Mrs. Maxwell was sitting in her living room, reading Allure. She was waiting for her fudge to be done baking in the oven. Her family (don't ask where that came from!) just loved fudge. They really did. They loved fudge more then they loved Mrs. Maxwell, though I think they would love it more if she actually cooked it right for once.
The Maxwell family lived in the terribly boring vicinity of Colony L2. The Colony was once a busy and hectic abyss of enjoyable extravaganzas. But now, after the war, it had become –for use of a better word- boring. Absolutely boring. And, of coarse, it was just the perfect place for the Maxwell family to make its residence and inhabitance. Every day they did the same exact [boring] thing. The Maxwell family consisted of a husband, a wife, and four *wonderful* children.
Mrs. Maxwell had just gotten wound up in an article that explained how little black dresses and red jackets would be "in" next season when she smelled something burning.
"No oh no!" she exclaimed in irony. "I've burnt the fudge again!" She got up and ran to the oven where the burning, smoking, fudge was. "Oh well! My family'll love it anyway!" She made a little kawaii face at her beloved pet, Pen Pen, to show that there were no hurt feelings on the fudge. Pen Pen, her darling warm-water penguin, loved fudge just as much as anyone else in the family. "And do you know why my family is going to love it?"
"Eep," replied Pen Pen, "Eep."
"Because!" Back came the kawaii face, "My family loves me and the fudge that I make! Is that great or what?!"
"Twep."
"Good! You do understand!" ^^
Mrs. Maxwell put the crisp-burnt fudge on the counter to cool off, while she went to the refrigerator to get some beer. She sipped the beer for a good minute, then she walked over to Pen Pen's water bowl and poured some of the contents of the can into the bowl. Pen Pen ran excitedly to his bowl to discover what wonderful treasure his owner had put in there. Once again, it was beer.
"Oh I can't wait for my happy little family to get home from their outings! They do love fudge!" declared Mrs. Maxwell.
Suddenly, in an instant, chaos filled the front doorway as Mrs. Maxwell's husband, Mr. Maxwell, her eldest child, Heero, and her youngest child, Mariemeia came in from the cold, chilly winter air.
"Welcome back, Duo-Chan and Children!" Mrs. Maxwell greeted her family.
"Konnichiwa, Misato-san!" Mr. Maxwell greeted his wife back.
"Hello not-so-victorious mother!" came the cheerful voice of Mariemeia Khushrenada-Barton-Maxwell (imagine trying to fit THAT on your license plate!).
"Ggggrrrrr…" replied Heero Yuy-Maxwell.
"Heero…you have a new mission! Greet your mother!" ordered Mr. Maxwell happily.
"Mission…acc…accepted. Hello, mother figure. Mission complete."
Mrs. Maxwell was happy to have her family back from their long journeys out in the mean, dark world (if you really MUST know, they drove down the street to the 7-11 to get some toothpicks). She pulled her deep purple hair into a ponytail so it wouldn't be in her way when she served them fudge. The purple-haired woman was about to call what was there of her family into the kitchen for fresh-burnt fudge (one of their favorite dishes) but they were a step ahead of her! The former NERV major dashed into the kitchen, just in time to stop a disastrous event from occurring.
As Mr. Maxwell was about to saw (ya gotta saw ta get the crap cut) the fudge into pieces, Misato Katsuragi-Maxwell ran up and grabbed the saw out of his hands.
"Misa-san? What's wrong? Whyieth did youeth pulleth the honoreth saw of fudge outeth my handeth, Misato-chan?" asked the former Deathsycthe pilot.
Misato simply replied with a questioned look on her face. "Huh?"
"What father-baka means is 'why did you take the saw away'?" explained Mrs. Maxwell's suicidal son Heero.
"Oh!" said Mrs. Maxwell. "Because!" Pen Pen had now come to watch all the commotion. Also, he wanted some fudge. "Shinji-kun and Rei-chan aren't here yet!"
"Oh…" came sad sighs from her fellow family members. Mrs. Maxwell hated to see her family disappointed, so she got a mastermind idea! She suggested that they dream about how the fudge tasted, while they wait for their friends to come home.
Half an hour later, while four minds were dreaming of crispy, crunchy fudge, two teenagers walked into the kitchen to discover [their favorite thing in the whole friggin world] FUDGE! Shinji Ikari-Maxwell and Rei Maxwell-Ayanami were so overjoyed that they nearly jumped out of their stockings. (crap! I'm killing Eva and Gundam Wing! Oh what evil and deranged spirit has come over me?!)
The family was so glad to see Rei and Shinji to come home! They rejoiced for the reunion of their family by dancing in a little circle around Rei-san and Shinji-kun. Now it was time for fudge!
Just as the family unit started to descend on the fudge, Misato had another ingenious idea. Before they could even get a foot near the stuff (da stuff, yo), Misato jumped in front of them and guarded the prized fudge like she was guarding her priceless Pen Pen, with her life.
"Huh?" twelve eyes looked at her in question and dismay.
"Misa-chan?" asked her braided husband. "What is it this time?"
"Mommy! Mommy! We want fudgie!" cried the voices of Mariemeia and Shinji.
"Such a feeble brother I have…I WANT FUDGE!" said Heero.
"Hee-chan! None of us ever insult each other in this family!" Mrs. Maxwell said.
"Opp..p…olig…izzinngg…" Heero said stubbornly.
"Mother numeral? Why [do you pull away] fudge?" asked an expressionless Rei.
"Because I have an idea!" said Mrs. Maxwell gleefully.
"YAY!" cried the five.
"Let's us little ditty have a some fudge fun! Let's us all invite a couple of your most-beloved friends and comrades and companions!" said Misato.
"YAY!" Well once again, the happy-go-lucky family was [once again…bleh] happy. They all got ready for the magical event when their friends were to arrive at their residence for high quality (**cough*hack**) fudge. Suddenly, little elves appeared and sang a little song.
It was Mrs. Maxwell's idea to first off invite the elegantly enjoyable (again, **cough*hack**) Chang family. The Chang family lived a little while away from the Maxwell family and it was always convenient for them to "drop by" (against Wufei's will, of coarse). The Changs loved their visits with the Maxwells and the two families were great friends and often helped each other out.
So, Mrs. Maxwell went up to the wireless phone (it wasn't bought wireless…hehehe…you can imagine, I'm sure ^.~) and dialed the number of the Chang family (its (301)-779-8130, for anyone who was interested).
~At the Chang household~
"Weakling onna! Pick up the crappy phone so I don't have to!" Mr. Chang yelled at his wife.
"Yes honey!" cheerfully replied his *lovely* wife.
"Good you weak woman!"
As Wufei yelled this, his "beloved" wife-(what the heck?!)-RELENA (how did I let *this* happen?! Not even Wufei deserves this torture!) went to pick up the phone.
"Moshi moshi!" saluted Relena to her caller.
"Oh…um…moshi moshi!" said Misato, realizing it was *Relena*. "Dochirahe?"
"Tres beion, merci." Responded Relena. "Why have you called upon us for ever?"
"Oh!" Mrs. Maxwell had just remembered why she had called the Chang house. "We were going to have some of my fudge in about half an hour. Would you and you overly –um- pleasant family like to join us?"
"Oh that would be excellent!" exclaimed Mrs. Chang. "We'll be there in half an hour!" Relena was so happy about the invitation that she hung up on her "friend" Misato.
"Wufei! Wufei, we're going to the Maxwell's for fudge!" Mrs. Chang-Peacecraft called into the other room.
"WHAT?!" Wufei was so startled that he nearly spit out his [noble] tea. This tea tasted…somehow…different. "Whom in the name of justice let this insanity go on?!"
Relena just replied with a "^^." "I did!!!"
"WEAKLING CRACKHEAD ONNA!!!! IN THE NAME OF MEIRAN, HOW DARE YOU LET THIS HAPPEN?! Us, going to the settlement of those fruitcake weaklings! I refuse to go! You can be weaker than you are and go! You are too weak for me anyway!" said Mr. Chang.
"Wufei!!! We have to go! We must preserve peace-for-for-for…justice! Yeah! Justice! We're going and we're taking the kids and that's final." The little crack head was so satisfied with her crappy little speech…little did she know what Wufei is planning to do in a few months…hehehe…oh wait! I wasn't supposed ta tell ya! OppsieDoopsie! ^^*
"Oh fine! We'll go…as will our weakling daughters…"said Wufei. But he was thinking this : Why did I marry that thing? I don't know what I was thinking…(don't worry, Wufei! We'll get our revenge! ^.^)
~Half an hour later…at the Maxwell's~
"Onna! Maybe they aren't home!" said Wufei.
"Oh father! We haven't even given them a minute to answer the door!" said Wufei's eldest daughter, Dorothy Chang, cheerfully.
"What right do you have to talk to me weak onnako?!" said Dorothy's father.
"As much right as I have!" said his second-oldest daughter, Asuka Langley Soryuu-Chang. Asuka had never tolerated her father's sexist opinions. She always fought with him on that…and always ended up getting grounded or some harsher punishment. No wonder she never got out.
"Shut up!" yelled Mr. Chang.
"Wu-chan! Be nice to the kids!" yelled Relena…she's got some nerve!
"Why are mommy and daddi fighting?" Sasami Chang, the Chang's youngest daughter, asked her older sis Dorothy.
"WE AREN'T FIGHTING!!!" screamed Relena and Wufei.
Suddenly, Mrs. Maxwell opened the front door with a happy little kawaii face on…until she saw what was going on…(go misa-chan!!!)
"Huh? Who's fighting?" asked Misato, puzzled.
"No body weakling crappy onna!" responded Wufei, grinding his teeth. "Just let us into this crap-hole! Come on weak unit I wrongly call a family! Let's just get inside this crackpot ditch-in-the-ground and get this garbage over with!" without looking where he was going, Mr. Chang stormed into the Maxwell house, shoving past Misato at the front door. Like I said, without looking where he was going, Wufei abruptly found himself face-to-face with Mr. Maxwell, Rei, Heero, Shinji, and Mariemeia.
Being a happy little family, the ones in front of Mr. Chang greeted him with utmost kindness and gratitude. All in unison they welcome the new comer. (All with little "^^" eyes…) "Hello Mr. Chang! Welcome to our happy household! We are very happy to have you and your gorgeous family joining us for our delicious fudge!"
Wufei's expression: o.O "What the heck?! WHAT FREAKS! WHAT CRACK ARE YOU ALL SMOKING ANYWAY?! HAVEN'T I TOLD YOU TO STOP THAT?! Baka…s."
"Wufei!" said Relena in utter shock and embarrassment. "Be nice! These people are being kind and inviting us into their home!"
"Don't tell me what to do baka-onna! These "people" are freaks! Weak freaks! The worst kind!" that was Mr.Chang's only reply.
"Oh my Wufei…so just…" said Mrs. Chang with a disappointed look on her crappy face. But that look vanished as soon as she spotted Heero standing miserably next to Mariemeia Khushrenada-Barton-Maxwell.
Relena ran up to him. "Heero!" she exclaimed. "Heero!"
"Huh?" said Heero. The he realized who was running up to him. "What?! AAAHHHH!!! I will kill you!"
Everyone gasped. Relena stopped dead in her tracks…she didn't die!!!
"Hee-chan! Haven't I told you not to threaten the guests!" Misato scolded her "Child."
"People are stupid…" said young Sasami. "And annoying."
"Well what are we doing here arguing with each other?!" Mrs. Maxwell had a point…
"Hai! Misa-chan has a point! Let's have FUDGE!!!!!" yelled Duo.
"YEAH!" roared the members of the Maxwell family as the Chang family sweat dropped.
With that bellow of an idea, the two families migrated into the kitchen (against Wufei's will…of coarse) for fudge. The Maxwell family started dancing a little ditty dance around the fudge. The Chang family, jealously looking on, thought about how fun it must have been. Finally, after losing all dignity, Mrs. Chang, Dorothy, Sasami, and Asuka finally joined in the celebration. Wufei gazed on, his mind engulfed in feelings of stupidity and humiliation.
Thoughts raced through Wufei's mind…Fudge is stupid, fudge is stupid, fudge is stupid…I hate fudge. Finally, when they were done with their performance, the fudge was ready to be sawed. They gathered around the fudge in a circle…Wufei's mind circled with craziness that came off of the natives. Misato started to pick up the saw…she started talking. Wufei couldn't hear what she was saying…his mind was too filled with fudge. Fudge…must get away from fudge! Fudge is weak! No Wufei! Don't get into the fudge! NO FUDGE!!!!
Suddenly, the strange being with purple hair (Wufei cant remember anyone) look over at Wufei and her mouth moved. She smiled. What is that? What is it doing? Those…those…creatures! They're all looking at me! What are they?! They're waving something at me! What-what do they want?! Why are they moving their mouths at me?! What is that stuff? It's…its…FUDGE!!!! Suddenly, all of the creatures in front of him turned into big pieces of fudge. Wufei was now very scurred . All of the sudden, all of the visions that appeared in front of him vanished and were replaced by a big piece of fudge chasing him, running after him, terrifying him. Oh crap!!! FUDGE!!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
Mr. Chang screamed out loud in anguish and torture. Then he lost his balance and came crashing to the ground. While he fell, he hit his head on the Maxwell family's stove. He fell unconscious while the two families, abandoning their fudge, ran to his distress.
"Cool! Dad died!" Asuka said happily with great enthusiasm and excitement.
"Yaay! Now I can marry Heero!" cried Relena.
Heero gave MRS. CHANG an evil look and moved five steps away.
"Mother numeral?" asked Rei. "Why has Mr. Chang fallen to the ground?"
"Oh I don't know…" replied Mrs. Maxwell.
"He never was victorious…" commented Mariemeia.
"I'm not cleanin' that up…" said Dorothy in disgust.
"I will if I'm ordered to." Rei said.
"Don't worry Rei-chan! I'll clean it up! ^^" said Mr. Maxwell.
"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" cried Shinji.
"Will you stop apologizing?! Its SO ANNOYING!" Asuka said.
"…" said Heero.
"I think we should get him some help…" said Misato. Excellent, the plan worked…he really did hallucinate. That formula really does work. Mission complete.
A half hour later…Wufei is found lying on the [ghetto old] Maxwell couch. Some suggested taking him to the hospital, but Misato refused to let him leave the house. She insisted that he would get better soon. So now, Wufei was finally waking up.
Rei, who was standing across the room turned around to see movement coming from the body.
"Look! He's alive!" said Rei.
Everyone came rushing in from the other room.
"Crap! Dad's still alive!" said Asuka.
"Oh great…" muttered Relena. "I'm still committed…Sorry Hee-chan."
While the others hovered around Wufei, Misato stood in the back with a determined look on her face, thinking hard. Hhhhmmmm…he woke up faster than predicted. Maybe that formula needs some work…I should contact the Alliance about this…they'll be wanting the results. I didn't expect him to regain consciousness this fast! Maybe its just him…maybe he's stronger than the average human. I just didn't expect this. I really didn't and I don't think the Alliance does either. I guess they have to make a stronger dose next time. But I don't understand…it was so perfect, so right. I thought we really had it!
"Excuse me…I have to make a phone call." Misato left the room promptly in pursuit of making her call.
As Mr. Chang began fully remembering things, he recalled what had happened just as Misato was coming back from her call. She stood behind a door listening closely to his responses.
"Dude! Wu-man! What happened?!" Duo asked.
"I-I-I don't know! I was just standing there and then-all of the sudden! You were all fudge! It was scary! Then, fudge started running after me! I think that's when I lost it…" Mr. Chang told his story.
Misato smiled from behind the door. Heh…the main idea really did work. It emphasized on his most annoyed point at the time. Heh. This is pretty good…such an advance!
"I'm sorry!" Shinji said.
All: YOU DIDN'T DO ANYTHING CRAPPY!!!!!
Asuka had something to add. "Honestly…"
Misato walked back in. "Well hey Wu-chan! Are ya feeling better?"
"I was until you came in…" Wufei is cold.
"Oh silly goose!" Mrs. Maxwell giggled. "You're so funny! ^^"
"I've made one conclusion!" exclaimed Wufei.
All: What's that?
"I will never get near Misato's fudge again!"
Misato sweat dropped and laughed.
~The End~
A/N: This story was the most stupid and deranged thing that I have ever written/read. Actually, it's the first that I've ever finished. I was just think about those fudge books and got so annoyed that I wanted to make "my own spin." This is so scary…I totally killed the character's personalities. I will never let this get into the open world and the main populace. This planet just isn't read for it yet.
~Samito K.