Lost for Words
By Farfarello
Warnings: Yaoi, YohjixAya, a little Ken+Omi
If I owned Weiß, would I be writing crappy fanfic?
"Redundant" belongs to the Almighty Green Day.
Author's note: This was finally written and typed surrounded by small children on a Windows 3.1 computer that crashes every ten seconds. And my Windows Me computer crashed three times during the upload. This may have contributed to its suckiness. And the weird formatting O.o
//durrr// = song lyrics
~~~~~~~~~~
//We're living in a repetition
Content in the same old schtick again//
Fight, fuck, repeat. I take a long drag on my cigarette. It numbs my throat and I wish it could numb everything else.
I've heard all of this before. All the insults, all the accusations, it's all familiar. You'd think I'd get used to it, but being hit in the same place twice still hurts just as much.
There's never an apology, because he's absolutely certain that his role is always VICTIM. It's never occurred to him that might be me.
//Now routine's turned into contention
Like a production line going over and over and over
Roller coaster//
I've always been good with words. The suave playboy knows just what to say to the ladies, but now there are no ladies. There's just him. I don't know how to tell him that this is destroying all of us, that I haven't heard Omi laugh for weeks and nobody ever hears Ken bellowing at the tv when his stupid soccer team is losing. They're just shadows, slinking around like they don't want to get caught being here. Like they have no right to be. They glance at each other with pain in their eyes, and there's nothing they can say either.
//Now I cannot speak
I've lost my voice//
Sometimes I love him so much that I'm suprised I haven't strained anything. Rare times that are getting rarer.
//I'm speechless and redundant
Cause I love you's not enough
I'm lost for words//
He's not going to change. He can't. Too many years of hating everybody and everything. That would kill anybody's ability to love. All he has left is hate and bitterness and revenge. I though he might have had something else left, but that was my mistake.
//Choreographed and lack of passion
Prototypes of what we were//
"And how many times do I have to tell you not to smoke in here??? Are you deaf, stupid, or both?" he interjects into the steady stream of abuse.
Both, Aya. Sometimes the only thing you say to me over the course of a day is "Put that damn thing out!". That's why I don't stop, Aya. I know I'm stupid for it. I know. You've told me enough times.
//Went full circle till I'm nauseous
Taken for granted, now I ate it, waste it, faked it
Now I hate it//
Silence. He stopped. What happened? He usually rants longer than this. I haven't said a word. There's nothing I can say. I just stare as he gazes silently at me, his eyes showing some unexpected mixture of fear and amazement.
//Now I cannot speak
I've lost my voice//
My cigarette is burning down to nothing, but it feels like if I move, everything will shatter. As if it's not all in pieces anyways. Ken and Omi and standing in the doorway, afraid. They don't understand the sudden lull either. The only movement is Omi reaching for Ken's hand, needing something to hold on to.
I suddenly realize I'm crying. That's what it is. This is the first time I have let him see me cry. Ever.
//I'm speechless and redundant
Cause I love you's not enough//
"Yohji. I'm...sorry."
//I'm lost for words//
~Fin~
By Farfarello
Warnings: Yaoi, YohjixAya, a little Ken+Omi
If I owned Weiß, would I be writing crappy fanfic?
"Redundant" belongs to the Almighty Green Day.
Author's note: This was finally written and typed surrounded by small children on a Windows 3.1 computer that crashes every ten seconds. And my Windows Me computer crashed three times during the upload. This may have contributed to its suckiness. And the weird formatting O.o
//durrr// = song lyrics
~~~~~~~~~~
//We're living in a repetition
Content in the same old schtick again//
Fight, fuck, repeat. I take a long drag on my cigarette. It numbs my throat and I wish it could numb everything else.
I've heard all of this before. All the insults, all the accusations, it's all familiar. You'd think I'd get used to it, but being hit in the same place twice still hurts just as much.
There's never an apology, because he's absolutely certain that his role is always VICTIM. It's never occurred to him that might be me.
//Now routine's turned into contention
Like a production line going over and over and over
Roller coaster//
I've always been good with words. The suave playboy knows just what to say to the ladies, but now there are no ladies. There's just him. I don't know how to tell him that this is destroying all of us, that I haven't heard Omi laugh for weeks and nobody ever hears Ken bellowing at the tv when his stupid soccer team is losing. They're just shadows, slinking around like they don't want to get caught being here. Like they have no right to be. They glance at each other with pain in their eyes, and there's nothing they can say either.
//Now I cannot speak
I've lost my voice//
Sometimes I love him so much that I'm suprised I haven't strained anything. Rare times that are getting rarer.
//I'm speechless and redundant
Cause I love you's not enough
I'm lost for words//
He's not going to change. He can't. Too many years of hating everybody and everything. That would kill anybody's ability to love. All he has left is hate and bitterness and revenge. I though he might have had something else left, but that was my mistake.
//Choreographed and lack of passion
Prototypes of what we were//
"And how many times do I have to tell you not to smoke in here??? Are you deaf, stupid, or both?" he interjects into the steady stream of abuse.
Both, Aya. Sometimes the only thing you say to me over the course of a day is "Put that damn thing out!". That's why I don't stop, Aya. I know I'm stupid for it. I know. You've told me enough times.
//Went full circle till I'm nauseous
Taken for granted, now I ate it, waste it, faked it
Now I hate it//
Silence. He stopped. What happened? He usually rants longer than this. I haven't said a word. There's nothing I can say. I just stare as he gazes silently at me, his eyes showing some unexpected mixture of fear and amazement.
//Now I cannot speak
I've lost my voice//
My cigarette is burning down to nothing, but it feels like if I move, everything will shatter. As if it's not all in pieces anyways. Ken and Omi and standing in the doorway, afraid. They don't understand the sudden lull either. The only movement is Omi reaching for Ken's hand, needing something to hold on to.
I suddenly realize I'm crying. That's what it is. This is the first time I have let him see me cry. Ever.
//I'm speechless and redundant
Cause I love you's not enough//
"Yohji. I'm...sorry."
//I'm lost for words//
~Fin~