Seiji and Touma in one area: hiding what I really feel.
I could be crying or screaming on the inside, but you'd never know from all my jokes and laughter. You would never be able to tell how I really felt.
That's my secret. You won't tell, right?
During the fight with Arago, I always tried to stay cheerful. Make jokes, make the others laugh, take some tension out of the situation. Sure, it didn't always work, but it was worth it to see their faces when it did. That was the reward for it.
Now I have no one to make jokes with.
My friends all went back to their homes, and Nasuti is off to college.
We don't see each other much.
I wish we did.
//Seen a lot of broken hearts go sailing by, phantom ships lost at sea, and one of them is mine.//
I think I need to be with my friends to be myself. D'you know what I mean? My friends are the best a guy could ask for, and without them I'm not me, not complete.
I think you get my meaning, but if you don't, I'll sum it all up: I'm lonely without them.
I feel like I can't be me without the others around to bring that out. I suppose Seiji is the same: I've seen him in public before, and he's not nearly as open (if you can call it that..) around others as he is with us.
I'm more observant than anyone seems to think, and I notice more than people think I do. I know the others inside-out, especially Shin, my best friend in the world.
To think that I would even attempt to write something like this didn't seem like it would happen, you know? But here I am, pen in hand, writing this. I can't believe it.
I just don't write that much. I'm more of a talking person than a writing person, I guess.
I just want the nightmare of reality to end.
//Raising my glass I sing a toast to the midnight sky, I wonder why the stars don't seem to guide me.//
Heh. I read over what I've written and I suppose it's all true. Too true, for my tastes.
I almost wish I could be someone else sometimes. Then again, everyone has their problems. I think I'll stick to being me for now, thanks.
I guess I have some pretty good friends outside of our little "group", but it really isn't the same. No one is as close to me as those four. My best friends ever.
I miss them even as I'm writing this.
I can put on the disguise of indifference but I can't act the part.
//The ghost of you and me, when will it set me free? I hear the voices call, following footsteps down the hall, trying to save what's left of my heart and soul.//
Life is harder now, without my allies and friends to back me up. So much for the almighty warrior of strength, huh?
School seems even longer and harder to get through than usual these days, and I keep wondering what subjects the others are in at their schools, or if they have the same vacations as I do. We don't get together often, and more often than not at least one of us won't be there. I've only missed one meeting, because it was a busy day at the restaraunt and I was recruited by Mama to help out. Touma is missing from our meetings more often than the rest of us, mainly because of his mother's false promises to visit him. Then he calls the next day, apologizing for it.
Sometimes I used to think that I had it rough, but all I do is think about any of my friends, and I realize just how lucky I am. There's Ryo. He's an orphan, and has to live with his grandparents. The thought of that being me is enough to give me nightmares. Shin, who's father died when he was little and his mom being sick all the time. Seiji, who is expected so much of that he's developed a fear of failure. And Touma, who's father is always at a lab and who's mother can't be bothered to drop by and see him, always telling him she will and leaving him waiting, alone, at the train station all night.
I just wish I could do something to help them all out, but I guess that's what brings us all together:
How different we all are.
//Watching the candle flicker out in the evening glow, I can't let go, when will the night be over?//
Well, I guess I'm coming to the conclusion that I need my friends to survive. But how, now that we are all apart?
I don't really know, but at least I came to a conclusion.
Anyway, I guess I'm closing this thing now.
Like I said before, though, I just want the nightmare to end.
Sincerely,
Shuu Rei Faun, Warrior of Kongo
Yoroiden Samurai Trooper